So, it’s OK to make as much noise as you want, once the clock strikes 8 a.m.? Is that what our society has decided? Well, it doesn’t work for me, and I need for it to be pushed back to 10. And let’s start that tomorrow, OK? Thank you very much for your attention to this matter.
Today I was awakened by some kielbasa-eater on a riding mower, at the house behind ours. At 8 in the morning! The grass is too wet to mow that early in the day, yet he was out there kicking up a hell of a racket. Thanks! We second-shift flunkies sincerely appreciate it.
I did manage to go back to sleep for a few minutes, before the cig-dangling street diggers returned. I think they were out there around 8:30, a-banging, a-clanging, and a-yelling fuck. And this, of course, caused Andy to completely lose his mind, and bark roughly one million times, with a half-second pause between each bark.
It was fantastic. That’s two days in a row that I got four hours sleep, because of all the noise and whatnot. And I’m not a light-sleeper. I’m not like Toney. One of the neighbors can fart in their kitchen down the block, and she’ll sit bolt-upright in bed, and shout, “What was that?!” Then she’s up for the day.
No, I can sleep through almost anything. Yet I was blasted out of bed yesterday and today, around 8 in the morning. You know, because that’s what society has decided. I’m unsatisfied.
For only the second time in my life, I’ve been summoned to jury duty. It doesn’t happen until September, but the letter arrived a few days ago. The last time I sat in a room at the courthouse for 8 hours, read an entire Dean Koontz novel, and was dismissed. Nobody spoke to me, I wasn’t interviewed or anything. I just finished my book, and they told me I could go home.
Shortly after we moved here I received a summons for Los Angeles County, but was able to get out of it. The commute would’ve been horrendous. But other than that… there’s been no action on the jury front. I’m pushing 50, and have only had to report once. Toney, on the other hand, has to go all the time. Wonder why?
I’m kinda looking forward to it. It might be mildly interesting. I’d love to go all the way through the process, at least once. No long, drawn-out murder trials, or anything like that. Just a quickie one or two day affair would be cool. Ya know?
Do you have any interesting experience with jury duty? How often are you called? Is twice in 50 years unusual? Please use the comments link to tell us about your history with juries.
Also, I’d like to know how you put on your socks and shoes. Toney and I were talking about this a few days ago… I always do it the same way, but she’s all over the map with it. And I don’t understand how that’s possible. I have a well-defined system for all tasks that are repeated often. I can’t imagine just improvising.
I go: left sock, right sock, left shoe, right shoe. There is a never a variation on it. NEVER. But what about you? We’ll need to know all about it.
And I need to go now, eat a ludicrously tall salad, and return to my home away from home. Ahhh…. the good life.
I’ll see you guys again tomorrow.
Have a great day!
Now playing in the bunker
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I already miss Andy & Barney too for that matter!
Now that I have actually read the report….
Left sock, left shoe, right sock, right shoe. How could anyone do it differently?
Really. how you put on your socks and shoes ? I don’t care how I put on my own hoof-wear so I truly could not give a care about anyone else. Sleep-wise I am a 22 year night-shift worker and my natural enemies are: Lawnmowers, children on the sidewalk, and van operated carpet cleaners.
I worked night shift for years as a nurse, and I also did travel nursing for a while. In Wyoming, my downstairs neighbor bought his kid a drum kit and set it up in the driveway. I contemplated murder on a daily basis. In San Jose, I was two blocks from the Jehovah’s Witness’ hall or whatever they call it, and got lots of doorbell ringing. It finally stopped when I answered the door in a nightgown and crazy hair and yelled something about being a damn Baptist who worked fucking night shift. No more visits bringing me the good news.
WB in OH says
You’re doing it right Jeff, left sock, right sock, left shoe, right shoe. It’s in the New Testament I think.
Shiny-Somehow putting on a shoe before both socks are on would like putting on my t-shirt before my underwear. I dunno, maybe I’m wrong.
I’m 45 and have never been called for jury duty despite being registered to vote my entire adult life. My boss is 60 and I think he gets called about every other year.
i’m with you jeff. left sock, right sock—THEN the shoes in the same order. my secret does it this way: right sock, right shoe, left sock, left shoe. i keep telling him this messes with the space time continuum but he won’t listen. if the fabric of the universe begins to rip apart, you’ll know who to blame. goddam kids!!
One sock followed by one shoe at a time on either foot is wrong. If you had to go do something midway through the process you’d show up looking like a complete fool…where as showing with just both socks on is totally acceptable. One sock and one shoe?…the sock may as well be light blue and the shoe a Bass Weejun penny loafer with a shiny new penny in the holder.
