This morning I uploaded a whole mess o’ fresh Smoking Fish pics, here and here. Thanks to everyone who sent them in, and I apologize for taking so long to post a few of ’em. I’ll do better in the future, maybe.
If you’ve sent me a pic, and I haven’t posted it… can you please re-send? It’s gotten lost, I’m afraid.
Yesterday afternoon I met Surf Reporter Buford (aka dr. drofub) at a bar in Scranton. We enjoyed a few Dogfish Head 60 Minute IPAs, and I jumped ship right before the point where you say fukkit! and throw common sense to the wind. I’ve been around long enough to recognize that point in an evening, and I’m fairly paranoid about ending up in a drunk tank with a man known only as “Chicago.”
But we sat and chatted for an hour or so, and it was a lot of fun.
To be quite honest, I’m hesitant about meeting readers of the site. ‘Cause I’m not an easy person to get to know, I’m pretty quiet and withdrawn in the beginning. So, I always feel like the other person will be disappointed that I’m not nearly as funny in person as I am on the computer screen.
Does that make sense? It’s not that I don’t like meeting folks, I’m just not the greatest with the schmoozing and the mingling. I’m uncomfortable with it, and hate to be the center of attention. I prefer to hang out in the shadows, observing… always observing.
But yesterday was a good time. Buford grew up in Sissonville, WV, not far from Dunbar, and has moved around as much as I have. He’s also a music nut, like me (we both logged many hours at Budget Tapes and Records, back in the day), so we had plenty of things to discuss.
And he’s also the guy who originally made me aware of the old Jean Shepherd radio show. And for that, I’ll forever be in his debt. Heck, I wouldn’t even want to live in a world without the Jean Shepherd mp3s…
When my book comes out (positive thinking), maybe I’ll do a few get-togethers in bars around the country? No readings in front of a crowd, or anything like that… just a bunch of us gathering at a watering hole and shooting the shit.
I think that would be fun. Plus, drunk people buy more books than sober ones, right? I’m almost certain that’s true. Maybe Borders should open a tavern in the back of their stores? Sure, there would probably be an occasional Herman Melville-fueled fist fight, but the good would outweigh the bad, I believe.
Any opinions on a beer-themed, bar-hosted book tour? Let me know your thoughts, and suggestions.
And all t-shirts have been mailed, except for the two that someone ordered yesterday (thank you!). I picked up the ten shirts I was shorted on Thursday, and had them at the post office within the hour. So, if you were one of the “lucky” nine, your shirt should be at your house now, or very, very soon.
I’m almost out of miscommunication shirts, only two or three 2X remain. All other sizes are gone. If you want one, now’s the time. Plenty of the blue/gray Evil Twin shirts are still available, though, and they’re the best shirt we’ve ever done.
Order both here.
I’ll see you guys again tomorrow. I have to go to work now, and start another week of “opportunities.” God help us all…
Have a great day, my friends.
“beer themed, bar hosted book tours” sounds perfect to me – count me in Jeff, assuming of course you are planning a European leg of the tour?
Chuck in Belpre says
Maybe the tour could be like Diners, Drive-ins and Dives. You know, about beer and bars and stuff. Without Guy Fieri’s rodeo clown wardrobe and over the top personality. Funny stuff for another book maybe.
It could happen.
“Beers & Book” tour 201 could be pretty cool. You could go about the country traying local micro-brews, while pitching your book. And at the same time you could begin notes on a regional beers book. That way all expenses are paid by way of claiming its all for work.
Not Oprah says
Top ten – (its been awhile)
WB in OH says
I’ll be checking the mail! Woot!
Let me know the tour schedule and I’ll be there.
LOL!! I can see you and Bill making the tour and writing “the beer” book!! By the way I stopped at cold spot when I was home a couple of weeks ago. I know they are supposed to have the best beer prices in town but I just about had heart failuar when I picked up a 6 pack of Blue Moon and my total was $10 and that didn’t include the oranges!! What the heck? No wonder I eft WV, can’t afford to drink there!!
