I need to do something. I’m fat as fuck. I know: watch what I eat and get more exercise. Thanks for that, very helpful. No, I need a framework. Not just generalities. I installed an app yesterday called LoseIt! which is a tracker, etc. This morning I’ve had five cups of coffee with a splash of 2% milk in each, no sugar. And a chocolate chip muffin from Wegmans. And holy shit on the muffin! It was about 20% of my allowed daily calories.
I might try this thing out for a few days and see if I can lock in with it. Apparently, I tried it once before, because when I opened it there was all my info inside. I have no recollection of this, but whatever. Perhaps there’s an international database of enormous fatasses, and it pulls from there? I simply don’t know.
But I’m afraid my swaddling chickens are going to come home to roost. I’m gonna have a heart attack or a stroke, or develop “sugar” as some people call it back home. Plus, whenever I see my reflection in a window, or whatever, I literally gasp. How is it possible?? I was skinny in high school. Skinny! Now, look what’s happened. It’s like something out of Ripley’s Believe It Or Not.
Do they still have fat farms? Maybe I could go away to one of those deals? What do they do there? Just sit around crying into a bowl of oats all day? I guess I could do that.
I love those Weight Watchers commercials: eat what you want! Hell, I’ve been doing that for years. It doesn’t work for me. I look like the goddamn Michelin Man. Oh… in moderation? I don’t like the sound of that.
Anyway, have you ever undertaken some sort of weight-loss regimen and found success? The only time I’ve ever shed significant poundage during my adult life was following breakups with girlfriends. The weight just falls off. Of course, there’s heartache and soul-crushing misery that goes along with it. It’s not a course of action I want to take ever again, thank you very much.
What about you? Tell us about it, won’t you? I know this is a short one, but that’s the way it goes sometimes. By the way… it’s humid as a bastard today. I’m sitting here marinating in my own juices. I hate this time of year, I really do. This is true bullshit.
I’ll see you guys again on Thursday.
Have a great day, my friends!
Now playing in the bunker
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My boyfriend and I have been doing Keto since January of last year. We’ve each lost about 30-40 lbs. It would be more if we gave up drinking, but we are fine with where we are. Basically it is cutting back on the carbs and sugar. We eat a lot of meat with fat (butter mainly). The lack of carbs/sugar keeps your blood sugar stable, so you aren’t getting hungry all the time. We’ll have cheat meals a time or two a month where we have the non-keto version of foods we love. While it tastes good at the time…that bloated feeling we have afterwards helps to get us back to the low carb eating. I really don’t like veggies. So this has been easy for me to stick to. Lots of meat! lol
Diet Doctor and Keto Connect are good sites for getting started. There is a lot of info out there. There are also a LOT of people trying to push supplements to use in place of eating keto…but you 100% DON’T need them. Can do it all with diet.
I second the keto thing.
O also liiento fast,every month. You start sliw but i do a monthly 72 hour fast. I eat whatever i want up until bedtime on thursday, then only waterband unsweetened coffee until sunday night.
As in, yeah, me too. Just had my annual physical and I’m a lard-ass. I wish I was a fat as I was when I first thought I was fat. That was about 50 pounds ago. Of course I don’t really DO anything to lose weight except get really sick from time to time, but that’s not a great plan.
I lost 25 pounds about 10 years ago through daily workouts without changing my eating habits. I guess that’s how I’ll lose it again but man, I hate sweating.
Mr. Jimbo says
I lost 70lbs 5 years ago by going to one of those weight loss clinics. Went once a week where they gave me an injection and a bottle of speed. They were supposed to check my food diary too but I never brought it because I was barely eating. Was eating around 700 calories a day. When I started I was 6’4″ 320lbs.
5 years later I’m still 6’4″ but I’m pushing 340 now. Once you stop the speed, the weight just piles back on.
30 pounds on low carb diet in 6 months, and your cholesterol will go down too. Check Atkins 20 to start, then Atkins 40 to maintain. And I still drink all the wine I want.
I never have given such things much thought. But last July I decided 200 lbs. was too much. I am not a gym or workout guy. I first started out stopping all junk food. And then I started doing Paleo. I now weight 142 lbs. I went from a 36 to a (almost) 30 inch waist. I sometimes miss chocolate muffins (I use eat them 6 at a time) bread, pizza, etc. But I have lots more energy. I don’t know if I will keep this up or not. I would rather not go much lower in weight.
