Have you ever successfully altered some major part of your lifestyle? I mean, on purpose. I’m not talking about some illness that forced it, or a job loss, or something like that. I’m curious if you’ve ever set out to make some fundamental change, and was able to pull it off.
I was in Burger King on Saturday, with our boys, and a couple with two young kids was sitting near us. The little noisemakers were high-maintenance, squirmy, and making noise. Nothing too outrageous, just normal little kid behavior.
Then I looked at our guys, and the oldest one, who is about six feet tall now, was continuously texting some girl somewhere, and the younger boy was wearing an ironic Dr. Seuss Green Eggs and Ham shirt. Both communicate, largely, via a series of grunts and exasperated facial expressions.
I looked back at the youngsters at the nearby table, and they were chattering and bouncing up and down knocking over cups of soda…
And I know this is an old person thing to say, but it feels like our kids were that age, just a couple of years ago. It seems like time is hyper-accelerated, and things are happening at an impossible rate of speed. And I can’t have that.
I started having some kind of mini-midlife crisis. I’m 47 years old, and in twenty years I’ll be 67. Roughly the same age as my parents. They’re still in good shape, going strong, but they… you know, talk about prescriptions and tomato plants, and are completely baffled by a DVD player.
Yeah, I know. Twenty years is a long time. But not anymore. Sure, when I was in college it seemed like forever, because it was my entire lifespan at that point. But nowadays a couple of years click by while I’m out mowing the lawn. Which is part of the reason I don’t do it as often as I should…
I fear I’ll be playing Sudoku and hitting the early bird specials before I know what happened. And I have a lot of stuff I still need to do before then. Stupid mortality… it’s starting to bum me out.
I realize that 67 isn’t all that old anymore. It used to be, but not now. And that’s fine, but I don’t exactly lead a healthy lifestyle. I don’t get enough sleep, don’t exercise much, eat my own body weight in fast food every month or so, and drink more beer than is advisable. I might not even make it to Sudoku.
And that leads me back to the first paragraph. Have you ever set out to make a fundamental change in your life, and actually pulled it off? I’ve made several half-hearted attempts, and always said fukkit within two weeks.
A few years ago, for instance, I decided to go on some idiotic diet. It was one of the fad diets, possibly South Beach or whatever that thing is called. And within a couple of days I wanted to go out in the garage and hang myself. I had salad coming out of my ass, both figuratively and literally, and every meal was a demoralizing affair.
Toney was cheering me on, but about ten days into it I told her I wasn’t doing it anymore. They could ram their retarded diet, deep and on a slant.
But I’m going to try it again. Not the Cocoa Beach Diet, or whatever, but a change in lifestyle. A temporary change, to see what happens. That temporary part is important, I think, because it eliminates terrifying thoughts like… “I’ll never taste a Stone IPA, ever again!”
Shit! I just had a full-body shiver.
So, for the month of July I’m going to try to give up beer, eat a little better (nothing overly crazy, though), read more, take a walk every day, drink more water, and (this is a biggie) get more sleep. Nothing too earth-shattering, except for the beer. But we’re only talking about July here.
I want to see what happens with my mood and mental outlook, and how it affects me physically. Also, I’ll be interested to see if I get more work done. Because that’s a big issue for me, during these hyper-accelerated times. I need to get shit done.
And now it’s your turn. Have you ever attempted a major lifestyle change? How’d it go? Tell us about it in the comments; I need to hear your stories. You know, on account of my Burger King crisis, and whatnot.
See you guys again tomorrow.
Have a great day!
Now playing in the bunker
I just sold my 238 shares I had in Beer Nuts. I made $6.23. Figured I’d dump it before the bottom drops out in the month of July. Let me know when you decide to drink beer again and I’ll buy back in. Thanks for the heads up.
I stopped smoking about seven (I think) years ago, and I miss it EVERY SINGLE DAY. I only smoked for about 15 years, but it was one of the greatest pleasures of life. I still want one every morning with coffee, after every good meal, and when I’m reading in the evenings. I sure don’t miss the cash layout, which is comparable to a good smack addiction these days, and all the fucking health nazis who JUST KNEW that I was dying to hear their two motherfucking cents worth about my personal habits.
