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Fish Trouble, Pants Destruction, Facebook Shock, and the Name of My Bar

March 14, 2012 By Jeff 76 Comments

A few days ago I was in Wendy’s and decided to give their new cod fillet sandwich a try.  I enjoy a good fish sandwich, and even a few questionable ones (McDonald’s Filet-O-Fish, for example).  And the TV commercials for that new Wendy’s deal had successfully captured my attention, which isn’t an easy thing to do; I’m usually just sitting there like Slingblade.

Yeah, but it turned out to be a tactical error.  I could barely finish my lunch.  Clearly, they use an ice scream scoop to administer the tartar sauce.  Holy hell.  Every time I took a bite that shit would ooze in a full 180-degree spectrum.  It’s all I could taste, and before it was over I had tartar sauce on both forearms, and in my hair.

Never again.  I even scraped off a bunch with a plastic knife, and there was still too much.  Unless you view your sandwich as nothing more than a tartar sauce transfer platform, I would steer clear of the “premium” cod fillet sandwich.  Seriously.  NOT good.

And speaking of eating at Wendy’s all the time…  I blew the full ass out of another pair of jeans a few days ago.  I moved in a certain way, there was a loud ripping sound, then… a sudden change in temperature on the surface of my butt.

Another one bites the dust.  I’m just thankful I’ve never exploded a pair of pants while at work.  I’d have to go home in disgrace.

I’m thinking about buying a large tote, and starting to warehouse the many pants my ass has destroyed.  Someday I might curate everything, and open a museum.

Recently I thought about someone I knew from a million years ago, and found his page on Facebook.  He looked a lot older in the photo, but it was certainly him.  So, I fired off a friend request, and moved on to other things.

A few days later I received an acceptance email, and decided to send him a quick note to see what he’d been doing for the past 25 years or so.  But before I wrote it, I scrolled through his recent posts.  And it turns out he’s been dead since 2009…

What the?  I kept reading, and apparently a family member maintains the page as a memorial of sorts.  I don’t know what happened to him, but he was younger than me and it was kinda shocking.  I didn’t much care for it.  Pass the beer nuts.

Have you ever experienced a Facebook shock like that?  Shit!

I have to take part in a so-called focus group today at work, and have to leave an hour early.  So…. we’re nearing the end of this bitch.  Sorry it’s so abbreviated.

For a Question, I’d like to know what you’d name a bar if you bought one.  I posted my most recent name to Twitter this morning:  The Small Conference Room.  Previously I’d considered Smoking Fish Bar & Grill, but now I’m stuck on the Small Conference Room.

What about you?  What would you name your fictional bar?  Please tell us about it, won’t you?  Use the comments link below.

And I’ll be back tomorrow with more of this solid material.

Have a great day, boys and girls.

Now playing in the bunker
Treat yourself at Amazon: US and Canada

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Comments

  1. Rick says

    March 16, 2012 at 7:16 am

    Meeting Room Seven

    Reply
  2. Madz1962 says

    March 16, 2012 at 12:34 pm

    Had a bar near us called “Nobody’s Inn”

    “No Where” would be a good name for people trying to get away from someone pestering you. “WHERE ARE UOU???” “Uh, No Where”

    Reply
  3. Jimbo says

    March 16, 2012 at 1:21 pm

    If I had a bar, it would be called Big Ole Teddy’s. Also, I’d have to find a co-owner named Teddy.

    Reply
  4. another Jeff...alienjeff says

    March 17, 2012 at 7:00 am

    Calm down, Beavis! Repeat after me: “Tartar on the side, please.” Sheesh!

    Reply
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