I nearly missed it, but today is the ten year anniversary of this website’s debut. The first update was posted on October 16, 2000. Crazy, huh?
We moved into our current house during the spring of that year, and were still new to the area. Toney was having a hard time adjusting to this rather… interesting part of the country. The boys were just four and two, and Andy (Black Lips Houlihan) hadn’t even been hatched yet.
On Friday I revamped the ABOUT page, where you can learn how The West Virginia Surf Report came into being. It dates all the way back to the Reagan Administration, if you can believe it. Many people believe the word “surf” is meant in a “surf the internet” kind of way. But I actually came up with the name in 1984, or thereabouts.
Yesterday I reread some of the earliest posts, and while there are some laughs, I was a little embarrassed by all the profanity. Obviously, I don’t have a problem with a few well-placed fucks and goddammits, but I waaaay overdid it during the first few years. And I was sometimes unnecessarily vicious, too.
But, when you get past the minor adjustments in writing style, not a whole lot has changed with what I do here. I’m still chronicling my daily life in suburbia, and bringing up the stupid crap that pops into my head all the time. Same as it ever was.
One thing that has changed, however, is the community that’s grown around the site. In the early days I didn’t know how to accept comments, then used a freebie forum for a while, and finally some half-assed service that betrayed me in the end. Many of those old comments are lost forever, which makes me sad.
However, I found this little gem last night. I’m amazed it’s still on the internet… It’s the original “babyshit yellow” forum from the earliest days of the site. The first few pages are relatively new comments, mostly from Rocky, Metten, and NJGirl, but when you get into the meat of the thing, you’ll see actual real-time comments from an earlier era.
Yes, those were fun times… you could change your name at will, and play multiple characters if you wanted. And since it’s been so long, I’m prepared to make a few confessions:
I was Sam Gassaway, the guy with the nonstop gastrointestinal trouble.
I was Erick, the poor bastard who was involved in an accident and had to have his scrotum replaced by a cedar box.
I was Mr. Chamberlain, the perpetually angry asshole who worked at AAA and spewed venom on a daily basis. “Mr. Chamberlain, how do I get to Utah? Mr. Chamberlain, how do I check into a hotel?” Heh.
I played the part of many other characters, as well… I sometimes spent more time in the forum, posting under fake names, than I did on the actual updates. I remember sitting in my office at my old job, posting to that page and laughing my ass off.
But things really took off when the site was moved to WordPress. Since then, it’s been a whole new kind of cool. I started asking a Question of the Day, and you guys took your rightful place in the spotlight. It’s no longer six or eight people posting under assumed names, it’s now a genuine community.
And that’s the thing that makes me the most proud: the large group of Surf Reporters who gather here every day. You folks are the best, and I mean it. You’re talented, smart, and funny. If I didn’t have to go to work tonight, I’d hoist a frosty vessel of the golden elixir in your honor.
In the comments section I’d love for you guys to talk about specific things that have happened here over the years, that really stick in your minds. We’ve already done the whole “how did you originally discover the site?” deal, but you can certainly answer that question if you’d like.
However, I’d really like to know about the things that have stuck with you, your personal favorite moments. Maybe it was an especially funny comment, or some phrase from one of the updates, or something else altogether.
Please help me celebrate the tenth anniversary of TheWVSR, And thank you, sincerely, for being a part of it.
Have a great rest of the weekend!
Now playing in the bunker
Evil Twin t-shirts now only $13!
Wooo! ten years!
In case anyone was wondering, you can’t get the Surf Report in the Oklahoma City Jail, but there is still high comedy there.
