Did you have a drivers education class in high school? Apparently it’s quite rare nowadays, and even Toney, who is only three years younger than me, had a watered-down version. She never actually went out driving in a real car, they used a simulator of some sort, at the school.
Not us. We went out on the roads, in a funky car with a brake pedal on the driver’s side and the passenger side — so the teacher could hopefully stop the vehicle before it went crashing through a brick wall like the Kool-Aid man.
I remember several close calls inside that shitty K-car. One girl went sailing WAY off the road, and we nearly rolled down an embankment. I was sitting in the backseat at the time, with a painful, prolapsed sphincter.
Another girl took out a section of a chain link fence, but thankfully I wasn’t along for that ride. Sweet sainted mother of Clarence Earp!
Toney was surprised that we actually had a drivers ed car, and they allowed us on the public roads. Is that unusual? We just took it for granted. What do you remember about it? Do you have any stories to tell? Use the comments link below.
During that class my friend Tim and I wrote alternative captions for nearly every picture in the textbook, and they were funny as hell. At least we thought so at the time. It was a semester-long project, and almost every entry was comedy gold.
We vowed to steal that book at the end of the year, but didn’t do it. I wish I had it now. It was one of my greatest high school achievements. …Hey, I didn’t exactly have lofty goals in those days.
And speaking of olden times, my friend Mike posted this photo at Facebook last night. It’s our Little League team — sponsored by the town’s dentists (heh) — and I’m standing in the back row, second kid from the left.
I usually played first base, sometimes third, and wasn’t very good. But the team was great. The kid to my left, Danny B., was one of the best players in town, and Mike was really good, too. He’s in front of me, middle row, first on the left.
I remember the coach on the left — Dean Thomas — screaming at me: “What are you doing leaning up again’ the wall, Kay?! Move your ass!!” He also told me, in front of the whole team, that if it wasn’t for my fielding, I’d be “sittin’ the bench.”
Ahhh, so many fond memories…
No, I’m only joking. It was a lot of fun. Among many other things, I was involved in a pivotal play at third, near the end of the season, against the only other team that could challenge us.
A big ol’ bruiser named G.G. (I’m not kidding) blasted a line drive to the wall, and didn’t even pause at second base. He just kept on running, and the ball and G.G. arrived at third base at almost exactly the same time.
He put a football tackle on my ass, and there was nothing but a big cloud of dust. And when the smoke cleared I was in a crumpled heap, but held up the ball with my throwing hand. Somehow I’d caught it, and not dropped it, and the ump made a great big, dramatic OUT! sign.
It was fantastic! G.G. started crying, and all my teammates were there patting me on the back. I believe it was the final out of the game, but that might not be accurate. It was certainly a highlight, though. I think Coach Thomas even congratulated me. Unheard of!
And I’m calling it a week here, my friends. I’ll be back on Monday, at the latest. But I’ve been known to crank out a Saturday update, so we’ll see how that goes…
I have a quick Question, in addition to the Driver’s Ed topic above, and your fond (or otherwise) memories of Little League. I’d like to know if you’re aware of anyone who’s gotten into trouble with their employer, because of something they wrote online?
This has nothing to do with me personally, but I sorta know someone who was fired last week, because of something they posted on Facebook. Do you know anyone who’s gotten into hot water for internet shit-talking? Tell us about it, won’t you?
And I’ll see you guys next time.
Have a great day!
Good Afternoon Surf Reporters…..
first!
crap. second.
Third Bizatches
Yahoo..internation time zones rock! Love your stuff Jeff.
We had driver’s ed class, but our parents were responsible for providing the car that would be subjected to that particular brand of torture.
If my blog wasn’t private and I hadn’t un-friended my bitch ass boss and her boss’ wife on FB I am sure I would have been fired by now. Fuck ’em.
There seems to be a lot of that going on now. I recall reading some stories about teachers who were fired for various things that were on their Facebook pages. I don’t have a Facebook page, and don’t intend to get one.
I graduated high school in 1984. We had actual road time in Driver’s Ed. As I recall, the teacher was also a coach of some sort, and would yell at people like he coaching a football game when they made mistakes. There was also another teacher who I think was a couple sheets in the wind from time to time who taught Driver’s Ed.
