Earlier this week two beloved television actors from my youth died on the same day: Dave Madden and Russell Johnson. Or, as they’re more commonly known, Reuben Kincaid and the Professor.
On Twitter I reminded everyone these things always happen in threes, so Schneider had better lay low for a while. So far he’s dodged the bullet, as far as I know.
Reuben Kincaid slept in a mask, I remember. When I was a kid I found this fascinating. Did people really do this? It might come as a surprise to some of you, but sleeping masks were not common in 1970s West Virginia. I didn’t know anyone who owned one, and never saw them at Sears or whatever. What’s your experience with such things? I got nothing, except Reuben.
And the Professor could build almost anything imaginable, using coconuts in most cases, but somehow couldn’t repair a boat. I just learned he’s from a tiny town near my job. I had no idea. I’m surprised there’s not a statue or something. There should be. Maybe I’ll write a letter?
Why is Gilligan not on TV anymore? I never thought the day would come when that show isn’t on three or four times per day. It’s sad.
In any case, this unfortunate turn of events got me to thinking… Maybe we should do one of those dead pool things. Know what I mean? It’s where we each submit a list of famous people we think will buy it during the new year, then revisit them next January to see who was the most accurate.
I haven’t given this an enormous amount of thought (go figure), but like to keep things simple. So… let’s allow up to five names per participant. How’s that sound? And remember, if you submit nothing but people who are 99 years old, it’s not going to be super-impressive if a few of them kick off this year. The long-shots are the ones that will wow the crowd. My advice: mix it up.
And next January we’ll take a look at everyone’s lists, and vote on whose was the best.
One final thing: please don’t submit the President, or anything like that. I don’t need a bunch of guys who talk into their sleeves showing up at my door. Let’s leave the politicians out of it, please. That’s a touchy area.
I’ll submit my list in the comments section later, and hope you guys will too.
Have yourselves a great weekend!
Now playing in the bunker
Treat yourself to something cool at Amazon!
In the “oh shot, not him” category – Jack Nicholson. In the “predictable” category Shirley maclaine. More to come
Wow, predicting that Nicholson will get shot is pretty specific. You should get some odds.
Ozzie Bucco says
Zsa Zsa Gabor, if she isn’t already dead.
Last I heard wasn’t she just a torso? Or am I misinformed.
George Bush Sr.
Or Barbara. They’re both oxygen tent occupiers
Phantom Railfan says
Stephanie C says
Susan Olsen (aka Cindy Brady)…
The Qweezy Mark says
Was in a relationship with a girl who wore a sleeping mask. Needless to say, she was batshit crazy, but she was kind of a sleeper about it. The craziness, not the mask.
The Dave says
My dead pool:
The Ultimate Warroir
And on the sleep mask front: I used to work the graveyard shift, and a sleep mask was a lot cheaper than blackout curtains. I eventually got to the point where I didn’t need it any more, but it was a big help in adjusting to the schedule.
Richard Bull (Mr. Oleson Little House on the Prairie)
Ann B. Davis (Alice on Brady Bunch)
James Best (Roscoe P. Coltrane)
George Martin (Beatles Producer)
Joe Garagiola (Oh how I hope)
Ages: 89, 87, 87, 88, 87. Way out there on a limb, ain’t we Carnac?
I deliberately chose people under 90.
WB in OH says
Richard Bull, TV’s Mr. Oleson died on February 3. Yeah.
Stephen Hawking, Lindsay Lohan, Billy Graham, Courtney Love (if there’s any justice), and one of the Olsen twins on a parlay.
Phil Jett says
ALS, celebrity drug and alcohol abuser, 95, see Lohan and using twins for one pick? Way out there on a limb, ain’t we Miss Cleo?
You say tomato, I say 72, 27, 95, 49, 27-27. I’m just betting the come on the 27 Club, although nobody here sings like Janis or plays like Jimi, with the possible exception of Graham, who can play the Bible with his teeth.
Other than that, you got me dead to rights. Nice comment.
Wisey in Ttown says
Some Kardashian or other (if there’s any justice)
Betty White, as long as we’re going out on limbs
Dr. Oz (the irony of it all)
Gary Southern, President of Freedom Industries
3 more to be named later
That leaves 1 more for me
opps chill already picked Betty White – back to 2 more picks from me
Kirk Douglas – 1 more to go
OK – Valerie Harper so the final list
Not a bunch of long shots but the 1st time these names picked here. I think Yogi Berra is the sleeper pick here.
I love Yogi, but he’s 88 and has been in ill health. Calling him a sleeper pick is absurd unless you mean he’s practically already doing the Big Sleep.
All my eggs in one basket- O.J. SImpson
Skippy in WV says
Two Rolling Stones and two James Bonds all in one year. Bordering on lottery probabilities here.
Skippy in WV says
IF WE’RE LUCKY!!!
Caesar (the dog whisperer)
If we can count obscure people, my uncle is about to die so I’ll pick him. He’s at least as famous as Joe Peck and a dog named Caesar. What the fuck?
Gilligan’s Island is on Me-TV (if you get that channel).
Alice in WV says
I just found it on TvLand, too! Wheeeeee! “Smooth sailing”
Yeah…and it replaced Andy Griffith! I’m pissed! I love the oldies, but Gilligan wasn’t one of them. Although, a shame about the Professor. He was pretty handsome in his day.
I’ll take Roy Garber from Shipping Wars
Shirley Temple Black
I was originally thinking Shatner too, but I really don’t think this is his year. No, no reason. If it turns out to be his year after all, then I apologize to Old Bill for jinxing him.
