Toney wrapped presents yesterday, and put them underneath the tree. So, it’s starting to feel a little more like Christmas around here. Not much more, but a little.
It’s all about the kids, of course. Toney and I haven’t given each other a Christmas present in years. It’s not something we planned, it just happened. All our efforts (and dollars) go toward making the holidays enjoyable for the younglings. If they’re happy on Christmas morning, we’re happy. And that’s the troof. I’m pretty sure they’ll be happy…
It’s almost time to bust out my favorite non-Christmas Christmas album: Rock of the Westies by Elton John. Apparently I received that record for Christmas one year, back when dinosaurs roamed the Earth, and it’s been forever associated with the holidays in my mind.
I also really like it. It was Elton’s final 1970s rock album, before he descended into disco and show tunes, and sashaying around in a straw hat amongst aerobics teachers and unmuted faggotry.
Am I the weird one, or do you have a non-Christmas Christmas album too? If so, please tell us about it.
All my life I’ve loved listening to the radio, even more than watching TV. When I was a kid my grandparents gave me a little transistor, and I was glued to that thing. I listened to Top 40 on WKAZ in Charleston, and Super Duper Charlie Cooper, their most popular DJ. I waited in anticipation for the next playing of such classic tunes as “Little Willy” by Sweet, and “Life is a Rock (But the Radio Rolled Me)” by Reunion.
And when I started my illustrious career as a toll collector at the Dunbar Toll Bridge, I began listening to the old Larry King overnight show. I know he’s a crusty ol’ suspender-monkey at this point, but his radio program was fantastic. He never screened a call, so kooks and crazies of all description made it straight to air. And you could actually HEAR Larry smoking during the show. It was great.
I was also a big fan of American Top 40 with Casey Kasem, and, of course, Cincinnati Reds games on WCHS. I listened to a metric shitload of radio growing up, and even now I prefer it to TV. After Toney and the boys go to bed at night, I almost always turn off the television, go into the bunker, and start listening to a radio show. My iPod is also loaded up with the stuff.
Among others things, I like Clive Bull, old Jean Shepherd programs, Phil Hendrie, old time radio programs like Suspense and Yours Truly, Johnny Dollar — and Coast to Coast AM with George Noory.
And man, Coast to Coast has been paying big dividends lately…
A few nights ago they featured a man known as Jason the Horse, who claims to be a draft horse trapped in a man’s body. Here’s a description, at their website. The guy seemed totally and completely sincere, and (if you can believe it) didn’t come across as a nutcase. Needless to say, I was hanging on his every neigh.
Also, on the following night (I think), a man called into the show and told the fill-in host about the “vampire bears” running loose in a certain part of Canada. He had a name for the bears, which I can’t now remember, and he was also completely serious. He swore that these vampire bears were attacking people in the woods, sucking the blood out of them, and leaving nothing but a lifeless husk on the forest floor.
Heh. And you wonder why I prefer this stuff to Dancing with the Stars, or A Man Eats Large Sandwiches, or whatever?
Another interesting moment happened during a rebroadcast of an old Art Bell show, from 1999. Bell was the original host of Coast to Coast, and is a broadcasting legend. Sometimes they play his old programs as Coast to Coast: Somewhere in Time.
This one was from November 1999, I believe, and one of the callers claimed that humanity had reached its limit. Everything that can be invented, he claimed, has been invented. And nothing surprises us anymore, we’ve freakin’ seen it all. Art disagreed with the guy, but he was not to be persuaded.
And I’d like to make that the Question of the Day… In the comments section let’s create a list of all the amazing things that weren’t around in November, 1999, like iPods, personal GPS devices, etc. Heck, even Google! Also, the stuff that’s shocked or surprised us during the past eleven years or so.
The dude was talking straight out of his ass, and I think we can prove it.
And that’s gonna do it for today. I’ll be back tomorrow, even though I’m struggling greatly. Do you ever feel like you’re just one aggravating episode away from flipping out completely? Yeah, me too.
Have a great day, my friends.
1st!
2st!
George Bush.