There’s been a lot of press recently about Intermittent Fasting. There are many variations but the 16/8 seems most popular. You do all of your eating between say noon and 8:00 pm (or whatever 8 hour window works for you) and the rest of the time it’s water only. In theory you should be able to eat whatever you want during that 8 hour window but I doubt that is true for everyone. I decided to try it last week and managed to lose the requisite 2 lbs/week without much effort at all. There may be something to it.
I was read the riot act at my annual physical in December and on January 1st started a low carb diet. I have lost ~30lbs since then with 20 more pounds planned to be lost. No bread, no pasta, no potatoes, no cakes, no ice cream, no rice. My blood numbers have improved drastically. I have sausages and bacon (uncured, no nitrates) and eggs most mornings. I had a rack of ribs for dinner last night, dry rubbed since BBQ sauce is full of sugar. Eating that is making me much healthier – go figure.
Beer is a carb nightmare and I love my beer (see riot act being read). There are 23 grams of carbs in a can of Bell’s Two Hearted for example! A pizza and 4 of those is a ticket to fat town.
I had a gastric sleeve done. The first 48 hours afterward I was convinced I’d made the worst decision of my life. Once I stopped puking and could get out of my hospital bed I started to think I could cope. When I discovered I lost 28 lbs in 2 weeks I was fine with the decision. I lost 80 pounds and managed to maintain that loss for 2.5 years. Then I started night shift at a very stressful job and I’ve put some of it back on. I’m committed to getting it back off, I’ve started going to the gym.
You listen to Carolla, which means you listen to Vinnie Tortorich, which means you already know what to do.
Several times. I’m the yo-yo dieter your doctor warned you about.
Most recent success (3 years ago) was owed to not eating bread or pasta or candy of any kind. NO EXERCISE. Lost about 12% of my body weight in 5 months. No – I didn’t keep the weight off. Eating like that SUCKS.
15+ years ago I ate moderately and exercised at least 2 and a half hours every day: walking 3 – 4 miles a day, stationary bike for 60 – 90 minutes, various free-form exercises (like sit-ups). Lost about 25% of my body weight. No – I didn’t keep it off. And I blew out a disc doing sit-ups, requiring surgery. On the bright side, I lost another 20 pounds thanks to the post-op infection.
I don’t have any good advice. I KNOW how to take it off. What I don’t know is how to KEEP IT OFF.
Oh – and I’ve had “the sugars” since 1998 (and for probably 5 years before it was diagnosed).
Intermittent fasting is not only a healthier way to lose weight it has many many other benefits as well (such as not putting the weight back on). Most of the science on IF is pretty solid. I can recommend a product called FastBlast to help on your Fast days. It does take discipline but it’s not as hard as you think!
Randall B Robinson says
Fuck you fatties. Wait until you’re old and on SS and can’t afford to be fat
The wife and I have been doing Keto since April 2017. We did a very strict keto until November 2017. I went from 250lbs to 190lbs. The wife did a little better than me and lost 65 pounds. We ate less than 20 grams of carbs per day with no cheat days for those first 7-8 months, but we loaded up on fats. Steaks, eggs, bacon, pork rinds, pepperoni, hamburgers (no bun), chicken, pork, etc. If you like meat fried in butter, keto is the way to go.
Since November, we have not been nearly as strict, cheating on the weekends and at social events, and we have managed to maintain our current weight.
Most of what I learned was on reddit at r/keto. The folks over there are a big help to learn how to count carbs efficiently.
Cathy W. says
At 4’11″(4’10 3/4″ if I’m being completely honest) I weighed between 95 and 105 pounds til I was in my 30s. Babies started to catch up with me, and by my mid-40s I was around 135. When I hit 50, holy shit. My body went to crap. Thyroid stopped working, arthritis kicked into high gear, something called fibromyalgia reared it’s ugly head, and a disc in my neck got ‘squeezed’ as the physical therapist puts it. Between all the pills I have to take (all with the fucking side-effect of weight gain, why don’t they work on fixing that!?) and the constant pain, my weight went up to over 200 pounds. I got motivated at one point and managed to lose about 35 of it, with the help of a program called FitDay that helped me keep track of calories in and out, and couldn’t get any further no matter how hard I tried. Got discouraged, pretty much gave up, quit using my exercise bike, and went back to eating whatever I felt like. So now I’m back up over 200 again. >:-( So now I’m trying to find my ambition to get rid of some of it again. I blame the ice cream. Just can’t seem to give it up.
