“Link bait” is a phrase used by bloggers, to describe a type of blog post carefully designed to earn links from other sites. They’re often filled with controversial, provocative opinions and “facts,” calculated to inflame — and earn a load of backlinks to the website where the post appears.
And I’m fully convinced that the marketing department of KFC has mastered the art of link baiting… A few weeks ago it was meat with a handle, and now this.
I mean, seriously. A bacon and cheese sandwich where the bread has been replaced by two pieces of fried chicken? That’s designed to go viral on the internet, and get “KFC” mentioned at hundreds of blogs and read by millions of people around the globe, as sure as my ass is threatening the structural integrity of this chair.
Indeed, here are Google’s blog search results, for a sandwich that was only unleashed on the public 24 hours ago.
So, I feel a little manipulated, if you want to know the truth. But I have a duty, self-created, to try the bastard out and report back to you guys. And that’s exactly what I’m doing now — under protest.
I went to our bad-neighborhood KFC yesterday afternoon, and ordered a Double Down sandwich through the drive-thru window. They’d been running a countdown clock on their corporate website, leading to April 12 — Double Down Day — and I wanted to be among the first to try it.
The woman inside the squawkbox tried to upsell me to the meal deal, but I told her I only wanted the sandwich. “$5.29,” she answered, which my inner sensors calculated as roughly one dollar too much.
I drove the scandalous sack home, and snapped the “reality” photo above. Then I took a bite. Hmm… spicy. And what’s that sauce? I wasn’t aware of a sauce. I’m not really a fan of sauces, generally speaking. And wasn’t there supposed to be bacon on this thing? …Holy shit, the sodium!
Those were my initial thoughts, in case it’s not clear.
It turns out they slap a slice of Swiss cheese on there, along with a slice of Pepper Jack. And the latter is apparently where the spiciness was coming from. Needless to say, it wasn’t all that hot, but it was definitely discernible.
The sauce, referred to as “the Colonel’s sauce” in KFC marketing literature, is apparently mayonnaise. I’m not sure, but it was definitely mayo-based, and I didn’t like it. In fact, it interrupted the flavors of all that meat and cheese. Why must there always be a sauce of some sort?
And “the Colonel’s sauce?” It makes me wonder what happened later in the day, at the Tijuana Picnic. Blecch.
The amount of salt, once again, was almost unbelievable. I like salt just fine, I’m no saltophobic, but holy crap nodules! Everything I buy at KFC is radically overloaded with sodium. It felt like my kidneys were cutting in and out.
And the fact that I couldn’t taste the bacon… Well, that’s a big problem. The fried chicken overpowered everything, and if I’d been blindfolded I would’ve told you there was no bacon present. I’d probably say it was a ball of chicken stuffed with cheese and mayonnaise.
I didn’t like the Double Down, and it’s very likely I’ll never have one again. In fact, I pulled the Pepper Jack off, and gave our dog Andy the last one-third of the sandwich. I couldn’t finish it. After the first couple of bites it became a chore, and I was quickly fatigued.
I give the new Double Down sandwich a C minus, because I’m feeling unusually generous today.
And since I’ve painted myself into this fast food corner, I’ll undoubtedly review the next over-the-top offering from KFC as well. Care to predict what it might be? Possibly a meat helmet? A globe of chicken that can be lowered over a human head, and eaten from the inside-out?
Help me out, folks. Use the comments link to make your prediction of the next link bait offering from KFC, or any of the other fast food places, for that matter.
And I’ll see you guys tomorrow.
Have a great day!
Numero Uno once again!
I like ham.
ugh… i hate it when “resteraunts” replace bread with …. nonbread in a sandwich….
like the McWaffle sandwich? and the cheese burger on a krispy kreme…
I prefer to eat my chicken from the ass in.
Um….how is Andy feeling today?
Top 10 at least…
Thanks for taking one for the team, Jeff. I hope you drank a gallon of water after that to flush the sodium away.
I can’t even predict what kind of weird shit they’ll come up with next. A chicken leg where they take the bone out and stuff the hole with bacon and cheese?
The Tijuana Picnic brings the lolz! Where’s the sombrero??
