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Fast Food Review: KFC Boneless Filet: Chicken With A Handle

March 28, 2010 By Jeff 37 Comments

KFC is now selling chicken with a handle.  No seriously, check out this TV commercial, about the new Boneless Filet.

When I first saw it, I laughed out loud.  Those dudes are smiling smugly, and eating what appears to be a chicken-apple.  The ad makes it look like a large ball of meat, easy to enjoy on the go.  You know, due in part to the slip-on poultry handle.  As well as its general… ballness.

Oh, I had to try it, and on Friday I did.  Here’s a picture of the one I was served, on the passenger seat of my car:

As you can see, the real life version isn’t much like the television depiction.  It’s not a ball at all, it’s flat. The thing is advertised as a boneless breast, but mine must’ve come from the Kate Moss of chickens.  Wotta rip-off!

Basically it’s the filet that goes on a chicken sandwich, stuck inside a fry box.  Here’s a photo with the handle disengaged:

It smelled good, though.  And the chicken was certainly piping hot.

I picked it up, while parked alongside the bad-neighborhood KFC (with doors locked), and noticed that the breading was wet.  There was no crunchiness at all, and whenever one of my fingers came in contact with the filet, the breading would just slide away.

I took a bite, and my first reaction was positive.  It was juicy and tasty.  Not bad… despite its disappointing lack of heft.

But then the salt started building up in my system, and I thought my heart was going to explode.  Holy crap on a hand truck!  The sodium!  I like salt just fine, but prefer to spread a week’s worth over an entire half-week.  I don’t like to take it all at once.

Wow!  It was almost as salty as the McDonald’s Angus burgers, and that’s saying something.

At the end of the experiment I was grimacing and my heart was racing.  I don’t eat at KFC very often (read about it here), so maybe veterans are used to the sodium avalanche.  But not me, and it ruined an otherwise decent piece o’ fried bird.

I’ll give it a C plus.  And it’s very unlikely I’ll ever have another KFC Boneless Filet.  If it were an employee, I’d be forced to mark the file: not eligible for rehire.

Have you tried this latest fast food gimmick?  If so, tell us your opinion in the comments.

Also, what are your favorite foods with a handle?  I’m talking natural handles (broccoli, ribs) as well as foods with added-on handgrips (Popsicles, corndogs).  Tell us all about it, won’t you?

And if you feel like it… what other popular foods could benefit from an easy-to-grasp appendage?  What do you think?  A spaghetti cone?  Tossed salad on a stick?  Use the comments section below.

Thanks for reading!

Further fast food shenanigans

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Comments

  1. Garrett says

    March 28, 2010 at 12:51 pm

    soup sandwich?

    Reply
  2. WB in OH says

    March 28, 2010 at 1:17 pm

    BBQ baby back ribs would my favorite food with a handle.

    I’d like to try fried pork chops, mashed taters and gravy on a stick. Maybe butterfly the chop, stuff it with mashed taters, bread it and deep fry it and serve with a pail of cream gravy for dipping?

    Reply
  3. Gretchen says

    March 28, 2010 at 1:22 pm

    Bananas and broccoli qualify. I eat ’em, but I don’t love ’em. Chicken drumsticks, ice cream in a cone, popsicles, crab legs (technically), pizza, asparagus (if you so choose to grab the inedible last third of the stem), and my personal favorite: TACOS!!!

    Reply
  4. Chuck in Belpre says

    March 28, 2010 at 1:22 pm

    Corndogs…Klondike Crunch…Deep Fried Cheese…Fried Spam on a Stick. All yummy.

    These ideas didn’t make it tho:
    Fried Broken Glass on a Stick
    Chocolate Covered Tire Tread on a Stick
    Roadkill on a Stick
    Fried Stick on a Stick

    Reply
  5. Mister B says

    March 28, 2010 at 2:32 pm

    Fif!