That one was hard – to pass up Coldstone. But I did it.
Lew in Bama says
Lost 40lbs on the South Beach plan about 10 years ago, had managed to keep 30 of that off long term.
Low carb works pretty well for me.
Then I got married and had a baby. 10lbs of happy fat, followed by 10lbs that didn’t come off after baby. I started pregnancy 2 already 20lbs up. 2 kids is our limit, so when this baby is out, and I’ve given myself 6-12 months of breastfeeding, I’ll start working on getting my body back. I don’t need to be skinny, I just want to fit into the clothes I already own. Probably do South Beach again, paired with some exercise like jogging. With two kids, no money or time for the gym, so it’ll have to be exercise I can do for free at home.
Alice in WV says
I lost 45lbs in 8 months using MyFitnessPal. I got tired of using the app and thought I’d stick to the routine I had established. nope. I think it was the actual recording the food that kept me honest. All the weight came back. womp womp
I had ice cream for lunch – peanut butter and choc blizzard from DQ.
I used to say about some people that they needed to get their shit together. I walked around with confidence and purpose. My ducks were in a row, my shit was together. But I haven’t felt like that in years. If I catch myself wanting to say that now, a big wave of hypocrisy rears up to knock me on my ass. How does one go about doing this?
Frances Goodey says
Cupcake and DavidI are absolutely right!
Intermittent Fasting is a natural way to lose weight with the bonus of not giving up any particular food.
Two days a week you eat only one meal and limit its calories. It’s also called 5:2. The best thing about it is the gradual fine-tuning of your inner organs. Most people report cutting back on various medications over time.
The 5:2 mantra is Defer not Deny. It takes a couple of weeks to show on the scales but it works, and will change your eating habits forever, for the better.
There are supportive 5:2 groups online.
Phil Jett says
Little over three years ago I was 275, BP and cholesterol were shit, triglycerides thru the roof. Dr. told me to start fucking moving and lower my intake of food. I now weight 180. It took 6 months to to lose it and I have kept it off by doing the same thing. I bought a fitbit one (the cheapest model at the time) that hangs on your waist. First couple of times I wore it on 12 hr day shift I averaged about 1800 steps a day and the food tracker based on those steps wouldn’t let me eat shit. I made a concerted effort to get in a 15 min walk around the building every couple of hours and it really added up. Night runs I get in a load of steps just walking around in circles every hour in our secure work area. I still ate the kind of food I like but in much smaller quantities.
One hot dog instead of two. 1/4 lb hamburger instead of two patties. More vegetables that I liked and less snack foods. But no matter what I ate I tracked it in fitbit online and kept to where I had to be to lose at least 2 lbs a week. I actually found myself losing up to 6 lbs some weeks just by moving more and my stomach shrinking. I switched to baked Lay’s products (which I really like) and baked pretzel products and much more pork and turkey (ground, premade hamburger patties, and other white meat versions) and boosted the flavors with spices. I switched to light beers (I know, sacrilege. But at my present weight I get a nice buzz after 2 and still indulge in a thick one now and them if we are out) I was doing 12,000 steps a day most days and more when I was off. Hell, mowing my lawn is 10K alone.
Once I reached my goal, my waist size had gone from a 42 to a 32, I had to get all new clothes and I don’t sweat anymore walking around town or in restaurants when I eat. Dr. took me off all my meds at my next physical. I now jog 3 times a week for some cardio and walk anywhere I can. Keeping it off has been surprisingly easy since I’m compulsive and if I check my numbers before bed and I’m a couple hundred short I will go to the basement and walk around or get on the treadmill for a few minutes if I need 500 more. The other thing is I still track EVERYTHING I eat EVERYDAY because these apps/programs are so easy to use. They even have most restaurants calories loaded up to use. It is a simple calories in versus calories burned.
