Our basement is a disgrace, and it’s mostly my fault. I’m kind of a pack rat, you see, and there are countless boxes down there filled with “souvenirs” from all periods of my ridiculous life. It makes Toney crazy, and we’ve had more than one argument about it. Many more than one, in fact.
A couple of weeks ago we were looking for something specific in the basement, and Toney unearthed a rich vein of artifacts from my grade school era. She held up a ball of red and blue electrical tape, and said, “Why the hell did you keep this?”
I explained to her that when I was in fifth grade the teacher created a giant diagram of a human heart on the floor of our classroom, and would have kids walk through it and announce each part of the organ as they progressed. And after she was finished with it, she asked me and Danny J. to pull up the tape.
“And there it is…” I added, dramatically.
But my wife failed to grasp the historical significance of the item, and rolled her eyes in exasperation. If it were up to her, I know, she’d just throw that big wad of used tape into the garbage. And can you even imagine such a thing?
On that day Toney also found a battered, and much-used Duncan yo-yo, from roughly the same time period. And it got me to thinking about the elementary school fads that rocked our world. Stuff that somehow took-hold with a white-hot intensity, and swept through all the grade schools of our town, and probably beyond…
Below I’ve made a list of the fads that come immediately to my mind. It’s certainly not definitive, but maybe you guys can help make it more so? After I’m finished rattling on, please use the comments section to tell us about the elementary school fads you have known. OK? OK.
Yo-yos In fourth grade, or thereabouts, every kid in town carried around a yo-yo, like it was 1947 or something. It’s hard to imagine, but we all attempted fancy tricks like “Walk the Dog,” “Around the World,” and possibly the “Dirty Sanchez?” I’m unclear on it.
I remember there was a TV commercial at the time, selling a book (this was the pre-video era) that supposedly taught you all the tricks. And during the ad some doucheketeer showed us how cool we could be, by demonstrating the various yo-yo maneuvers. He was a master!
And I believe it was that commercial that triggered the frenzy. Every teacher in our school had a drawer-full of confiscated yo-yos. After the fad fully kicked-in, the school engaged The Clampdown, as usual, and wouldn’t allow us to have our yo-yos anymore. No fun allowed!
And so it goes.
Oh, and it HAD to be a Duncan yo-yo. It couldn’t be some cheap piece of crap from a Revco dumpbin. Oh no. All self-respecting yo-yoers rocked the Duncan, and nothing else.
Clackers These were two hard plastic balls, connected by a length of string, and you’d “clack” them together. Here’s a video of some dude demonstrating.
Clackers were briefly as popular as yo-yos, but kids started getting their teeth knocked out (reportedly), and going home with big knots on their heads… So, they were quickly banned from schools, and then from stores.
Heh. I guess people would get them clackin’ real fast, and something would go askew? It makes me laugh, just thinking about it. I never knew anyone who was hurt by a set of Clackers, and wonder how true those stories really were.
Oh well.
Super Balls These were just small rubber balls that could bounce like a motherfucker. We’d get them from bubble gum machines inside grocery stores, and they came in many colors and varieties. I think they cost a dime each.
And for a while every boy in the universe (our universe, anyway) walked around bouncing the things, almost absentmindedly. We’d also throw them straight down at the ground, to see how high we could make them bounce. It seemed like they’d go sailing twenty stories into the air.
I also remember us going into the bathrooms at the elementary school, flinging a ball at the wall, and covering up. I don’t know why we thought this was fun, but we did. Every class had a tiny bathroom, and we’d unleash the Super Balls in there, and would often emerge with a big red welt on the sides of our necks, to the delight of everyone else in the class.
We were kinda stoopid, now that I think about it.
Frito Bandito erasers During the 1970s, the Frito Bandito was the cartoon spokesman for Fritos corn chips. He was a Mexican who spoke with a lazy accent, wore a sombrero, carried guns, and talked about robbing and looting all the time. For some reason people thought this was racist, and demanded the Bandito be put out to pasture. And he was.
But before the crybabies ruined all our fun, there was a full-blown elementary school fad involving the Frito Bandito eraser. Here’s an old TV commercial that explains what they were.
Every kid, boy or girl, had at least one of these things, and they were extremely valuable. You had to be careful, or someone would jack your eraser, and completely shatter your world.
I remember being in Kroger (aka Kroger’s) in Dunbar, and all the six-packs of Fritos were plundered. The plastic wrapping was ripped on every single package, and the erasers had been removed by junior criminals. Oh, those things were a hot commodity, and probably should’ve been stored inside a cage, like the iPods at Sam’s Club.
Pro Keds In grade school. sneakers were incredibly important. And for a while Pro Keds were at the very pinnacle of the “tenna shoe” hierarchy. They were just normal looking things, but had a small red and blue stripe on the side. Here’s what I’m talking about.
Converse All-Stars were also very popular during that period, and maybe a few others. Who the hell knows at this point?
Off-brand sneakers were called “dobies,” and there was no greater shame than to come to school wearing a pair of dobies, or even worse… “K-Mart dobies.” Luckily, I was able to convince my parents of the importance of all this, and always had reasonably fashionable footwear.
Whew!
Now I’m going to turn it over to you guys… If you have anything on the subject of elementary school fads, please tell us about it in the comments.
And just so you know… I also remember some lower-grade fads surrounding paper footballs (remember those things?), Bic Banana pens (heh), and various lunchboxes (Planet of the Apes, Hot Wheels, Evel Knievel, etc). But they were second-tier fads, and never reached critical mass.
What were the hot items at your school? Tell us about it, won’t you?