    I too have sampled the delicacy that is the KFC Chicken Sliver in a Fry Box value meal. Like you Jeff, I was non-plussed at the breading. To me it tasted like someone had dressed up some white bread and pressed it onto the otherwise tasty chicken tit-let. I had it one other time (I’m scientific like that) but the results were identical. Good idea, poor implementation. On to the QOW:

    Natural Handle: Big-ass turkey laig (leg for the rest of you) from the fair/renaissance fair/anywhere lardasses congregate to gape at attractions

    Synthetic Handle: Corn dogs. Again, mostly from places lardasses congregate to gape at so-called attractions.

    I’m down for the tossed salad on a stick. I like salad, but sitting down and using a fork is just so inconvenient. I want to eat a salad while I’m doing 100 down the highway blasting my WVSR Podcast and whipping my hand through my hair.

    (This is my longest WVSR comment ever…I get a lot more done when I’m at work on Sundays)

    Reply
  6. hot fuzz says

    March 28, 2010 at 2:33 pm

    11 different herbs and spices….the first 9 are salt

    It’s too bad they use the filet rather than the whole breast. It might seem like a better deal.

    Bananas seem to be a perfectly designed food:
    disposable protective coating
    external ripeness indicator
    easy to process
    and ergonomically designed build in handle.

    I’d like to see some sort of meatball on a stick – fewer carbs and salty topings than you would get with a burger. Perhaps use thick cut bacon to hold the meatball….dipped in a nice marinara ….ooh and mozzarella filled or coated…or both….maybe with some crushed red chillies mixed in for heat…then breaded and deep fried…

    Reply
  7. hot fuzz says

    March 28, 2010 at 2:36 pm

    build s/b built
    topings s/b toppings
    me no spell good

    Reply
  8. Limey says

    March 28, 2010 at 2:43 pm

    Frenched lamb chops, I have never found my limit on those. I can eat them, and eat them, and eat them… I think maybe I would ask for my “last meal” to be a huge pile of lamb chops and a couple of bottles of a honking strong red.

    Reply
  9. Eve says

    March 28, 2010 at 2:51 pm

    You need to add this KFC chicken handle to your BEFORE and AFTER fast-food photos.

    Reply
  10. Limey says

    March 28, 2010 at 2:57 pm

    Based on my last experience of eating KFC, the AFTER photo could be taken about twenty minutes later.

    Reply
  11. jim britton says

    March 28, 2010 at 3:59 pm

    Another Sundaze update!
    Sweet!

    Reply
  12. Okinawaredneck says

    March 28, 2010 at 5:17 pm

    Chicken Yakatori. The chicken skin ones are the best!

    Reply
  13. CIH says

    March 28, 2010 at 5:41 pm

    Oh sweet baby jesus, i also loves me some lamb chops. It’s the perfect meat food. I was at a conference last year, and one of the buffet food stations was a hotel pan full of the little critter parts. Pull up a chair cuz I’m gonna be here a while.

    Reply
  14. Knucklehead says

    March 28, 2010 at 6:32 pm

    Sunday update? SWEET!

    Ribs are my favorite handled food, although ice cream cones are right up there, as well. The old kind of cone that came in the box with the clown on it, not those new-fangled sugar cones.

    Happy Sunday, Surfers!

    Reply
  15. Gretchen says

    March 28, 2010 at 6:47 pm

    Damn, how could I forget lamb chops?! I marinate them in Lebanese olive oil, garlic, and rosemary. Then throw ’em on the grill. I’m salivating right now just thinking about it.

    Reply
  16. JCIII says

    March 28, 2010 at 7:34 pm

    Good Evening Surf Reporters…

    The best food with add on hand controls has to be cord on the cob with the little mini cob stilettos that spike into each end. Twirl that bad boy at 60 rpm on top of a stick of butter, salt & pepper to taste….. bingo

    Reply
  17. JCIII says

    March 28, 2010 at 7:35 pm

    fuck me.. cord on a cob?