***left/right/left/right for me
I’ve never been summond for jury duty. Aparrently I’m nobody’s peer…which doesn;t suprise me in the least.
Sock and a shoe and a sock and a shoe, -vs- two socks and two shoes: I recall Archie Bunker having the same argument with Mike “Meathead” Stivic. So the debate is ancient, long pondered by Talmudic scholars, and not for the likes of us to resolve.
I bet those dudes digging in the street are not too happy – they were put on minimum wage by the mayor.
Have you ever thought of using ear plugs?
Tipsey McChugney says
I heard a little about this on NPR: Are all Scranton city workers earning minimum wage for the time being? Or was it that only the minimum wage earning city employees are currently getting their paychecks right now?
Right sock or maybe the left sock; then the other sock; then shoes. This really isn’t very interesting to me at all……
WB in OH says
All Scranton city workers are on minimum wage, $7.25, for the time being, is how I read it.
Tipsey McChugney says
…so the general counsel of the City of Scranton (word always reminds me of scrotum) is currently getting paid $7.25 per hour. With benefits, of course.
I hate to think of fire fighters and cops earning minimum wage. I heard the report on NPR, and one guy they interviewed said his paycheck was around $300. That truly sucks. Maybe the mayor and council should give up their salaries until they can get stuff straightened out.
The hubs works for a big city water department, and I can say without reservation that if they tried to reduce him to minimum wage at this point, 3 things would happen-
-he’d have to GTFO
-we’d be homeless in a month
-I’d invite them all to eat a bag of assholes.
Scary to think that’s happening anywhere.
Root 66 says
Jury duty–called up three times, but only served once. My employers wouldn’t pay me to be off the first two times.
The one time I did go though, I got placed on two different juries. Sadly however, I was an alternate both times. Translate–you sit there and listen to all this boring crap, then you can’t vote or even talk to any of the other jurors! Thanks for wasting two weeks of my life! Sheesh!!
Oh, and Mr. Kay is quite correct: left sock, right sock, left shoe, right shoe–unless of course, you’re wearing sandals, then anything goes!
I’ve never gone, and I’m 47. Once and awhile I get a notice in the mail but I just toss it in the trash. They don’t follow up to see if people don’t go and they certainly don’t prosecute or penalize anyone if you don’t go.
Never really thought about how I put on my socks and shoes, but I do put on bot socks, than both shoes. No particular order, though. Been to jury duty a few times, although before I entered my present career I always tried to duck it or ignore it. Construction companies are notoriously cheap about paying when you’re not actually producing. Just six months or so ago I got picked (juror # 19) and after jury selection was over there I was in the front row for the next four days. Interesting process, but I could have lived the rest of my miserable existance without hearing the details of some scumbag getting way more familiar wih his way underage niece than he should have been. And hearing his 30 years in this country non-english speaking mom and older sister blaming the niece and making excuses for the accused. I was elected jury foreman, even though I was the only male in the room with middle of the back length hair and a beard down to the front of my bib overalls( and in spite of the fact that I nominated the ex NFL linebacker I went to lunch with every day). Took us all of 20 minutes to convict on 19 felony charges, sign the appropriate documents, and get back to the judge.
Right sock, left sock, left shoe, right shoe
Average Jane says
I’m 45 years old and I have never been called for jury duty. I keep waiting and waiting. I guess I must live in a low-crime area.
Left sock left shoe right sock cod piece nipple clamp (left) left shoe (again) right shoe.
I’ve been on one jury. 19yo wound up with two felony strikes (burglary, which he confessed to on the stand, and threatening someone with a gun, when the residents of the apartment he was burglarizing walked in on him). Kind of sad, but 19 is old enough to deal with the consequences of bad decisions.
What I found hard to take (aside from all the “hurry up and wait” while getting shuffled into and out of the courtroom while the lawyers were doing their reality-defying bit) was the girl on the jury who seemed to not want to convict because she found the defendant attractive.
The consequennces of bad decisions is the third stage of a vagina full of bad decisions…
Vagina full of bad decisions. Penis coated in regret.
That is a truly awesome bit of poetry.
But not as awesome as madz quoting Plato quoting Socrates. Kind of a Tinker to Evers to Chance shitstorm of wisdom.
Patty (In Cleveland) says
I am 45 and have been called twice. I had to serve once on a case similar to squawvalleyskips except we were deadlocked for two weeks since one juror refused to believe the old man could do that. He took it upon himself to visit the alley where the crime allegedly occured and when the judge found out she declared a mistrial due to jury misconduct. If looks could have killed that dude would have been gone. Another jury two months later found the old man guilty of 32 felony charges in about an hour.
