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Doggie shame, moldy references, and words that are slightly wrong

March 3, 2009 By Jeff 167 Comments

714It pains me to admit it, but our dog Andy is a bunnist.  It’s true.  He has a deep-seated hatred of bunnies, based on nothing but species, and regularly discriminates against them while out for his urine-slinging sessions.

Over the years that hound has been responsible for any number of hate crimes perpetrated against the bunny community.  And it’s nothing short of heartbreaking…  There haven’t been any murders, thank God.  But I fear it’s more a result of incompetence on his part, than any sense of mercy.

He sometimes harasses the local squirrel population, as well.  And after I scold him, and make a plea for tolerance, he just shoots me a look that says, “What do you call 1200 squirrels and bunnies at the bottom of the ocean?  A good start!”

Andy’s now coming up on eight years old, and I fear there’s no changing him.  No amount of sensitivity training, I believe, will eliminate the dark, dark shadows of bunnism in his soul.

I am so terribly ashamed.

Anyway… I’ve been paying close attention, and rarely a day goes by when Toney and/or I don’t make a reference to Seinfeld or Curb Your Enthusiasm.  Things happen continuously, that remind us of situations on those shows.

I used to make a lot of Andy Griffith references, and when I was an ugly teenager I cranked off Monty Python quotes with abandon (which now horrifies me).  But for the past ten years or so, it’s been all Larry David, all the time.  Because, I suppose, he’s a straight-up genius.

Sunshine, on the other hand, still ties everything to Saturday Night Live somehow – the original cast! – and it makes my whole body go rigid.  Cheeseburga cheeseburga?? What is that, from like fifty years ago?  How about an update to M*A*S*H, at least?

And that’s my concern…  At what point will I become Sunshine, making everyone shake their heads in disgust at my ancient-ass quoting?

What should be the statute of limitations on something like that?  Ten years?  Fifteen at the outside?  What do you think?

And who makes the moldiest references, of anyone you know?

I used to work with a guy who regularly cranked-off drug “jokes” dating from his early 1970s misspent youth.  Whenever he’d happen upon the number 714, for instance, he’d get all animated and start hollering, “714! 714!!”

I still don’t know what he was talking about, and don’t care.  Because that dude was Douchey Douchington the high mayor of Douchetown…

And I’m sure we’ve covered this one before, but it’s been a long time.  A few days ago I was chatting with a (purposely ambiguous) person, and he said “prostrate” trouble runs in his family.

I wanted to ask if he comes from a long line of people who suddenly lie face down and fully extended, but decided to just keep my mouth shut… and later make fun of him on the internet.

So, what words do you notice people getting slightly wrong?  Not whole phrases like “I could care less,” but single words that folks manage to mangle and mutilate.

I have a few more, off the top of my head:  punkin, pitcher (instead of picture), Oregone, samwitch, Oldtimer’s disease, libary, supposably, and I could go on and on.

I know a person who, upon leaving a roomful of people, sometimes waves and tries to say adios! But she always pronounces it, hidy-hoase!

And Toney and I worked with a woman in Atlanta who transposed letters when she spoke.  Not when she typed, interestingly enough, just when she was speaking.

She once told us she’d bought a new couch at the flea market(!), and kept insisting it was brand new from the manufacturer.  “It still had the plascit on it!” she shouted.  And we almost stroked-out, trying not to laugh.

So, there ya go.  I know this one is a tad abbreviated, but that’s the way it goes sometimes.  You can’t go around questioning the update gods…

Have a great day, my friends.

I’ll see ya tomorrow.

Now playing in the bunker.

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Comments

  1. chill says

    March 3, 2009 at 7:35 pm

    ‘Breffix’ instead of ‘breakfast’.
    ‘Verbage’ instead of ‘verbiage’.

    A place I used to work sold video projectors made by a company called Barco. One of our customers referred to his as “the barcode”.

    That’s about all I have. Let’s pedantic!