I went to school with some Burford’s in Sissonville, does he have a sister our age?
JR in Sammamish says
Top 10 and a Sunday update!
Pequod this motherfucker!
Is there a smoking fish tattoo yet?
I hope you do the bar thing around Raleigh, Jeff. I’d love to be there.
Lol! Betcha can’t guess which Smokin’ Fish sighting was mine!!!!!!!
Top 13 and the shirt arrived!!
The book tour sounds like a great idea. However it would need to be short. The movie shoot should start right after the book release to keep the momentum going.
Alice in WV says
Happy Sunday, Surf Reporters!
Tallahassee has bars and at least 5 readers. We would take you to Chez Pierre, but I don’t think it’s a good idea. Pooftery and all.
Your publisher is gonna MAKE you read. If he supports the release, he’s going to send you to bookstores all over PA and OH, and, if you generate some traction, he’s going to extend the tour. You might want to check out Justin Halpern’s blog for a little of the terrifying reality of reading aloud in a bookstore.
Should such a tour materialize, the Reporters can assist by bringing the tavern into the store. Hell, I don’t drink, and I’d be happy to bring a six, hand them out, and tip over a couple of tables for you. We make the news, more people buy the book, you end up reading in Hong Kong and meet a lesbian Asian princess who turns out to have mob connections. Should you survive, there’s your next book.
It’s too bad, but success ain’t all Dogfish Head and tapioca.
WB in OH says
Speaking of pooftery, I wonder if Jeff will tour with a Tweed jacket with elbow patches?
When’s the last time you read Limo? I’m just finishing it; it’s been like ten years or more, and it’s just killing me all over. I tried to limit myself to 20 pages a day, but it’s just impossible. I still think it’s Jenkins’ best book, but DSP and S-T are a reasonably close 2nd and 3rd.
Chuck in Belpre says
been a long time. Semi-tough made me laugh out loud numerous times as did Limo. Dead Solid Perfect was a real hoot…I couldn’t put it down. I’ve read them all. Try Fast Copy…it’s pretty good too.
OK, I’ll give Fast Copy a read; if it’s been a while, give yourself a treat and reread them. There are so few books that actually offer out-loud laughter, and Limo has some of your Pathos on the side, right after the chile con cocaine. We might need to crank up some kind of off-brand book club to discuss sport-fuckin’ and recalling when we used to drink. Just a thought.
And my deep gratitude for reminding me a couple of weeks ago how great Jenkins is. Fuckin’ hilarious.
The Dave says
I would be all over an appearance at College Hill Sundries by Jeff.
dto reporting from deep inside cornhole territory…
I am embedded with cornhole insiders and they have taken me to a cornhole enclave. I do have my fish along and am sorry to report I was late on posting some photos of actual cornhole equipment. I will get them off soon. I was hassled a bit by management but I told them I was a reporter for the wvsr, showed them my shirt and my sign and they seemed to understand and left me alone to take pictures. Go figure. Too FUN!!!
Also it appears I will be reporting from the Cincy/ Cubs game next Sunday from The Great American Ballpark here in Cinc after all.. More fish sightings will follow.
I’m here at Paxton’s in Loveland and sucking off the free internet while have a few glasses of a local brew, Mt. Carmel. Really good amber.
Bars and books…I’m in.
I forgot to mention…Hudepohl beer sucks!….REALLY SUCKS. Drank one of a twelver and the rest is at the curb for morning pick-up.
I don’t know how helpful Further Evidence is going to be to the Brits. Honestly, how often does the war between Mexico and America come up? It’s never been hard for me to avoid that particular topic of conversation, in fact, it’s effortless. It reminds me of Fawlty Towers, “Don’t mention the war!”
Hell, dto, you’ve been around forever. You should have known that Hudepohl sucks! Kinda like Busch. Frankly, I didn’t know it was still made. Oh well, one of life’s lessons.