Probably the biggest lifestyle change I’ve made in my life in the past 10 years was finally shedding phoney-assed, willfully stupid and disingenuine friends. You wake up some mornings and wonder why in the hell that person is still your friend. You know what I’m talking about – you connected with them long ago on what was thought to be a deeper level of friendship and understanding, (but it really was nothing more than similar tastes in music and culture) then 30 years later realize that they still see the world exactly as they did back when they were 20 years old, without gaining so much as a teaspoon of valuable knowledge along the way. You almost can’t stand to be around them anymore, and everytime you’re with them it feels like a constant struggle to fight being pulled into their black hole of negativity. I’ve shed quite a few drama queens, whiners, cause-of-the-week pontificators, world saviours, misery goats and hypocritical asswipes, and it feels like a tremendous emotional burden has been lifted. I’m now more selective about who I choose to spend my valuable personal time with, and it feels pretty good. Weed the bad out of your life – it’s not that hard. Authenticity is the key!
I pay $35 a CARTON in WV for my cigs. Of course the state of WV is going to up the tax by $1 more per pack since that has worked so well for other states.
Fuck em…I’m going to start an Indian reservation and make millions in casino and tobacco proceeds.
Wow man, The Evil Twin, are you ok? Damn you got anything on your mind bro? Calm down man I never felt so much anger than what I felt when i read your comment.
“Give thanks and Praise to the Lord and I will feel alright” Bob Marley
I am the Queen of lifestyle changes and am; therefore,a sure ’nuff voice of experience and I say to not give up the beer completely–limit yourself to a couple at a time. On the weekends.
Do cease and desist with ALL fast food immediately. Poison–just flat out poison. If your grandma didn’t have it available to cook with, you don’t need to eat it.
Don’t ever put another piece of white bread or frozen grease-soaked fried potato in your mouth as long as you live. That’s all. Simple. Easy peasy.
@valentin
Thanks for your concern, but I’m not angry at all – I thought that was really an optimistic post – didn’t meant to come off that way! Just statin’ the case, really…
Valetine….I did not feel any anger in ETW’s writting. In fact, just three weeks ago I told a friend of 35 years to FUCK OFF for some of the reasons he touched on. Here’s my final e-mail to him…and I quote…” Why must you insist on inculcating the insanity (in my opnion I admit) that surrounds your life into the reality I have chosen for mine.” I wrote that to him after I told him to fuck off while on the phone. Glad I did.
Pass the Beer Nuts!
ET’s writing…..fuck….I thought I fixed that?
Yeah nevermind I reread it and see your point. I guess I was a little buzed when I read it. Wow I wonder if it’s maybe and underliying feeling I have about someone I thought to be a lifelong friend??? I think it was cause I was thinking about them a little while you described your situation.
Evil Twin–now I know why you haven’t responded to my calls and emails…
Diet’s don’t work.
I did Atkins, South Beach, Jenny Craig, Weight Watchers and The Zone… I actually GAINED a ton of weight.
Maybe I shouldn’t have done them all at the same time.
It is 91 in my living room right now…so I am about to make a BIG life change. OUT OF HERE!!!1
I gave up caffeine and sodas years ago. Like Jesus, all I drink today is water and wine (and the occasional sweet tea from a fast food joint – and, yes, I know tea has caffeine – but I’m talking maybe 3 or 4 times a year to indulge). I don’t believe in taking in liquid calories.
I was a vegetarian for 9 years and still often order vegetarian dishes at restaurants. I could easily go back to the lifestyle, but the Evil Twin likes his meat products.
I was a 4 to 5 can per day Diet Coke drinker. At the time, I was wearing size 40 pants and weighed about 225.
Decided to go one month without. Got the caffeine withdrawal headaches, so I increased my coffee intake to 3 or 4 cups in the morning and another large cup mid-afternoon. The coffee turned me into a power shitter. Coffee does the trick in that department for me. After a while, I lost the taste for Diet Coke and I don’t like any sodas any more other than an occasional 7-7.
After 6 months or so, I was down to under 200 pounds and back in size 38. None of my eating habits changed although I noticed I was eating smaller portions and was full.
Then, I started reading labels and avoid anything with “partially hydrogenated” anything in it. So, no more Little Debbies or Twinkies or Girl Scout cookies. I don’t miss any of that shit anymore, either.
I am now at 175 pounds and wear size 36. Still smoke and drink like hell, but cigarettes are next to go. Have not chosen the date yet, but it is drawing closer. Getting tired of the morning cough and I know I stink of cigarettes plus $5.00 per pack really pisses me off. Alcohol consumption in quantity will be the last to go.
