You can hear all about it in the new episode of the Surf Report podcast. I mean… this was the closest of close calls, my friends. It makes me anxious whenever I think about it, which is approximately once per minute. Click here, or snag it from wherever you get podcasts of the highest quality.
Have you ever come close to clipping a pedestrian with your car? Or maybe you actually hit a few? Perhaps that’s your thing? Hell, I don’t know. But please tell us about it in the comments. I can’t recall coming that close before. It scared me. The adrenaline spike was enormous.
Also, our power went out last night for about an hour and fifteen minutes. Like we’re in freaking Venezuela or something. Our phones kept receiving weather warnings, especially Toney’s. I mean, those things were coming in at an accelerated clip. I thought there was a catastrophic Samsung malfunction, due to the sustained chiming. But I pay very little attention to things like that, ’cause it almost never adds up to anything. Right? Right.
But shortly before 9 on Sunday it was raining and windy, and the lights started into flickering. Everything went down for a split second, then came back up… That happened again, and finally, it all just shit the credenza. We found ourselves sitting in total darkness, like assholes.
We fumbled around and unplugged our computers, hoping they weren’t already damaged by all that stopping and starting. Then we waited. At first, it was kinda fun — a novelty of sorts. The whole neighborhood was pitch black and very, very quiet. Kind of cool.
But it quickly became boring. Within twenty minutes I was about to crawl out of my skin. This is bullshit! Both boys were at work, and the power was out there too. Eventually, they came home and reported that all the traffic lights were down. It was anarchy! We were undoubtedly just a few hours away from cannibalism.
I was pacing around with my kickass high-powered flashlight, going onto the deck and out front repeatedly. I didn’t know what to do. I was losing it, man. I could see flickering through the windows of neighbors, candles I presumed. This is ridiculous. Maybe it was the Chinese? Maybe they took out the grid? They’re always talking about that on George Noory, perhaps it finally happened? No, probably just the hellacious storm. Back to pacing…
We’d been watching Dateline, which was also annoying. We’ll never know if Cam killed Kaylee, or if it was that security guard who was acting suspiciously. It felt like we were being manipulated by the Dateline team, ’cause they were definitely making it seem like Cam was guilty. It felt like a twist in the tale was right around the corner, but we never got there. And now we’ll probably never know. Bastards!
But as I was pacing, something exciting and invigorating occurred to me: Game of Thrones finale was on at 9, and the power was out! At least I had that bit of good news to cling to. Hopefully, the Half-Shirts are big fans.
It came back on about 75 minutes later, give or take one or two trips to the deck. And, incredibly, the internet worked and the cable worked and everything. Most of our clocks are still flashing, but we’ll get to them in a couple of weeks, I’m sure. So, I watched three episodes of Green Acres on Amazon Prime, uploaded the podcast at 12:01 am, and called it a night.
And now it’s time to go back to work already. How is that possible?! It feels like it was only yesterday when I almost took out that lanky piece of shit on my way home from the office on Friday night. Where did the weekend go? The Chinese probably had something to do with it. And speaking of that, I wouldn’t mind the L14 beef and broccoli lunch special right now, with an eggroll and a Cherry Coke.
I’ll see you guys again on Thursday. Don’t forget about this. Give me a call!
Have a great week, boys and girls.
Now playing in the bunker
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I was hit by a car once.
Stuart in Oz says
You beat me to it – I was too!
We should compare dates. This could be a case of antipodal entanglement.
Sometime in 1985
I got hit by a truck in 1981.
Me too. It sucked.
I also seem to recall (besides the radio thing) you did some sort of speaking thing and posted it on the website.
Obviously you do not live in an area that suffers much in the severe weather department. Here in Raleigh NC we can expect spotty power outages throughout the summer whenever evening storms whip up, lasting from a few minutes to a couple of hours or more. In the winter, ice buildup from the (mercifully few) winter storms is guaranteed to make the power to go down for longer stretches. Here are a couple of extremes I remember:
Hurricane Fran: No power for 7-10 days
Hurricane Matthew: No power for 3 days
Ice storm in 2002 or 3: No power for 3 days
I’m not sure which is worse: no power when it’s 20 degrees or no power when it’s 90 and stupid humid? In any case count yourself lucky you only lost it for an hour or so.
I saw a kid in Dunbar get hit by a truck on Grosscup Ave behind city hall.. The little bastard had a boom box balanced on the handlebars of his bmx bike and almost rode out in front of me. He was paying no attention at all.
A few blocks later he came flying out of an alley and, BAM!, A truck in front of me nailed his ass. and sent him flying. It was like slow motion before he got hit. I think he just got a broken arm or leg.
Security guard did it
. . . with a candlestick in the library. Life is too short to give a rat’s ass about Dateline.