    Reply
  18. kristin says

    March 28, 2010 at 8:05 pm

    You need to check out the MN State Fair, where great pride is taken in putting all kinds of food on a stick.

    Pork chops, scotch eggs, pickles, deep fried snickers, and yes – spaghetti and meatballs. On. A. Stick.

    Reply
  19. Sidney says

    March 28, 2010 at 9:04 pm

    First! I need beer Jeff!

    Reply
  20. -Steve says

    March 28, 2010 at 9:22 pm

    Straight-out-of-the-fridge cooked boneless pork chops – skewered on a chopstick – Mmm Mmm! Dip ’em in cold applesauce for the perfect snack.

    BBQ Shrimp on a stick ain’t bad either….

    and Spedies! Though technically, those are pulled OFF the stick and wrapped in Italian Bread.

    Reply
  21. Stephanie says

    March 28, 2010 at 9:29 pm

    @kristin: I now live in MN, and went to the State Fair last year, where I discovered “Hot Dish”. On a stick.

    Better known as a “casserole” to the rest of the country, hot dish consists of a layer of chopped beef, topped with tater tots and cheese, and then a can of cream of mushroom soup is poured over the whole thing.

    Only in Minnesota…

    Reply
  22. Sidney says

    March 28, 2010 at 10:06 pm

    My wife just made the most amazing “casserole” this evening! Beef, carrots, peas, taters, spices, and love. She calls it a “Shepard’s Pie”. I call it…” The I love you, I love you, I love you, Pie!” Yes I know, there was no handle but well…

    Reply
  23. SeanInSac says

    March 28, 2010 at 10:26 pm

    Barbecued Tequila lime Chicken, Sweet and spicy Grilled Shrimp, Grilled Asparagus and grilled fresh Pineapple. Top it off with a couple two, ‘tree coctails and a warm night, yeah that was a perfect Sunday Dinner

    Reply
  24. icecycle66 says

    March 29, 2010 at 7:59 am

    The chicken felt wet because that is part of KFC’s original recipe. Apparently, when the Colonel finally got his chicken just right he dropped it in a bucket of tepid water. All of the original recipe crap is soggy and wet. I hate it. People who like it are the same kind of people who actually think open faced sandwiches are still sandwiches, THEY AREN’T.

    It boggles my brain to think that someone would go through the trouble of ordering fried chicken just to end up with a wet meat sponge; then go on and on about how wonderful it is. The wet sleeve of batter flour that KFC chicken comes in is an abomination and an insult to fried food everywhere.

    Reply
  25. Mark Eichholz says

    March 29, 2010 at 9:48 am

    The local chinese/american buffet has grilled chicken on a kebob skewer, and it’s quite good. It’s been dipped in some kind of red sauce before grilling but not sweet/sour sauce. I’m not really sure what it is, but its very good nonetheless.

    Mark

    Reply
  26. Limey says

    March 29, 2010 at 10:24 am

    All you KFC fans need to brace yourselves for the upcoming “KFC DoubleDown”, which is, and sit down for this, a cheese and bacon sandwich where the bread has been replaced by fried, breaded chicken. From top to bottom it goes fried chicken, cheese, bacon, fried chicken. Gentlemen, start you defibrillators!

    Reply
  27. T. Farty McAppleass says

    March 29, 2010 at 10:35 am

    I agree with icecycle66, KFC original recipe is crap. Soaking wet crap. I’ll never understand the draw to KFC. Good chicken can be had at Church’s and Bojangle’s, but never at KFC.

    We attended a fair recently and rented a vending cart so we could sell onions on a stick. Not as big a hit as you might think. I guess we should have cooked them or something. APPARENTLY people don’t like to eat raw white onions from a stick. Who knew?

    I’d like to try a hotdog on a stick. Maybe someone could dip a hotdog in some kind of corn meal based batter and deep fry it. That sounds good.

    Candy apples – both the bright red and the caramel ones – are good. Apples have a built in handle. You simply hold them above your mouth by the stem and take chomps (from the bottom up) until you’re done.

