I read an article a few days about a page that’s deep inside everybody’s Facebook profiles, where they list information they believe they know about you, for the purpose of serving up relevant ad content. It was difficult to find, but I finally located mine. It says, among other things, that I’m a U.S. liberal with an affinity for African-Americans and an interest in Farming, Fishing, and Forestry.
That affinity category is especially interesting. If you hover the cursor over it, it says my Facebook activity aligns with African-American multicultural affinity. What does that mean? I ‘book like a black man? I’m very confused. Whatever. I have no problem with it, I just don’t understand how they arrived at the conclusion. Ya know? I find it slightly odd that they even attempt to decide what races you might be partial to. Am I way off on that?
Examples of people who work in “production” are, according to this bizarre page, miners, blacksmiths, and lumberjacks. So, Facebook suspects I might be a lumberjack? I guess that explains all the ads I’ve been seeing for giant saws with handles on both ends?
They say I’m away from my hometown, am a commuter, and live in a family-based household. All true, but not super-impressive. My cell phone knows WAY more than the Zuckerbots. My phone knows where I work, what time I leave the house every day, my favorite restaurants, and probably detailed toilet data. This Facebook stuff needs to be tightened up, in my opinion.
Take a look at yours, and report back anything interesting you might find there. You know, if you’re so inclined. Go to your Facebook page, and click the triangle at the top right, then settings, then ads in the left sidebar. Click Your Information, followed by Your Categories. And we’re going to need a full report.
A few nights ago I opened a beer and it AGGRESSIVELY overflowed in my lap. It didn’t spray out like a bottle of World Series champagne, it just rose up and went over the top at a high rate of speed. WTF?? I didn’t shake the thing, or juggle with it, or throw it on the floor and kick it into the living room. So, what the hell?! It was so surprising it took my brain a second to process what was going on. And before I knew it, I had half a bottle of ice cold beer down my crotch and white-watering through the crack canal. Yowza! That’ll wake ya up.
I had to spend a lot of time trying to get the chair cleaned up, with a fully saturated ass, as Toney laughed with delight on the other side of the room. Then I had to take another shower to get all the hops and barley off of me. It was ludicrous. And when I returned to the rogue beer, it was literally half-full. So, six full ounces came out of that bottle, for reasons unknown, and went straight down my crotch. It was highly unsatisfactory. It’s not the manner in which I usually take on beverages, thank you very much. The beer buzz was pretty good, though.
Last week I ate at Cracker Barrel three times. I went there with my youngest son on Sunday, met Steve there on Tuesday, and had breakfast there with Toney on Saturday. It was fantastic all three times. I’ve said it before, and I’m not kidding, I could eat all my meals there for the rest of my life, and be OK with it. Sure, I’d miss Mexican food, and pizza. But it would be alright. I could drown my sorrow in chicken gravy.
I also went to a hole in the wall Mexican joint with my son a few days ago, and we polished off nine tacos between us. Five beef and four chicken. They’re super-simple: small tortilla, meat, onions, and cilantro. Then there’s an array of sauces you can put on ’em if you like. So good… I could also eat those the rest of my life. And just so you know, I could’ve taken down all nine by myself. Just wanted that on the record.
And Toney and I ordered a pizza from a little mom ‘n’ pop place near us on Saturday night, which was somehow the greatest pizza I’ve ever tasted. It would be no problem to eat that forever too.
I’m not sure why I’m trying to zero in on something to eat for every one of my remaining meals, but I’m kinda locked into that notion right now. What would be your choice?
And I need to go to work, my friends. I have more but I’m all outta time.
I’ll see you again soon!
Have a great day.
Now playing in the bunker
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Surreal Killer says
Dang ol’ first, man
Surreal Killer says
FB is convinced that I have some affinity to African Americans too. Maybe they are just trying to categorize us as either being okay with multi-culturalism, or straight up white supremacist.
I don’t have FB on my phone. Sometimes when I come home from the store there will be ads for things I bought or looked at.
Most of it was pretty generic or just flat-out weird. Uses a mobile device (as opposed to the 0% of facebook users who don’t), family based household, etc. One said I’m friends with men who have a birthday within a month. I’m not sure what the hell that is about. It also says I have an affinity for African Americans (I’m a big ol’ honkey, btw) but it’s more explainable for me, since I have an affinity for late 80’s/early 90’s gangsta rap, went to a mostly black high school, and have quite a few black facebook friends from my school days. But I’m with Surreal Killer, I think that it’s a default setting that just means I’m not a white supremacist.
Jerry in WV says
What happened to yesterday’s update? Did I dream it?
Phantom Railfan says
Glad I’m not the only one wondering that…
Me too! I was sure I saw one, and replied on something…
Jim Britton says
The Brown Bomber has deleted the post? Say it ain’t so….
You did not dream it. There were several comments about it under the most recent surviving post. It was about failed attempts at humor.
Mine just says I’m a parent with adult children – true.
I had a young (new) waitress try to carry everyone’s drink order on the same round tray, but she wasn’t well versed in Newton’s laws, so when she took a drink off of one end, the tray tipped and spilled my entire beer into my lap. Great way to start the meal. I tried to act like it was no big deal, but I was soaked. And – get this – they paid for a replacement beer, and that was it! No comped meal, no free 2nd beer, nothing for my troubles.
