OK, I’m officially burned out on Graham Parker. It’s only a temporary situation, of course. I’ve been listening to his music since high school, and it’s a part of my DNA. But right now… a little breathing room is in order.
When I found out Graham had reunited his original band, the Rumour, and would be playing in Philadelphia on my birthday, I went into a frenzy. Every day in my car, I blasted nothing but classic GP. And on Friday I went to the show, and saw all of them on stage together. It’s one of those things that seemed outside the realm of possibility, yet there they were. It was a genuine thrill.
But now I need to give it a rest for a while. I think I overdid it. I’m like my aunt’s old cocker spaniel which jumped up on her kitchen counter one afternoon, and ate two pies and half a bag of raw potatoes. Some kind of switch inside my head was flipped, and things got out of hand.
But we had a great time on Friday. Steve and I allowed the GPS to guide us to dr. drofub’s house, and he had a high calorie spread waiting for us. It was right up my alley, too: cheesesteaks, fries, and Bell’s Two Hearted Ale. Oh, hell yeah! It was excellent.
We met his wife, mother, and two young children. Everybody was exceedingly friendly and pleasant, and I appreciate their hospitality. I really do. Surf Reporters are the best! I hope I wasn’t too awkward and weird, though. I always worry about that… Many people think I’m a weird son of a bitch, but it’s mostly because I’m ill-at-ease with other members of the human race. Nothing weird about that, right? Hello?
Buford/Drofub even gave me a birthday present, which went above and beyond. He buys vintage audio equipment at yard sales, and that sort of thing, refurbishes it, and sells it. He has a lot of great old stuff from the 1970s, and gave me a set of speakers and an amp, along with all the necessary (brand new) wires, etc. I’ll write a full review, once I have it set up. Very cool.
After we’d had a few beers, listened to some music, and ingested a foot of steak and Cheez Whiz, we climbed into Buford’s Suburban, and drove into Philly. While in transit, he announced there was a cooler of beer behind my seat. So, we continued drinking in the parking garage, while blasting Cheap Trick. It was like 1979 all over again, except we weren’t swigging Mickey’s Big Mouths this go ’round.
Almost as soon as we arrived at the show, some drunk guy walked up to us, and started talking shit about Steve’s Ohio State jacket. “Fuck Ohio State!” he spat, completely drunk — before the opening act had even hit the stage. He was an old guy, too. Even older than me.
Buford, who should be a counselor of some kind, instantly defused the situation. The guy stopped giving Steve shit, and switched to a more generic rant. “I have two daughters at Penn State,” he slurred. “Seventy-five thousand dollars a year! I’m fucking poor!”
The dude was SMASHED. He continued: “But my grandmother is 97 years old, and as soon as she kicks off, all my debt will go away. I’m counting the days!” How charming.
He went on to call his wife a drunken whore bitch slut, or something along those lines. He was getting all cranked-up again, so Buford offered to buy him a beer, walked with him to the bar, and reportedly told him to stay away from us for the rest of the show. And he did. Somehow Buford pulled this off without causing the guy to yell, “FUUUUCK YOU!” Impressive.
The show itself was great. The Figgs opened, and they were fun. Then Graham Parker and the Rumour took the stage, and played a mixture of new songs, some classics, and several tunes I wasn’t familiar with. And I know his stuff pretty well.
About halfway through the show, though, he went into “greatest hits” mode, and had the place rockin’. Everybody knew the words to every song, and shouted along. The band was great, of course, and I couldn’t believe what was happening before me. They played two encores, and closed the night with a Jackson 5(!) cover. They definitely left everyone wanting more.
And after we filed out of the place, dripping with sweat, guess who we bumped into? Yep, our old buddy. He was now wearing a ludicrous fringe jacket. I’m almost sure he hadn’t been wearing it earlier; maybe he’d checked it? I don’t know, but was like a cross between Foster Brooks and Buffalo Bill Cody.
“People in there don’t like me,” he said, now near tears. Man, this guy was the gift that keeps on giving! We stood there listening to his sob story, and I absentmindedly took out a tin of Altoids. “Hey, can I have one of those?” he asked.
He put his booger hooks in there (great!), fished out a mint, and promptly dropped it on the sidewalk. “Want another?” I said, with no enthusiasm. But he just bent over, picked it up off the ground, and popped it into his mouth. We were on South Street in Philly! That thing was probably covered in shit spores, urine, AIDS, and Hepatitis. Not to mention SARS.