    Reply
  2. kenju says

    March 3, 2009 at 7:43 pm

    My uncle’s wife used to say “beeth roast” for beef. Drove me crazy. She also referred to K-mark instead of K-mart and called the crevice tool on her vacuum a “cervix” tool.

    My mom called the restaurant Chick A Fil and said viral when she meant virile.

    Reply
  3. Juancho says

    March 3, 2009 at 8:22 pm

    notary republic

    Reply
  4. Lauren says

    March 3, 2009 at 8:24 pm

    It’s not an issue of pronunciation, but I’m with teenagers all day and I can’t stand it when they use the word “ignorant” incorrectly.

    I’m telling them all the time that “ignorant” does NOT mean rude, but rather “lacking knowledge”.

    Reply
  5. girlgoyle says

    March 3, 2009 at 8:44 pm

    had a friend who referred to unbranded items as negeric and fine porcelain as cheramic

    Reply
  6. girlgoyle says

    March 3, 2009 at 8:47 pm

    oh can’t believe I forgot this one in Philadelphia area there is a store named ACME. Many people pronounce as ACK-A-Me.

    Which has led me to quip “only the pure of heart can see the hidden syllable in the sign”

    Reply
  7. D in Seattle says

    March 3, 2009 at 8:50 pm

    Your car is equipped with a “catalytic converter”, not a “Cadillac converter.” The only possible exception is if you do in fact drive a Cadillac, in which case you could make an argument that your car is in fact equipped with a “Cadillac converter”, but that would make you a douchebag.

    Reply
  8. dr buford says

    March 3, 2009 at 9:25 pm

    just a few

    1) eck-cetera instead of et cetera. drives me batshiat, and i work with THREE people who say this daily.

    2) orientate. BAAUGH!

    3) EYE-talian. why is this so hard?

    4) supposably. this is funny when it’s purposefully mispronounced, but not otherwise.

    5) verse-vice-uh instead of vice-versa. i kid you not. dude says it all of the time at work.

    6) far and few between. more BAARGH.

    many more, but i need a cocktail right now. and my wife wonders why i drink..

    b

    Reply
  9. Melissa says

    March 3, 2009 at 9:35 pm

    My Mother – ‘Beg’ = BAG; ‘Tresh’ = Trash
    My Semi-Retarded Aunt (At least I think she is…) – SaLmon = Salmon (pronounce the L); ‘QuesadiLLa’ = Quesadilla (Pronounce both Ls)
    Ignoramus Coworker – ‘O-reagon’ = Oregon
    Former Ignoramus President – ‘Nucular’ = Nuclear

    Reply
  10. Dr Fatenbald says

    March 3, 2009 at 9:40 pm

    Exscape!

    When people say “idiot” …and they really mean…
    “stupid fucking idiot”!

    Reply
  11. oblvios says

    March 3, 2009 at 9:41 pm

    OMG! It’s official: I’m pathetic. Just heard someone use this one for the millionth time, so I had to run back to my laptop and tell you.

    “Between you and I” is incorrect. It should be “between you and ME.” For the love of god, please….!

    Reply
  12. Tammie says

    March 3, 2009 at 10:17 pm

    Bill in PA: Rickyisms! I LOVE the Trailer Park Boys!

    “Remember what comes around is all around”

    “Supply and command”

    “Denial and error”

    “Cakey pants…no..it’s Khaki pants Ricky…”

    ” That was her mating name…No Ricky, It’s her maiden name.”

    GOD I LOVE THE TRAILER PARK BOYS!!!

    Reply
  13. hardoxdan says

    March 3, 2009 at 10:54 pm

    A customer and I stop for lunch in New Jersey several years ago. He is mid-sixties and a crusty quarry maintenance guy.

    The waitress is about seventy, with the cigarette voice and has about two pounds of red lipstick applied half-way up her top lip.