Where I lived, you did not get to play in the game unless you were an absolute superstar. Everyone who was not, spent their time sitting on the bench.
We had Driver’s Ed in a car just like you describe. You could sign up for ‘Saturday Driving’ in which you went out on the road on Saturday during the school year. Or you could wait until the summer and drive on some sort of ‘course’ set up in the high school parking lot. I went the Saturday route; 3 students and one teacher in the car, out for a nice Saturday drive! It was fun, and I don’t remember any close calls, but I remember a few missed stop signs and such.
I sucked in Little League, but discovered I needed glasses about a year after I quit playing. I blame my poor play on that 🙂
OMG, top 10!
Cool picture, JK. I know every single person in that lineup.
I had an unassisted triple play at first base and hit two HRs in a game once, but nothing else memorable.
In driver’s ed, Coach Smith (now dead) slammed on the “passenger brakes” when I failed to let a car on my right go at an intersection, even though he got there after me. He screamed “Goddammit!” as he did so. I thought it was funny and laughed. He then told me to get in the back seat and I never got to drive again that year. Still got a B.
On IPOD right now- “Run Like Hell”- Pink FLoyd
Yeah, I remember the DE teacher was also a big ‘ol pervert/molester type. He would “arrange” it so all the hot chicks went for their “test” drive either alone with him or all together and he would be gone with them WAY past the allotted class time. My goal back then was to study hard and become a Driver’s Ed teacher.
9?
Oh yeah, the team Jeff’s Little League team was playing was MY team and they fucked up our championship dreams. Thanks buddy, you should have let G.G. steamroll you into the third base dugout. LMAO!
In HS driver’s ed we had a guy that was driving and me and a gal were riding in the back. We were driving about 40 mph down the hwy and a semi/trailer decided to pass us on a long straight -a-way. It got right beside us and the guy driving started yelling that it was sucking him under. I was in back on the driver’s side and got a real good look at the underside of the trailer as he drove past us. The dipshit was literally heading under the trailer when the driving instructor grabs the steering wheel and slams on his brake on his side. We go sliding across the road and end up on the side of the road. The teacher mutters “wholly shit” and he then gets in and drives us back to school with all of our sphincters squeezed shut.
Never took Driver’s Ed because if you did, you had to wait out the eniter semester before you could test for your license. My birthday is in July, so I had no need for it. Back in the 70’s, in Beckley, you could only take the written exam for your permit on Tuesdays and you had to wait one week before you could take the driving test for your license. I turned 16, took the learning permit test the next Tuesday and got my driver’s license the following Tuesday. Way better than a semester of Driver’s Ed.
That should read “entire semester”.
Holy crap…does that bring up some highschool memories.
I had the drivers-ed car you speak of. The K-car. I think those things would survive a nuclear attack. The “oh shit!” pedal for our instructor who was, incidentally, a pervert. He was also our sex-ed/health class teacher too. Go figure. Fancied himself quite the ladies-man. I will never forget him…he had a Jay Leno chin and a needledick nose. He tried to cop a feel whenever he thought the coast was clear.
We actually cruised around town. Every time we would apply the brakes and stop with a jerk or too rough, he would make a grunting noise. But if you stopped without incident, he would pucker up his lips and blow a kiss. If this shit happened today he would be strung up by his meatsacks.
We had exactly the same thing; a K car (possibly a didge or plymouth variant) with a passenger side brake pedal. Classes were taught during the summer. A week or so in the classroom and then a number of hours behind the wheel with a teacher.
I graduated in ’88.
My Drivers Ed teacher taught shop during the regular school year. I don’t remember which flavor- wood, metal or auto. His students calleed him goose, but he reminded me of Donald Sutherland in Kelly’s Heros.
A math teacher also did some of the teaching a year or two later.
I don’t recall any incidents personally, but a guy that hung out with one of my older cousins was involved in a bad wreck.
We have a local river that flooded a lot, so the county built a flood basin that let the water just run out without causing any damage to to community. When it’s dry it doubles as a park with a two lane winding road, baseball diamonds, picnic areas and playgrounds. All in all it’s not bad.
This guy was in the back seat and a girl who was driving did something (I’ve never heard the full story) and swerved off the road, hitting a boulder. The car went airborne, traveled a short way, landed and smacked a tree. The guy was wearing his seatbelt and ended up with a cut/bruise across his stomach where the belt gripped him.
