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Help Me Save Law & Order!

September 30, 2008 By Jeff 67 Comments

I read somewhere there’s a British version of Law & Order in the works.  Law & Order: UK is what it will be called, and I wouldn’t mind checking it out, once it starts airing; I’d like to see who they choose to play EuroScrote.

As interesting as the new show sounds, though, how much more can they realistically wring from that franchise?  Isn’t it fairly well spent at this point?  Sadly, I suspect we might already be past the sell-by date.

But I’d like to do my part to keep it going, and I’m sure many of you feel the same way.  So, I’m going to recommend a few new variations (in TV Guide format), and turn it over to you.  Maybe we can come up with an idea, or two, which will keep Law & Order chugging along for another decade or more?

I’ll get the ball rolling…

Law & Order: Scranton After a cuppa two tree prostitutes are found murdered in the city, Detective Scrotekowski zeroes in on a suspicious porketta vendor from Throop, in an episode titled “Murder, Or No?”

Law & Order: Hooterville Floyd Smoot comes under suspicion when a Haitian immigrant is found savagely beaten near the railroad tracks outside Crabwell Corners.  An uncooperative Alf Monroe holds the key to the mystery.

Law & Order: Battle Creek Apple Jack crosses the line while trying to obtain a confession from a drifter suspected of killing a local celebrity named Crackle.  Extreme pressure to solve the crime, brought by the victim’s two politically-connected brothers, threatens Jack’s sanity and career.

Law & Order: The Villages After a man is discovered murdered near a golf cart overpass, detectives learn the victim had many enemies – due to continuous bragging about his expensive titanium replacement hip.

Law & Order: TVH Regional detectives for the True Value Hardware Corporation travel to Ass Cyst, Arkansas, to investigate the suspicious disappearance of a beloved night manager, known as Bimbo.

Law & Order: Pleasantville Detective Scrotenreiter is introduced to his new partner, and is surprised to learn he’s in color.  The contentious pair struggle with their personal differences, while trying to capture the notorious Mutilator of Whores.

So there you go…  I wanted to do one called Law & Order: Bumfuck, but couldn’t really come up with a concept.  You guys can take it from here, and maybe together we can save a great old TV show?

Use the comments link below.

And since we’re talking about classic television today, check this out.  It’s the cast of the Gunsmoke radio show, which preceded the long-running TV program.

It starred Floyd the Barber as Doc, Cannon as Marshall Dillon, Mayberry’s Mayor Stoner as Chester, and a hooker with a heart of gold.

When the TV show was proposed, William Conrad reportedly auditioned for the part of Matt Dillon.  And can you imagine Frank Cannon on horseback?  Heh.  They probably would’ve had to use Clydesdales, or concrete “horses” on rollers.

I read somewhere that Conrad never really got over the fact another actor became associated with the part of Marshall Dillon.  He felt that he’d created the character, and the whole thing supposedly bothered him for the rest of his life.

And speaking of great TV, I’m in the process of watching the John Adams mini-series.  Good stuff.  I had a little trouble buying Paul Giamatti as a founding father, but he somehow pulls it off.  I recommend it.

One scene I could’ve done without, however:  Adams having awkward and grunting sex with his wife, while looking like Uncle Fester, full-on.  I don’t think my face fully de-grimaced until morning.

Other than that… excellent, so far.

Now let’s hear your L&O ideas!  It’s up to us to save the program, and the clock is ticking.

See ya tomorrow.

Now playing in the bunker.

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Comments

  1. Jason says

    September 30, 2008 at 9:23 pm

    Sorry all. I can’t flirt with Gretchen without raising some feathers? Guess not. So I’ll stop.

    Where in the hell are you, Lark Fool? Christ, I’m dying here!

    Reply
  2. OnaWho says

    September 30, 2008 at 10:37 pm

    seriously…when did this become the “Shiny Rod and Jason show”?

    Shiny Rod, quit cock blocking Jason

    Reply
  3. CitizenX says

    September 30, 2008 at 11:33 pm

    I am just thankful that through this mess I learned the real meaning of Shiny Rod because my mind offered other explanations. Ahem.

    @OnaWho KUDOS
    .. for the cock block mention.
    Been years since I heard it and it got an audible guffaw.
    oh-no-he-didn’t!

    @Buck
    Your diaphragm press-in hiccup trick
    … is 2/0 for me. Nice.
    It does not require additional products or tools.
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thoracic_diaphragm

    (trying not to be in poetry mode anymore)

    Reply
  4. JCIII says

    September 30, 2008 at 11:45 pm

    Good Evening Surf Reporters……

    I must restart my computer(right NOW, dammit) for updates……

    Reply
  5. Jason says

    October 1, 2008 at 1:19 am

    OnaWho
    It’s my fault. But come on. “Gretchen”? That’s a sexy name. And she has yellow hair. And she’s 30 something. Good Lord. Plus, she’s witty. I mean, really, what else is there? I’m shocked that I’m the first guy on her case, frankly.

