I posted something new at Mockable this morning, and I’m uncharacteristically happy with it. Check it out. And do with it what you will.
There’s a dress code at my job, which isn’t really enforced. Since we work at night, I guess, they relax the rules a bit. Oh, we can’t roll in there looking like we just left a Slipknot concert, but a nice shirt and jeans is acceptable.
Today, however, we’re required to adhere to the dress code. On account of the big-wigs that’ll be milling about… And I’m not really a fan. I’m now going to have to Docker-up my big ass, and tuck in my shirt, and everything. Oh man. I’m gonna feel like a sausage pressing against the casing, until 2:30 am.
Will somebody please hold me?
Do you have to dress for work? I never have, in my entire life. Heck, I was in the music/video industry for almost twenty years, and casual was more than accepted — it was expected.
What about you? Do you have to rock the sport jacket, or the power-skirt every day? Man, what a nightmare that would be…
And since we’re on the subject, do you always put your right shoe/sock on first? I do. And when I mistakenly pick up my left shoe first, I toss it aside and grab the right one. It would be far too weird to go left-first. Is that unusual? Let me know your thoughts.
Because of the Evil Twin’s Wife, I ate two taco supremes from Taco Bell yesterday, while driving at 70 mph on Interstate 81 south. Yes, supreme — the ones with sour cream and tomatoes.
At Twitter, you see, she mentioned that she’d fixed herself a “giant” taco for breakfast, with all the toppin’s. And I couldn’t get it out of my head… I wanted one too, and was fully fixated on making it happen.
So, I left for work a few minutes early, went through the drive-through at Taco Bell, and ingested two hard-shell tacos while slaloming southward down the interstate.
Oh sure, it was incredibly dangerous. But I can’t be held responsible. Mentioning a taco first thing in the morning, to a man of size, can set off a series of events, leading to… God knows where. So, I wash my hands of all responsibility in this matter.
Anyway, nothing bad happened. I’m an expert driver, you see, always traveling at the perfect speed, and doing all the correct maneuvers. Even while struggling with a two-hander food…
And that leads us to the Question of the Day. In the comments section please tell us about the most outrageous things you’ve ever seen people doing while driving.
I’ve seen idiots with a hard cover book open on their steering wheels, and noticed plenty of men shaving while negotiating high-speed traffic. And women applying makeup in the rearview mirror is almost standard. But what do you have on this subject? Tell us about it, won’t you?
And if you’ll excuse me now, I’m going to go get all trussed-up in fancy-pants.
See you guys tomorrow.
WB in OH says
and for the visually impaired…hear me roar. i’m out of here. i promise.
Max Girth says
Two hander food driving a car that may suddenly accelerate autonomously like Jr. “goin fer the checker”.
Rotund and dare-devilish, more like Mr. Knieval every day.
Favorite line from Office Space “I hope the firings go really well”.
Shame to make everyone dress for the occasion.
I prefer business attire in an office setting. Miss it terribly. Seems like people behave differently when they’re wearing a suit and/or tie — better manners, more attentive. Let them go business casual and they’ll obey the rules for a while, but eventually they’ll start to believe that it’s OK to let their man boobs loose by wearing ratty faded polo shirts from the Reagan era and stretch pants that are just short of qualifying as pajama bottoms. (Rule of thumb: If I can see your nipples or chest hair protruding from your shirt, you really need to wear a t-shirt underneath.) And they’ll start acting like schlubs who can’t sit up straight.
The downfall of civilization began with people neglecting to dress appropriately. Besides, a man in a nice suit and a crisp shirt is a total aphrodisiac. (Gonna need a cold shower here in a minute.)
zazu the pitts says
Right sock. Left sock. Right Shoe. Left Shoe.
I used to work in the administration dept of a big stuck- up its ass hospital so we all wore corporate uniforms. Jacket, pencil skirt, white blouse, bow tie every damn day. No open toe shoes, no perfume, no long fancy fingernails, minimal jewelry…don’t miss it one bit.
Now business casual, jeans on Friday and no pantyhose ever again!
I’ve seen all kinds of idiots on the road but nothing like what has been reported here.
Shiny Rod says
…and my reply to those who drive distracted.
Years ago I was on an overpass behind a semi waiting to take a left on to 85 south. I was putting mascara on in the rearview when I saw the truck begin to move forward out of the corner of my eye. Thinking that the light had changed and we were moving on, I drove my ’76 Datsun B210 about two feet right up under that bar on the back of the truck that is supposed to keep that from happening. The trucker didn’t even know I hit him and drove on but the people around me got the big eye for a second and then started laughing their asses off.
Chuck in Belpre says
You all wear socks?