I’m with ya, Jeff…WTF is up with KFC’s marketing dept.? They have nothing in the product-development pipeline so they’re just going through their menu and trying to figure out ways to re-package existing stuff???
I once worked for the Colonel…10 of the 11 herbs and spices are salt. But I have to admit I like the grilled chicken. From the looks of this ‘samwich’ tho, maybe not so much. Makes me wonder what the qualifications are to work in the Test Kitchen. Maybe you have to be a retired competitive eater.
As soon as I saw that this thing was out I began hungrily anticipating…
the review I’d see here. And it didn’t disappoint!
Wow…I’m going with chicken cordon bleu balls…but only because it sounds like KFC is halfway to that discovery already. All they need is ham.
Chicken as edible bowl?
NOM NOM NOM
“Possibly a meat helmet? A globe of chicken that can be lowered over a human head, and eaten from the inside-out?”
.. would go nicely with a pail of soda
I had to zoom by those pictures, that looks disgusting.I don’t do KFC but it’d be my best guess that everything there tastes the same regardless of what new marketing they come up with.
The next KFC offering will be The Colonel’s Bacon Flavored Salt Dippers- fried chicken fingers and little tubs of sticky bacon salt to dip them in.
Damn, I should go trademark this quick.
Good Afternoon Surf Reporters….
I’d like to see an entire roasted chicken with all the bones removed. Replacing them would be mashed potatoes, brown gravy and corn(or string beans).
Bread the entire lot and deep fry that mother.
Jesus Christ, man, my chest hurt just reading that!
Do you know there are 20 grams of fat in a KFC thigh? TWENTY FUCKING GRAMS!!! What must one do to a chicken thigh to up it’s fat in such a fashion? I think the sodium was up around 1200 mg. It’s just…..I can’t even wrap my head around it. Blecchh.
Happy Tuesday, Surfers!
(yeah, I realize I said that yesterday and it was actually Monday. Sorry.)
Well, since taste no longer seems of paramount importance, I’m going to guess “meat suppository”.
Bend over and say “ah”!!!!
Beward the extra-crispy one, though; that’s gotta hurt goin’ in.
oh, I meant to mention that Pittsburgh must have been a test market for the KFC double down. They were being advertised around here a few months ago.
KFC Presents: “Chicken Puppies”
In regards to your ‘bad-neighborhood KFC’, South Park had some comments on this a few weeks ago. Cartman was jonesin’ for KFC, and all the KFC’s were shutting down due to a new ordinance about locating fast food joints in poor neighborhoods. Turns out, that’s the only place KFC locates! The KFCs were all becoming medical marijuana dispensaries and Cartman was not happy!
Personally, I think I’ll pass on this one. Thanks for taking one for the team, Jeff!
While the KFC Double Down is certainly a coronary waiting to happen, I think this bad boy might just be the worse ever.
http://aht.seriouseats.com/archives/2009/10/quote-of-the-day-shep-smith-on-the-krispy-kreme-doughnut-cheeseburger.html
Next thing will be deep fried turkey waddles. Yum !!
The grilled version has more sodium (1430gr.) than the fried version(1380gr.). That’s over HALF of the daily recommended sodium intake (2500 gr.) If you check out their ingredient statement, it lists one of the ingredients of the “Colonel’s sauce” as “Chicken Fat”. Holy crap! Chicken Fat !?! That’s chicken fat between chicken fat! Do we really need more chicken fat? I guess we do! Stay away from The Colonel! Far, far away!
I’m going with the “Fry ‘n Drive”. The person at the drive-through will toss you some chicken parts and a bucket of 400 degree oil that you balance between your legs. You get to fry your own meal as you drive around town.
KFC will cover their ass by making sure the bucket sez “Caution-This oil is hot”.
They will also give you gauze and bandages instead of napkins.
I bought two of them, one grilled and one fried. I was going to eat half of each and save the rest for lunch today. First thing I noticed when I opened the box was there wasn’t anything wrapped around it to enable you to pick it up. It was just laying in the box. I sloppily picked it up, I took one bite of the grilled Double Down and threw it away. It tasted like they tried to give the grilled taste by applying some sort of chemical (like liquid smoke). And that is what it tasted like, a chicken breast coated with cleaning solvents. In the garbage.