I know the teacher lived because he taught me English 8 years later. I suspect the girl driving also survived. I don’t know what injuries they suffered, if any.
I sucked at little league. Full on sucked. But I once saw my cousin take a liner to the eye during Tee-ball. He was “Pitching” and went down like a bag of wet cement.
I never went beyond tee-ball.
And no, I don’t know anyone who is dumb enough to publicly name and denegrate their employer publicly.
Like I said yesterday, I’m in my close to mid-50s and I’m from Georgia–I learned to drive when I was 12 the old fashioned way. School lessons? Please. I went to one of those little, bitty upstart “Private Schools” for 10th and 11th grade. Not a chance. Besides, Driver’s Ed sounds way too fancy pants for where I am from.
Yes, I remember the drivers ed cars at HS with the honking YELLOW toppers that read Student Driver. You know, to warn the other drivers on the road that the car was unpredictable.
1989
As far as fired for facebooking, my favorite headline:
Twitter can get you fired in 140 characters or less
(talk about a fark link)
There was no drivers ed at my high school, but some of the other schools where I live had it. You had to be in grade 11 and it was a full credit course. They got to drive real cars and everything. I always felt kinda ripped off- I had to take drivers ed at night and use up my lunch hour for the in-car stuff, but mouth breathers going to “technical high schools” got to do it rather than real work.
I played softball for a couple of years as a kid (there was no hardball for some reason). Batting was my strong point since I’ve was always a big kid for my age and I naturally gravitated toward hitting things. I also worked part-time for my grandfather from the time I started school. Games were a bit of a challenge since the ballpark was about 4 miles from gramp’s shop and he bitched about every second of work I missed. Eventually it became too much to do both, so softball lost out.
I’ve read a lot of (FARK) articles about people getting canned for on-line stuff, but I don’t know anybody it’s actually happened to. Most stories involve bad mouthing an employer or calling in sick, then posting pictures of the party you attended, so I have limited sympathy. When I used to teach I found the under 30 crowd pretty oblivious to the consequences of on-line stuff. Most knew it was accessible but were dumbfounded when told that employers can use it against them.
My only Driver’s Ed was the old man teaching me how to hold a hill just by using the clutch/gas. Learned to drive in an ’82 Ford Fiesta with a 5 speed manual. Dad’s logic was if you could drive a manual, you could drive anything.
I recall my high school did offer DE with on the road, behind the wheel practice. Now I understand it’s all classroom only. Actual “on the road” are all run by private businesses, and from what I’ve heard are outrageously expensive.
Little League was always fun. I made the All Star team 3 out of the 4 years. My first 2 years I played 2nd base, and my last 2 I was the catcher. That was a helluva lot of fun. Coach taught me the catcher’s equipment were the “tools of ignorance”. I haven’t thought of that in years. Now I’ll need to do a little internet research to find out exactly why that is.
On a side baseball note, 2 guys from high school that graduated a year ahead of me made it to the major leagues. 1 only lasted a season then was sent down to spend the remaining years on farm teams. The other was a major success with the San Francisco Giants, Boston Red Sox, Atlanta Braves and Texas Rangers. But I don’t think necessarily in that order.
I don’t personally know anyone who got in trouble for content they posted on line. I’ve been leery of a few things I’ve said on Twitter, but so far, knock on wood, I haven’t been called to the carpet.
We had simulators that you had to pass the test on before they would put you in the real thing. Plus you had to show proof of insurance. I tried to teach my sister to drive but that was a futile effort that got us both banned from driving the family car. Never the less, she still can’t drive.
Tried out one year but never made the roster so I gave up up being involved with little league. My efforts did get me a scouting badge so it wasn’t all bad. Played one year of baseball and one year of football in High School. Not much to talk about here because the girls I was interested in weren’t having anything to do with jocks so I ended up on student council as the Master at Arms.
I talk so much shit on the internet all the time that they don’t even bother. I guess I may have to clean up my act if I ever want to take that lofty position with the Department of Homeland Security.