Also, I did the math and if you wear shoes/socks daily and spend an average of 3 seconds a day on the right/left decision making process, the average 75 year old will have spent almost an entire day of their life worrying that it would be “be far too weird to go left-first”.
no socks, buzz cut and beard are all time savers. gives me way more time to explore this cutting-edge site.
Well, I didn’t witness this myself, but a former co-worker did. He was following a sedan that was just all over the road and could tell it was being piloted by an older woman, like blue hair old. He figured she was just elderly and probably should give up her license and decided to get around her at the next traffic light. So, at the next light he pulls up next to her and sees that she is KNITTING while driving.
I don’t dress as nicely as I should in my current job, but maybe if they paid me more, I could afford something more than $7.99 tops from Old Navy.
I’ve eaten a bowl of cereal in the car on my way to work many, many times. On the I-10. In Phoenix. But I can’t text and drive. If I’m driving on surface streets, I’ll text like a mad woman at a stoplight, but as soon as that light turns green, the phone is down. It’s WAY more distracting than cereal.
I saw a guy with a newspaper draped over his steering wheel while he was driving. He was reading it too.
I don’t think I have a preference as to which shoe/sock to put on first. I’m an equal opportunity shoer.
Well, here’s a different twist: I use foot deoderant. Not anything designed for feet, (you don’t need that expensive stuff), just the cheap, waxy kind. So it’s right foot deodorant, then sock, then left foot deodorant, then sock. Then, it’s left shoe, right shoe. I can wear just about anything to work, I do documentation photography, and lots of stuff gets used in court. So if I have to go to court to explain anything I’ve shot, it’s strictly business. Coat and tie every time. Saw a couple doing it at a rest stop on I-70 in Indiana one time, right in a prime parking spot next to the restroom building. He was behind the wheel, and she was on his lap, facing backwards. They didn’t care who saw them.
I’m left sock/right sock, right shoe/left shoe. I’m left handed, too.
I once saw a woman eating spaghetti while driving, and another woman spoon feeding her baby…who was SITTING IN THE BACK SEAT.
Both were seen on I-40 in Raleigh, and in roughly the same area.
Greg…Is that Batesville Casket Company billboard still up by that rest area? What a friggin buzz kil flying by at 85 mph, smoking a joint. and seeing that thing. Strange place to advertise caskets.
Jeans and a polo shirt with agency logo, anything bt sandles for shoes
right sock, left sock, right shoe, left shoe.
I on tried to eat a foot long Subway cold cut sammich while driving
to detroit in the middle of the night.
dto ~ It SURE is, and I feel the same way. Used to buzz my ass off on that long, boring drive between WV and school in McComb, Ilinois. That billboard was always a downer. Of course, driving through Indiana was always a downer, too. Borrrring!
dto ~ And just to verify: I made a trip to Urbana this year, and the billboard is still there. I refused to look at it, as I was “altering my consciousness” at the time, and didn’t want to ruin it.
Best thing I’ve ever seen while driving – A topless chick sticking out of the sun roof of a BMW going 80 on the I-80 flyover near the Bay bridge in Oakland. Second best, a dude driving his RV down the city street, while it was on fire and he was oblivious. I still have the picture of that one. Last month a guy in a pickup truck ground off about a hundred feet of the right side of a tunnel near here, right in front of me. A few minutes he slammed hard into the left barrier for no apparent reason, and kept going. I have to go that route again on Monday. Hope he’s nowhere nearby.
About 90 mins from my burgh is this really cool town called Port Dover on Lake Erie. It’s a Major fishing Port & you can be enjoying Fried Perch at a local restaurant minutes after they offload the day’s catch. Every Friday the 13th in the Summer the Bikers make the place their own, Last year I’m all suited up having made a presentation nearby & decide to play hooky for the day & not noticing the date decide to head down for some fish & chips & a couple of beers! about 10clicks south of town I am overtaken by a group of fairly notorious bikers who place my car about dead centre of the pack and escort me into town! They were just having fun but I would be a liar if I said I didn’t nearly crap myself;)
Right sock, left sock, right shoe, left shoe.
However, my 11 year old girl does left sock, left shoe, right sock, right shoe.
Wow! I thought my witnessing a woman with plate balanced on the steering wheel, knife & fork dining while driving was unique. Alas it is apparently quite common.
Does driving the wrong way on an entrance ramp count? I see this twice once in broad day light and once at 3:30 am. In both cases the driver would have had to make a more than 180 degree turn to get the car onto the ramp. I think the 3:30 one was the scariest since I couldn’t be sure of my out.
Attire: business casual mostly. At one job my whole department got laid off but had to work a 6 week transition and it was dress code chaos. People in shorts, flip flops and tank tops while the rest of the office workers were in their dockers and collared shirts.
Oh I neglected another one. When I worked at a MAJOR insurance company one division had to clarify the dress code to stress that all employees were required to wear underwear and women had to wear bras or undershirts.