Next was the fried version. Also, no way to pick it up without making a mess. First thing I noticed was there was almost zero breading on it. I had to check twice to make sure they hadn’t given me two of the grilled version.
I took the first bite and thought hmmmm we may have something here. Everything tasted pretty damn good. No chemical taste like the grilled DD, cheese – check, bacon – check, sauce (unlike Jeff,I liked the sauce) – check.
Then the second bite. EVERYTHING that wasn’t a chicken breast slid off into my mouth. So I got a little chicken and then a huge gob of cheese, bacon and sauce. Don’t get me wrong, I ate that bite and it was damn good but then what I was left with just two old chicken breasts. No more cheese, no more bacon, no more sauce – all gone. I took a few more bites of breast and threw the rest away.
And I do agree with Jeff on two points.
One, the DD is insanely salty. McDonalds fries are bland in comparison. It is like being teabagged by a fat, sweaty pirate.
Two, I won’t be buying another. The Double Down is like a fast food freak show act. Once you’ve seen it, there is no need to see it again.
And as a post script, to all you people who fancy yourself healthy and above any kind of fast food and look down your nose at everyone else. Shut the fuck up. Nobody wants to hear your “Oh, that’s a heart attack waiting to happen” or “I hope that comes with a coupon for open heart surgery” comments. The Double Down has the same amount of calories and fat as a Big Mac, which isn’t exactly salad but It’s also not like eating Crisco out of a can.
I hope after spending your life eating your rabbit food that you live to be 110 years old. I also hope that the last 30 of that is spent in a nursing home, pissing and shitting all over yourself, waiting for your asshole kids that never come visit, wondering what that smell is and trying to figure out the square root of potato as your money quickly disappears.
Most of the time living to a ripe old age ain’t all it’s cracked up to be. Just because you eat healthy doesn’t mean you are going to peacefully drift off into the sweet hereafter while you sleep in your own bed, in your own home, surrounded by your loving family with a big smile plastered across your man-pleaser.
Healthy or not, long life or not, remember this; At the moment you die, your sphincter is going relax like everyone elses and you are going to shit your pants…and there’s nothing you can do about it.
I saw a recipe for KFC’s grilled chicken; the chicken is marinated for several hours in salt water.
Dude? Where’s the gravy? Dip that beast in gravy!!!
New offerings?
– supplementary addional optional health insurance
– Chopped formed and pressed into the shape of the Colonel’s head – “Get head at KFC”
KFC battered and fried:
– veggies – I still say veggies suck ass big time but let’s cater to everyone
– Soup balls
– Icecream
– I bet you could inject cream cheese in to that chicken breast if you hollow out a hole – it would look like a Krispy Kreme Choc filled donut (which in itself reminds me of a baloon knot
– that same cream cheese could be bacon flavored
– replace that cream cheese with creamy chocolate
I’m hungry
5 Star post by JDL !
The chicken in the ad pic made me think of misc leftover chicken parts (breast meat definitely NOT included), mulched and formed into oversized, perfectly shaped McNugget-style patties. Or hash browns. The reality pic at least looks like chicken breasts and clearly indicates that they shorted you on the bacon.
Items like this only serve to reinforce two things:
1. If it weren’t for bacon, I’d probably be a vegetarian.
2. The size of anyone’s fat ass is their own damn fault if they consider this food. Don’t talk to me about genetics.
I cannot speculate what might come next from the marketing department. However, I assure you that I won’t be buying into that load of shite no matter how they spin it. Most marketing campaigns are by design an insult to one’s intelligence. No need to read the label, fine print, or legal disclaimer, folks. The only thing you need to know is that this is DEE-LISH. Mmm mmm mmm. Yessiree, eat up!**
**KFC in no way implies that this item holds any nutritional value and cannot be held liable for the size of your ever-expanding ass, clogged arteries, kidney failure, or any other health problem that might result from consuming the above product. Hey, don’t blame us for your own stupidity.