I played SS & 2nd base, usually both at the same time because we only had 8 players most games. But we still kicked everyone’s arse and won the city championship. (St. Albans)
BORDEN BURGER! We took a lot of crap for the name but we showed ’em by God!! LOL
I took Driver’s Ed back in 1980 taught by Coach Barnes on a course set up in an empty paved area down in the bowl. If you messed up, he would invariably say: “That’s your ‘E’ for the day”. I think that he was saying ‘E’ instead of ‘F’, but that will always remain a mystery for the ages. We drove around in a very used Datsun B-10; brown if I am recalling correctly. We would alternate between sitting in the classroom upstairs in the old gym watching the driver-ed horror films about the gory consequences of driving recklessly, and going out to stand in the driving course while waiting for our turns behind the wheel. No sitting allowed, as “you can’t move out of the way quickly enough while sitting on your gluteus”. I’m surprised that I can remember all of this from 30 years ago.
I just received this email, from another teammate of G.G.’s:
Hey, that was my team (Classic Shoe Store) that you got out at third (stinkin’ GG). We were always battling Dentists for first place. If i’d known you were the one that made that out, i would have severed our relationship years ago.
Two more things you would not see in a HS today:
Guys wearing buck knifes on their belts.
Teachers paddling kids.
I was behind the wheel of our Driver’s Ed car (1979)when the teacher coaxed me to “give it a little gas” to which I replied “My foot is all the way down” – The next thing I knew, he yanked the wheel, slammed on his brake, screamed at us to GET OUT THE CAR while a choking grey smoke first began to emit, then blech from under the hood.
Oh yeah…the whole facebook thing. I don’t have a page or want one..at least for personal use. But I wouldn’t mind one for my antique’s business. It is a good way to get your name out there.
Although I have never known anybody to be fired from their job..but I have seen good relationships/marriages go to hell because of gossip, stupidity and childish bullshit. Idiots talking shit on each other don’t realize that sooner or later it will bite them in the ass.
That would be good for an antique business. One of my favorite things do to do – look in such shops.
Drivers Ed!! I used to ride my bike to that. We had a real car, but we had brand new ones, my school was all la de da with money. We drove to whatever fast food joint my instructor wanted. learned how to do drive thrus, which is all you really need anyway. 🙂
We also had to pass the written class, driving a real car and simulator..all three or you didn’t get the ok for the DMV. I am thinking they still need this these days.
1995 baby. oh yea
We had the same K-car with the pedal on both sides. Our road trips were fairly uneventful, but the instructor was a funny guy. Pretty sure he was an addict, always was high strung with a runny nose but for the most part was laid back when we were behind the wheel. I and an ex-girlfriend did the road portion of driver’s ed together, and when I had to ride in the back while she drove I would normally sleep. The instructor didn’t care. I was only taking it for the insurance break, as I already had my license at that point.
I played t-ball, never little league. The coach wanted his son to be the star and I didn’t get along at all with a few “teammates” so I hung it up after one year. Should have kept at it because I wasn’t bad at it. Oh well.
We had a driver’s Ed program like yours Jeff…but no real stories that I remember.
As far as baseball goes, while it didn’t happen in LL, The Qweezy Mark pitched a no-hitter in JV ball, while throwing a knuckleball (as if he had any clue on how to throw one.) Our friends were in the infield and laughing our asses off as he was attempting it. It’s a little hazy and he’ll have to fill in the rest, but I believe our coach came out to the mound and yelled at us to be serious.
My school had driver’s ed classes, where they taught the rules of the road and showed “scare films” featuring gruesome wrecks. And the school contracted with a driver’s ed company (I still remember the name of the company’s owner — Henry Pawswienski) to take us out driving. Their car did in fact have that brake on the passenger side, and once when I was driving the instructor actually used it. Back in those days I never quite got the concept that stop signs actually had to be obeyed. For some reason I thought they were more of a suggestion. Even after I had rolled through a stop sign or two, and the instructor pointed out that I was supposed to actually come to a full stop, it still didn’t fully sink it. So the next time we came to a stop sign and I merely slowed down a bit rather than stopping, the instructor jammed on his brake and we came to an uprupt stop in the middle of the intersection. He had successfully made his point (I was rather embarrassed), and I don’t think I forgot to come to a full stop after that (at least not with the instructor in the car; I think after I got my license, it took another year or two — and a traffic ticket or two — before I really started obeying that law religiously).