Chuck in Belpre says
Beer that sucks? narragansett
hot fuzz says
Jeff, would I want to meet you in person? um yeAAA-AAHH
-What would it be like?
-Would it be AWKwarrrrd?
-Would I get a throbber?
-Would it last more than 4 hours?
-Would I smell like pine-sol?
-Would I have remnants of Post Grape Nuts in my cumber-bun?
-Why would I be wearing a cumber-bun with my mesh shirt and skinny jeans?
-Would I bring you a gift of Maple Syrup?
-Would I repeat every question you asked me but with a slightly different inflection that borders on incredulousness?
-Would I say aboot?
-would you freak out if I nibbled on a cuttle stone?
-Would you be put off by the Barnie tattoo on my neck?
-Would you want to see my Prince Albert?
-Would you call me Hotty? or Fuzzy? or fuzz ball? or hot fuzz? or my Christian name?
Or my native American name (Cries like a little girl)
Or my Klingon name (gaFUK)
or my Japanese name that means balls of steel?
-Would we share a desert?
-Would be make eye contact across the room and then I would sashay over to you once I had everyone’s attention?
-Would you want to see my parasitic twin?
-Would you help me change my colostomy bag?
-would it be ok if I wore my dress whites and swept you out of the bar to everyone’s cheers and we rode off on my moped?
-If both my hands were full and you already had a drink in your hand and my fly was down would you zip me up?
-Do you want me to bring the tumour they removed that has teeth and hair in it?
-Would you be able to tell the words I spell with a “u”? (colour labour favour) and would you draw a red line under my mouth until I “fixed it” just like spell check in the comments?
-Would we be able to go through a White Castle Drive Through so I can get a dozen little greasy wads of gristle with oily cheese that go in easy and out even easier that taste really good at 3 am?
-would I need to bring my own Gerbil?
-If I barfed would you hold my hair back?
-can we dress up like clowns and chase each other through an old folks home?
-Would it seem odd if I referred to your shirt as a blouse?
-can I sleep overnight on your couch
-would your answer be the same if I told you I always sleep naked…no covers…and it DOES last more than four hours
-and I sleep walk
-and I have sleep sex
-can we just take a few minutes to talk about Jesus and all the joy he has brought to my life and how I think he could bring joy to your life too if you’d only open your heart?
-would we get so drunk we would do Jack Ass dares like drinking the bong water? or climbing inside the dishwasher and run a cycle? or fart in the margarine container and put it back in the refrigerator (fridge? Icebox? icy food cupboard?) for the next unsuspecting victim?
-can we go cruising downtown’s rough side to see if we can find a midget who wants to have sex?
-can we also try to find a FEMALE midget too?
– would you want to see my birth mark? (let’s just say I didn’t know I had one until I turned 12 and caught a glimpse of myself in a full length mirror after a shower and freaked out
when I saw where the port wine mark was)
– did I mention that mirror was in the hotel lobby?
-reminds me, we can’t meet anywhere in the State of Kentucky.
Maybe we shouldn’t meet in person.
It would probably be like this actually… yeah, I’m the guy on the left…
Fat Dave says
When your tour makes it to Richmond, Va, I’d be happy to set something up at The Commercial Taphouse. It is the best craft beer bar in Central Virginia, and not a yuppy joint.
Has anyone noticed we’ve elevated jeff to a rock star? Granted he might brian wilson on us but still . We should start booking bands for jefffest 1.0
hot fuzz says
JTB – quick note – you did the “star bright…” routine when you went to the mountains to see the meteor shower. You wished prosperity and good fortune to the motley crew. I mentioned I had something in the works… welp my promotion came through this past week. I now get to spread my bad work habits to 30+ rather than 7 or 8 people. I get a longer title and new business cards. I’m still waiting to see if there are other perks…I guess sometimes ya gotta believe. thanks again 🙂
…next time though, please specifically mention the word lottery
A Melville-fueled fist fight would be a bad thing? I think I’d pay good money to see that!!!