    I wish donuts had a built in handle. As it is I’m forced to hold them with a pair of pliers.

    Also, fuck KFC.

    Reply
  28. Jason says

    March 29, 2010 at 10:44 am

    Mr. McAppleass,

    I bet you can sell more onions next time if you disguise them as apples by dipping them in caramel or that hard red stuff. Just a thought.

    Reply
  29. t-storm says

    March 29, 2010 at 11:17 am

    mmmmm carmel onions.

    corndogs. hands down.

    and ice cream drum sticks.

    and cock. wait, what?

    Reply
  30. Ognir says

    March 29, 2010 at 11:37 am

    When I was in the Philippines, you could buy various sorts of meat on a stick. I think it was mainly bird, or monkey meat.

    Reply
  31. hot fuzz says

    March 29, 2010 at 12:24 pm

    Limey got me curious – new KFC double down…. from what I can get from KFC sites and my own fridge (yes I had bacon, what of it…)

    2 KFC chicken breasts (shouldn’t they always be in pairs?)
    nb – not filets but the whole breast
    600 calories
    30 gr fat
    1600 mg sodium

    2 slices of bacon
    200 calories
    18 gr fat
    200 mg sodium

    Cheese (I used cheddar info)
    120 calories
    12 gr fat
    120 mg sodium

    so not including the sauces and I’ve probably underestimated …your mileage may vary

    900 calories
    60 gr fat
    2000 mg sodium

    I’ve done worse..many many times…I’m thinking anything that appears here http://thisiswhyyourefat.com/, should not appear on your plate (food on a stick exempted since no plate involved).

    Reply
  32. PAmike says

    March 29, 2010 at 12:48 pm

    I agree salad on a stick would be great…

    I’m sitting here at work eating a salad and there’s just no good way to do it so that im not flinging shredded cheese and lettuce shards all over my desk.

    Reply
  33. dogberryjr says

    March 29, 2010 at 1:01 pm

    Hotdog On A Stick (TM). Just to watch the girls in the beenies make the lemonade.

    Reply
  34. hot fuzz says

    March 29, 2010 at 1:10 pm

    No matter how hard I try – real life is funnier…

    http://www.junkfoodblog.com/2006/07/jimmy-dean-chocolate-chip-pancakes.html

    Chocolate chip pancake batter covering a sausage link ON A STICK….

    I think ON A Stick can replace IN BED when reading fortune cookie messages…. You will find wealth and happiness ON A STICK… yeah works for me

    Reply
  35. Madz1962 says

    March 29, 2010 at 1:26 pm

    I will never eat KFC again. Got their Popcorn chicken once. It was the equivalent of adhering my tongue to a salt lick.

    But,,, speaking of chicken and today’s question – chicken wings. Great built in handle.

    Also, a hotdog. Forget the stick and batter, lather that baby in mustard. Ditto a hot pretzel.

    Reply
  36. CADude says

    March 29, 2010 at 1:45 pm

    A meal-on-a-stick (the healthy variety), listed from the top down (reverse order of build): Lettuce with dressing (salad on a stick), followed by shrimp (2) on the same stick (appetizer), then alternating filet mignon (or your entre of choice) with potatoes (in any incarnation, but mashed would have to also be fried) and peas (a thin stick is used in this example). At the bottom you’d have mixed fruit, cheese, and nuts for dessert (ergo the “healthy variety” label).

    It’s fucking genius, I tell ya. Pure genius.

    And now I’m off to the US Patent and Trademark Office website. There’s gotta be money in sticks.

    Reply
  37. CIH says

    March 29, 2010 at 6:52 pm

    @ Hot Fuzz
    Thank you for using nb. No one here understands when I use it. And “here” is Pittsburgh. I have to explain it. “Didn’t you take Latin in high school?” I guess not. Let’s see how long this stands as the last comment to this post.

    Reply

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