Oh yeah, the films! We watched this one, and another called Mechanized Death:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yx-rXEdaGao
Classics!
We had regular drivers ed for a semester, then you could sign up for “behind the wheel” after school. The first couple of days consisted of driving forward and backing up in reasonably straight lines in the back lot of the school. Day one I chose the biggest car of the lot, got in, went forward, prepared to go backward and found that you couldn’t see a damned thing through the back window. Who the hell thought it was a good idea to use a Ford Torino for drivers ed? The rear window was like a port hole at a 30 degree angle. Once they set us loose on the roads, our mission was to get our teacher (the basketball coach, of course) to the 7-11 of his choice without killing anyone.
It was possibly a requirement in Ohio to take a drivers ed class before you could get your license. Not too sure but everyone in school took it. They were full on classes where you had to learn the laws, how to read maps, and take tests over what you had learned. The class part was only offered in the spring or the summer. I took mine in the summer but didn’t turn 16 until the fall so I had to wait for my actual driving part until after my birthday.
Our instructor also part owner of the local funeral parlor which I always thought was convenient if, ya know, one of us did something stupid. The car had 2 sets of steering wheels and two sets of brakes. One for us and one for the instructor. The only incident I can think of is when we were in an unfamiliar town and I couldn’t really see due to the rain. I was suppose to make a left turn but didn’t judge the whole speed/distance of on coming traffic. We almost got hit but I slammed the gas and got through the intersection. Highway driving was my favorite because that was the only time we were allowed to listen to the radio.
We most certainly did have driver’s ed when I was in high school. I don’t recall what kind of car we had, but it was some sort of bottom-feeding econobox. The passenger side had a brake pedal for the teacher. The pedal was connected by a cable-and-pulley arrangement to the real brake pedal. There was one kid in the class who had learned to drive on farm machinery and trucks, and had never seen an automatic before. This was in western Massachusetts, kinda rural.
One of my co-workers got canned because of her interweb postings. She talked about work on her (Facebook? Myspace?) page, as one does. But apparently she both said Bad Things and mentioned the company by name. When management caught wind of that, she was out the door.
I was in the high school band, and one day we had left school to play at some ceremony. On the way back, about a mile from the school, our bus passed a car nosed over into the ditch along side the road. Next to the car was our Driver Ed teacher, Mr. Brown, and two girls from my class. Mr Brown didn’t look too happy that day! Needless to say, we all cheered and waved as we passed by. 🙂
I took drivers ed at another school locally thru the AAA. I went to my first class, held in a teachers lounge, and there was a huge ashtray in the middle of the table and since it wasn’t my school and i was paying to be there I asked if anyone would mind if i smoked and took out a cigarette. From that moment on (oh and smoking was not permitted) the teacher hated me. It was not fun.
Baseball? played once on a company team (i guess it was actually softball)no little league. i caught 2 balls one in the chin and one in between my knees. Not a fond memory of that either. LOL
I took Drivers ed during the Summer of ’69 (age 16) from my high school football coach. Classes involved both the simulator (a trailor with 10 or 12 stations) and then in a new Olds Cutlass. That was back when education was done right and the schools didn’t waste so damned much money on administrative bullshit and kids whose parents snuck into the country.
I feel better now.
I played baseball through college, and over the years played so many games (from bad teams to championship teams) that I don’t remember too many specifics from little league. But I do remember that as a 9 year old hitter I busted up the face of a big hotshot 12 year old pitcher with a line drive come-backer–funny how the gruesome stuff stays with you. And I have a picture similar to Jeff’s in which there’s either a flaw in the film (my theory) or a booger in my nose. I’m so proud. As for getting hit by the ball, well I don’t know that there are many places on my body where I haven’t been hit by a baseball. The damned things can take some weird hops, and the bruises/black eyes go away after a while.
I’ve got nothin’ on Facebook. I waste too much time on the interwebs as it is, and am not a fan of disseminating “all there is to know about me” in public.
I am old enough to have the old in car drivers Ed. Our instructor used to fall asleep and more than once we ended up halfway to the coast. It is a SHAME that they don’t teach people how to drive anymore.