Oh yeah…I would make a special trip down for the beer and book tour. …but promise you’ll bring Sunshine along on the tour with you. THAT is one person I would love to see in person, just to see if she lives up to the larger than life image I have of her.
I’m sure you earned your promotion on merit. Congrats. However, next time I will greet the falling stones with more specificity.
For some reason, I think you’re an IT guy. Maybe you said that once, or maybe I just inferred it from your mental condition. I went from four to 20, then from 20 to 35. That’s when the last breakdown hit, or rather several years after that. What kind of folks will you be laying your wisdom on?
Clint, Rick, many others…
We don’t have to hope for or wait for a Melville fight. A fight can always be arranged whenever two or more of us are gathered in Jeff’s name.
Jeff, you write the headline — we’ll give you the war.
hot fuzz says
JTB – I get to Glengarry-Glenross my way through a bunch of mainly middle aged white guys doing IT infrastructure projects for a large courier company..They’re a good group of hockey dads with a few soccer moms in the mix. I know all of them but about 2 or 3. They all love me – surprises the the hell out of me sometimes. They make me feel like I’ve walked in to Cheers except they don’t shout Norm – they shout “hot fuzz”. It should be fun. I have a warped idea of what “fun” is….thanks!
Arrange a drunken literary fight you ask? That’s my second favourite type of fight!!!! Number one you ask? meow….Hell, with enough Jack Daniels in me I’ll fight a bus. Or a laundromat. Hell, I’ll even fight myself. First rule of Catfight Club. Nobody talks about Catfiight club. Second rule of Catfight club? No hair pulling.
(Jeff? wtf? spellcheck recognizes cockfight but not catfight?)
heh – I said cock
Of course it would be in Canada that we find the only group of genteel IT people in the world. Well, hot, it should be cool.
Serving beer in bookstores does seem like a natural match… why hasn’t anyone thought of that before?
hot fuzz – thanks for the Chris Farley link! I miss that guy. Please make sure that you also record the first meeting between you and Jeff.
Dave's not here, man says
I’d love to meet up in the holy land of almost heaven to get drunk and buy your book. Just not in Dunbar. The air stinks down there. How about Morgantown? There’s a good chance we’ll get some college girls to show us their tits.
Dave's not here, man says
Speaking of that, why aren’t there smoking fish sightings with girls showing their tits? I would have thought there’d be a lot of those. Maybe Jeff just isn’t posting them because then he’d have to verify age before letting people into the bunker and all that horseshit. Bruing them to the book selling thing at the bars! It can get us started off right!!
Dave's not here, man says
Bunker cam is priceless today!!!! Kangasack? What genius thought of that? My mind is reeling with the possibilities of what that name implies…
Gordian Knott says
>Any opinions on a beer-themed, bar-hosted book tour? Let me know your thoughts, and suggestions.
There’s a great micro-brewery in New Paltz, New York, called the Golden Otter, that serves a “sampler” tray of their many products (including a tasty IPA), and has a menu with delicious eats as well. It’s about an hour from Scranton, I believe.
Since your publisher might arrange a formal (ie non-alcoholic) book tour, why not set up a private venue for WVSR readers only? The Golden Otter holds a lot of customers.
Books, I know. Very well.
Beer, I do not. Very don’t.
I cannot be of any assistance here.
This is just a placeholder…
More data for the Wal-Mart archive:
WB in OH says
T-shirt has arrived!
Not sure a thorough knowledge of beer is required to suggest book tour strategies for Jeff. I think there’s a possibility somebody is confusing Herman Melville with Jack London or Norman Mailer, and you do have a small reputation as a fighter.
And when the heck did the Archie characters change/update their faces? Betty and Veronica in particular have different noses than they used to have. I will stipulate that Betty looks better than ever, but I missed the change. Of course, it could have happened any time between 1964 and 2010 and I would most likely have not noticed. Just wondering.