The dude had switched from Aggressive Drunk, to Sad Sack Drunk. And we listened to him whine for a few minutes, then began the separation process. “Take a fringe off my jacket, to remember me by!” he said. WTF? Buford ripped one off, and I took one, but Steve refused. This seemed to wound our buddy, but Steve was already halfway down the block. I think he’d had enough of this guy.
And by the way… that jacket probably cost $500. It was no cheap piece of junk. Ugly, sure. But not cheap. And he was begging us to rip pieces from it, like it was a flier on a telephone pole. The whole thing was bizarre. My piece of fringe is now hanging from a bulletin board, here in the bunker. A souvenir of yet another night of weird shit: hanging from the purple tack.
I’ll leave you now with something I learned about — from Buck — while in transit to Philadelphia Friday night. I’m sure you guys have seen the trailer for a new MTV show, called Buckwild. If not, here it is. It’s filmed in Sissonville, West Virginia, which is less than 20 miles from where Steve and I grew up. And is (get this!) Buford’s hometown. See how nicely this all ties together? I’d like to get your thoughts on the new show, which is being described as a hillbilly Jersey Shore. Good god! Use the comments link below.
And I’ll be back tomorrow.
Have a great day, my friends!
Now playing in the bunker
Treat yourself at Amazon: US and Canada
The Qweezy Mark says
I needed this small victory today.
Buckwild is offensive, as was Jersey Shore.
There is also one of those Gypsy Wedding shows that is filmed in WV.
I think those are just more ways to reinforce the view everyone already has of us in WV.
You might want to apply a little bleach to your fringe. No telling where it has been.
I think you should entomb that fringe inside its Altoids coffin!
Shit, I like to drink but I can’t remember the last time I’ve been that kind of smashed. I just hate the idea of totally losing control. I wonder how Hoss got home?
Unrelated to anything in the post…
I’m done three weeks of antibiotic treatment for Lyme disease… I have only one more week left. I’m really excited to be done with it, because it’s wearing me out physically and emotionally.
Bad news… I’ve had insomnia for three months now. The doctors seem to agree that it’s anxiety/depression. They want to start me up on Celexa. I have mixed feelings about starting an anti-depressant. I’ve never been on one in the past, but I feel like I’m in a pretty dark funk right now. For some reason, I can’t get my thought process turned around… which is depressing.
Jimbo, are there any alternatives? Get a second opinion – you seem a bit hesitant. And good luck!
Sorry about the Lymes – I had that a number of times. It truly sucks.
Lucie in Tampa says
take the anti-depressents. also melatonin works wonders, I could never sleep & when I did I had “sleep activity” (cooking full meals or walking down the road) and melatonin helps me to feel sleepy & once I fall asleep I stay asleep till morning….
Anti-depressants kick much ass.
Hey Jimbo…take the Celexa. Take it and RUN! No one, not even yourself, can pull you up by your boot straps until you’re out of the hole your in. Those meds will do exactly that. Start ASAP as it does take a while for them to actually “kick in”. Do youself a favor. Life is too short to live like that. I am well aware of how depression can effect everything and everyone around you.
Yeah, I’ll probably start the Celexa soon… I feel like one of those amorphous blobs from the Zoloft commercials.
I just want to sit here and do nothing all day. Fortunately, I’m a software developer, so that’s what I’m paid to do anyway.
I strongly suggest you stay away from any drug which is an SSRI drug. Celexa is an SSRI drug.
The side effects can be more devastating than the depression. Please do some online reading before starting this drug, I believe they are poison (and I do know drugs).
Maybe you will feel better after the antibiotics are over. They can have some weird side affects. I have been on abx for 2 weeks for an intractable sinus infection. For days, I have been flushed and hot. I am driving my coworkers nuts because I keep a fan blowing on me, but it is that or melt into a puddle of sweat. I was convinced it was early menopause, even went and had labs drawn. I finally called the pharmacist, she told me it was probably the Biaxin. Lyme disease itself could be behind your mood, that stuff is seriously bad. I hope you start to feel better soon. I understand the depression, I had horrible postpartum depression and have been on an antidepressant since then.
It’s funny that you mentioned menopause. Funny weird, not funny ha ha. There’s nothing funny ha ha about menopause, at least not in my household.
My recent experience with menopause is anything but funny ha ha. When I went to work early yesterday morning, I quickly kissed The Wife goodbye, and wished her a good day. When I returned home in the late afternoon, I encountered The Wrath. Apparently TW had been visited by The Pause (my term, worthy of respect and, ergo, capitalization. Please don’t tell TW. Really. Please.), and my walk from my car to my front door would be the last bit of quiet that I would experience until TW finally fell into the grips of exhaustion-enduced slumber late last night.