If you have Zitsters who are nearing that age, look up your local Audi, BMW, or other sports car club. They run Teen driving clinics (one day) and they will get junior out with an Experienced high performance instructor in the right seat. They will let them get the car out of control & how to bring it back. I hate to plug stuff, but for less than $150 you might not have to attend juniors funeral. They will learn so much in 8 hours, you’ll be amazed, and so will they. They also run clinics for adults, also seriously worth it.
Here in MN in the winter they even have clinics on frozen lakes in the winter. Never be scared of winter driving again.
Here’s a particularly gruesome Driver’s Ed film:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rzr7CHX_0b0&feature=related
Boys you are having way to much fun with this!! I didn’t know Coach Smith was a perv, espically with his wife teaching right across the hall. I wasnt locky enough to have drivers ed, I guess that’s why I wrapped my 1970 302 Boss Mustang around a light pole in Kroger’s parking lot doing doughnuts in the snow!!
AWG, Why don’t I know who you are?
Skully, I have a brother that graduated from St.albans in 84, he owns the Edlo now.
Oh the joys of going to high school in the late 60’s. For drivers ed we had the use of an Olds Cutlass with a honkin 455 and 3 on the tree. Every launch from a stop left a little BF Goodrich behind. Loved that car. Had one big ol’ boy that ran 16 stop signs in a row. The instructor almost blew a head pipe by the end of his driving time. The next week we had to drive a section of I-77…the big ol’ country boy did this 10 mile stretch at 26 mph. Nothing the instructor said could make him speed up.
I played Little League in Parkersburg, WV for Somerville Construction and we sucked. I had 3 hits in 3 years even though I played every game. The coach said one time, “Wow, you are terrible.” At least he said Wow. Heh.
@ Vicky – I went to HS in Ga and we had simulator and K-car. The coach teaching the course scared me more than the bad driving did.
I do know someone fired for posting stuff on FB and what they did was so bad I can’t go into details. I could be fired for talking about it – especially online.
We had driver’s ed at school with the same kind of car you’re talking about. Except we’d team up and have other driver’s ed students as passengers in the back seat. This one paranoid fuck, named Chris, was my driving buddy. The driving teacher sat on the other side and he sat on the driver side. And he was scared shitless of turns. He’d take them like the second hand of a watch, and I’m not talking Rolex. Instead of a smooth turn he’d make a series of quick exaggerated jerks. At one point I actually puked out the window. I get carsick when riding in the back seat to this day, and I blame him for it.
He’d also freeze up when we got on a major highway. We’re talking scary shit here. He’d freak out and pull into the shoulder and drive about 40 mph while the teacher yelled and tried to set him straight. He passed anyway. I’m sure he’s sitting on the side of some interstate as we speak, hyperventilating.
I don’t know of anyone that’s lost their job because of interweb postings. I hope nobody at work ever finds my very tasteful nudes (some are even black and white) because I’m sure they’d consider some of it “vulgar” and “perverted” and “unsafe” and “dangerous”.
If you take your tongue and rub it between your upper lip and teeth there’s a piece of skin there that holds your lip to your gums (I guess). Mine is busted. It happened in little league when I was pitching and I took a line drive to the nose / upper lip. Damn near knocked me out.
One year for driver’s ed we had a ford tempo….. real shitbox, the next, a ford bronco 2…… also a slug. Local ford dealer provided the cars. They were both so sloooooooooowwwwwww, hard to get in an accident. Yet the driver’s ed instructors always seemed to be nervous wrecks, for some odd reason. I already had my license when I took the course (required), and already knew not only the art of paralell parking, but also how to do doughnuts, reverse doughnuts, brakestands, rollbacks on hills (or J’s), “neutral drops” any many other forms of tire / auto abuse. So it didn’t do much good, the class, that is.
47th!
We had like a Crown Vic or some shit. Nothing too bad in that car happened to me. But an ex girlfriend on her final exam ran a red light in front of a cop and got a ticket. Wasn’t necessarily her fault, the instructor told her to gun it or whatever. I bet she still got the ticket though. The details are sketchy.
Now Eating: Subway cold cut combo. Mmmmmm. It was a very pleasant experience with the tattooed chick behind the counter.
Getting fired for posting something online? No one I know and everything else is anecdotal. I can see it though. I wouldn’t add my boss if my job depended on it. A former boss, sure. But not the current.
NP God Lives Underwater – Weaken