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Further Evidence the End is Near: Ripped Flesh Garters

December 31, 2013 By Jeff 11 Comments

ripped-flesh-gartersLadies, are you looking for a unique accessory to tie together your new outfit? May we suggest a set of Ripped Flesh Garters? They will make it appear your thighs are rotting away, and the skin is pulling apart! Just like they’re doing it in Paris this season. There’s also the added illusion of copious amounts of blood pouring down your legs. Chic.

These high quality catastrophic injury garters are perfect for formal events such as the opera and weddings. Or they’ll help you make an unforgettable impression during job interviews, or simply shopping for Band-Aids at Walgreens. Find out more here. And you’re welcome.

(This Is Why I’m Broke)

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Filed Under: Evidence

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Swami Bologna says

    December 31, 2013 at 12:02 pm

    Ouch. (1st.)

    Reply
  2. Rick in Roanoke, VA says

    December 31, 2013 at 12:09 pm

    Check out the latest Consumer Reports–pg. 12. The fast food you’re served may look less appealing than advertised.

    Reply
    • chill says

      January 1, 2014 at 5:10 pm

      At least they didn’t steal the actual images off the WVSR.
      .

      Reply
  3. johnthebasket says

    December 31, 2013 at 12:27 pm

    My primary concern is how these fine garments will look on bank robbers and other professionals who regularly use women’s stockings as camouflage for their face. Will it create blind spots so the robbers will run full tilt into the marble columns that support our fine bank buildings? Will it generate a sense of sympathy for these crooks when tellers misperceive that they are sticking up their establishment even though they are bleeding from multiple scalp wounds?

    It’s always the unintended consequences of fashion that punch us fully frontally in the groin of our best laid plans. I think Halston said that.

    jtb

    Reply
  4. The Dave says

    December 31, 2013 at 12:44 pm

    Shouldn’t this be on the Recommended page?

    Reply
  5. icecycle66 says

    December 31, 2013 at 12:45 pm

    You can also get giant butt plugs at Walgreens.

    http://www.walgreens.com/store/c/fun-factory-boosty-plug/ID=prod6224347-product

    Reply
  6. johnthebasket says

    December 31, 2013 at 1:06 pm

    I think what really sells the authenticity of the bloodflow is the look on the face of the model pictured above. It appears that she is being poked in the butt with a weapon of some kind or other. Or maybe she just congenitally grimaces when she bends at the waist, in which case there is a small chance I dated her mother in the 80s.

    jtb

    Reply
  7. madz1962 says

    December 31, 2013 at 4:37 pm

    But are they warm?

    Reply
  8. The4thStooge says

    December 31, 2013 at 11:14 pm

    I just find it fascinating that someone’s wearing garters in this day and age.

    Reply
    • johnthebasket says

      January 1, 2014 at 12:19 am

      I don’t understand. How do you keep YOUR socks up?

      jtb

      Reply
  9. chill says

    January 1, 2014 at 1:42 am

    Easter is coming up. How about a Crown o’ Thorns in the same vein?
    .

    Reply

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