    “Cock blocking” HAHAHAHA.

    Thanks buddy. But I think he’s more of a Tiff lover than a cock blocker.

    Reply
  6. SkullyWV says

    October 1, 2008 at 7:33 am

    L&O – WVSR comments page – The invasion of the Cock-Blockers episode #1….
    We find a drunken Tiff outside a small house screaming Hippie profanities while swinging an empty bourbon bottle over her head…

    OK someone add the next scene

    Reply
  7. OnaWho says

    October 1, 2008 at 8:45 am

    Jason,

    first of all….I’m a she. and after I read my post the tone was lost, but you got to admit ………it’s funny.

    dear god,
    if all I needed was yellow hair and a fun name, I could have men cyber flirting with me too? damn my mom for giving me this horrible orginal name.

    And I too am witty, ……….oh wait. I am confusing that with sarcasim.

    have a great day surf reporters.

    Reply
  8. rusty says

    October 1, 2008 at 10:10 am

    I hate mayor Stoner. Give me mayor Pike anyday.

    Reply
  9. rusty says

    October 1, 2008 at 10:16 am

    Law and Order-Farmington, West Virginia

    Merton awakes to find the his wife’s head in a jar of pickled ramps. Or did he and Mays Ricky just dream it? Later he finds that the “pump don’t work cause a vandal took the handle.”

    Reply
  10. J Shifty says

    October 1, 2008 at 11:19 am

    Law & Order: Bailiff Edition

    Who ate the last cruller in the staff break room? The crusty lifer with a tendency to biting sarcasm? The stunning, unqualified beauty who got the job because her mom had an affair with the governor? Or the hard-nosed, well-endowed union shop steward Adalia Rodrigues? Find out tonight, after forty minutes of tense whispering while escorting colorful characters from the holding cells to the courtroom. All rise!

    Reply
  11. tiff says

    October 1, 2008 at 12:27 pm

    Skully…that’s going to be a hard ep to write. Most hippie profanities start with ‘doooood, I’m so wasted’ and devolve from there. However….

    But hey, if we can get ‘cock-blocking’ written in, then feel free to take poetic license!

    Reply
  12. Yvonne says

    October 1, 2008 at 12:32 pm

    “Law and Order: Canada” A woman (Nancy) mysteriously goes missing after making a trip across the U.S. border, supposedly to attend a women’s rights march, but actually to smuggle over massive amounts of Tofu Pups. The prime suspect in her not-really-disappearance is her husband (Nostrils) who is also missing, but later found hiding in the bushes outside of Johnny Depp’s mansion, adapted screenplay for his own pirate novel clutched in his hands.

    Reply
  13. Jason says

    October 1, 2008 at 1:08 pm

    OnaWho,

    Very funny! I dated a girl in high school that later developed full blown atrichia. Not a hair on her body anywhere. No eyebrows, nothing. I stuck with it for a while but I eventually had to let her go because she refused to go by “Helga” or “Inga” or “Sugartits”. Plus she started wearing a toupee that used to belong to her grandfather and it gave me the creeps.

    Reply
  14. Shiny Rod says

    October 1, 2008 at 5:33 pm

    @ OnaWho – No, I was not blocking…just nudging him in a different direction.

    @ CitizenX – I don’t even want to think of what you tought it meant.

    @SkullyWV – If thats the Tiff I know, it’s because I forgot to swing by with my stash of Evan.

    Reply
  15. OnaWho says

    October 1, 2008 at 10:41 pm

    got to love being called sugartits. gets me gigglin’ everytime. lol

    Reply
  16. J Shifty says

    October 2, 2008 at 12:54 pm

    Yvonne,

    I believe you are what is called in the business the WINNAR!

    (prize not valid outside this text box)

    Reply
« Older Comments

Trackbacks

  1. Lawn Odor in Wendell.Me. says:
    October 27, 2008 at 7:18 am

    […] Another blogger was trying to come up with inspirations for spin-off to keep the “Law and Order” franchise alive. Now, whether or not you consider that a worthy endeavor, he was doing it wrong, going mostly with geographic-location-based concepts (Scranton, Hooterville, Battle Creek, Pleasantville), and while the next L&O will be set in London and titled “Law and Order: UK”, it’s really “CSI” that has the market on locales. […]

    Reply

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