And I’ll see you guys tomorrow.
Have a great day!
I remember the Duncan yo-yo ad on TV. Same craze where I was from. The erasers were a fad–but not out of Fritos–but rather out of the school supply store. There were five in a series of spaceships–and were MUST HAVES. So much so, I plundered my mom’s stash of silver dollars and “Kennedy Halfs” and bought the set. Yeah–that probably wasn’t wise.
I recall Pro-Keds…but there was a secondary Keds product called “Taillights” where the shoes had a big orange dot on the back made with reflective plastic–who knows why but they were cool in the 70’s. They are high gay today.
Another shoe fad from back in the day. “Track shoes became the fad featuring faux suede at some point around 3rd grade, then in the early 80’s the brand name Pony became the must have brand in the pre-Nike dominance era, and then there specifically “turf shoes” used for football on turf–but a fad among teenagers for a time, the really cool people had the elongated tongue that folded over and covered the knot. Eventually they were adapted to a high-top version–which were always worn untied with the tonge prodruding above the bottoms of your straight-leg Levis.
Shit–I feel like an episode Queer Eye.
Buck Out
I remember every time my mom would wear the mood ring it would turn jet black. Every single time, straight to black. Good times.
Jeff, next time wifey complains about your ball of red and blue electrical tape, or anything of a similar ilk, just tell her it’s your “Rosebud.” It’s an icon of your youth, and reminds you of simpler and pleasanter times before your life was saddled with the despair that comes with being an adult. So, just like Charles Foster Kane looked at that snow-globe and was immediately transported back to his youthful and carefree days sledding on “Rosebud,” your ball of red and blue tape takes you back to elementary school in Dunbar, WV, when you had not a care in the world. I think she’ll understand.
i also frikkin forgot POGS!
Last again!
“Dobies” were called “bo-bos” in our school. Just as bad as “highwaters” — jeans that were too short because they were hand-me-downs or you had outgrown them.
3rd/4th grade: those friendship pins (made by females, of course)
5th/6th grade: Chinese throwing stars and switchblades were popular. As you might guess, I didn’t go to an upscale elementary school. By 6th grade, half the class was smoking pot. This was in the mid 80s. Anyone remember Spanjam shorts? Who the fuck thought those were a good idea? Those were a short lived fad back then too.
I still have my Wacky Packages collectors album (’83 I think) as well as a framed, uncut sheet of stickers that I bought in NYC when I lived there. Apparently there was a stash of them in Brooklyn:
http://www.wackypackages.org/sheets/1st_rerun.html
That’s a short list, gotta hit the road…
@hardoxdan — my cousin and I both had a Crossman 760, and you’re right: those fuckers were powerful. Killed a lot of birds and beercans/beer quarts with those things. The side of my Grandfather’s garage had a million pellets embedded in it because we used it as a backstop.
Lucas- whatdafuck are PODS?
On IPOD right now- “How Many More Times?”- Led Zep
Sorry- “POGS”!!!
I have read that the Japanese will pay a lot of money for old track shoes from the 70s.
I believe all the pellet guns I had were destroyed by my father.
Is there a way we can PayPal that woman in the bunkercam a five dollar foot long?
On IPOD right now- “That’s Not My Name”- Ting Tings ( I really like that chick that sings!!)
Sorry, but I gotta let one more thing fly before the update. Hey Tiger, so yer a fucking sex addict now? Take that Wade Boggs approach, once you get caught, and throw that out there and see if it sticks. “Sex Addict” is the last resort before the impending divorce. I hope you never win another dollar as long as you live. I might even put you in my death pool. Fuck you, Tiger. You had it all asshole.
OK, I’m done.
On IPOD right now- “Heaven Beside You”- Alice in Chains
Remember when Spencer Gifts opened in the mall? I had to have everything in the store – blacklights, posters, those candles with the twisted shaped on the sides, the strobe light, the “dirty” cards (tame by today’s standards) – a must stop at every visit to the mall in the 70’s
The girl’s must have sneakers here in suburban Baltimore in the late 70s/early 80s were Tretorns. We also wore OP shorts, deck shoes with the laces tied in spirals, and Forenza shaker knit sweaters backwards with the V-neck in the back. God we were stupid girls. And yes, totally doused in Love’s Baby Soft with our Dr Pepper Lip Smackers glossing our lips.
Speeding through my forties, I can so relate to all these fads. Jeff is right. At the time, it was Duncan yo-yo’s or GTFO! The only fad I haven’t seen mentioned here (and probably shouldn’t be) was Kalso Earth shoes. For some reason, those ugly-azz things really took off in my small town, southern jr. high school. There we were…in our helmet shaped hair-cuts, wide leg jeans (or Liberty Bells, for the terminally cool) and Earth shoes. It really was a ‘sunshine day’ back then.
I saw some kids wearing checkered deck shoes last summer. I guess those are back in style.
Roots sweatshirts, marbles, converse all-stars, home-made woven bracelets made by the girls, tapered leg pants held together with pins, Hot Wheels (I still buy these but Mustangs and Ford musclecars only), GI Joe, Transformers and M.A.S.K. (80’s versions)
“Slam Books” – handmade ‘books’ with a different persons name on each page – then it was passed around and people would write stuff about each person; usually negative stuff…..these days kids would be sued/expelled/deported/stoned to death for such a thing….
The plastic helmets of every football team. Pet rock. Madonna bracelets. Baby Thataway. Baby alive. Cabbage patch. Stretch Armstrong (with leaking green ooze that was tamed only by freezing). Rubix cube. In New Orleans we had little Chinese yoyos.
Silly Puttty