I’m sorry, what was the question again?
jtb
I think we HAVE lost much of the ability to be surprised by technology or other forms of “progress”. It’s all to our detriment and doom, but there you go.
The last thing that surprised me was a sunrise over Lake Chelan, in eastern Washington.
jtb
vampire bears
my second marriage
Think Geek (though I’d have to check on this one)
blogging
This web site and assholes yelling first were not here in 1999.
shocked or surprised in the last 11 years? I’m going with the obvious – 9/11. that one had me floored for, oh, 11 years now.
not 11 years. Duh. stupid typo hands.
Jeff…
I share your preference for radio over TV. Certainly Bob and Ray, Larry King, all the old greats; but also now…NPR does a nice job most of the time and the CBC has some killer content.
A kid was asked why he prefered radio to TV. He said, “The pictures are better.”
jtb
You’ve obviously watched “Empire of the Air” by Ken Burns, haven’t you?
Damn, top ten two days in a row! How about all the motion sensor video games. Hell, the XBox 360 version doesn’t even require a controller. Also all the damn Rock Band and Guitar Hero games. I personally can’t stand them unless I’ve been ingesting booze at an alarming rate. Being a working musician for the past 15 years those games just kind of piss me off. Goddamn kids! Learn a real instrument!
11th! It’s like 1st twice!
What exists now that didn’t in 1999?
Two land wars in Asia, a crushing recession, an unbalanceable federal budget (yup, the fed budget was balanced in 1999), universal smokeless bars, two hour wait lines for air travel, machines that can see through clothing.
I can’t go on, or I’ll be as near mayhem as Jeff.
jtb
I think tiff’s reply has a lot to do with most of what your saying.
I don’t see how it could have. Nobody would be foolish enough to get sucked into land wars and smashed budgets just because some turban-guy wanted him to.
jtb
My first thought of what wasn’t here in 1999 is very similar to your’s jtb. I immediately was flowing through the things that SHOULDN’T be here but are instead of what wasn’t that should. Make sense? I dunno.
Oh yeah .. smokers are the new plague. Nice mention.
We didn’t have Segways back in 1999, and that has really made life easier for all of us, right?
….and we didn’t have Justin Beiber.
Come to think of it, I don’t know how we managed way back then.
That guy is full of shit. The Snuggie wasn’t even a hint in anyone’s mind back in ’99.
I don’t have a non-Christmas holiday album, but I do have some movies that I always watch around Christmas for no rational reason. Like “The Perfect Storm” and “Lord of the Rings.”
I am not a big radio person. But then, I haven’t lived in a location with a good radio station since I lived in the Toledo/Detroit region (89X). Here you can generally only get bubblegum pop or Tejano music. I am all for Mexican culture, but have you HEARD Tejano music? Good God. The morning talk programs are similarly worthless in West-Central Texas.
I generally just listen to music or books on my iPod, which is my personal favorite invention since 1999.. I am also quite fond of my wireless printer and quite a few software programs, like Adobe InDesign. Smartphones also are invaluable, in my opinion.
You know, Little Willy never did go home.
Nice to see you here! You are one of the origional posters I remember from the old days of the report!
How can we be sure it is the real Wordnerd? Maybe the name gets passed on like the Dread Pirate Roberts?
One item that stands out… The Fleshlight
awesome
Aaaah, we should have all pitched in & bought a Fleshlight for Nostrils to see if he would understand what it was! Can you imaging the many ways he would have….um….experimented with it? I see Jeff’s underwear stuffed inside and…..well…..you get the rest….
I googled fleshlight and came up with this gem
http://ijustwanttofitin.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/04/yoda-fleshlight.jpg
Classy. I want one of those. Not a green one though.
“A mare named Lucy even treated him like a young foal, he noted.”
Are we sure this Jason isn’t our Jason? I think I need to listen to the radio more often.
Off the top of my head, we didn’t have Kindle, Facebook, the Patriot Act and the TSA, nor a black President in 1999. I really kind of miss not being paranoid and over-communicated with. Conversely, I did have a life in 1999 and it disappeared during the Aughts.
I did have my first orgasm on a .25 cent horse ride in front of K-Mart. The thing had malfunctioned and it buzzed instead of rocking back and forth. I got all tingly down there and then I threw up.