She thought Nads looked thirsty?
I hate when my nads get soggy.
Weirdest thing: apparently I am interested in the Idaho Democratic Party. I traveled through the state once on a Greyhound bus in 1979. Maybe I stopped at the bus station in Coeur D’Alene on the way from Chicago to Billings? My only, ever, interaction with that state. Fun stuff.
Parent, May birthday, away from family, ‘friends of football/US soccer fans’ (WHAT?), gmail users, away from hometown, US politics (moderate), returned from travels 1 week ago (FALSE), multicultural affinity: African American, Frequent traveler.
In other words: boring old lady. I’m OK with that.
Root 66 says
Quick observation: If you ate any of those things for the “rest of your life”, you’d probably wind up not having too much life left…but what a way to go! 🙂
Frankly, though, I’m right there with you regarding Cracker Barrel–and every meal would have to be breakfast!
January birthdays, aol account users, family home, kids, ‘very liberal’, and engaged shopper.
This feels weird. I don’t think I like it.
Not sure about a single restaurant’s menu, but I think I’d be quite happy eating nothing but “breakfast” foods for the rest of my life. I’ve been on a low carb diet since the start of the year and lost 11 pounds while eating a plate of eggs, bacon and sausage most mornings – yeah that makes sense. These new breakfasts triggered a mission to find the best breakfast sausage I can, and Habbersett’s is currently in the lead, but I am open to suggestions.
No AA affinity – not sure why but an engaged shopper, frequent traveler and moderate politics.
It also thinks my birthday is in August but I lied about that. Why would I want FB to know my real birthday.
Ian the Errolite says
If I got to the Pearly Gates and was told that there was a a problem with the catering and I had to pick one thing to eat for EVER, that thing would be crispy duck in hoi sin sauce and spring onion pancakes. Easy
I could have Tasty Tacos original flour tacos for every meal, for the rest of my life.
FB states I am currently in a long distance relationship. When I told my wife she said,
“That was me 12 years ago dummy…unless you count Tasty Tacos”
I am flabbergasted at how boring my FB categories are. I have, apparently, no affinities for anything. Here are the things it says I am that I am not:
US politics (conservative) – BWAHAHAHHAHAA!!!
Engaged shopper – I. Hate. Shopping. So much so that I do virtually all of it online, except for what I have to get at Publix. If they offered their delivery service out in the boonies where I currently live, I wouldn’t even go do that. I guess buying stuff from Amazon makes me engaged?
Close friends of Men with a Birthday in 7-30 days. This one has me scratching my head. Hubby, brother, son-in-law and uncle all have summer birthdays.
Frequent traveler – I wish! I do look up vacations all the time. ‘Cuz, you know, I have dreams.
Wisey in Ttown says
I like Cracker Barrel ok but the white gravy seems pretty bland to me. Seems to me a place that prides itself on “home cooking” should have a good sausage gravy to drown your biscuits in. I would go a lot more if they did.
I haven’t logged into my facebook account for at least 10 years, and I’m not about to now, so hopefully my profile page says “dead”. I’m quite OK with facebook thinking I’m dead.
I am sure my facebook info is wrong….interested in “cultural quizes,” “cigar advertising” and “cookie recipes.” ?..?
Last best meal…, prime rib w/bone, a garland of fresh brats, a slice of iceberg lettuce with bacon/blue cheese dressing washed down with a double Redemption Rye whiskey and a 16oz Narragansett draft wash. I am ready warden.
John in the Gump says
Ok, here’s one for you. A while back I reserved a spot in an RV park near the beach. They sent a confirmation email to my Gmail account. When we got close I did a Maps search to lead us in and there was a note under the business name on the map saying “( Dec 12-15)”. It would have had to pull that data from my Gmail email. WTF. We’re watched WAY more than we have any idea.
Btw if you click on Your Timeline in the Google Maps menu, it will show you everywhere you’ve been since August 9, 2013. Every day, regardless of whether you had signed-up for this or not.
Mine shows that I have not been anywhere, ever. But I turned off “location history” immediately when I got my phone. Here’s my theory: August 9, 2013 is when you got your phone or logged into Google, or whatever. I know that “location history” is on by default, and I believe that’s what is tracking you. I’m sure turning it off doesn’t actually stop the tracking, but merely makes it invisible to you. This is the same data that, in aggregate, allows the Maps traffic display to function.
Well, I certainly can’t imagine any problems arising from corporate America knowing where I’ve been and what I’ve been doing every hour of every day of my fucking life.
I, for one, welcome our new overlords.
I believe the king of comb-overs prefers overlords capitalized. However, with your perfect punctuation you are well qualified to help his minions study for their GEDs.
Do you ever stop whining? Hilaroid lost. bitch
Name-calling is always an effective way to establish oneself as a trenchant and incisive observer.
Actually JTB was in the wrong to bring up politics in the first place …this is usually a safe haven from all that rubbish. Chowdergun, rage all you want you crazy bastard, bless your heart.
“The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.”
Nobody is clean… welcome to the thunderdome!