I also put my shoes on all willy nilly there is no pattern.
The movie 12 angry men should be called jury misconduct.
I’ve heard or read somewhere before that the pattern in which you put on your shoes might be related to what hand you use primarily. The right-sock-left-sock-right-shoe-left-shoe method is for right-handed people, primarily. The opposite of that is for left. Ambidextrous people tend to be more like Toney, which is they put their socks and shoes on any way they feel like it at that moment. But the primary hand users are more strict in their flow of things. But that could be way wrong….who knows?!
I was on a jury once for 10 weeks. A civil case where a woman was suing an auto maker (she was driving a Jeep) because it rolled over in a minor accident, and the roof buckled right over the driver’s head, causing her to become quadriplegic. I and three others agreed with her side, because they were able to prove to us that the shoddy metal used right over the driver and passenger’s heads would buckle with little to no pressure, but 9 asshats didn’t want to “pay her millions” (even though they agreed there was a defect in the auto) and voted her down. They were asking for $119 million, which would cover her expenses for life (which were MAJOR, with her condition), her daughter’s college fund and what she would have been paid had she been able to continue working. I figured she wasn’t gonna go partying with that much, since she was in a damn head-to-toe wheelchair and had to blow out of a stick to communicate, but hey, what do I know?
My bf throws his summons away. He has never been caught but I swear I have a heart attack every time he does it. And of course he gets called up every two years or so. I never do and I would go. I’ll be visiting him in prison soon enough, I’m sure! 🙁
I’m not sure who’s right in the sock/shoe debate, Archie Bunker or Meathead, but it’s an entertaining discussion: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZFuniFSP2fo
WB in OH says
I have been called for jury duty about half a dozen times in my life. I have been excused for all but one of the juries (due to prior law enforcement). I actually ended up sitting on a jury in a one day trial that went all the way to a verdict (we found him not-guilty). It was a fantastic experience, I recommend it to anyone who is interested in the justice process.
As far as socks, I have to disagree. You should do it differently every time or they start figuring out your schedule. Hmm might be a little bit of left over law-enforcement paranoia!
Right sock, left sock, right shoe, left shoe… doing otherwise makes me anxious. I blame the history of OCD on my mom’s side of the family.
Went in for jury duty once, but got dismissed after questioning. Whoo hoo!
I just got some jury duty newsletter looking thing in the mail 2 weeks ago. I’m supposed to fill it out answering all the US citizenship questions, criminal acts, age, blah blah blah. I have a good friend who works for some high priestess judge downtown who will get me out of it.
Sometime back in the 90’s, I was picked to sit on a jury for the most ridiculous case. A complete waste of tax payer’s time.
This fucking idiot was trying to sue Giant Eagle Grocery Store. He was there at closing time and in a hurry to get to the video rental department. In his rush, he didn’t notice that they had lowered the gate about 3/4 of the way down. So he slams, head first, into the metal gate and knocks his ass to the ground.
He wanted them to pay for medical bills of a concussion he never had, and “pain and suffering”. I guess for being a dipshit. He ended up with getting his medical bills paid but we didn’t think he deserved another dime.
It was such bullshit. No wonder the justice system is fucked up because of money chaser’s like that.
I put my right sock on first, but only halfway. Then I stuff the other sock into my left shoe and put those both on at the same time. Back to the right, I finish the sock process, take a short break, then put the shoe on with one of those dandy-lad stand up shoe horns. Sometimes I wait until mid morning to tie them but only if I feel like doing something odd.
Received letters for jury duty twice in the past and got out of it both times; once for pregnancy complications and the other time for having a young one at home. (This is the ONLY reason to ever have children.)
Sometimes it’s socks then shoes in no special foot order. Other times I do sock, shoe, sock, shoe. Whatever. But I do insist on matching my underwear to my outer garments, colorwise. Not that anyone would know, but it matters aesthetically.
I think I do left sock, right sock, left shoe, right shoe. I’ll have to check.
I was called for Jury Duty twice. Once, I had to go all the way downtown NYC which, living in the suburbs, was a colossal pain in the ass. My sister and niece are both NYPD (my sister is a Lieutenant) so I think that got me out of it.
The other time,(local) you called the night before to hear a recorded message to check if your number was on it. Mine never was. By Thursday, you got that sweet, sweet message “You have fulfuilled your jury duty obligation” merely by calling an 800 number.