Word Lens for the iPhone was the most recent thing to make my jaw drop in amazement.
And I agree about TV; If I want to watch a fat man stuff himself until he is physically ill, I’ll just put a mirror up in the dining room.
I remember missing college lectures back in 1998-2000 because I’d been up way too late listening to wackos and weirdos talk to Art Bell. God that show was fun. Is there any predictible schedule for those replays, or can I find them online somewhere? Just hearing the opening bars of that theme song make me smile to this day. “From the high desert…”
My non-Christmas album is David Bowie’s “Diamond Dogs” which I received on 8-track one Christmas and played over and over for months. Now that LP always reminds me of Christmas time.
I loved the old WKAZ days – it was also my favorite AM radio station. I became good friends with one of the daytime DJs – Rich Matthews – we connected because we both collected comics. I was just a dumb teenager but he let me hang out with him and I would be the record-changer for his off-hours High school dance DJ gigs. We’d drive around and drink bottles of Boone’s Farm or Annie Greensprings and show up at the dances half-drunk. He’d insist that I played Jefferson Starship’s “Miracles” at least 10 times during the night, with at least 4 or 5 playings of Leon Russel’s “Lady Blue” for the slow dances. I’d love to know of his whereabouts nowadays. Rich Matthews was his air name, so I never knew his real name.
Charlie Cooper is still around. He owns an audio service and does audio-voiceover work for films and commercials. He’s still really freaky, but he’s really a nice guy. We always called him Super Duper Pooper Scooper Charlie Cooper.
Radio: Reverand Ike and Dr. Demento
Non-Christmas Album: Jethor Tull “Aqualung”
**Jethro
Bearvarines, I believe he called them. The vampire bears, that is. I listen to Coast to Coast driving to work at night, and as much as possible at work till it goes off the air and the infomercials for fish pills or whatever come on at 3AM. The horse guy was a piece of work, in my opinion. The best call in was the guy who made the horse noise and asked “what did I say?”. That was worth a laugh. Art Bell was defininately a better host, and he still makes rare appearances from Manila or wherever it is he lives with his new young wife. But George Noory is usually pretty damn good. That Ian guy doesn’t measure up to Art and George. I also listen to Bob and Tom every morning on the way home. Kristi Lee just does something for me (think jimmy kuhn). No Christmas (non- or otherwise) music really.Never been much of a fan of the whole BS deal. And now, fellow Surf Reporters, it’s time for me to go to bed. as always, I’ll be back to check the progress of the comment section around 8 tonight, while I suck down a pot of dark roast and try to wake up enough to make the 45 mile drive to work. Good Night. That is all.
From the Wikipedia article on Reverend Ike:
“John Lennon used a phrase he heard from Reverend Ike while channel surfing one night as inspiration to write his song Whatever Gets You Through the Night.”
.
Susan, you must be over 25 to remember Ike so well. OK, for that matter, to remember Jethro Tull.
jtb
Twice over 25, plus a bit more!
Yeah, me too. But good for you for remembering Reverend Ike. I’ve forgotten most of the 60’s and the better part of the 70’s. Virtually everything except Richard Nixon’s resignation. I remember that.
jtb
I love radio shows. My earliest radio memories are listening to Mexican radio late at night on an old tube type radio. Sometime later I heard Wolfman Jack from WBZ and was really hooked. Yes, at one time Larry King (the Iron-Horse of broadcasting) was the king of late-night talk. Very entertaining.
The first Art Bell show I heard he was interviewing Alfred Bielek, supposedly a crewman on board the ship used in the Philadelphia Experiment. He was saying he jumped overboard in 1943 and landed in the 1970’s. It was bullshit of course but it gave me chills. I listened to Art Bell for years.
Chuck, are you referring to the Toodle Loop radio? Not only did I have one (in blue) but I still remmeber the freaking jingle from the commercial.
I know 1 thing that as not around in November 1999….2 EX WIVES !
Willy…
You’ve just warped time and space for me. I’ve been trying to decide whether 2 EX WIFES constitute 1 thing or 2 things. My brain has entered a tight loop and is augering in.
aaaaaah.