The Evil Twin says
Just read the updated “About” – was nice to read about how The Offense Newsletter was a big inspiration for the WVSR. Tim Anstaett (TKA) is still around, even though he hasn’t been publishing. I listened to a cool webcast he did a few years back and he says he still stays in close touch with Ivo, so the 4AD chronicle is still being recorded. Were it not for TIm I wouldn’t have seen all the great 4AD bands and others he helped bring to Columbus – The Cocteau Twins, Red Lorry Yellow Lorry, The Fall, Nick Cave, The Wolfgang Press, The Pogues. A friend of mine shot a bunch of pics of him at a Scarlett’s Well show in Columbus a while back, which he posted to the Scarlett’s Well boards; they’re probably one of the most recent TKA sightings. It’s all circular – He and I became friends because we were two of only about a handful of Monochrome Set fans in all of Ohio when I lived there, and he gave me regular mentions and sent quite a few customers to Singing Dog for 4AD product; he even printed letters from me when I was stationed in the Air Force so my old gang knew that I hadn’t completely dissappeared. His enthusiasm was infectious (I mean, the guy’s licence plate read TKA 4AD) and he inspired a lot of folks including myself, so he would be most pleased to know that The Offense Newsletter was such an inspiration for such a great, long-running site.
All of those 4AD references set my head spinning. The Monochrome Set?! I haven’t seen those three words together since I was stationed at lakenheath afb in 1984. Thanks for the memory jog.
The Evil Twin says
Mr. Kay is a Monochrome Set fan, too! Nice to meet a former fellow Air Force member!
hot fuzz says
For t-storm and Jason..
Jail Tidbit of the Day – Stealing $6 worth of copper may potentially get you 6 years in prison.
Just wanted to say…I know the price of copper has gone up quite a bit but a year for every dollars worth. Man…those Okie Homa folks sure loves ’em some copper. Hey…next time steal another mans wife. He’ll send you a thank you note.
Thanks hot fuzz. So t-storm, did you land yourself in the pokey?
There’s been lots of stories around here about people stealing catalytic converters off of cars and taking them in for scrap. One nut was even taking people’s window AC units from houses and selling them for the copper. The scrap man got suspicious when he showed up with more than 30 window units one morning.
I’ve had lots of memorable moments here at the Surf Report. Most of them involve me being drunk and making an ass of myself, so I’d rather not mention specifics.
Like everyone else I like the eninen stories.
T. Farty McAppleass says
Jason and I are the same person. But I think everyone already knows that.
I’m on pain medicine right now and I’m higher than a test rat.
TFM and Jason,
If it makes you feel any better, I only figured that out a few weeks ago.
I did, and due to a mix up I was in for a little more “research” than I had anticipated.
I love wvsr, if I get to log on at any point during my day, this is always my first or second stop. I laugh out loud all the time, but the absolute best, the funniest, the thing that has now become a new catch phrase at my place of work, is “Vagina full of bad decisions.” I don’t remember who wrote it, but you, my friend, have encapsulated my usual day at work in labor and delivery at a large public hospital in just 5 little words.
Joey Jo Jo says
Every post about Nancy and Nossy and his fucking sick naps is a highlight.
Giants win! That’s what I’m talkin’ bout!
Please don’t tell me Buck is fake too.
Speaking of which, where has he been lately?
Happy Birthday Surf Report…congrats Jeff…and AWG…and Buck…and Brad…and Rockin’ Randi…and Jason…and all the rest…thanks for putting up with us Toney.
Whoo, here’s to ten more years! I’ve only been following for about half that, and I don’t comment much, but dammit, this is easily the best blog on the filthy internet. Keep it up, Jeff!
Well, 10-years….Congrats Jeff…you’re still a giant pussy.
First of all, no I’m not fake….well, that’s not entirely true–I’ll just say I’m not JEFF (I’m no pussy), but only Jeff knows my true identity…
I’m proud to have made a few somewhat significant contributions to this little corner of the ridiculous over the years. I took the first ever pictures for the Swollen Fish Gallery. I did those on a whim thinking they would be cool and Jeff’s mind was sparked to create the worldwide enterprise the Big Swollen Fish Gallery has become.
I also penned a set of papers that were published here called Chronicles of an Educated Hillbilly. That series documenting my childhood and college years morphed into a weekly column, and I was the second guest columnist Angry White Guy was first–and he’s still the master. Life has made it difficult to keep up that schedule, but I’m still a lurker and eventually read every update.
