“Link bait” is a phrase used by bloggers, to describe a type of blog post carefully designed to earn links from other sites. They’re often filled with controversial, provocative opinions and “facts,” calculated to inflame — and earn a load of backlinks to the website where the post appears.
And I’m fully convinced that the marketing department of KFC has mastered the art of link baiting… A few weeks ago it was meat with a handle, and now this.
I mean, seriously. A bacon and cheese sandwich where the bread has been replaced by two pieces of fried chicken? That’s designed to go viral on the internet, and get “KFC” mentioned at hundreds of blogs and read by millions of people around the globe, as sure as my ass is threatening the structural integrity of this chair.
Indeed, here are Google’s blog search results, for a sandwich that was only unleashed on the public 24 hours ago.
So, I feel a little manipulated, if you want to know the truth. But I have a duty, self-created, to try the bastard out and report back to you guys. And that’s exactly what I’m doing now — under protest.
I went to our bad-neighborhood KFC yesterday afternoon, and ordered a Double Down sandwich through the drive-thru window. They’d been running a countdown clock on their corporate website, leading to April 12 — Double Down Day — and I wanted to be among the first to try it.
The woman inside the squawkbox tried to upsell me to the meal deal, but I told her I only wanted the sandwich. “$5.29,” she answered, which my inner sensors calculated as roughly one dollar too much.
I drove the scandalous sack home, and snapped the “reality” photo above. Then I took a bite. Hmm… spicy. And what’s that sauce? I wasn’t aware of a sauce. I’m not really a fan of sauces, generally speaking. And wasn’t there supposed to be bacon on this thing? …Holy shit, the sodium!
Those were my initial thoughts, in case it’s not clear.
It turns out they slap a slice of Swiss cheese on there, along with a slice of Pepper Jack. And the latter is apparently where the spiciness was coming from. Needless to say, it wasn’t all that hot, but it was definitely discernible.
The sauce, referred to as “the Colonel’s sauce” in KFC marketing literature, is apparently mayonnaise. I’m not sure, but it was definitely mayo-based, and I didn’t like it. In fact, it interrupted the flavors of all that meat and cheese. Why must there always be a sauce of some sort?
And “the Colonel’s sauce?” It makes me wonder what happened later in the day, at the Tijuana Picnic. Blecch.
The amount of salt, once again, was almost unbelievable. I like salt just fine, I’m no saltophobic, but holy crap nodules! Everything I buy at KFC is radically overloaded with sodium. It felt like my kidneys were cutting in and out.
And the fact that I couldn’t taste the bacon… Well, that’s a big problem. The fried chicken overpowered everything, and if I’d been blindfolded I would’ve told you there was no bacon present. I’d probably say it was a ball of chicken stuffed with cheese and mayonnaise.
I didn’t like the Double Down, and it’s very likely I’ll never have one again. In fact, I pulled the Pepper Jack off, and gave our dog Andy the last one-third of the sandwich. I couldn’t finish it. After the first couple of bites it became a chore, and I was quickly fatigued.
I give the new Double Down sandwich a C minus, because I’m feeling unusually generous today.
And since I’ve painted myself into this fast food corner, I’ll undoubtedly review the next over-the-top offering from KFC as well. Care to predict what it might be? Possibly a meat helmet? A globe of chicken that can be lowered over a human head, and eaten from the inside-out?
Help me out, folks. Use the comments link to make your prediction of the next link bait offering from KFC, or any of the other fast food places, for that matter.
And I’ll see you guys tomorrow.
Have a great day!
Oddly enough, I want to give one of these a try. It looks stangely, tasty.
Lack of bread is appealing to me since I have to watch my total carb intake.
“And don’t try to sue Marlboro, McDonald’s, and the like if you did it to yourself”
See, we CAN find common ground. 🙂
You are correct sir. I think if a study were done, there would be a direct correlation bwtween people who “never eat that crap at fast food places” and people who “don’t even own a TV”.
@Alex – if you do decide to take the plunge, make sure you secure those intra-breast toppings sir. Otherwise, you’ll have one large blast of saucy, cheesy, bacon goodness and then you are left feeling like a 16 year old girl the morning after prom standing in the shower wondering where her hymen has gone.
I beg to differ. I never eat that crap at fast food places, yet I have two TVs and rabidly watch sports. Of course, it helps that my intestines explode like a Ryan’s Steakhouse experience every time a greasy fry so much as crosses the threshold. So, kudos to Brynhildr and I’ll go sit and enjoy my nambly-pambly baked potato with a tiny gay butter pat and some socialist chives.
Carla: I’m with ya on the cheese + dog farts. For my fat pugs it’s…meat AND cheese… like left over beef I make or something. They could knock a buzzard off a shit wagon, seriously. And it lingers in the air like a thick fog. PEE-U!!
KFC scares me a little. There was a rumor that went around years ago that some lady bit into a piece of chicken and found a fucking mouse. Yeah…enjoy your dinner everyone…
@Jeff Kay – Not sure how much extra it would cost you but you need to put an actual messageboard on your site so your fans can more easily interact.