Then, I will likely die soon after.
Jeff,
Wait until you’re 60 to have your “mid-life crisis”, that way you’ll live to be 120.
My major life change was to stop parting my hair down the middle (1980’s) to parting in to the side. One day I just did it. And it worked out perfectly. I thought I’d get less slit. Not so. Apparently a lot of babes like guys on the side.
Since we are all feeling our mortality
I highly recommend buying one of those thumb drives and/or flash drives and loading it with information you need to pass on in case your day comes.
Put it on your keychain.
Wear it as a necklace
It should include
— passwords to your email/social media sites/ect
— instructions on publishing your PREPOST
(ahh yes, if you publish online you should have one in order to keep everyone in formed)
— and of course the pre-written <140 character shout from the grave.
@bikerchick
I like your shop but I need a quick/obvious link
to all of the items you have available
http://www.myboutiquebijou.com/
Very interesting collection from what I can sift.
You DO have an eye. Bookmarked.
@bikerchick
Filigree Daisy Necklace — just wow
Citizen,
Oh, babe…my last shout from the grave will damn well be GREATER THAN 140 characters. I will not plunge into eternity limited by the Short Attention Span Theater that is 2010 technology.
.
Dieters,
Wow, no wonder I’ve not been losing weight. I made a junket to San Francisco and went on the NORTH Beach diet: topless girls and lots of Italian food.
.
TET,
Valentin was right the first time. Lots of anger in that comment. I hope you were at least able to dump that asshole Gaspar Noe, and the equally evil Alejandro Jodorowsky. I think they were holdiing you back.
.
It’s always a treat to hear from wordnerd.
.
Ian,
Best of luck on your life change. Sounds like an exciting new challenge. If you want to lose weight at an accelerated rate, I understand tossing the caber will take several inches off your height.
cheers…jtb
I’m trying to cut down on ‘tossing my caber’.
There’s a rumour that it can make you go blind!
I gave up red meat for 9 years with no regrets or internal struggles. Turns out my body kind of likes iron, so I went back to it.
I gave up beer and chocolate for about a year or two because it was aggravating my digestive system. That was a struggle, particularly the chocolate part. I’m back to consuming them now, but things are presently threatening to go south so I might have to jump on the wagon again. And with a fridge well stocked with Sierra Nevada Torpedoes and Sam Adams Coastal Wheats. 🙁
I went on the gluten-free diet for three months this year. That was a bit of a struggle, moreso because the few gluten-free products available in stores are expensive and not healthy (lots of sodium, fats, etc.). My biggest complaint about that diet though was having to call up companies and ask if gluten was in their product, to which I mostly got evasive answers probably due to a fear of lawsuits. My favorite answer was, “We can neither confirm nor deny the presence of gluten in our product.” It was right out of The X-Files/Fringe.
I gave up small talk about 10 years ago. I do not chit-chat. If you have something interesting to talk about, and are willing to engage in a conversation with some give and take, then I am willing to engage you. If, however, you want to chat about the weather, or how some person cut you off in traffic, or about your favorite condiments, or some such inconsequential nonsense; I am simply not interested.
I gave it up! Life is too short to talk about your favorite TV program.
@jtb
What’s your major malfunction concerning Noe and Jodorowsky? This is the second time you’ve mentioned them in a transparent attempt to bait me to respond; so i’ll bite: what’s your heartburn? That you’ve never heard of them before?
@CitizenX: Thank you so much for your compliment! It means a lot!!
Oh yeah, I second what Bikerchick and others have said about moderation. I have a BMI of 21 and I’d like to keep it that way or improve on it (there’s always those last five pounds to lose for us ladies). So, while I will eat fast food, drink a beer, or chug a soda, it’s all very few and far between. Denying oneself completely rarely seems to end in success, particularly if you are a person with little to no willpower.
I highly recommend watching a marathon of those obesity shows for motivation. That shit, without fail, propels me off the couch and onto my exercise bike.
I can resist anything except temptation…
Evil Twin isn’t angry, just right. I welcome him to my Life Coach Board of Directors!
Like others here, my lifestyle change was diet-related. I stopped eating red meat way back in 1983, when I decided I loved animals too much to eat them anymore. Soon after, I gave up poultry. I finally became a full-fledged vegetarian when I weaned myself off of fish and seafood a few years ago. I’ve never regretted my choices, and I’ve never even had the urge to go back to my carnivorous ways.