Guess that would br 2 things.
Non-Xmas Xmas album: “Little Richard’s 17 Grooviest Original Hits.” Given to me by a relative when I was in junior high, and at the very start of an oldies obsession that distracted me from most of the contemporary pop/rock my friends were listening to. Like Madonna and Duran Duran. Yeah, I don’t feel like I missed much. Which brings us to radio. My chief station back in the day was an AM oldies station WHND “Honey Radio” which played oldies exclusively. I also dug an FM station from Canada called CKJY, which was nothing but big bands. I was a weird teen.
back in 1999 there were no Sham Wows, No Mighty Putty, no Tap Lights, no Ped Eggs, no Quick chop, no Bacon genie.
But WAIT! THERE’S MORE!
No Topsy Turvey tomato plants, no egg genie, no Hercules hooks, no draft guards.
How did I ever function?
Radio talk shows remind me of this old guy in the city I grew up in that had a talk show on cats that my Mother listened to. Back then there was no call delay and someone phoned in complaining that his cat bit his left nut. The old guy was completely flustered, I am still laughing about it as I type this.
Don’t most bear attacks result in a lifeless husk being left to rot on the forest floor?
Reality TV. That’s all there is anymore. And they’re getting more and more ludicrous as time goes by.
My God, does Ludacris have a show now? Well, why the fuck not? Everybody and his mad uncle have shows.
jtb
If it’s not reality TV, they tack on a new city to CSI or Law and Order. If they still need to fill a time slot they remake something like Hawaii 5-0, why not just run reruns of the original and save some money?
Gretchen…
Sorry to hear you’re feeling down. You have another 40 or 50 years to share your terrific gifts, not disincluding your syntactically stunning writing. This is a lousy time to throw in the towel in my humble opinion.
jtb
I’m sorry to be grumpy, but it appears Krampus has made off with my soul as I seem to be devoid of Christmas Spirit this year. I’ve applied “A Charlie Brown Christmas” about a hundred times to my eardrums to no avail. Pottersville still looks like a swinging place, I’m kinda wishing Ralphie Parker would shoot his eye out already, and I’d be delighted if Rudolph lost his shiny nose in one terrific freak sneezing accident. Secular Christmas sucks and I’m gonna be like this until January 2nd, most likely.
That is all. At this time.
In the meantime, somebody tell me where I can find Coast to Coast on the Pittsburgh airwaves. I’m curious.
Here you go Gretchen
A link to a list of stations that play Coast – To – Coast
http://www.coasttocoastam.com/stations/pennsylvania
The fun starts at 1am
No need for a radio! If you visit the station websites
they sometimes stream LIVE on the internet
From coasttocoastam.com/stations/pennsylvania:
WPGB 104.7FM
M-Fri 1a-5a
Sat 1a-5:30a
Sun 1a-5a
I’ve never even been to Pittsburgh. I’m bored, but glad to be of assistance.
-CADude
Thanks you guys!
Right after I read Citizen’s “No need for a radio”, I swear I thought the next sentence would involve “just concentrating” or listening through the fillings in your teeth.
jtb
non xmas xmas albums:
Soul Asylum “Say what you will….” (first the original version and then the re-issue when that tape wore out)
I listened to this throughout the 90’s… It has a winterey feel to it for some reason. It’s arguably their worst album, but still….
Rancid- “And out Come The Wolves”
I don’t understand why i love this album so much…. i listen to it almost daily during december….
Yo La Tengo- “President Yo La Tengo/ New Wave Hotdogs”
Yo La Tengo- “…And then Nothing Turned Its self Inside Out”
I think i used to bang this chubby blond chick like 10 years ago while playing these albums. they got her “ready”.
VA- “Fire and Skill: The songs of the Jam”
I got this one while working at my college’s radio station. I was the only person there that liked it…. the music director let me have it for xmas. i told her i was jewish. she changed it to hannukah.