Sebastian Valmont says
You know those motorized scooters that you can rent in big cities? They just introduced those in Portland last year and I’ve had a couple of close calls. Once, when it was dark (around 11pm) a person without a helmet or a light DARTS from the sidewalk opposite my lane and is within ten feet of my front when I slammed on my brakes and laid on my horn. They were on their stupid “smart” phone in one hand and had headphones in, and completely ignored me. God I hate those things, and nobody knows how to ride one or obey traffic rules.
Speaking of that Socialist Mecca, Venezuela. Know what they used for light before candles? Electricity.
I was coming out of a drive-thru (of course) and slammed on the brakes when a pedestrian walked out in front of me. In true golddigger fashion he slapped the hood and threw himself on the ground.
If you’re going to fake, at least make it a good fake.
I almost hit a motorcyclist. I live on a curve and in the summer, there are plants that grow blocking my view. Being the paranoid, cautious jerk I am, I turn my radio off and roll my window down before proceeding. My husband was in the car, and I started to make the turn when he yelled STOP. The rider saw me and had the sense to lay the bike down but not before he flipped over the handlebars. He was pretty sure he broke a rib or two but refused medical help. He messed up his bike, too. He called his uncle to pick him up and wouldn’t come up to the house. I brought him a bottle of water but he never even asked for any information.
To this day, I can still see his face as clear as a bell. It’s one of those “Thank God” moments, but I still find it disturbing that it was so close.
I do the turn off radio and roll down windows thing too. Have a blind driveway at the top of a small hill and can’t see anyone so at least I can hear them coming. A bit chilly in the winter wind, but beats getting hit.
I was once hit by a Ford Econoline van.
I was crossing a street, in the crosswalk with a walk signal ,and the driver turned left from the oncoming street straight in to me.
I got my hands up, my left hand was above her right headlight, my right in about the center of the hood. I can still recall feeling the metal flexing under my palms.
The next thing I knew I was lying in the gutter and the van was about 20 feet away. I was basically pushed out of the way, didn’t get run over.
I got up, adjusted my hat, checked the sunglasses that I had in a case in my pocket and then started yelling at the driver of the van. I cursed her like I was a drill sergeant with a sore tooth for about a minute while she hung out the door while trying to apologize.
Then I walked away, still very irritated.
I like that “drill sergeant with a sore tooth” thing! May I use that?
By all means, please do.
Eugene B Sims says
I hit a pedestrian in downtown High Point, on 9/11. I had no radio or a personal cell phone, but after being patted down and truck searched by a Greensboro police officer at the airport while delivering office supplies to an airline repair center, I had to ask what was going on. They refused to tell me. I dropped off the packages and phoned the office with the work cell phone to find out what was going on. Yes, I was quite surprised and yet had no real clue as to what was truly going on until later at a stop that had a TV on. Most places had closed. But in High Point, I was sitting at a stoplight and when the light turned green I hit the gas to take off. I didn’t realize someone was running across the front of my truck even after the “DON’T WALK” sign was lit up. I saw a hand go up with a coffee cup and slammed the brakes. He kept running across the road and then down the sidewalk. I was turning left and yelled, “Are you all right?”
He nodded the affirmative and I shouted back, “Thanks for scaring me to death, asshole!” He waved back almost apologetically.
Phil Jett says
Hit by a car when I was 8. Cracked my head on the pavement and had some road rash. The guy that hit me and my older brother carried me to our house where my mom put ice on my head while she continued with her house work. My dad came home about six hours later and wanted to know why I was napping on the couch and mom told him that I wasn’t sleeping, I had been hit by a car and have been out cold ever since. She had called her mom, a nurse, and was told to just keep an eye on me and make sure I was breathing once in a while.
Dad tossed me in the back of the Pontiac and took me to the ER. I showed signs of coming to and actually came out of it a couple hours later with a massive headache. I spent the night in the hospital and went home the next day. No holes drilled in my head, no life support, no follow up.
Things were different in the early 60’s
Alice in WV says
I witnessed a little feller, probably six years old, getting hit by a slow-moving car. He was sprinting across 4 lanes and the old lady didn’t see him. He popped up and ran to the motel where his family was staying. I stayed to see if he was ok and let the cops know it wasn’t her fault. They said she’d probably be charged with involuntary assault, though. She was shook.
Different story – I slammed on the brakes HARD in NYC last summer to avoid crushing a woman in heels, on her phone, with oversized handbag on her crooked arm. She barely gave me the slightest of glances over her should as she strutted on her way. 100 or so people on both sides of 8th Ave watched.
Alice, they want to pass a law in NYC banning people from texting and crossing the street. I hope the NYPD starts hiring and training very soon. People are ridiculous.