I’m also not proud of another contribution I made to the WVSR. I’m the first person to ever post “FIRST” in the comments section. If I had realized what madness it would have created–I would have never done it. I accept responsiblity, sort of like the European who brought smallpox to the Indians.
Finally, the Nancy stories are the best–my favorite is when Nostrils junk was hanging out of his shorts and Sunshine made commentary after the left. Jeff’s semi-drunken recollection of her post viewing speech was almost too much to bear…I could only take that in small doses and it took four hours to finish the entire update from laughing.
My favorite article of all time—the Macaroni and Beef story–not a WVSR original–but a preserved classic for sure. I’ll never drive past a Ryan’s again without thinking of that poor bastard.
Again–I’m still kicking and will resurface when I can. Happy 10th WVSR.
Buck, you are ann integral part of the WV Surf Report history. Thank you. Kay out.
Where is that goddamn edit button??
Happy anniversary ! Did you ever get the mysterious BB zit out of your ear?…I had one that grew down my neck and had to be removed by minor surgery. 2 high points 1) it got infected and I popped it and pus went all the way onto my car’s back window 2) When they pulled it out of my earlobe/neck you could see this fat BB like hard piece of tissue and about 4 inch of the grossest ganglion looking stuff you ever saw. I thought it was a damn alien monster
If I had married into the Kay family, my name would be Kay Kay. I would love that. “Your last name first.” Kay. “Your first name last” Kay. Yes, my name is Kay Kay.
I am not sure how long I’ve been here, but I think it might have to be close to 5 years. The frist time I learned about the Surf reoprt was when it was mentioned on a radio show talking about the Deadwood FPM’s.
I have a bunch of favorites, certainly eninen stories, Alli, The UK Travelouge are highlights.
I frequently share The Walmart games with people, and the lst time some hiipy freind posted something about John Lennon on Facebook I commented back with a link to Jeff’s rebuttal.
Just for that I thank you sir. Your wit allows me to be both lazy and funny simultaneously.
My best moment in the comments section came when Jeff went on vacation and invited us to guess the number of emails in his work inbox on his return.
The contest was won by Buck, who was closest. I protested, citing Bob Barker rules, saying that Buck lost becuase he was slightly over the correct number. Jeff responded more or less directly to that comment and Buck remained the winner.
To be honest I didn’t care who won, I was just stirring the pot a little. But when I was suddenly noticed by our host I was really hooked.
A few years later when I was sigled out as having a “quote of the day” back when there was an email newsletter I was delighted.
My all time favorite though is the “Sleep is Creepy” essay. I can’t think of the bit comparing Einstein to “Gomer Pyle in a gas leak” without giggling. Easily the greatest sentance ever composed in the english language. Pure genius.
I don’t comment as much as I used to (and apparently I still haven’t quite grasped the whole “brevity is the soul of wit” thing) because I read a lot of these updates in the middle of the night (I work midnights now) and my fellow surf reporters have already said everything that needs to or can be said about most updates, but rest assured I’m stillhere, lurking, and waiting for the next edition of TheWVSR t-shirts (XL, classic logo, please).
Thanks for all the fun, Jeff.
Was that the vacation when Jeff and the fambly went to England? Because the Surf Reporters were out of control then.
I don’t think so, but only because I am pretty sure that Jeff had left (or been asked to leave, depending on who you believe) Big Movie before going to England.
I’m pretty sure it wa sa summer vacation with the rolling box o’ beds, possibly to the Carolinas or some such.
You’re right WVKay…Those two links (if I pulled that off) show the gap in up dates from March 17, ’08 until the 26th. while the troup was off to conquer England…and then give it right back. Things were crazy in the comments and they went over 500. 530 or something like that. There might have been only 25 ‘regulars’. 30?…dunno. Anybody wanna guess at that? It was a blast but seems like a heck of a lot longer than 2 1/2 years ago. The comments are all gone now but I remember saying, somewhere around 300, we broke Halo scan and were going to be in big trouble when Jeff found out. Lots of folks were just on a roll. It was like we even had a night shift to take over to see how high we could get the count. Fun!
