We made it to West Virginia and back. There were no complications, but it was still fairly excruciating. It’s just such a loooong drive. By the time you reach hour seven or eight, it feels like you’re about to lose your goddamn mind. It’s psychological, of course. You know you’ve entered the final 10% of the trip, and just want it to be over. If the drive was 15 hours, the ‘lose your mind’ part wouldn’t happen until around hour 13 or 14, or so. It’s all fully customizable. The same thing happens when you’re working out a two-week notice at a job. The final week, especially, feels like it’s never going to end.
In any case, I’ll give you a full report on the trip next time. If I can get it together. Today I’m running late, on account of the chaos. So, I’m just going to briefly tell you about something that happened to us during the drive back, and turn it over to you guys. Good? Good.
I’m not sure what town we were in, but it was definitely during the Maryland segment of the trip back. We stopped at a Chick-fil-A restaurant for lunch. And before we get into it, I want to confess that I made a tactical error there. I ordered a “value meal” that did not include cole slaw. I love their cole slaw, and realized it way too late in the game to make an adjustment. So, I was already upset. With myself, mostly. I’m generally very reliable in a fast food setting. In fact, I like to think I have a black belt in fast food, so I was extremely unhappy with my performance. Ashamed, really.
We went to our table with our pitiful partial-meals, and I had to take a quick trip to the urination station before digging in. And as I was returning, I spotted a guy sitting near us with a black dot on the tip of his nose. It looked like a small piece of black paper, glued or taped to the very end of his nose. I mentioned it to my son, he checked it out, and we both chuckled at the inexplicable nature of it all. The boy said it looked like he took a Sharpie and painted the tip of his nose, but I’m fairly certain it was paper.
Then things took a dark turn… I was attempting to get a photo of the guy. You know, ’cause I’m a Surf Reporter and need to be able to properly illustrate things for you folks. And he caught me. In fact, he turned all the way around, with the dot pointed straight at me, and said, “Stop taking pictures of me.” He was pissed.
Here he is. My son and I said nothing, and continued eating our chicken sandwiches and waffle fries. Thankfully the guy didn’t pursue it beyond that, and we exited without further incident. And the boy was a little irritated with me. “You’re going to get us killed one of these days,” he said. “You’re always doing something.” Hey man, the guy walked into a place of business with a black dot on the tip of his nose. It’s game-on at that point. Am I wrong?
Have you ever gotten into trouble with your phone? By trying to take a photo on the sly? Or texting the wrong person? Or texting while driving, or walking? Or maybe the hands-free voice blurted out something embarrassing? Anything at all, phone-related? If so, please share your stories in the comments.
And if you have an idea what the hell was going on with Dot Boy, please enlighten me on that, as well. Hopefully it doesn’t have anything to do with the treatment of some horrible disease? I’d feel… well not bad, of course. But a little less enthusiastic about the mockery.
I need to go now. This day is already off the rails.
I’ll see you guys again on Monday.
Have a great weekend!
Now playing in the bunker
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First?
What a ridiculous accomplishment. But I guess I’m proud.
Dammit! Thought I had it!!!
Thanks for the updates Jeff.
My longest drive is between SoCal and Scottsdale, AZ and I hear you about the last 10% of the trip. It is like everyone and everything is against you getting to your final destination.
I completely lack skill at taking pictures and hiding the phone. I err on the hiding and miss the photo op every time. When you see either the guy with dangerous looking face tattoos or a shaved head except for the enormous pony tail. I only have the stories. Glad that you were able to share black dot guy and not get your ass kicked.
Maybe that’s his way of honoring Hindu traditions? When you do crazy stuff like that, anticipate being photographed. I’ve decided, after years, ne decades, of reading these updates, that weird white people live around Pennsylvania.
You mean you think the dot slipped from the middle of his forehead down to his nose? Maybe somebody REALLY yanked on that dipshit beard he’s wearing.
jtb
I have to go with the guy in the photo on this one –
I had a guy in a truck once slow down and take a photo of me while I was walking down the street.
If I could have found a brick – I would have slung it at his truck.
Yeah, I have to agree, mock privately if you must, but posting pic on the internet? Pretty low. Sorry, Jeff.
I disagree – if you are in a public space looking like an idiot, take all the pictures you want.
I once got a friend in trouble for taking a picture of empty beer cans and posting it on Facebook. His wife saw it and sent him a text, “I thought you were helping fix his car, looks like all you’re doing is drinking beer”. He was not happy with me. I don’t post much to Facebook anymore.
One of my neighbors sent a text to me and another neighbor bitching about another neighbor, wondering how many times a week she was going to mow the lawn. She does mow a lot and doesn’t really have a set pattern, just drives around on her big orange mower. In the text, he called it her big orange vibrator. He also mentioned her husband and his phone added him to the text. Her husband was not amused that we thought his wife used the lawn mower for sexual gratification.
On Tuesday you could get free food at Chic-fil-a if you dressed like a cow. Perhaps this was a last minute feeble attempt at a cow costume?
I forgot about Cow Appreciation Day, and went to Chic-fil-a to pick up dinner on Tuesday night. For once I was glad I didn’t get anything free.