    She insists on telling us about the daily specials, one of which are Fajitas, but says “Our fajita is excellent, everybody’s raving about it.” She pronounces fajita as FAJ ITA, with a strong “J”, and walks away.

    Customer says loudly “I’ve seen her FAJ ITA and it’s nothing to rave about”

    The table behind me had drinks coming out their noses. I could not look at the old waitress without laughing after that.

    Reply
  14. The Evil Twin says

    March 3, 2009 at 11:08 pm

    A former coworker of mine used to tell me about this guy he worked with at a Kroger warehouse who used to mispronounce a lot of different things -example: “I can’t seem to breath today. Must be too much polident in the air…” or “I didn’t move that there. Man, we must have a polder-dyke!” and “I fell alseep before my head hit the pildow!” We always referred to these mispronunciations as “nucular chimleys.”

    The oil=earl thing is real common here. My mom (a proud Boone County gal) always pronounces the word “worry” as “wary.” “Be careful driving in the rain. I wary about you.”

    The hard T sound on the word “often” drives me crazy, although it might actually be an acceptable pronunciation?

    Certain cultural or popmedia references drive me fucking batty. One of my old unit commanders in the Air Force used to always affect a feaux-rasta accent and say “We be jahmmin’ mon!” whenever something notable was accomplished, and it always made me want to throw a hammer at his head. It sounded particularly funny coming from him since he was the whitest black man I’ve ever known in my life.

    Reply
  15. Stuart says

    March 3, 2009 at 11:45 pm

    Pacifically instead of specifically….

    Reply
  16. Gretchen says

    March 3, 2009 at 11:51 pm

    My mother once called Donkey Kong “Konky Dong”. I still get a bang out of that this many years years later.

    Speaking of video games, I made an oblique Seinfeld reference today to someone too young to be in the know. His car had broken down and he got it pushed almost to his garage, but he gave up when he realized he’d have to get it across a busy four lane highway. I asked him if he’d ever played Frogger.

    Reply
  17. Gretchen says

    March 3, 2009 at 11:52 pm

    Years years? I gotta go to bed.

    Reply
  18. Christa says

    March 4, 2009 at 12:12 am

    “It’s all good.” That makes me crazy!

    My husband and I were once around someone who said digilent instead of diligent. Now my husband says it that way all the time just to mess with me. I’m starting to forget which way is right.

    Reply
  19. bino aka the jingle king says

    March 4, 2009 at 12:19 am

    Man you people really live with stupidos…I don’t hear any of that shit here in SO. NH or ‘Mass North” as they call it….the worst is “ex-cetera” which is more common than the proper ‘et cetera.’

    Reply
  20. dr buford says

    March 4, 2009 at 12:22 am

    oh, and 7) eck-specially…

    sleep now

    Reply
  21. Rimpy says

    March 4, 2009 at 12:33 am

    I’m not sure if this counts as a single word or not, but a lot of people in my company say “outlining”, when they mean “outlying”. It comes up fairly often on conference calls when they are talking about “outlying” stores in remote areas as opposed to stores in the core market area of our closest major metropolitan area. Whenever I hear someone misusing the word, I must restrain myself from shouting and frothing into the phone.

    Reply
  22. Jed D says

    March 4, 2009 at 12:50 am

    “biscetti” As in “what do you want for dinner?”

    Reply
  23. adubb says

    March 4, 2009 at 1:45 am

    I had a Food & Beverage director if we needed all that foilage on a dish. I told him there was no aluminum foil in the restaurant and called him a jackass for not knowing what foliage was. Didn’t keep that job long:)

    Reply
  24. Biff says

    March 4, 2009 at 3:06 am

    My dumbass sister in law lets her tea bag “seep” for two minutes

    Reply
  25. Marlena says

    March 4, 2009 at 7:48 am

    I ‘steep’ for 3 ….

    Reply
  26. ZAZU the Pitts says

    March 4, 2009 at 8:13 am

    “Frashlight” as in “Hand me the frashlight. It’s dark-thirty in here”.