Getting off my ass and moving and not watching what I eat but tracking my intake made all the difference. I honestly think it wouldn’t have worked without the fitbit.
You will not believe how much better you will feel and after a while you will get use to people asking you if you have cancer because you look so small.
Congrats Phil! I’m very successful at keeping my weight where I want it, but I definitely do not have your commitment and obsessive structure. I don’t mean that in a negative way, only an admirable way. And I would agree that the extra movement (exercise?) is key – it can’t be done healthily with diet alone.
Phil Jett says
Thanks Mookie and well done to you.
Results of my study into which beers are least bad for you but still drinkable – the best light beer is Omission Ultimate Light (5g carbs, 100 cal) and the best IPA Flying Dog Snake Dog (10g carbs).
The only thing that has worked for me is very small portions, just enough to keep the hunger pangs away. It works surprisingly well. Drinking enough water helps because sometimes thirst is mistaken for hunger. Anytime I’ve dieted there are a couple days at most where I obsess on what I’m not supposed to have. Then it just turns around and I start feeling confident and in control. My thinking is clearer. Excess food had been like a tranquilizer that I’d grown dependent on. Now things are looking up! I’m happier without all the food than I ever was with it.
Then I let social pressures derail it. Someone visits from out of town, and there’s more eating out. Or it’s a holiday, or whatever. Still feeling really good from my recent self-control and weight loss, I feel invulnerable; a little (or a lot of) extra food has seemingly no negative effect. How could it when I feel so good?
Then it’s three months later and I’m back at square one, trying to remember how in the hell I lost my way.
It feels genuinely good to get my eating under control, so dieting really isn’t hard or scary at all. I guess the key is to remember to get back in control quickly if you go off track for a few days.
I was small to begin with. 5’5 and 135 pounds of winter weight. Then bad shit started happening. Lost my mother in January and my brother in June. And I’m not proud to admit this but I started a long distance rendezvous with an ex lover from.the 80s. All that stress and bulllshit caused me to lose 11 pounds. I don’t recommend it. When stress hits me i can’t eat, sleep or function. So I may now be 124 pounds but somebody better know CPR because I’m.ready to cave.
Damn, madz. I want to come give you a hug and a pep talk.
Please do. The dalliance was not so bad. Remembering a love from 30 years ago just brought back sweet memorises Losing my mom and brother damn near killed me.
MissQ tell me when you’re leaving. We can meet up in Atlanta and go together. Hang in there friend.
You ladies are the best! Thank you.
John Plassmeyer says
Started the keto diet 2 weeks ago and have lost 7 pounds. Gotta admit it’s a total pain in the ass but there is a carb mgr app that really helps. Basically keep your total daily carbs 20 or below. Pretty much eat all the meat and fat you want, BTW beer is high in carbs so you will pretty much have to give it up. Good thing is that you can find stuff to make you feel full (Just ate a ribeye smothered in mushrooms sauteed in garlic butter for dinner). I don’t think I can do it forever but I am hoping to drop 30-40 lbs and then go to a more low carb lifestyle and not one so restrictive. Me and you are about the same age and girth – it sucks but then again we have eaten like shit our whole lives! 🙂
Face it: those all-meat diets are ultimately bad for you; fasting is not a long-term lifestyle.
I start with a super high-fiber breakfast, a high-fiber vegetarian lunch (big salad), sensible dinner, and high-fiber snacks like no-butter popcorn and cracklin oat bran. One light beer or glass of red wine with dinner. Do that for 2 weeks, and you’ll start changing your metabolism.
Eventually, you’ll be able to splurge when you want, and it’ll come right off. Your taste for salty, fatty foods, big carbs, and multiple beers will be greatly reduced. And you won’t be craving anything, or giving up anything. You’ll just lose your taste for disgusting food. Moderate exercise will help, which you’ll want to do as you start feeling better.
Jeff- back in 1994 I decided to lose weight and Keep it off and I did for for 12 + years before menopause and a 70 hour work week killed my determination.