Estranged wife’s name….Heather. Girlfriends name….Heather. .next to each other on my phone menu. Yes, trouble
And speaking of fast food blunders, I just finished a double Whopper with cheese. I remembered to ask for no tomato or lettuce but hesitated on the mayo. When I opened it up on my desk later, my right palm got soaked in mayo as it was smeared everywhere.
Couple of big, heavy transvestites, in their 60s, dressed as cartoonish little girls. I think I’m pretty good with perversions, but this was new to me. They looked like Shirley Temple meets a Harajuku girl, but 250 pounds. Anyway, that needed a picture but I only had my iPad with me. Really hard to covertly take a picture with an iPad. Managed it though 🙂
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LR4XNqrqxrU
jtb
They were more sumo than geisha. My wife googled what that subset of transvestism is called but I’ve forgotten, and I don’t feel like having all that stuff in my search history / targeted ads right now 🙂
Limey – Here’s a band from up my way called Nasty Habits. Same song, slightly more Saturday Night Samurai vibe . . .
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=guP147T_LmM
jtb
Wow……..
Great cover. Great song. Written by Brits, as so many great songs have been. Apropos of nothing, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_ibmNGpqU_Q
Love the Gang. Here’s one from 1968, written by a Yank, sung by a Brit . . .
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MaMJq-ksZEo
And another from 1968 written by and sung by the same crazy Brit but this one floats and soars . . .
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=14OITkvhTH8
John
Since I carry an old-man 2002 flipfone, there are inherent subtlety problems with snapping in public. For example, when I select foto mode, a large, black bellows pops out of the device. Also, I have to carry a mortarboard and magnesium powder in case I want to shoot indoors. The whole thing is hot in the summer and a pain in the ass in the rain.
jtb
Sadly Chick Fil A took slaw off the local menus here in NC and replaced it with some kale salad garbage. I thought it was a national thing but maybe not. If you, indeed, missed an opportunity to order it then yes, it was a huge tactical error. But maybe you weren’t able to get slaw regardless. Either way, you’re right, CFA slaw is/was one of the better fast food side items. Glad you didn’t get your ass kicked on top of not getting the slaw.
I was at a Giants football game a few years ago. My son was fiddling with his phone, showing me some features. What he actually did was to take a picture of a midget sitting behind us. Such stealth.
I believe Chik-fil-A has stopped serving coleslaw and replaced with some monstrous kale salad demon. This makes me sad because I loved their slaw. Also, we will be driving from Atlanta to my mother in law’s home in NOLA later this week and I am dreading it. C’mon! It’s a 45 minute flight! But my husband reminded me that we can’t bring back wholesale shrimp and crawfish on Delta. Oh, the things I do for that man and for seafood.
Looks like somebody too cheap to pay a doctor to fix up something as prominant as that.
We had an elephant man in this city, big fucking tubor growing off the side/tip of his nose, like go to the doctor and get it eradicated. Don’t bitch if people take pictures if you insist on keeping something that prominent displayed that is obviously out of the ordinary.
You need to enlist the aide of the boy when taking photos, take a photo of ‘the boy’, just crop him out later.
My girlfriend and her friend were riding in a car last week and the friend was describing her new boyfriend (is that convoluted enough for you?). She said, “He’s so fat that he can’t take me from behind. And he has a little dick and doesn’t know how to use it!” They laughed but didn’t realize that the little dicked fatty was being sent the conversation via butt-dial as an audio. He told her he was “hurt” which nearly made me piss my pants with laughter, for some reason.
One of my coworkers got in trouble with his phone, but not in the way you mean. In the room that served as his office, you are absolutely NOT allowed to have a cell phone (make of that what you will). He got a) caught with his phone b) by the uber-boss c) three times. He got fired.
What I want to know is: how did you get coleslaw, Jeff? Bastards at Chik-fil-A stopped selling it here 2 or 3 (or 4) years ago.
Just checked the Chick-fil-A Web site (www.chick-fil-a.com) and cole slaw is not a listed side item.
Listed side items:
‘Waffle Potato Fries’ (“Waffle-shaped potatoes with the skin”)
‘Fruit Cup’ (“Fruit mix made with mandarin orange segments, fresh strawberries, blueberries and red and green apple pieces, served chilled”)
‘Superfood Side’ (“Chopped Broccolini® and kale blend, tossed in a sweet and tangy maple vinaigrette and topped with flavorful dried sour cherries. Served with our roasted nut blend”)
‘Chicken Noodle Soup’ (“Shredded Chick-fil-A® chicken breast, chopped carrots and celery with egg noodles in a hearty broth. Served with Saltine crackers”)
‘Side Salad’ (“A fresh bed of chopped Romaine lettuce, topped with shredded red cabbage and carrots, a blend of shredded Monterey Jack and Cheddar cheeses and grape tomatoes. Served with Charred Tomato Crispy Red Bell Peppers”)
‘Chicken Salad Cup’ (“Chunks of our Chick-fil-A chicken breast, chopped eggs, celery, sweet pickle relish and mayonnaise. Served with Saltine crackers”)
‘Greek Yogurt Parfait’ (“Creamy vanilla Greek yogurt with fresh strawberries and blueberries, topped with your choice of our own Harvest Nut Granola or chocolate cookie crumbs”)
I’m just wondering whether the side item menu is written on a tabula rasa outside the drive-in. There is no cure for curiosity.
jtb
Dot nose is a window peeper and he pushed his face up against a very dirty window screen.