@hot fuzz- a bacon flavored cream cheese filled fried chicken breast you say?
Right after I fap to the thought of that, I will race you to the patent office.
My arteries just went into overdrive.
Next KFC offering? A salt lick. Adorned with chicken wings. And popcorn chicken. Maybe tater tots.
The sauce you were tasting was pepper mayo, which I happen to love on my KFC twister whenever I decide to eat it.
This ‘sandwhich’ is just proof why we live in an obese country. Just looking at that ‘sandwhich’ makes me feel fatter.
zazu the pitts says
OMG! This whole rant had me laughing out loud. All of you waaay funny today
I don’t go to any of those fast food places either. Waaay too dirty for me. I want my fat and salt clean. I cansalt it and fry it at home, thankyouverymuch.
How about this? Take your KFC Extra Crispy, dip it in chocolate sauce, roll it in bacon bits and fry it again.
Yeah, it was pretty gross.
Enough salt to pucker a horses ass.
Plastic like cheese.
I ordered without some crusty old man sauce.
I ended up taking all the filling of this horrible attempt at chicken cordon blue or and eating just the sandwich patties. it wasn’t so bad then.
@ UF Monica
The chicken cordon bleu balls already exist. But they’re not KFC. It’s a frozen catering product. A shell of processed chicken surrounds a filling of hollandaise sauce containing a ham cube. About an inch in diameter each. Very tasty, but don’t eat more than three…
hot fuzz says
JDL – ok, I had to look up fap…too funny but using fap in the same thought as creamy filling? And y’all thought it was salty before??
Fried farts and pickled assholes comes between buns. Hard to put your hands around and more than a mouthful. Impossible to eat while driving and the sauce always shoots out the other end.
Gosh how i love chicken! But that is just…wrong?
I think it would be interesting to live to be 110. The shitting myself part, not so much. I think I might have a chance. My grandmother smoked until she was 65, ate whatever she wanted to (Captain D’s is her favorite), never went to the doctor or dentist. She advised me to “take an aspirin and don’t call the doctor.” She just turned 96.
Just hearing that the crap that’s pictured at the top of this page is okee-dokee for the Atkins Diet tells me all I need to know about the Atkins Diet. My friends and neighbors keep losing like 50 pounds on Atkins, gaining it back in six months, then Atkins-busting the 50 pounds again. So if they time it right, they’ll die young and slim rather than young and fat. Just the thing for the open-casket crowd.
Dammit, I’m trying to freefall out of 2nd place on West Virginia’s Most Wanted (WVMW). I can run quiet when the topic is squirty food, but when I get a free shot at the Atkins scam I have to fire a hurra torpedo.
Turn around, bright eyes.
I never thought I’d live to be a hundred
I never thought I’d get to do the things
That all those other sons do, and they do
I never thought I’d live to have my freedom
An age ago my maker was refusing me
The pleasure of the view
Just so nobody thinks I’m one of the pompous assholes who disturb JDL, I get a burger from McDonald’s twice a year or so, partly in memory of Miss Julia Child, who expressed a desire for a semi-annual Quarter-Pounder. I think the idea is to eat good food, well cooked, in judicious quantities, but I could be mistaken.
Not sure what the Black guy and the Asians JDL referred to are eating these days, but upon the equinoxes, I see people of many races chowing down at McD’s.
I’m re-ensconced as #2. Fuck the living, fuck the dead.
Double Down Fans says
Oh, aren’t you just soooo above it all. Puh-lease.
Folks, are you tired of hearing the whiners crying about this wonderful gastronomic miracle?
Tired of hearing people who think that they are nutritionists claiming that all meat is bad for your health?
Tired of hearing the food-spin that is being perpetrated upon the public by Mac-using, whinging, “Corporate America” (as if Apple isn’t a corporation) losers who are just jealous that they can’t eat the Double Down sandwich for fear of their hippie friends’ opinions?
Welcome to your oasis of reason!
We are the Double Down Fans community, and you can view the latest news on the Double Down Sandwich, and post your own experiences with the Double Down Sandwich on our blog.
Find our blog at: http://www.DoubleDownFans.blogspot.com
Email us at: DoubleDownFans@gmail.com
YouTube Channel: http://www.youtube.com/user/DoubleDownFans
Enjoy yourselves! Love the nutritious payload of life-giving calories that the Double Down Sandwich has to offer!
But most of all, life every day to its fullest, and…
(we are not affiliated with KFC in any way whatsoever. We just love this sandwich with all of our clogged hearts)
Lee Harvey Ramone says
I’ll never ketchup (or is it catsup ) to you, jtb
Lee Harvey Ramone says
There’s a local burger chain (called Crown Burger) here that make a really good pastrami burger and do a great job on their french-fried potatoes as well. I think I know what I’m having for lunch.
Then perhaps I’ll need to go for a run tonite…
I’m sorry, but I radically overslept today, and didn’t get the update finished. I’ll try to post it early tomorrow. I apologize for my lameness.