I always wondered what occurred to require that level of detail.
and typo above should say “I’ve seen this twice”
Right sock, left sock, right shoe left shoe. Shoe/sock sequence has to be one of the weirdest superstition/phobia things ever. I’ve tried deviating…but if you alternate the sequence, it brings on the bad mojo. Cases in point…alternated the sequence 20 years ago, and 8 hours later I was laying in the Emergency Room with two broken knees. Did it again about a few years later…that evening, I received a call from my sister telling me that our Grandmother had just died unexpectedly.
Swami Bologna says
ClintC: You’re gonna cause us borderline-OCDers to fall hard over the edge.
I haven’t seen anything more unusual behind the wheel than your garden variety texter, reader, makeup applier, and ham sandwich eater. I have, however, seen a few clowns behind the wheel. I think they follow me. But a site like that only distracts everyone else.
I do have something to add about general road strangeness, though. Today, as darkness was creeping upon the land and the snow squall was kicking into high gear, I damn near backed into some asshat on a unicycle. Who the fuck powers around a parking lot on a unicycle in a snowstorm? Nostrils?? He was dressed like an extra from “The Sting” too. I half expected some jaunty ragtime to start playing just as he was caught up in the teeth of a plow or something. Idiot!
I’m OCD enough to have all my underwear rolled neatly into little drawer compartments and organized by color….but even I think this right foot/left foot business is a little insane.
Joey Jo Jo says
I have eaten In-N-Out animal-style fries while driving. Being a fat man takes some sacrifices…
Also right sock, left sock, right shoe, left shoe. Right handed in case anyone is tracking the data for a study. If that is the case, I would suggest that said examiner broaden the subject pool as this site seems to attract the OCDers.
Brynhildr, suit and tie every single day. And I agree, people do behave differently if decked out.
I hated it at first, as I’m a barefoot (or sandals, not flip-flops (which are different)), shorts or jeans, and t-shirt kind of guy normally. Didn’t own a suit until required to do so. But in my office setting, its the only way to go. Not only seems to make things run smoother, but I can look at porn at work and still seem like I’m working.
First. The Saints are in the Superbowl. Black and gold attire only is acceptable. Dress codes be damned.
I never kept track of what order I put my socks on. But if they’re inside out, I put the toe on and fold them over my feet instead of turning them out in the first place.
I don’t know about outrageous, but I saw someone with a goat in their car during the Katrina evacuation. She was feeding the goat TP over the seat (swear!).
Good Morning Surf Reporters……
I commented earlier without really reading the Report first. It’s a sin, I know, but I was out of my mind worrying about shitting my pants at my desk.
Work Attire Somedays I’ll be all fancy pants in a suit and tie. Other days just casual slacks, a nice shirt and/or a sweater. In the summer, a golf shirt and khakis are acceptable.
Footware Left sock, right sock. Left shoe, right shoe. 1 fish, 2 fish, red fish, blue fish. It’s been that way for as long as I can remember. Dr. Seuss would probably agree.
Craziest sight while driving Probably me to all the others on the interstate the day I took too big of a hit, grayed out, went into the median, turned a complete 2 360’s and continued on in the fast lane. I’m sure everyone that day that saw me shouted out “What the fuck?!?!
Brynhildr: I agree the suits look nice…but give me a strappin’-manly-blue collar-toolbelt-workboot wearin guy over a suit anytime….come to MAMA….
Gretchen: Where were you when you saw the Unicyclist? We saw some dude riding one on the South Side over the summer. Gotta be the same guy…how many Unicyclist can be out there? No pun intended.
A HAMBURGER FROM PIK-QUIK DRIVE-IN IN FIFE, WASHINGTON
Two hand grip then bite
Onions and sauce shoot sideways
Do not eat and drive
Rat Bastard says
bikerchick: I’ve seen that unicycle guy on the Southside too…probably is the same guy!
Bikerchick and Rat Bastard: Mr. One Wheel, That’s How I Roll must have made his way up to the North Hills since then. The incident occurred at CCAC. And he’s damn lucky my Toyota doesn’t appear to have the accelerator problem [yet], or I’d still be scraping his newsboy cap and other sundry parts out of my car’s undercarriage.
Fat Secretary says
I thought I would be unique with witnessing cereal eating, but I stand corrected. Who knew?
Business casual M-Tr, jeans and t-shirts Friday-all of this out the window if the big shots are showing up, full on dress up then. I haven’t worn pantyhose since I lived in CA ten years ago-I refuse to. What a miserable “garment”.
My husband has to wear a suit and tie every day-he calls it “the costume”.
just last week saw a guy not paying attention on I-95 in FL. Traffic stopped in front of him, he didn’t notice so he swerved into our lane that happened to be occupied by a van pulling a small trailer. Basically tore the left front fender off the new Caddy, shit went flying everywhere. Neither one even slowed down or stopped…. crazy. wouldn’t live there for anything.
