Straight from the holler.


  by "Buck"

April 21, 2005

You know, it's 2005, so why are we using technology from the EARLY Middle Ages to tell the world there's a new pope?  This has perplexed as I watched this whole black smoke/white smoke thing this week.    There were more than a Million people staring at a chimney.  A CHIMNEY for the love of Pete!  MSNBC had a camera FIXED on it 24/7.  I'm amazed at the way we are mesmerized by traditions.  I mean, couldn't you have say-oh I don't know-picked up a telephone?   You could have been somewhat traditional and made it one of those where you stick the receiver up to your ear and talk into the microphone.  Heck, they could have even asked Sarah to connect them with CNN.  It would have still been primitive technology, but still a thousand years advanced from the current method.  It gives new meaning to the phrase.. "Holy Smoke."

All of this reminded me of what a sheltered life I led as a kid growing up in the hills and hollows of Appalachia.  Where I was from we had both kinds of religion, Methodist and Baptist.  We did have a Catholic Church in Big Stone Gap.  It was called "The Sacred Heart Center" and it was located directly across the road from the hospital.  I was 16 years old when somebody finally told me it was a Catholic church.  Until then I had always assumed it was the hospital's Cardiac Care Unit. 

Hey, I'm knocking out the summer projects in earnest this year.  I have the tool shed completely underpinned.  It looks a little "West Virginiaish" because of some problems associated with retrofitting the lattice to the building's design, but what the hell.  It accomplishes the purpose of keeping the dog from digging up the foundation and that's a good thing.

I went fishing last weekend.  I'm proud to report the repairs made to the SS Buck were satisfactory and we did not take on any water this time.  Our inaugural trip of the new season was marred when the boat almost sank.  However, another measure of anxiety erupted.  I filled the battery cells with water before charging it.  I'm not sure if I overfilled or if the charging process caused it to boil over.  Anyway there was a bunch of water on top.  During the process of navigating the motor during the trip my jeans apparently pressed against the battery at various times.  The next day the bottom of my jeans were dissolving and peppered with acid burn holes.  Yikes, glad I wasn't wearing shorts.

I took in the first game at the brand spanking new ballpark here in Charleston last week.  It was fan-freaking-tastic.  I'm still a little cool to the team's new name.  Come on, "The West Virginia Power" doesn't really "electrify" me.  They are also using a host of poor puns to promote the team, but on the whole the atmosphere was superb.  I managed to score box seats in the SKY BOX. oh yeah, I'm bad.  I sat there in a brand new stadium on a warm spring evening with a corn dog in one hand and a cold beer in the other watching baseball.  I could get used to living like that. 

I know it's well documented here on the WVSR that we are constantly surrounded by idiots, fools, dumbasses, and morons or some hybrid of all four rolled into one.  A friend of mine sent me several true accounts that are, if you'll pardon the WVSR reference-further evidence of those contentions.  I decided to include a couple of them in today's update to illustrate:

Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets. I asked for a half dozen nuggets.  "We don't have half dozen nuggets," said the teenager at the counter.  "You don't?" replied.  "We only have six, nine, or twelve," was the reply. "So I can't order half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?"  "That's right."  So I shook my head and ordered
six McNuggets

I often wonder how some people managed to climb off the mattress and dress themselves day in and day out.  Here's another.

I was checking out at the local Wal-Mart with just a few items and the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine... I picked up one of those "dividers" that they keep by the cash register and placed it between our things so they wouldn't get mixed.  After the girl had scanned all of my items; she picked up the "divider", looking it all over for the bar code so she could scan it.  Not finding the bar code she said to me, "Do you know how much this is?"   I said to her "I've changed my mind; I don't think I'll buy that today."  She said "OK," and I paid her for the things and left.. She had no clue to what had just happened.

It's an overused phrase, but so appropriate---"Here's your sign."   Don't scan it.   Finally, just one more to close out today's adventure into "what the fuck?"

A mother called 911 very worried asking the dispatcher if she needs to take her kid to the emergency room, the kid was eating ants. The dispatcher tells her to give the kid some Benadryl and should be fine, the mother says, I just gave him some ant killer.....  Dispatcher: Rush him in to emergency!

Buck Out

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