I can (almost) understand construction begiining early but for the life of me, I can’t understand why 4 – 5 Lance Armstrong wannabes pick prime commuter time to get their spandex clad ride in. And they try to ride 2 or 3 abreast. Fuckin’ idgits.
WB in OH says
I have a neighbor who works third shift, gets home at 7 am and another neighbor (well she just married into the neighborhood) who likes to mow the yard three times a week starting about 11 am. Most of the time it looks like she’s just riding around on the lawn mower blowing dust around, little strange that one. It’s well known by everyone that Don works nights, I don’t know if she doesn’t give a damn or thinks four hours is plenty of time to sleep. If it were me I’d scream at her until she got the message or tell her husband to grab the keys to the mower before he left for work.
Due to all the 100 plus degree days, and no rain, lawnmowers are a sound no one hears around here anymore. (Morgantown, WV)
Socks before shoes. Always. Havn’t messed up yet. =-)
If you lived here, you would be shaken from your dormancy platform at a nice 7am.
Local ordinances say 7am – 10 am for doing noisy things. At 7:00:01am on the dot every morning the equipment got fired up when they where redoing our street (sewers, water, sidewalks, road, so it was a couple months of dust and slaloms). If it happens to be emergency (understandable) or critical work, 24 hours/day is allowed.
MC Perfunctory says
When I lived in Chicago, I got called for jury duty once a year (you only can get called once a year) almost to the day, for 6 or 7 years in a row. I figure that someone from my past, that must have a grudge for something, now works for the Cook County Sheriff’s department.
Anyway, I sat on a few juries, culminated in a murder trial at 26th and california, where the judge, jury, defendent are inside bulletproof glass. Took a whole week, although in ‘real time’ spent in the courtroom could have been done in 1 1/2 days.
I even got called for jury duty a year after moving out of the Chicago area. Once I provided proof of my new residence, the summons FINALLY stopped!
I’ve ‘done my time’ for the judicial system. I’ll do anything, including lying to the judge and saying I’m predjudiced or something, to get out of jury duty again. No more for this guy!
Most people start with the same side when putting on their socks and shoes and don’t even realize it. My wife does it. To prove my point I hid her left shoe and she went around losing her mind.
You do the same thing when shaving. Start on the left side or right side (or whatever), the same place every time. I’ve tried to switch it up just for the fuck of it, but why do that to yourself?
Never been called for jury duty, not even once.
Ozzie Bucco says
Since I don’t wear socks, It’s left shoe, right shoe.
I’ve been called a couple of times for jury duty. The first time, was a murder case, involving multiple jurisdictions, dozens of witnesses. I got called up and seated, then proceeded to stare murderously at the defense attorney. He finally excused me.
My second was a civil case, a car accident, that seemed flimsy as hell. The plaintiff was Albanian and needed an interpreter. The case was dismissed while we wre out to lunch.
Right sock, left sock, shoes in whatever order I find them.
I’ve been called for jury duty twice. Both times I got to sit through multiple voir dires, but never got picked for a jury. It helps to be a nurse with a legal background married to a guy who works closely with cops. I would actually love to be on a jury, but the other panelists would have to be pretty out there for me to be empaneled. And our county now does two week dockets, so I missed a lot of work. That didn’t exactly break my heart, as I still got paid.
So cool to see an update just a day after the previous one!
I’m sure I never deviate in my footwear-donning procedure, but damn if I know in what order things go on. I’m pretty sure I put on socks first, then shoes.
I have never served on a jury, and I think I would like to. I’ve gotten the summons maybe four times – it’s rare but not unheard of. The way it works here is you call the phone number the night before, and the autobot tells you if you have to go in. Only once did I have to go in, and I read the paper all day, Jeff Kay-like, then they told me to go home.
I worked third shift for a few years, and second shift for a few years after that. It sucks trying to sleep when the world is up and about. I have an early morning tomorrow, and have to go to bed now-ish, but some fuckwit is running a chainsaw because it’s not quite fully dark yet.
The husband got called once for jury duty. He blamed me for making him register to vote for the first time in 40 years. He took the letter to work, who wrote a letter to the county saying how they couldn’t live without him. Me on the other hand would love a long drawn out trial….given that we live in a shit hole area, that is a plausible option. 2nd and 3rd shift suck…no one ever thinks about your sleep needs. Shoes and socks I’m like your wife….whatever happens happens. I have no routine. I love flip flops 11 months out of the year so I have no time to form a routine.
I’m like Toney….I could hear a fly buzzing and I’m up. Then can never go back to sleep. Lately, it’s been the fucking animas around here waking me up an hour or to before my alarm goes off.