I’m pretty sure that my experiences with The Pause aren’t unique, but there’s one particular symptom (which may seem like a side effect, but which seems pretty damned primary when you’re the effectee) common to this hormonal affliction with which I am intimately familiar, and which I’d like to share with the 40-something (and younger) male Surf Reporters, in the hope that they can figure out a cure before they, too, become secondhand casualties. That is the phenomenon known around my household (well, to me only. Again, please, nothing gets back to TW) as Pause Goggles.
Pause Goggles–invisible projector-eyeglasses which immediately adorn the face of the Pauser during a visit by The Pause–cause an image of a bullseye (it might be the classic red-white-blue target, or the all-red Target logo–I can’t see it, but I know it’s there) to be projected upon the chest, back, forehead, back-of-the-head, or genitalia–whatever is exposed–of the Significant Other (the Pausee, if you will) of the afflicted Pauser. As the wearer of the bullseye, the Pausee becomes the sole focus of the wrath (the evolution of the moniker TW is obvious, isn’t it?) of the Pauser. it doesn’t matter what the Pausee does–once within the sights of the Pause Goggles, the poor goddamned Pausee will always do the wrong thing, be in the wrong place, say the wrong things, and, in general will be a bullseye-wearing fuckup whose life will be a living hell until The Pause mercifully takes a short break and The Wife returns for a pleasant return to reality.
One other thing–Pause Goggles seem to erase the Pauser’s short-term memory. It is best for the Pausee to be apoplectically apologetic toward TW (either version) both during and for some time after a visit from The Pause. It’s all about survival, guys. Forget making positive points–minimizing the negatives is the name of the game.
Ladies, I’m sorry if offense was/is taken at my attempt to alert the young guys to the Perils o’ The Pause. I feel compelled to share my experiences, as a public service to the poor sons o’ bitches who will follow.
I can’t argue with another’s research…but…
Sweet sainted mother of Pope Midal…CADude,…you’re scaring the crap outa the youts. My Dad looking for a 9/16 offset box end wrench so he could adjust the timing on his ’68 Ford truck was nowhere near what’s her name could put out in her tangles. In my own experience years back I had a mantra…Bong, Beer, Yes Dear…Bong, Beer, Yes Dear. It worked. She loves me to this day…but I can’t remember why.
Sorry, I shouldn’t laugh, but I did. I can laugh because I am not there yet, thank God. At least, not according to the labs.
Is Sheldon from The Big Bang Theory ghost writing for you today?
By the way, my wife unit completed her “change” a couple of years ago which left me with two choices. She could join the circus as the bearded lady or I could buy the dermatologist a new Bentley. I think he likes the car.
just a heads up-had bad experiences with ssri’s.dont hesitate to stop them if the bad side effects show up(i kept using them for a couple of weeks after because of the “they take 30 days to kick in”arguement).have had pretty good luck with lorazepam/atavan
The Crotch Kid says
Jimbo, Hope the Lyme disease is cured. As far as the antidepressant, I’d recommend trying it. If you’re hesitant because you don’t want to feel drugged, they don’t have that kind of an effect on you. I don’t know anything about Celexa, but what I found with taking an anti-depressant is that you don’t really feel anything. It’s just your negative thoughts don’t have the crippling effect that they did in the past. You may still have the thoughts but they won’t be something you dwell on to the extent of depression. If Celaxa doesn’t work, your doctor should try another, as there are a lot on the market and one may work on you and another not.
I want my fringe back.
Lucie in Tampa says
Ahhhhh the old happy- sad- glad- mad drunk… there is one (male or female) at every event… got stuck with one not too long ago myself… grrrr…
It is a good thing Jeff & company got away before it entered the “I love you Man” stage.
Good Afternoon Surf Reporters….
Will have to check out “Buckwild” when it airs. Some of the scenes look eerily similar to certain parts of SW Pennsylvania.
Also, JK, have you ever watched “The Wild and Wonderful Whites of West Virginia”?
Love, love, love that movie! I am a connoisseur of white trash.
Bill in WV says
Just a little info on one of the girls from “Buck Wild”. Salwa Amin interned for our firm a couple of years ago. Needless to say, we did not have any interest in hiring her, once she completed college. Dumber’n a head of wilted lettuce.
WV Bumblebee says
Hay Bill is she the one that went to GW and is actually from the west side and not Sissonville? If so I hear (thru the grapevine, lol), that she was arrested during filming.