Don’t think of a diet; diets are temporary, think of a lifestyle change. Now back in the 90s LOW Fat was where it was at. So my ‘new eating plan’ consisted of 1200 calories/ day little fat only healthy fats, portion control and moderate exercise. My second day on the diet I laced up my sneakers and went for a walk. At first it was a slow sweaty walk but I walked every day on a local trail that had lots of hills. It was about 2 miles and I got my time down to about 20 minutes.
For the first couple weeks I only ate what was spelled out in the diet exactly, broiled skinless chicken, fish, a small piece of steak, lots of veggies and salads whole grain bread, skim milk. Once every 2 weeks I could have a slice of cheese pizza. Because low fat and fat free hadn’t caught on then I either made my own salad dressing or just used vinegar. I ate fruit spread on my toast or 1/2 a bagel.
What I really liked about this plan was it really didn’t deny me anything you had dairy, meat, poultry, pasta, rice, fruits and veggies. It made me conscious of portions a med baked potato is the size of a woman’s fist, 3 oz of fish is the size of a deck of cards.I could have a tablespoon of Parmesan cheese on my 1/2 cup of spaghetti with meat sauce. You could have an occasional dessert like fat free sugar free pudding of sugar free jello, or some fig barts or a 1/2 cup of pretzels. You have to be careful of the “American sized” muffin like you ate or the giant NY style bagels and most restaurant portions. Some restaurants will let you reduce your serving size others won’t.
If I had a bad day, we all do, I’d just get back on the horse the next day.
I also made myself a complicated set of rules like that I cold have fried food only of I was out of state, or at least area code.
In the first couple weeks the weight just fell off. Then I settled into a bout a 2 pound / week loss which gradually dropped to one and then maintenance.
I didn’t get bored and I was eating REAL Food and I was eating the same food as my family for the most part. So I didn’t turn into one of those people saying “I can’t eat..”
All my life I have LOVED carbs and this gave me carbs but in sensible portions.
And it wasn’t always easy; I was the baker in the family and at Christmas I was making cookies for my extended family and I had to lock the Toll house in the trunk of my car so I wouldn’t be tempted.
After a few months, I started in the end of July, I had lost enough weight to be pleased that it was this easy. I added two workouts one was Cyndi Crawford, easy low impact and Callenetics – intense small movements many reps. And I kept walking. In the 2000s I lived next door to a bike trail and I alternated biking and walking.
The reason I think it worked for me was that I never felt like I wasn’t eating things I liked, I had a wide variety of foods that were easily available and I wasn’t lying to myself that some weird chemical concoction labeled ‘Mac and cheese’ was real food. Mac & Cheese was one of those things that I could only have a tiny (1/4 c) serving of on a rare occasion. And that saying I will NEVER eat another carb, sugar, cookie, etc is just insane unless you are really committed to a new lifestyle.
I KNOW that the answer is to find a set of healthy foods you like and STICK to it.
Alas some of my favorites from those days no longer are available. Like Progresso escarole soup – a 16 oz can has 60 calories and it was a great winter lunch.
Not Oprah says
Being a big fan for so many years, I know of your love of fast food (esp. Wendy’s), maybe you can keep all of your payment options (debit, credit cards) at home with the exception of a gas card – so that you are forced to eat what you have prepared as a good healthy alternative for food throughout the work day. You will eventually get used to it (probably within a couple of weeks) if you break down and need some fastfood order something from the kid’s menu, feel guilty about it and get back on your feet. Maybe also keep a ‘kitty jar’ with all of the $$ that you saved by not eating takeout and save it for something special that you want.
Also, the obvious is to start taking stairs and walking when you can.
I live by myself so don’t have this problem and enjoy cooking vegies and such, but some ground rules on limited accessibility to junk food (hotdogs, burritos) around your house might help also.
About ten years ago, my job at Southwest Florida Water Management District had a biggest loser contest. I weighed 288 before and 235 after 30 days. Ate nothing but high sodium chicken noodle soup (Campbells) EACH DAY. Won 400 bucks for the 20 dollar entry fee.
Last year went from 245 to 198 on the prescription anti depressants diet, after wife of 21 years decided she had used me up. Not a recommended diet.
Now, happy again at 240. Health is great. New woman. No exercise required.