When I was a child I listened to CKLW out of Detroit on my little transister radio. I grew up in Rossford Ohio just south of Toledo. I remember catching National Lampoon’s radio hour/Second City way before John Belushi and Co. were on Saturday Night Live. Alice Cooper’s Billion dollar Babies was my non Christmas album because it was one of the first long playing albums I ever bought. There was a staion called W4 that was one of the first FM stations I knew of that played in quad.
I listen to Nights with Alice Cooper every night when I go to bed.
The best invention since 1999 is the hand held communication device aka cellphone.
We get our emails and surf our favorite sites
on the fly — no longer tethered to a wired connection.
Baby steps.
I followed through that Jason The Horse link. Almost made me miss working the night shift. The service that Coast-To-Coast offers is priceless.
hanging-on-every-word
Been there. Appreciate when it gets mentioned here.
Growing up in NE Indiana we listened to either WOWO or CKLW, both AM, try not to listen to radio now because most new music and commercials SUCK! One exception is 95.7 the Ride out of Charlotte when I can get it. There are so many internet radio channels now that there is no reason to listen to commercial radio. I do catch WOWO online for my right wing inspiration from time to time. Later we would always catch the Dr. Demento Show on Sunday nights.
Bob and Tom Rock!
No non Xmas music albums but whenever I hear anything off of Physical Graffiti from Led Zepplin it reminds me of the summer I took Drivers Training!
new things: HDTV, LED Light Bulbs, paintball, satellite radio…
I had a boyfriend in the early nineties who was a paintball nut. So, not new to the Aughts, unfortunately. Otherwise I might have missed his cult-like ranting about how paintball was his new religion and such. I was slightly blasphemous about that new development. Had my house paintballed in 2006, just days after I put it on the market. Evidently the paintball gods were still displeased with me over a decade later.
Google was around in 1999. I was using it. Of course I was working in Sunnyvale CA at the time, right near Palo Alto where they were developing it, so I knew about it.
Anything new and improved.
in 1999 no one ever heard of Barak Obama (mainly because he went by the name of Barry and was a little communist community agitator in Chicago).
in 1999 there was no such thing as the NFL channel.
In 1999 there was no such company as Netflix’s or FACEBOOK
Yeah, I don’t think the extra apostrophe or s is entirely necessary after Netflix, nor do I think capitalizing every single letter in Facebook is required.
Barack stopped going by Barry in 1980, while he was attending Occidental College. Barry was a childhood nickname, and Mr. Obama wanted to move on to adulthood.
I don’t think anyone who has tried to drive the lane against Mr. Obama has described him as “little”.
Netflix was founded in 1997, although it didn’t gain wide popularity until 1999-2000.
Does someone really care about the NFL channel?
Other than that, I think you got everything pretty much right, although I think Mr. Obama’s job would better be described as an organizer rather than an agitator.
jtb
>>Yeah, I don’t think the extra apostrophe or s is entirely necessary after Netflix, nor do I think capitalizing every single letter in Facebook is required.<<
Who in the hell assigned YOU the position of the Official WVSR proofer, buttwipe?
>><Other than that, I think you got everything pretty much right, although I think Mr. Obama’s job would better be described as an organizer rather than an agitator.<<
Or, maybe his current job description: MASSIVE FAILURE. In all-caps.
i’m not the official proofer, Wordnerd is, or was. The position is currently unfilled.
I managed to disagree with Air without calling him names.
Is it your position that it’s insulting to call conservatives Nazis, but it’s OK to call progressives communists?
I was having fun. Perhaps you were too, but the tone seemed a little mean.
Lastly, if Air, or anyone else, is going to get into politics on this site, it’s not a good idea just to make up facts. To your credit, you don’t do that. It required exactly one google search to determine the year Mr. Obama changed his name back to Barack, and one to determine the year Netflix was founded.
May we go forward in peace?
jtb
I appreciate JTB’s restraint. Jeff goes to great pains to keep this site studiously apolitical. I think they are hosting a Christmas Tea Party over at the Drudge Report.
jtb – blow me. all lower case with no punctuation
jtb, have i told you lately that i love you?
I don’t recall NEARLY as many wrinkles around my eyes in 1999. Back in 1999 a color photo and Black & White photo showed two distinctly different shades of hair on my head – now there’s no difference between color and B&W. Probably due to the demise of Kodochrome. 1999 was better. Yes it was.
