It pains me to admit it, but our dog Andy is a bunnist. It’s true. He has a deep-seated hatred of bunnies, based on nothing but species, and regularly discriminates against them while out for his urine-slinging sessions.
Over the years that hound has been responsible for any number of hate crimes perpetrated against the bunny community. And it’s nothing short of heartbreaking… There haven’t been any murders, thank God. But I fear it’s more a result of incompetence on his part, than any sense of mercy.
He sometimes harasses the local squirrel population, as well. And after I scold him, and make a plea for tolerance, he just shoots me a look that says, “What do you call 1200 squirrels and bunnies at the bottom of the ocean? A good start!”
Andy’s now coming up on eight years old, and I fear there’s no changing him. No amount of sensitivity training, I believe, will eliminate the dark, dark shadows of bunnism in his soul.
I am so terribly ashamed.
Anyway… I’ve been paying close attention, and rarely a day goes by when Toney and/or I don’t make a reference to Seinfeld or Curb Your Enthusiasm. Things happen continuously, that remind us of situations on those shows.
I used to make a lot of Andy Griffith references, and when I was an ugly teenager I cranked off Monty Python quotes with abandon (which now horrifies me). But for the past ten years or so, it’s been all Larry David, all the time. Because, I suppose, he’s a straight-up genius.
Sunshine, on the other hand, still ties everything to Saturday Night Live somehow – the original cast! – and it makes my whole body go rigid. Cheeseburga cheeseburga?? What is that, from like fifty years ago? How about an update to M*A*S*H, at least?
And that’s my concern… At what point will I become Sunshine, making everyone shake their heads in disgust at my ancient-ass quoting?
What should be the statute of limitations on something like that? Ten years? Fifteen at the outside? What do you think?
And who makes the moldiest references, of anyone you know?
I used to work with a guy who regularly cranked-off drug “jokes” dating from his early 1970s misspent youth. Whenever he’d happen upon the number 714, for instance, he’d get all animated and start hollering, “714! 714!!”
I still don’t know what he was talking about, and don’t care. Because that dude was Douchey Douchington the high mayor of Douchetown…
And I’m sure we’ve covered this one before, but it’s been a long time. A few days ago I was chatting with a (purposely ambiguous) person, and he said “prostrate” trouble runs in his family.
I wanted to ask if he comes from a long line of people who suddenly lie face down and fully extended, but decided to just keep my mouth shut… and later make fun of him on the internet.
So, what words do you notice people getting slightly wrong? Not whole phrases like “I could care less,” but single words that folks manage to mangle and mutilate.
I have a few more, off the top of my head: punkin, pitcher (instead of picture), Oregone, samwitch, Oldtimer’s disease, libary, supposably, and I could go on and on.
I know a person who, upon leaving a roomful of people, sometimes waves and tries to say adios! But she always pronounces it, hidy-hoase!
And Toney and I worked with a woman in Atlanta who transposed letters when she spoke. Not when she typed, interestingly enough, just when she was speaking.
She once told us she’d bought a new couch at the flea market(!), and kept insisting it was brand new from the manufacturer. “It still had the plascit on it!” she shouted. And we almost stroked-out, trying not to laugh.
So, there ya go. I know this one is a tad abbreviated, but that’s the way it goes sometimes. You can’t go around questioning the update gods…
Have a great day, my friends.
I’ll see ya tomorrow.
Mark me down for “irregardless”…I hate those fuckers.
When a Bar Tender is at work, they TEND BAR!
I use a Spell Checker to CHECK MY SPELLING!
We have a friend who “supposively” puts “cimminun” on her toast when she’s visiting the “Sixteen Chapel” looking at all the pretty “ormanents”.
On the other hand – I’ve been recently busted (and am trying to correct myself) saying “strawbry” and “bluebry” – I’ll be damned if I know how I picked that up.
@ Gretchen – I took the last part of “”onsomblay” to be the English “lay”as in “to lay down”, a long vowel sound. The French pronunciation is closer to “luh”, which is much shorter. Perhaps I misunderstood what Leon was trying to say.
Anyone schooled here in S.E. ky takes a “sure” to “worsh” the stink off. Uggghhhhh
flustered and frustrated….