Bill in WV says
Don’t really know anything about her upbringing, but she “worked” for us a couple summers ago and was a COMPLETE TRAIN WRECK !!
WV Bumblebee says
LOL, then she will fit in on Wolf pen just fine!
I won’t be watching “Buckwild” just like I won’t watch those fucking guidos. MTV is for shit and has been for 15 years plus.
I’m in a pissy mood because of the weather, I guess. It’s 75 here right now. That’s not sweltering, I know, but damn. When’s the cold weather supposed to come? I got my jacket dry cleaned and everything. Haven’t slipped it on once.
Also, some bullshit was going on at the Facebook so I deleted my whole account. Years of “work” down the shitter. But to hell with it. I might go to the Tweet.
Go to the Tweet. Here’s Jeff’s > @jeffkay
Click my name to go to my Twitter home page
NOOOOOOOOOOOO! Get back on FB! You had one fan in me. Who gives a fuck about everyone else? Your posts were my reason for checking in every day. Now I’m bombarded with boolshit “inspirational” messages that make me want to punch Mark Zuckerberg in his tiny nuts every five minutes.
Pretty please get back on there? Just leave out the asshats and you’re set.
You’ll have to catch me on the Tweet, sugarmomma. But I haven’t figured the damn thing out yet. Can’t even add my picture!
I hated twitter and gave it up after about two weeks. It was way too hard to keep up with what everyone was talking about.
Fancy Pants Maguire says
The good thing about that sidewalk Altoid mint is that the AIDS should cancel out the hepatitis and SARS. The shit spores and urine might give that fellow a wee bit of a tummy ache, however.
It is important to remember that while I am a doctor, I am not the type that helps people.
Fancy Pants Maguire says
Also; the people on that Buckwild show scare me too much for me to ever be able to watch. It really looks like one of those young’ins is a-gonna die at just about any moment.
A “hillbilly Jersey Shore”? That is *exactly* what the world needs now. Fuck a bag of love, sweet love.
The Kuban says
The world already has a hillbilly Jersey Shore. It’s called Here Comes Honey Boo Boo.
Unlike most folks born & raised in WV, I don’t seem to mind when some TV show portrays us as hicks. After a few beers I usually devolve into a hillbilly myself. It’s fun.
I never watched Jersey Shore, and cringe at the mere concept. But I may have to check out this show. It will be the first time I’ve watched something on MTV in 20 years…
Kudos to Dr. Buford for his hospitality and ability to diffuse a SODB (Surly Old Drunken Bastard).
How do they find these people for these shows??? Is there a scout traveling the country looking for stupidity and dumbassery? Buckwild, Joisey Shore, Honey Boo Boo..and they are just getting worse. The one my boyfriend is hooked on is Duck Dynasty…. The fuck? Seriously. And he wonders why I watch the same movies over and over and over again.
The last Steeler game we went to two weeks ago, the “drunken goofball” was part of our group. While walking to the stadium from the parking lot, he downed half a 5th of Vodka. He drank the rest during the day. After all…we got to the parking lot at 2 for an 8:30 kick off. When we went into the stadium, he went to take a piss and we never saw him again. After the game, he was already back at the car. Filthy dirty. He holds out his hands and says ” I think I fell down! I have fucking cinder blocks in my palms!” I noticed the one side of his face was swollen. I said “you didn’t fall down…you got beat the fuck up!” He has no idea what happened. Nor does he remember the game.
Oh, I love Duck Dynasty! But I am a Southerner, so I know people just like them, so it makes it funnier. Honey Boo Boo disturbs me, but I watch it just like I watch train wrecks.
Bill in WV says
He’s probably lucky that he was drunker’n hell. Otherwise, he’d probably be in a coma right now. For some reason, being drunk softens the blow. Been there, done that.
The 4th Stooge says
Wow. I’ve been out of it twice (at work…stupid heart medicine! Be less stupid!) and it is NOT a good feeling. And to try to “go” there willingly? Fuck and NO.
Heh. I also have an “out of it” stupid-ass expensive purchase–a stupid purple sweatshirt that cost $40 (why the fuck did I need a damn $40 sweatshirt with the name of some podunk junior college–my place of work?!) ‘Twas the drugs!
Seriously, can the world have enough West Virginia based hillbilly shows…? I don’t think so – the MTV generations definetley need an education on how
Seriously, can the world have enough West Virginia based hillbilly shows…? I don’t think so – the MTV generations definitely need an education on how good they have it.
