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Help Me Plan the Worst Amusement Park in the World!

June 25, 2010 By Jeff 124 Comments

We’re off to Knoebels today, which most certainly is NOT the worst amusement park in the world.  But I need your help in creating the rides and attractions at an imaginary theme park that is suckish.  I came up with a few while having coffee this morning, to prime the pumps.  And you guys can take it from there.  Here are my suggestions:

  • Turdwater Rapids
  • Whirling Tunnel of Knives
  • Haunted Pants
  • Body Odors of the World
  • The Extractor
  • Sodomy Flyer
  • Piss Mist Surge
  • Hoveround Choo Choo
  • Sulky-Go-Round
  • The Liver Twister
  • Herniated Disc Adventure

Thanks for your help with this important project!

See ya soon.

Now playing in the bunker

Treat yourself today at Amazon!

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Filed Under: Daily

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. JCIII says

    June 26, 2010 at 2:33 am

    Good Morning Surf Reporters…….

    How did the Amusement Park for all Eternal Hell turn into a sappy soliloquy for the warm and fuzzies of marital (or domestic partnership) bliss?

    Reply
  2. johnthebasket says

    June 26, 2010 at 3:28 am

    Life is a riddle, wrapped in a mystery, inside an enigma. Then you marry one. I guess that’s the craziest ride of all.

    At this time.

    jtb

    Reply
  3. hot fuzz says

    June 26, 2010 at 6:09 am

    Full moon. ’nuff said

    Reply
  4. WB in OH says

    June 26, 2010 at 8:05 am

    CADude-Thanks!

    hot fuzz-Actually tonight is the full moon, but I couldn’t tell the difference till I checked the calender.

    Anybody stand outside last night to catch a glimpse of the space station passing overhead?
    http://spaceflight.nasa.gov/realdata/sightings/

    Reply
  5. Valentin says

    June 26, 2010 at 8:16 am

    lol sorry guys. there could be a ride called drink till you drop were everyone rides in the back of a wagon and you drink until you fall out. What should be the prize if your the last one left though???

    Reply
  6. Chuck in Belpre says

    June 26, 2010 at 1:16 pm

    Didn’t see the ISS but this looks pretty cool:

    http://www.pacificstarflight.com/Pacific_Star/Pacific_Star_II.html

    Reply
  7. Brittney says

    June 26, 2010 at 1:59 pm

    My boyfriend is my heart, soul, comedian and my hero. Oh yes, I love him that much. And I’m not drunk, just hungover. It’s probably a good thing I didn’t come on here drunk last night…instead I played Xbox and yelled at 12 year olds until 4 in the morning. Good times.

    Reply
  8. dto says

    June 26, 2010 at 3:28 pm

    Well damn Brittney…if you want to set the bar that high…Fine. Just fine!

    I can change spark plugs and oil and pick off skunks at 200 yards with a .22. And I promise to never ask you if you want to go to the ballet.

    Reply
  9. dto says

    June 26, 2010 at 3:31 pm

    See…I don’t even know how to spell it….

    Reply
  10. Chuck in Belpre says

    June 26, 2010 at 4:15 pm

    RIP Cory Hamasaki…I made a shit-pot full of cash on the run up to Y2K. Seems longer than a decade ago we thought the end was near.

    Reply
  11. airandee says

    June 26, 2010 at 6:12 pm

    Vander Sloot Kissing Booth
    Mule Kick Petting Zoo

    Reply
  12. icecycle66 says

    June 26, 2010 at 6:28 pm

    The Rapist.

    Reply
  13. metten says

    June 26, 2010 at 8:06 pm

    You guys are awesome. This has been fun to read. How about, “Waking up for a minute to find your face covered with an old rag, your uncle on top of you making weird grunting noises and the room smelling of whiskey and some kind of medicine” – The Ride

    Reply
  14. Uncle_wedgie says

    June 26, 2010 at 8:49 pm

    The rectal plate drop

    The Spooge Blaster (not sure if this is a ride of fountain drink)

    Reply
  15. Uncle_wedgie says

    June 26, 2010 at 8:55 pm

    not of – or

    Reply
  16. putski says

    June 26, 2010 at 10:45 pm

    Dog Turd Tightrope.
    The De- Railer Rollercaoster of Fear.
    The Food Poisoning Challenge.
    Old Tampon Lucky Dip

    Reply
  17. Brittney says

    June 27, 2010 at 12:12 am

    Dto…If we go to the ballet, we have to laugh as loud as possible when the male ballet dancer comes out with a raging bulge in his leotard.

    The David Bowie bulge is going to be an instant kneeslapper until I’m too old to slap my own knee.

    Reply
  18. Kevindust says

    June 27, 2010 at 3:26 am

    @ Alice Thank you!

    @ Greg Despite living in the country with the best enhancers…I came up with that while stone cold sober at work. It is a compilation of references and stories that Jeff has told (if you don’t “get it” you really need to sign up for the insider report)

    Reply
  19. Chuck in Belpre says

    June 27, 2010 at 1:00 pm

    Heat Index is 110…I’m Dying here!!!

    Reply
  20. Brittney says

    June 27, 2010 at 3:55 pm

    We skipped out on a day to the waterpark because the the weather was calling for severe storms in our area all day…its sunny and 90 out, and we are sitting on the couch watching tv. Awesome day. >:(

    Reply
  21. Greg says

    June 27, 2010 at 4:12 pm

    @ Kevindust. I got it. I definately got it! I just thought it was some great writing.

    Reply
  22. (K)arla says

    June 27, 2010 at 11:13 pm

    Life is a riddle, wrapped in a mystery, inside an enema

    Reply
  23. The Evil Twin says

    June 28, 2010 at 7:44 am

    Jeff – in other WV news – Sen. Robert Byrd shuffled off to that great Ku Klux Klan rally in the sky at the age of 92…

    Reply
  24. airandee says

    June 28, 2010 at 11:11 am

    In memory of Robert Bryd I am flying my sheets at half mast

    Reply
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