Leanne Kahl says
Let’s make a viral Richard Simmons type video. I will find support from Canada!!!
Not Oprah says
Let’s have a contest to have Richard Simmons routine’s in the craziest places.
That would be up the butt, Bob.
I got a Fitbit for Christmas and started Weight Watchers (online only) January 3. I’ve lost almost 70 lbs to date! Lots more fruits and veggies, smaller portions and exercising (walking/biking) almost every day. It’s a marathon … still have another 50 lbs to lose but am feeling better and need to start shopping for some new (smaller!) clothes!
Good luck in whatever you try to do!
I started the same combination about a month ago. I’m down ten pounds so far, and really like the new WW smart points. They make it easier to follow.
I lost about 100# over a two year period by using a food tracker app and a digital food scale. I’d previously lost 75# in a year the same way but ended up pregnant (happens when you look smokin hot!) and gained it all back.
The most difficult part was getting into the habit of tracking everything you eat. I would eat lots of the same/similar lunches for work so it was easier.
I don’t eat “diet” food beyond switching to the light version on some condiments because I couldn’t tell the difference. I still would have ice cream occasionally or a dessert. Just have to plan for it or cut back the best day. Self control sucks! Haha
Also, I didn’t do exercise beyond some occasional extra walking.
The only way of eating I’ve found to keep my weight in check is low carb/keto (Atkins). Cut out the bread, pasta, potatoes, sugar, etc. No exercise necessary. Supposedly weight loss is 80% diet/20% exercise & I agree based on my results. I don’t get cravings (almost never) for those carby things once you’ve adapted. I rarely feel hunger pangs at all. I’ve kept off the 35 lbs I’ve lost for 3 years now and with no effort. Plus BACON!!! 🙂 I’m amazed I can walk into a Five Guys and order their burger in a bowl & have absolutely no desire to eat their fries, where before it was a requirement! Sous Vide steak baby!!!
Good Luck! – BD
Shedding the flesh parka isn’t easy, but the way to do it is incredibly simple. Forget keto, low carb, paleo, or anything with the word “diet” in it; the only thing that matters is calories in, calories out.
Use your app and record everything you eat. Eat whatever you want, but stay under your calorie limit. That’s literally it. You WILL lose weight.
Like I said, simple doesn’t mean easy. You’ll most likely have some stumbles and bad days. As long you get right back on the horse the next day, though, you’ll win out in the end.
Lew in Bama says
I have to agree here. While SBD helped me lose the initial weight, it was lifestyle changes like portion control, exercise, and just being more aware of what I was consuming that helped me keep it off.
My doctor always says its just basic math: more out than in.
Diets are often a quick fix, and not something you can sustain lifelong. The best methods for long term success are those that are relatively easy to maintain for life.
Prancercise is your only way out. Limp those wrists and get out there and start prancing. Prance everywhere, all day long. Prance, prance prance and think a happy song as you prance along. Show tunes like, “I Feel Pretty”, from West Side Story is a good start. It’s kind of a waltz but in 6/8 so it clips along at a good pace. Calorie burner indeed and a boost to your mental picture about yourself. You’ll be fine.
…and you can treat yourself to a single Lite beer at the end of the prancing day too. Maybe with a lime slice in it.
Needs one of those little umbrellas too.
Add to your song list……”Prancing in The Street” (Martha)…”Prancing Queen”(Abba)…”Prance to the Music” (gotta love some Sly)…. “You Should be Prancing” (Bee Gees) and, “Prancing in the Dark” and “I Won’t Prance, Don’t Ask Me” (old school Fred Astaire tunes).
Rob Cherry says
I lost 53kgs recently, 2 years ago I was a Type 2 diabetic taking handfuls of pills and 2 types of insulin every day just to stay ‘normal’. I also had to take handfuls of pills for high blood pressure too.
My consultant told me that I had one chance to see 60, so I had a Mini Gastric Bypass.
2 yers on I take no meds for diabetes and none for blood pressure, I’ve lost 18” from my waist and had to buy a whole new wardrobe, including my wedding ring and my glasses.
Was it worth it? Hell Yeah!
Before I was costing the NHS £6k a week in meds, for a £20k surgery I now cost them £0.
I have bags of energy and sleep like a baby too.