WB in OH says
I can’t believe the comments have been lost forever! That sucks! I read through those and that was a very funny week.
Happy birthday WVSR!! I have been around since the Alli post, whenever that was. That is still perhaps my favorite moment here. And yes, I tried it anyway.
It wasn’t pretty.
hot fuzz says
500 comments without the reply button? How did it ever work?
All that fun missed? No endless scrolling up and down to find the latest comments? It must have been terrible….
It wasn’t all that bad actually but I think a few reporters suffered from cunnalingus syndrome (or something like that) for a short time when it was all over. I don’t have the exact numbers.
Happy 10th to the WVSR!
My wife of 10 weeks intro’d me to the site 3 years ago (almost exactly, in fact. From our email thread of 10/24/07:
Thank God I found her and I found humor, especially something like the Surf Report. 3 years ago I was in a real bad place. Reading about Sunshine (the fact that I’ve managed to get nicknamed “Sunshine” at 3 different places of employment does not mean I could hold a candle to THAT woman!), Mumbles, Nostrildamus and The Translucents has given me a standard for sanity that I should always be able to keep up with!
My quote was cut out:
Her: Have you ever read… The West Virginia Surf Report ? http://www.thewvsr.com
it is pretty entertaining.
I am bored…can you tell?
Me: Eh? Surf report? What – are they riding the runoff from the coal mine tailings?
Oops. That was a cheap shot…..
Me, after visiting the site:
Oh I definitely like this guy’s attitude….
Chuck in Belpre says
You look lovely today, Mrs. Cleaver. Wait…What?
Happy Tenth! Nothing to see here, folks. Just move along.
Jail tidbit of the day – if you have a million dollar invention …..patent it.
Late to the party, but happy birthday!
My hovercraft, is full of mexicans
Joe T. says
My favorite post probably had to do with a trip you took w/ Eninen, perhaps helpng them move and driving to Canada. You talked about Nostrils wearing I believe, “a jaunty cap” and having a tough time with the rental truck.
I had to read it a coupla times I was laughing so much.
I’ve been following for almost the whole 10 years. Anything form N&N and the translucents has me pleading for more! I hope the book is about them.
Thank you ‘Rick in TN” for turning me on to the WVSR! You and your loved one still have a special place in our hearts, and now I have a wardrobe of T-shirts that provoke a “WTF”? I love it! I still carry around the smoking fish, but it seems everyone always gets there before us, so SCREW it-YOU take the pic,. LOL!
oh the memories!
found the site while doing some “research” one night just about ten years ago! been an avid(rabid) reader ever since! i think i came across it looking for a recipie for bundt cake, and found holy crap in a bundt pan! as a result, and I never looked back, Baby.
I especially liked “Every Thursday a Theme” and I often look to “Further Evidence” to wile away the internet hours.
Met some good people too, like Mark Maynard, Eugene B. Sims, Bill Oates, and Metten. (even though they dont know me, I feel strangely and inappropriately connected…..)
Anywho,thanks for the laughs, and congratulations!
-- Steve says
Happy Birthday WVSR! I’m never FIRST, and my best “off-the-cuff” comments occur to me days after the post, but I visit here daily. Like everyone else, Nancy and the gang are my favorites, but it’s your descriptions of everyday life and ability to see the humor and irony in the mundane that keeps us all rolling on the floor.
And the Reporters – perhaps the best part of the WVSR – the comments enhance anything Jeff writes and makes it a unique bit of community on the Intertubes.
I find Kay-isms, or rather WVSR-isms, pouring out of my mouth “like cake batter into a bundt pan” which raises eyebrows all of the time. “Ass-Rabbit” has become a regular road-rage exclamation – when I make the effort to get out of the house!
Happy Birt-day Jeff!
Yeah, HB and all that, but I hafta say the last 3-4 months here have been a real yawner….It used to be I couldn’t WAIT for a new posting; now they pile up for a week or so like the turdy ‘local newspaper’ that gets delivered to my mailbox for free. I highly suggest Jeff FUND a visit for some of his beyond-belief in-laws before the readers fall asleep.