    Reply
  27. Beerhound says

    March 4, 2009 at 8:42 am

    Then for Than.

    As in “My milkshake is better then your’s.” AAAARRRRGGGG.

    Reply
  28. Jason says

    March 4, 2009 at 9:02 am

    My brother messes up the word photogenic. He says he’s not very photosexual.

    Reply
  29. lucysmama says

    March 4, 2009 at 9:03 am

    My hard-headed boxer Lucy is on a mission from God (sorry) to rid the world of squirrels, skateboards, bicycles and ATV’s. I need to buy that remote trainer before I get sued.

    I know this dates me but I still say, “Never mind that shit; here comes Mongo!” (Blazing Saddles) and “Louise, I’m very hungry; could you bring me my lunch?” (Being There) I still quote Airplane! too.

    Here in the deep South our own guv’ner talks about casinas and restrunts.

    My SO’s mother once mentioned the “GI Joe Bill.”

    My own well-educated father refers to tarnadas (with a long a), cone-er instead of corner, herrikins instead of hurricanes (we have a lot of those down here), and exclaims “look a yonder!” when something exciting happens. When you leave a room and the light is on, you are “suppose” to “cut if off.” It’s enough to make somebody have to “carry” you to the “horsepital.”

    Improper use of the subjective case drives me nuts. “Suzy invited he and I to the party” makes me want to hit the speaker over the head with a board.

    I’ve seen fellow attorneys argue, “That argument doesn’t pass mustard” and “he was tried by a jury of his piers.” Oh, the humanity!

    Reply
  30. SeeKar says

    March 4, 2009 at 9:27 am

    Many of my Sub-Saharan Nubian friends around here refer to those small edible crustaceans as “scrimps.”

    On the outdated reference issue, we have a coworker who regularly says “Homie don’t play that!”

    Reply
  31. SeeKar says

    March 4, 2009 at 9:36 am

    Also,
    Used to work with a guy who loved to eat chicken cooked on a “ross-uh-TEER. (rotisserie)

    Reply
  32. CitizenX says

    March 4, 2009 at 9:41 am

    John Hughes Movie Quotes ARE NOT DEAD, SIR

    “Stupid, worthless, no good, goddamn, freeloading son of a bitch. Retarded, big mouth, know-it-all, asshole, jerk.”
    … You forgot ugly, lazy and disrespectful.
    Shut up bitch. Go fix me a turkey pot pie.

    Not dead.

    “Smoke up, Johnny!”
    “For better hallway vision”
    “Can I have all my doobage?”
    “Impossible, Sir. It’s in Johnson’s underwear.”
    “What if he had elephantitis of the nuts?”
    .. “He’d have to ride shotgun”

    THE BEST EVER:
    “Screws fall out all the time.
    The world is an imperfect place.”

    ALL THIS FROM ONE JOHN HUGHES MOVIE
    so yeah. these quotes have life until I say they are dead.

    Reply
  33. bennigan's nazi says

    March 4, 2009 at 9:51 am

    Homie don’t play that is as timeless as they get.

    Quesadillas and fajitas are great ones. I’ve hears Quee-say-deal-as instead of kay-sa-di-yas many times and fa-gee-tas is pretty common too.

    I say per-nounced instead of pro-nounced.

    Reply
  34. Bill in WV says

    March 4, 2009 at 9:56 am

    Barney once told Otis that his “torn calcium” must be very painful.

    Reply
  35. tiff says

    March 4, 2009 at 10:01 am

    Joo-ler-y

    Read it: jewel-ry.

    Yeesh.

    Reply
  36. Door Quad says

    March 4, 2009 at 10:11 am

    Actually – I think anyone who uses Seinfeld references is probably pushing the limit. That show went off in 1998. Even if if continues to survive in reruns to this day (don’t ask me how THAT happened) it’s still O L D.