All that and I am suprised that you fed your dog cheese! I wouldn’t feed my dogs cheese if it was the last available food substance on the planet, it gives them Atomic-Nitro gas. My freaking dogs eat cheese and they are fart-shooting themselves across the wood floor of our living room, nails scraping trying to get traction. We’d have to turn on the attic fan to save ourselves. Hell no to dogs and cheese. Just my opinion.
Hey Linda – did they mean brining or marinating… brining is good as long as they rinse off (maybe they don’t) … Brining adds tons of flavor and makes pork and chicken wonderfully juicy! I guess if you don’t rinse it off it IS marinating…
JDL – were you that angry before you ate the KFC? When I was reading your comments to the health foodies I could hear Mike Myers Scottish Dad – ha. On your side dude – but, if I had known I was going to live this long I would have taken better care of myself. Cheers
PS — I have no intention of living until I’m 110 and shitting myself silly in a nursing home, just as I have no intention of listening to someone who brought on his/her health problems bitch and moan about how awful coronary artery disease is, the absurd cost of their 20 daily meds, how they are constantly out of breath from lugging around 400 lbs., how their joints ache, etc. etc. etc. Also, and more importantly, I won’t be fetching beer for the aforementioned person because he/she can’t hoist him/herself out of a chair without nearly collapsing from the effort.
The Colonel’s International Feast!
matzo meal-breaded Halal chicken kebabs over Chow Fun noodles with Indian Paneer filled mini-Quesadillas and Schnitzel-Sauerkraut-Tots and Buerre Blanc dippin’ sauce.
Lee Harvey, what drink would you suggest with that?
Not really angry I just came over to Jeff’s site from digg.com and I get so sick of the pompous assholes who read anything fast food related and brag (falsely in most cases) that they haven’t eaten at a fast food restaurant since 19XX and wave that fact around like a black guy in a shower full of Asians.
And people who look at a picture of the Double Down and then make a stupid comment like “better eat that on the way to the hospital” strike me as being the same people who walk up to a 60 year old man with a cigarette in his mouth and ask him if he knows that smoking is bad for him.
Wait, maybe I am angry. 🙂
Nope, I used a smiley face emoticon. That means I’m not angry.
@Brynhildr
“I have no intention of living until I’m 110 and shitting myself silly in a nursing home”
No one has that intention, that was kind of the point.
Damn! Lighten up kids. What’s the problem? Is it because its Tuesday and not Friday?
Be glad…be happy. You live in America. You could be living in some Third World shithole, standing around in rags watching your sheep die.
It’s a post about a not-so-good fast food selection by a guy that entertains us. He isn’t C. Everett Koop.
Fanta, of course
JDL – your foodie rant mirrors my sentiments exactly (but was much better articulated)!
I’m getting one today.
I think there will be a lot of one time buyers.
Lee Harvey – LOL… uh…I’m crying here. Thanks dude.
Now I have to explain to coworkers what I’m laughing at.
Chuck – http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:KFC_world_map1.png – you can actually get KFC in some of the third world shitholes. USA!!! USA!!! USA!!!
I like the way the comments just teeter on the edge of civility… keeps me all excited. My nipples are about to explode.
what a meat helmet might look like
http://www.looptvandfilm.com/blog/meatheadhelmet.jpg
“teabagged by a fat, sweaty pirate”…I think I just peed a little.
oh wait !!! KFC Crispy Nipples!!!! YES!!!!
The next product from KFC will be a chicken meat salad. Popcorn chicken for croutons, some sort of red buffalo grilled chicken tomato wedges, plaing chicken breading for lettuce, cheese for cheese, orange mayo for dressing and chicken strips on top to make it healthy. All wrapped up in a hollowed out whole chicken breast, fried, for a bowl.
” . . . pompous assholes who read anything fast food related and brag (falsely in most cases) that they haven’t eaten at a fast food restaurant since 19XX . . . “
They also don’t watch TV or follow sports or drink tap water.
Dogberry just defined N&N.
JDL — my point was that I (like many people) eat healthy not because I want to be 110, but rather that I don’t want to end up like some (too many) people I know why have ruined themselves prematurely and bitch about it to no end. I’m all for accountability. And don’t try to sue Marlboro, McDonald’s, and the like if you did it to yourself.