Maybe all the good material is going in the book? And WHere for Crispy Creme’s sake are all the blues singers names going?
The readers are writing funnier shite than the author….let’s try to be more like Brett Favre and get some ACTION going here….
I was trying to remember who offered a tip of the hat to Mrs. Cleaver on the first day of her next life. It was Chuck. Of course. Bonne chance, June. And adieu.
Any other lockup I’d just offer my sympathies and move on. But if you spent time in the OKC jail and can’t get a country-western song out of the experience, I have misapprehended you.
Congrats to you and your report!
Almost every week I peek in your corner of the internet for some laughs. I have been doing this since someone pointed me in the direction of the cargoyle story, one of the classics, I believe. Some 5 years ago.
In the time you visited the UK I lived there, so it was nice to read your comments and views on London etc. I like to believe it was me who persuaded you to go for a more practical camera kit for the trip, then the one with 30 different lenses.
Also I must admit you’re an inspiration – once I boarded a plane in huge frustration and decided to channel my anger Jeff style. I opened up my laptop and then realized how difficult it actually is and the result was not that funny. Still hope to launch my corner of the internet, hell I have been paying 5 years now to rent some netspace.
I’ve always considered myself to be a smartass, and proud of it. The WVSR has been instrumental in honing my skills and has taken me to a whole new level of smartassery.
I have also gained a “metric assload” of phrases that just sing. Sweet sainted mother of Frances Vincent Zappa!
HAPPY 10th BIRFDAY WVSR!!
I’ll be here for the 20th and all the ones in between!
WHAT IN THE HONEY BAKED HELL?!??! 10 YEARS?!
A little belated, but Happy Birfday WVSR! I’ve been keeping up with Jeff’s antics since about ’03. I can’t remember how I stumbled across the WVSR, but I’m glad I did. Jeff has provided so many laughs & I appreciate it! Keep it coming!!
Root 66 says
I discovered this site roughly 4 years ago. I saw the pictures of “Fast Food Ads vs. Reality” and after one click of the mouse it was all downhill from there. “The Wal-Mart Game” (as a former employee–I KNOW…trust me!), “Alli Side Effects” and “Macaroni & Beef” stories literally had me crying. Oh, and the story of your trip to McDonald’s where you decsribe the ditch-digger with “all of his features in the center of his face” was also a classic!
The cream of the crop however, is any story talking about the Translucents and Eninen. That is the gold-standard of comedy.
Keep ’em comin’, Mr. Kay…and thanks!
I KNEW Jeff was commenting under assumed identities! Who was the Hooters Girl from NC? Anyone want to confess to that?
I got into a little argument with someone in the comments once, and I created several people to back me up.
The earliest post I remember was one where Jeff said that Toney was talking to her mother on the phone, and then there was a pic of a handwritten sign that said, “SHE’S SO CRAZY!”
Congrats Jeff! Happy tenth…your tin diamond is in the mail.
I only read it for the Eninen updates which are too few and far between. You need to get those whackos to visit more often. I’ll even chip in for a hot water bottle for Nossie’s vagina.
Happy Assploding Tenth, Jeff!!
OK, well thanks for all the kudos.
Jeff, congrats on this. It doesn’t seem like ten years since I first logged and was welcomed abord by Gene Fisher. I hope to contribute again when I have a job that isn’t spying on my computer postings.
I remember Buck’s column, and the Deadwood count. I think I have been here since the beginning.
(Juancho, your answer is below) Oh yeah, and from the shit yellow board, which morphed into another black background board before the present board, , I was also Berg, The Smoking Man, Arturo Soto and a character I invented (Jeff allowed me to do this, but I think against his will) to see how many people I could piss off with glorified crack use and unadulterated plagerism from other sites, and was very successful at doing so, the one and only Danny Maverick, although I think someone spilled that confidential info out on a message board a couple of years ago. Everyone wanted to punch Danny in the face after about two weeks. I thought about sending Danny back as an obituary posting, but figured it was just time to let him fade away. Sorry if Danny offended anyone.