    Reply
  37. Lew in Bama says

    March 4, 2009 at 10:18 am

    I hate it when people start a story, and the first phrase they come up with is
    “well, you see, what had happened was”
    How does that even sound right in your head?

    Reply
  38. Rusty says

    March 4, 2009 at 10:33 am

    I recently got the complete 3rd and 4th seasons of Saturday Night Live on DVD and they are still the best two seasons. Don’t care how old they are.

    Reply
  39. Rusty says

    March 4, 2009 at 10:36 am

    Also, I hate it when people want to “dialogue” with me. You can’t “dialougue” with me. Dialogue is a noun.

    Reply
  40. Leon says

    March 4, 2009 at 10:38 am

    In WV half of the linkhorns say Marlington. It’s Marlinton.
    There’s also Sissonsville for Sissonville.

    Malmy = Mommy.
    Liberry = library.

    I heard a guy pronounce ensemble as onsomblay.

    A friend of mine that works in radio told me about an announcer that was supposed to read a script that said, “The epitome of mobile homes” and he pronounced it as it was spelled, “epi-tome”.

    Reply
  41. Brandy says

    March 4, 2009 at 10:50 am

    “my bad.”

    Your bad what?

    Reply
  42. Gretchen says

    March 4, 2009 at 10:54 am

    “Onsomblay” is just the French pronunciation. I hope you kicked him hard in the nuts.

    Reply
  43. KYDave says

    March 4, 2009 at 11:18 am

    “dinner is at night, there’s no such thing as supper.”

    In my part of the world we eat our celebratory meals like Thanksgiving Day, Christmas Day, and Easter, generally between noon and 2:00 PM. Yet I don’t beleive I’ve ever had Thanksgiving Day Lunch.

    When we have a meal to celebrate somebody’s birthday or have an big meal in recognition of something its usally during the evening. Yet I have never had “supper” at a wedding.

    Dinner is a large celebratory or formal meal, regardless of the time. If you have dinner everynight I’d hate to see your grocery bill.

    Supper has its roots in latin and means “to eat the evening meal”

    So Lunch is at noon, and its an everday ordeal.
    Supper is the evening meal every night of the week.

    Dinner is something special and can be at anytime during the day.

    Reply
  44. FurrrX says

    March 4, 2009 at 11:23 am

    Yo never gets old.

    Reply
  45. Brandy says

    March 4, 2009 at 11:32 am

    “Car” is the most widely spoken of the Nicobarese languages spoken in the Nicobar Islands of India, but to me it’s what I drive to work in each day.

    Reply
  46. Doug says

    March 4, 2009 at 11:36 am

    oblvios – after 25 years working in roadway design I can tell you that it is guardrail. Now there is such a thing as guiderail, as seen here:
    http://www.hahacomix.com/temp/2008_FDOT_Standards_187.pdf

    Reply
  47. oblvios says

    March 4, 2009 at 11:49 am

    What part of the French-speaking world does “onsombLAY” come from? I’m trying to educate myself.

    Reply
  48. Pagan says

    March 4, 2009 at 11:53 am

    girlgoyle:

    back on the plantation we alway’s branded the Negerics!

    Reply
  49. oblvios says

    March 4, 2009 at 12:10 pm

    Doug – thanks for the link, but that appears to be something different from the guide rails I’ve seen. If I recall correctly (it’s been a few years), one of the signs that referenced a guide rail rather than a guard rail was on Highway 60, just north of Picksburgh, PA. Don’t know if it’s still there. Perhaps it has been corrected by now.

    I did however find this:
    http://www.dihighway.com/products/guide.php

    Just trying to edjicate myself. I’ll shut up now.

    Reply
  50. Gretchen says

    March 4, 2009 at 12:25 pm

    @oblivios:

    http://www.acapela-group.com/text-to-speech-interactive-demo.html

    I used Bruno to pronounce “ensemble”.

    Reply
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