Swami Bologna says
FIRST! to reply after Jeff Kay’s 12:59 comment.
hot fuzz says
dropping a duce on this one
JDL- Jeez, calm down. I am no vegan and I love meat and love the occasional McDonalds and KFC once in awhile, but shit, look at that thing.
No update today? Eff it, I’m going to McDonalds, getting two Big Macs, then to KFC and getting a Double Down and I’ll make that into one giant sandwich. Wish me luck.
And a Diet Coke.
ROFL! I Now theres a food analogy I’m going to remember.
I reread my comment from last night about Black guys and Asians. I was just rambling, but if you or anybody else construed my comment to imply that you were using a racist metaphor, I apologize. I certainly didn’t mean to imply that, but when I reread the comment it sounds a little snippish or worse. If you read it the way I intended it, no apology is necessary, but I wanted to make sure.
Your rants on this topic are entertaining. Thanks for them….
But I withdraw nothing about the Atkins conspiracy. Just sayin’.
Chuck in Belpre says
I lost a shit load of weight on Atkins. Of course I put it right back on because those Zebra Cakes are little whores.
The only other time I lost more weight was during my divorce. Nothing will fuck with your health like your marital discord.
hot fuzz says
Just checking for an update and every time I see that KFC DD it just makes me want one even more. It’s like looking at a hooker – knowing it’s probably not a healthy activity but the marketing still works on me. But just like a hooker, I’d feel greasy dirty and disgusting after…(I’d imagine since I’ve had neither).
Sorry, Chuck’s comment about the little whores must have worked subliminally on me.
oh, and I learned how to spell deuce…
Uncle Buzz in Wheeling says
First of all, are you absolutely sure that’s chicken? Just wondering.
Wow, imagine what KFC would do to a turducken!
Probably could only be transported by a tracked vehicle, Boggles the mind.
Today’s quote: “Education is what’s left after you forget all the things you learned in school.” Albert Einstein
i had a girlfriend that tried atkins. she apparently didn’t get the concept since she thought she could eat all the sausage she wanted.
Uncle Buzz in Wheeling says
And what Esquire magazine has for decades referred to as Wretched Excess, check this out:
Jeff, I think in the interests of culinary research, you should take up a collection and have one of these constructed. Just not by anyone from KFC, OK?
someone just nuked tuna in my secret office.
“Healthy or not, long life or not, remember this; At the moment you die, your sphincter is going relax like everyone elses and you are going to shit your pants…and there’s nothing you can do about it.”
By that Philosophy does that mean any time mine had relaxed and I nearly shit my pants then, have I had a near death experience?
is that why they give death row prisoners a last meal?
hot fuzz says
My last meal would be something only available half way around the world… that should buy me a day or two. Then I’d change my mind and say I’d have a KFC DD.
my last meal would be a 30 pack crave case from whitey’s and black coffee. and i’d do the electric chair. i want them to remember the smell of burnt shit and hair for the rest of their lives. if someone quits or sues, all the better.
t-storm — you should be happy your (ex)girlfriend wanted to eat so much sausage. Or are we talking about food here?
no b, you got it right but she couldn’t stop, it cost me my job at the Family Research Council.
I started checking out all the Phil Hendrie clips on Youtube. There is funny stuff there. I like the R.C. Collins bits. And the one about the guy and the pot/tires exploding deal.
Is the DD better or worse than my own creation: the Four-Cornered Pup and Cud.
1. Take a hot dog (a real plump one like the japanese beef sausage at Kroger).
2. Roll the weiner inside a slice of aged swiss cheese (the kind with holes)
3. Now, wrap this already prizeworthy combo in a half pound or so of ground chuck– or use ground sirloin if you’re health-conscious.
4. Apply the securely beef entombed dog-and-cheese to a preheated grill for about 2 minutes per inch of circumfrence.
5. Prepare a fransisco bun by cutting a v-shaped wedge out of the top.
6. Add your sauces of choice– I go with some kind of dijon mustard.
7. Drop the browned delight (the thing you just grilled) onto the bun.
8. Add two or 4 (heck maybe even 6) slices of maple-flavored peppered bacon.
9. Open that can of Turkey Chili (no beans) that’s been sitting in the back of the pantry. You’ll want to warm this up a bit and then ladle some on top the the mess you’ve got so far.
10. Better get some chopped onions on there so you have some vegetables in your diet.
11. Enjoy with a handful of Sam Adam’s dark lager.
I slept for 22 hours after this experience and had some very interesting dreams. I also spent a whopping 86 minutes in the can after jolting awake. I think I have the “Before-and-After” pictures here somewhere…
If this gets a C minus, what does it take to get a D? Live rodents?
next up on the KFC marketing wizards hit parade….
the “KFC apple” …
a ball of deep fried special sauce wrapped in Bacon.
a crunch red skin with a soft saucy middle. Just like a real apple!
Ross Herring says
looks like a B plus to me
I honestly thought thing was delicious, I never had any problems with them, but it may just be the restaurant, the KFC here almost always has good quality unlike some others I’ve been to.