The one thing I see all the time is some with a cell phone in one hand, a cigarette in the other and driving a stick shift, trying to make a turn. morons….
When you are driving, PLEASE DRIVE and PAY ATTENTION!
Just to be clear when I was in my younger life I was looking for a cigarette in my coat pocket on the seat, ran off the road and wrapped my truck around a tree so been there, done that.
WIll admit to a fondness for getting head while I drive…..
I am late to the party here but i agree with Brynhildr the decline in civilization can be linked to the decline in dress code in our society.
I work in an office where we rarely see the public but i dress up everyday but Friday. heels, hose, etc. i wear jeans on Friday. My coworkers rarely dress nice. there is one lady who if she does dress nice still wears tennis shoes. IT DRIVES ME CRAZY!!!!! One of the men in my dept looks most of the time as if he slept in his clothes and he barely shaves and reeks of Marlboro reds. It is so gross and he hits on me all the time. Yeah i can attract them….yes i can!!
left sock right sock right shoe left shoe.
OH and Ashton…….. it will be very sad for you Sunday when the COLTS kick ass!!! I suggest you invest ion some blue and white attire honey!!!
Chuck in Belpre says
I’ll never be able to put socks and shoes on again. I never paid attention to how I did it and now I can’t decide. FUCK!
Looks Like Freeny won’t be able to get a shoe or a sock over that ankle on Sunday!
I see Obama is unwilling to get his butt North of the Border for the Olympics, He’s scared that if he got sick He would be subjected to Gov’t run Healthcare (Tee Hee!)
Freeney will play, but go out early, as NOLA plays dirty like that and will try to hit that ankle as much as possible. P-Man will be running for his life a lot, but he only needs about 1 second to hit a receiver. Indy 31, NO 24. GO COLTS!
On IPOD right now- “November Rain”- G’n’R (the only Guns and Roses song I really like).
Son Of Sam says
As a life long STEELER fan I hate the Colts. I can’t get much hate up for Saints so I’m thinking the Colts will win. We have a great party for the game and hope to hit some squares. (taxes due fingers crossed)
Lee Harvey Ramone says
I just wish I drove one of those Toyotas. The I could drive around town as fast as I wanted to, and if I got pulled over I would just say: “Gee officer, my accelerator pedal must have gotten stuck or something”.
Work Attire: Since I’m a teacher, we are encouraged to dress “professionally”, whatever that means. As long as it’s not denim with a t-shirt, it’s usually okay to wear. We do have “dress down” days once a month or so, but we have to pay for that privilege.
Footware: Left sock, right sock. Next pants, and then, left shoe, right shoe. I just noticed this phenomenon last week when I was putting on my coat. For some reason, my right arm went in first, and it felt all wrong. I wan’t able to finish, and had to start over again with my left arm in first.
Craziest sight while driving: While stopped at a red light one day, I watched a man brushing his teeth. He opened the window to spit out the toothpaste. All I could think about was how he was going to rinse off his toothbrush when he was finished.
My husband and I once saw an auto accident, must’ve been mere seconds after it happened. The windshield of the car was smashed, and there was broken glass everywhere. Mixed in amongst the glass shards were, I kid you not, potato chips. The open bag was laying right next to the car. I wish I had my camera that day– when I close my eyes, I can still visualize the scene. Brings new meaning to the term “all that and a bag of chips…”
Business casual… tie not required thank God.
Socks first then shoes… no order that I can think of. Your question reminded me of one of the funniest bits on All In The Family. Michael was putting his footwear on, sock-shoe-sock-shoe and Archie insisted that he should put on both socks first then shoes. The argued for five minutes about it and it was hilarious! After all the great political humor on that show, it’s the one scene I really remember, besides the kiss Sammy Davis Jr gave Archie.
Worst driver: One morning on the freeway I saw a woman eating a bowl of cereal, milk and all, bowl in one hand spoon in the other, nothing holding the steering wheel. I sped up to get out of her way!
ah dress codes…we should be wearing thoose thin cheesecloth work pants and dress uniform shirt for service calls….some people seem to forget they called about there furnace being down in 30 degree weather and the blue van with the phone number and company name doesnt really assure them of who they really called…well today was bluejean day….to damn cold out for thoose overwashed paper thin wannabe dickeys workpant rental clothes from the uniform company ….and low and behold who i get to work with was mr boss man himself…so half way thru the day he managed to push a sheet of tin my way into my jeans no damage no injury….no paperwork…..well if i had the cheese cloth window screen work pants on id probably be having stitches in my leg right now and be off for tomorrows snow storm….a i like the option of just calling off tomorrow and having all my leg skin in the same place….so dress for success or dress like you want to and stay warm this month…..