All HAIL the Fringe!
.. that is awesome Jeff.
I almost got in a fight at a dbt show for calling Beatle bob an asshole. If you know Beatle bob you know he’s an asshole.
Fancy Pants Maguire says
He’s still alive? I find that to be in and of itself a surprising fact!
Last I heard.
What a mess.
WV Bumblebee says
Even though I graduated from Dunbar with Jeff & Bill. I spent part of my elementary & Jr High years (yes Jr. High not middle school), in Sissonville so needless to say I will be watching that show. I heard them say something about Wolf Pen so I’m betting I know some of the parents and my X husband is more than likely related to them. Should be good red neck fun!!
Buckwild looks hilarious, honestly. I’ll probably end up watching it since it reminds me of a number of my buddies.
Graham Parker got mad props on Bob and Tom today while they interviewed Judd Apatow.
The House that MTV built
By Bill Lynch
Part of the MTV show “Buckwild” was filmed at this house on Beechwood Drive in South Charleston, just on the other side of the Charleston city limits, neighbors say.
SOUTH CHARLESTON, W.Va. — On a weekday, in the middle of a workday, Beechwood Drive in South Charleston is mostly quiet, except for a few small dogs yapping at strangers from behind the safety of a chain-link fence. From the street, you can hear the low hum of cars on the highway and the distant sounds of Charleston.
Beechwood Drive, just on the other side of the Charleston city limits, seems like a nice neighborhood. But back in the spring, it wasn’t. For about six weeks, MTV shot parts of its upcoming “reality” show “Buckwild” at a yellow house on the street.
Melissa Whitman and her family live across from it.
“The realtor told me that they’d just rented the house to a television show and that she’d arranged for some girls to move in,” the 37-year-old mother of two said. “She couldn’t tell me who or why because she said she’d signed a confidentiality agreement but that I could Google it.”
Whitman said that she and her husband, Michael, checked it out and saw something about MTV filming a series in West Virginia. A few weeks later, four girls moved in.
“The first few weeks we didn’t hear too much from them,” she said.
And then one day, half a dozen black SUVs with out-of-state plates showed up, and that’s when things got weird.
For the next month, Whitman said the MTV camera crew’s vehicles choked the narrow street and blocked the entrances to people’s homes at different hours. She said they frequently shot in the middle of the night, bathed the area in light and seemed not to care whether they interfered with the lives of people in the neighborhood.
Whitman said they were obnoxious and inconsiderate … and then there were the show’s stars.
“I want to say that it all has to do with being young,” she said. “Someone tells you they can make you famous and give you some money, and you think sure, but if I’d behaved like those kids did when I was their age, my father would have hung me upside down until I came to my senses.”
The show’s production was chaotic and noisy, but Whitman said the worst thing was the language, which often turned profane.
“It got so bad, I’d leave the house and have to put my hands over my 5-year-old’s ears.”
Whitman said the neighborhood has a lot of young children. Nobody was happy about the disturbances, but there seemed to be little anyone could do about it.
“The police were up here,” she said. “They came up a couple of times to tell them to quiet it down, but the second the cops were gone, they went right back to it.”
That the cast and crew could continue shooting where they left off might underscore something Whitman noticed. For a reality show, a lot of “Buckwild” looked faked.
“Of course, it was made up,” she said. “All of this was coaxed, coerced, scripted or whatever.”
Whitman said she watched them re-shoot and tweak scenes.
She said, “The big moving-in scene was shot two weeks after the girls were already living there. They shot the scene with the kid throwing trash into the back of the garbage truck at the end of the street.
“The old people who live there have no idea what they were doing outside of their house.”
Some of the confrontations, she said, are also staged. In the show’s promotional trailer, a black woman with dark red hair is seen confronting the cast. Whitman said it was completely manufactured.
“She doesn’t live here,” Whitman said. “She was visiting some people next door. The director got her to come over. He told her what to say. They must have shot that scene six times.”
The girls moved out in the middle of May. Members of the film crew took over the house as a place to stay, except for when it was needed for re-shoots.
“We didn’t have much trouble from the camera guys,” she said.
Whitman remembers wistfully when MTV used to play music videos. “Buckwild” seems so far from that, and the show bothers her.
It bothers her that “Buckwild” appears to be about a group of mostly middle-class kids, some of whom went to school in South Hills, doing their best to make the state look awful.
And she hates that they did this in her neighborhood, across the street from her house.
That seems about right.
Watch God Bless America it may be the best movie ever.