My pug, Bruno, snores the siding off the house. Then there’s our American Bulldog that has the loudest bark ever and barks when the wind blows, scaring the ever living shit out of me every time. The fuckng cat decides that when she wants to go outside, she wants to go NOW. She’ll cry, howl, and sound like she’s being murdered until someone lets her out.
I tell my bf that some night I’m going to go to a hotel for one night to get some peace and quiet. Let him deal with their shit for a change.
Harriette-R-Dogg has been going off around 3am for the past two months. The wildlife around here are pretty active at that time of the morning. She smells them and hears them. I’m usually just this side of needing a life support system that time of the morning. I thank her for her diligence…get up and look and then go back to continue my self-induced coma.
Left, right, left, right like Jeff.
Got called in once to jury duty. Told the prosecutor that I would be the lone hold-out for not guilty verdict if the case dealt with tax evasion or any type of drug charges even if it resulted in a hung jury and took two weeks.
Then, I told the defense attorney that I did not like any type of minority and I would be biased before the first word was spoken in the court room.
They kicked me out in about 30 seconds.
Jury duty once in 50 years in San Francisco. I paid 12 bucks to park my car (this was about 10 years ago. Price has tripled since then) I was dismissed and they sent me a check for $1.92.
Good Morning Surf Reporters…
….I rarely wear socks, but when I do, …left foot first. …Only because of that Hokey Pokey incident in ’74.
Shoes, on the other hand
Phil Jett says
Jeff, I’ve worked shifts forever and these make it so much easier. Easy to put in, absolutely cut all the noise and you can get them at the local Walgreens.
Jury duty twice. County once where I had to go in every Friday for 3 month’s to see if I was needed. Never picked. Other time was a Federal case, sexual harassment and ended up on the jury for three days. Great time with lots of talk about sexual encounters involving half of the staff of a State Highway Patrol office.
Haha, my OCD tells me if I put my right sock on first my whole day is screwed.
hot fuzz says
Jury duty is a sucking vortex of time and enthusiasm. I went in all gung ho to do my civic duty. Just like the other 500 people they called. I figured I’d have a pretty good chance of not being one of the twelve and figured i’d be out of…. yes sir…. no sir….(well so much for that idea).
It really was like partisan politics in the jury room… there was the retired fire captain who couldn’t sit for too long (but could groom snow mobile trails all night) who “stared him down with my sternest look just to let him know I meant business”… the know it alls (unsolicited experts who only testified in the jury room)… the “he’s guilty, just look at him”… the “can we wrap this up?” guys… and of course the TV trained lawyers.
And the best part? you can’t just walk away to cool off. We had a week of selection and testimony and then the weekend off and then 3 days (two nights) sequestered.
The hardest part for everyone to understand from the judges instruction was that it is the crown’s or state’s job to prove beyond a reasonable doubt that he was guilty… once we all finally agreed to that, we were able to make a decision based on the testimony rather than the vibe from the guy.
All in all, pretty interesting stuff, and a good study in group dynamics. Certainly a life lesson on doing your duty no matter how frustrating.
But if you ever wanted a captive audience use all your one-liners…well, there you go.
Big Bear In OH says
Funny you should ask, I’m on Jury duty this week and next…so far haven’t gotten called in, but I’m just waiting for them to screw up my vacation with the autobot call. I got out of it earlier this year because I was new at my job and they needed me for training purposes or something ridiculous. Can’t dodge it twice in this county though. My Dad has gone like 6 times, and my mother has NEVER been called. Strange how some people get called constantly for civic duties, and others never do. Had a buddy who just got off a Federal Grand Jury in Cleveland and had a hotel and federal protection for a couple weeks…pretty good gig for him, not so much for us taxpayers. As for socks, it’s left sock, right sock, right shoe, left shoe. Like a circle of footwear.
Kelly from Iowa says
Our neighbor started mowing at 6:45 one morning. She thought everyone would be up by then. >:(
Been summoned for jury duty a few of times. Never chosen. (Thank God! One was a double murder case.) Another case was in district court about an hour’s drive from here on a snowy February morning. It was a drug case. The defendant came in wearing some sort of MC Hammer attire. Re-diculious. He was found guilty.
Randall Phillips says
Jury Duty…I love it! Is that wrong? The best part is right after roll call and the Judge ask if there are any jurors present that have a reason that they won’t be able to serve. I love the excuses/reasons that people come up with like “I’m missing my appointment at the methadone clinic.” There are tons more just listen to them. You could right a whole post on just that.