Gretchen,
Hug from me.. I know how you feel..
Merry Christmas and shit to everybody from me…
Thanks, Lori. 🙂
Vampire Canadian Bears?…. What’s next?…a Newfie Cum Ladue?…fucking tabernacks……..
edit button…crap….’laude’……or maybe I used the newfie spelling.
That vampire bear thing is hilarious, unless it’s some kinda lifestyle choice like being a vegan.
N.O. …
I don’t think that becoming a vampire bear via lifestyle choice makes the situation any less hilarious, but perhaps I’m just splitting bearhairs.
jtb
It’s not a lifestyle choice they are born that way and would appreciate your understanding and acceptance.
I got a clock radio about 1972 and found WSTV Steubenville 1340AM. Every night at 10 PM they would play a one hour radio show, some were really old like Art Carney, The Shadow, Cloak and Dagger, Charlie Chan, Boris Karloff, some newer (probably late 50’s). I was absolutely hooked on radio ever since. And yes, the pictures are better than TV.
Shit not invented yet.
Cell phone implant. You can hear the caller in your brain by an inner ear implant and the microphone is implanted in your tooth like a filling. Look, ma. No hands.
Credit card chip installed in your finger. No cash, no cards, no pin numbers, just wave your finger in front of a scanner and it reads your account number of the beast.
A car that steers itself. Get on the turnpike, set the cruise on 65 and it steers you down the lane while you sleep or read a book, eat a steak, or get a BJ. Please include an alarm to wake me 2 miles before my exit.
A computer that boots in two seconds regardless of how much shit I have stored in it.
“Do you ever feel like you’re just one aggravating episode away from flipping out completely? Yeah, me too.”
Yea, me too. It’s called midlife crisis. Time for a young girlfriend or a Porsche. The Porsche is cheaper.
I’ll take radio over TV any day. Radio is 97% garbage, but TV is 99+ even with hundreds of channels available.
In 1999 you could still smoke on the plane. You could get on the plane without having nekkid pictures taken of you. You could check two bags at no extra charge, and you were allowed to lock them.
In 1999 usenet was still worth something.
In 1999 you pretty much had to have a land line at home.
In 1999 lots of companies didn’t have websites, and you encountered Macromedia Flash only very rarely.
.
1999? I was making that Y2K money hand over fist. Hee-hee. 1999 was much better.
I understand that I am not specifically addressing the questions posed, but I need to have input on this…
I began listening to Coast to Coast AM hosted by the GREAT Art Bell in 1992, while working the 11pm-7am shift as an operations manager at a bank. From 1992 until 1999, I was privileged to hear almost every broadcast during that time. To this day, I believe he was the best interviewer I have ever heard. He asked the right questions, at the right time. But most importantly, every topic you could ever think of was covered. For example:
Remember the Hale-bop cult comet incident? I heard it, and I believe Art did also. Art actually interviewed them before the mass suicide took place.
One time during open lines (he didn’t screen calls), a dude called as he was flying his Cessna into Area 51 to see “what exactly was going on there.” Bad decision…
Art would often dedicate an open line to certain specific people. An example would be: “Call if you are a Vampire, call if you are a time traveler, call if you are an angle, call if you are Satan. The aliens were the best though…
Believe me, the shit got creepy…
Let’s see if I remember the midnight intro correctly:
*queue “Midnight Express” tune*
“From the high desert, in the great American Southwest… I bid you good evening, or morning, whatever the case may be… All the way to the Tahitian Islands, to across this great land of ours, well into South America, and all the way to Santa country..
I’m Art Bell,and it’s great to be with you tonight.”
Oh yeah, then the fun began!!!!!!!
I’m amazed we have a Muslim president with a questionable birth certificate.
I miss Art Bell. I never could get used to George Noorey. Much like I could never get used to the “New Guy” in AC/DC when Bon Scott died. *sigh*
Non-Christmas Christmas album: Elvis Costello’s Taking Liberties.
Nice to be back in the States! Gonna go eat me some non-Italian food!
Happy Tuesday, Surfers!