Jeff, I’m SHOCKED that a sensible person like you would subscribe to something so silly as “these things always happen in threes”. To me, that silly non-theory [and the people who believe it] would be something you’d have a field day with in a column, giving them the merciless skewering they deserve. Yep, these things ALWAYS happen in threes……….. except when they happen in twos, fours, tens, sevens, and ones. Depending on who you consider a celebrity, and depending on your own personal rules for a time frame, you can manipulate things to suit whatever number you wish. Phil Everly just died too; so doesn’t that make The Professor and Reuben Kincaid #’s 2 and 3? Or did Phil belong to the PREVIOUS group of three, joining Al Goldstein and Ray Price? Wait, Ray Price doesn’t count because he’s not famous enough? Well, then Joan Fontaine would be the third. But wait, Peter O’Toole [ever catch the double-phallic connotation of his name?] and Tom Laughlin [Billy Jack] died around the same time as Joan- Wouldn’t that make it a group of five? Or is it four? What if someone dies next week? Does that start a new group of three, or do we count it in with Prof & Reuben? Do politicians count? Jeff, Jeff, Jeff, for the first time ever, you have let me down, and believe me, it is not a comfortable feeling…….
It’s a fucking joke. Familiar with those? Jesus Christ.
On certain days I feel this website has gone on long enough, and today is one of those days.
All you need is two more dickish comments. I hear they come in threes. Try to have a relaxing day off.
A day has passed with no more dickish comments coming in. Maybe the dickish ones come in ones rather than in threes. Jeff, you handled this one well. Looks like the only guy in the world who doesn’t get your humor has been cured.
I’m not so sure Jeff’s comments were solely directed at Bum…..
Larry in PA says
@ Bum – Lighten up asshat
Faith restored! Thanks Jeff, and sorry! I’m usually good at detecting written sarcasm, but you disguised that one pretty well. By the way, many years back, we did a Ghoul Pool at work, and I challenge anyone to top my record of THREE names on my list [we picked ten] dying within a four day span [The Queen Mum, director Billy Wilder, Dudley Moore]. Ironically, the person who ran that pool is now dead herself.
I don’t think he disguised anything. He spoke in the same-ish voice that he has been for over 10 years. Check for bullshit before you climb up on the high horse.
Wow, lots of rage here. I think if you guys saw the group of people I work with every day, you’d understand why I had a temporary loss of common sense and took Jeff seriously. In fact, just today, one of my coworkers gave me a belated [and 100% serious] “Who’s gonna be the third one to go?”, as he does every single time two celebrities die within a quick span. Sometimes I come out of work with my head spinning after absorbing eight straight hours of misinformation and inane theories that some of these people spew [these are the same people who have argued with me about those TV antennas from ClearTV that they think will be an equivalent replacement for their cable TV service]. Go ahead and let me have it; I can take it and probably deserve it, but I do have a valid excuse.
If you recognize it then there is hope!
In the end you visit this site and you know Jeff’s humor, as well as the rest of the commenters’ humor. You saw that people were contributing to the topic and instead of disagreeing with it and sitting this topic out, you decided to go on the attack.
We all deal with crap at work. We all listen to inane theories from people we either semi-like or don’t like at all. Just because you disagreed or disapproved of this topic doesn’t give you the right to shit on everyone else’s enjoyment.
How about just apologizing and letting it go, instetad of attempting to justify it?
Christina Ricci, Charles Manson, Ron White, Lindsay Lohan, Roy of Sigfried and Roy.
Just pre-ordered Carolla’s and Bald Brian’s books from Amazon through the site. Enjoy the cash!
No joke I just got back from my cousin’s funeral. Never thought Margaret at the age of 66 would be on the ghoul pool. Rip sweetheart.
So sorry to hear about your cousin. Losing anyone close is hard. I doubt she was on a ghoul pool as well.
Lefty McLiberal says
Jay Leno (suicide)
Brett Favre (hunting accident)
Dennis Leary (cancer)
JR in Sammamish says
The Divine Miss E says
I was going to say Pamela Anderson, but someone beat me to it.
death balm says
A 1/4 of the original ‘Queen’ died years ago
I think The Divine Miss E was referring to H.M. Elizabeth, second of that name, DG Queen of England etc. As opposed to Freddie Mercury.
Larry in PA says
How about Todd Bridges? Isn’t he the last living cast member of Diffrent Strokes?
Dick van Dyke
Charlotte Rae (Mrs. Garrett)
–Jeff, just know that for every jerkface “Bum” out there, there is about 100 good guys who come to this page and adore you and your writing. So, although his words sting, just fuck ’em and let us take care of him.
Oh, and I’d like to amend my list, if I may. I predict Hugh will stick around another year. However, I do feel that Muhammed Ali will not. So, he’ll take Hugh’s place.
That’s my best guess….
My picks have already been chosen. So no use repeating the obvious.
We used to do a type of ghoul pool at the bar. The bet went from Friday night through Sunday night. Choose a Pittsburgh neigh. rhood and a crime you think will be committed. Cost 2 bu. .cks to play. If no one won, it just rolled over into the next weekend. Good times.
That sounds awesome!
Billy Joel says
How about if we reverse the topic and talk about all of the good people out there that will survive 2014!
Hooray for everyone!
unicorns and rainbows,
Fidel Castro, who could already be dead, Casey Kasem, and because I want an easy one, Zsa Zsa Gabor
death balm says
Stephen Hawking – countdown winner
Richard Attenborough – modern day Mogli
Ian Brady – porridge addict
Paul Gascoigne – Face of PG tips
Fats Domino – musician, not pizza addict. Well he might be.