I think this must be a local thing, hubbys’ family are from the Cincin. are and they never add the “s” to the end of “cent” …like, your change is 13 cent….bloody hell….maybe they make change 1 cent at a time?
Cincin. area…dammit….
Oh, and my parents went to Ha-wai-ya on vacation a few years ago.
Ha-wai-ya? Fine thanks for asking!
Good night, I’ll be here all week.
Lucysmama: Mel Brooks movies, and Airplane!, quotes are NEVER old.
“I knew it! I’m surrounded by Assholes!” (Spaceballs)
“And don’t call me Shirley.” (Airplane)
Me and Jeff had a buddy back in the day tell another buddy that he was pissed at, that he’d better shut up or he was going to get a “knuckle full of sandwiches”.
Lucysmama: Looks like you picked the wrong week to quit loving great movie quotes.
And CitizenX, I was just in my office, and I heard a ruckus!
Also, on the other subject, I once knew an exchange student who complained of having to push a lawn mowing machine because of Grandpa’s “hyena”. Get it right, furriner!
Every Thursday evening when I’m eating my dinner Kath & Kim is on. That there Molly Shannon comes up with some good ones. I am not sure if they are proper malapropisms–but she makes me shake my head and say, “what?”
in Missouri people in the Jeff City area say Missoura. My mom was from there and she also said yella (yellow) and winda (window). Everyone from St. Lois seems to say “warsh” (wash). When I first joined the Navy I had to train myself to consciously pronounce wash instead of warsh, since i had never been out of Missouri before and didn’t know any different. Some from St. Louis also say farty (forty) fark (fork) and so on. My dad used to say “lookie yonder” and my aunt used to say “i’ll Swanie” (no direct translation except something along the lines of Holy Shit or Ya don’t say!) and “cream cone” (ice cream cone) as in “Ya’ll wnat a cream cone and cold drank?” But i really hold these colloquialisms dear to my heart as it reminds me of those gone but not forgotten in my life.
Quotes that will never die: Forty years down the road I’ll still probably be yelling “You tell ’em I’m comin’, and HELL’S COMIN’ WITH ME!!!” when I’m pissed off and looking for someone. 🙂
That’s right Rick, ’cause “I’m your huckleberry.”
I could write for an hour about this, but I’ll use restraint.
One that drives me batshit insane is when people write “would of” instead of “would have,” as in “If I had been there I would of kicked her teeth in.” I see it all the time in comment sections like this but on my local newspaper’s website. Those are a whole different animal – just a bunch of pussy shitfuckers (cursing arsenal deployed) who sit at their computers bitching and whining about things and taking shots at people from the safety of their screennames.
And back on point, the other one that pisses me off is sort of snobbish, but it has to do with the word “historic.” Some people say “An historic moment,” while others say “a historic moment.” It has to do with whether you pronounce the H or not, and the Associated Press says either is acceptable. But if you use “an,” the H is supposed to be silent, as in “an ‘istoric moment.” But especially around the inauguration, I kept hearing assholes on the radio saying “an HHHHistoric moment,” and kept clenching my asscheeks.
i’m really late, but had to throw my two cents in. there have been a lot of words that really irritate me already talked about(license as a plural being top of the list), but i can’t believe no one mentioned ‘jagwire’ for jaguar or ‘tagger’ for tiger! these drive me absolutely nuts! are they just a local(northwest pa.) thing? i realize this probably won’t even be read at this point, but i had to get it off my chest! thanks!
My neighbor uses a word that I have tried looking up in every dictionary…but cannot find. She’ll say, “When Ella (her daughter) throws a tantrum in Target, I get so FLUSTRATED.”
My husband and I think she confusing and combining FRUSTRATED and FLUSTERED. I don’t have the heart or desire to correct her. It is too funny to hear a college educated woman who is almost 40 using a word like FLUSTRATED.
I have a cousin who calls Pepsi “Pepspi” His reasoning? “Because it has two ‘p’s”
Honestly?
Anyway, and also my nana (who isn’t as old as she sounds…she’s only 54…and yes I’m fully grown before anyone asks…we breed young in my family) says “per se” completely inappropriately. I can’t even explain it…but it’s very irritating.
And lastly, my boyfriend says “animant” instead of either adimant (sp?) or animate…I’m not sure…he only says it when he’s upset or angry about something so i can’t ask…haha.