This morning I was trolling for evidence on the internet, and happened upon this dubious article. It purports to list the “statistically worse things about each state.”
My home state of West Virginia, for instance, supposedly has the highest rate of heart attacks in the nation — 6.5 percent of the population. That’s easily verifiable, and legitimate, I suppose. But North Dakota is listed as having the ugliest residents, and Maine the dumbest. As I said, dubious.
However, it’s an interesting piece, and I wish I’d thought of it. Well-played… whoever you people are!
Today I’d like to get your thoughts on this thing. Are you surprised by any of it? Do you call bullshit anywhere? What are your feelings? Here are few of my thoughts, to get the ball rolling:
Ohio is listed as the nerdiest state? Wow. When I was a kid Ohio scared me. We had relatives who lived there, and also visited King’s Island amusement park every summer and took in as many Cincinnati Reds games as possible. And the people — especially the young people — gave me the creeps. It felt like everyone was on drugs and unpredictable, and I’d never seen so many homemade OZZY knuckle tattoos in my life. There’s no shortage of white trash in West Virginia, of course, but it was a different, scarier version in Ohio. Nerdiest?? That one blows me away.
Pennsylvania has the highest rate of arson deaths? That one DOESN’T surprise me. Corruption and insurance fraud should somehow be incorporated into the state seal. I used to work with a guy here who told me he lost his job a few years ago, when a warehouse burned to the ground. “Jewish lightning,” he explained, as if I knew what the hell he was talking about; I’d never heard that phrase in my life. However, every night on the six o’clock news they talk about yet another “suspicious” fire around these parts. It’s bizarre.
Massachusetts has the worst drivers? I haven’t spent enough time there to know if that’s accurate or not. But if it’s worse than Pennsylvania, it must be full-on anarchy. I’m shocked on an almost daily basis by these kielbasa-eaters, and their roadway shenanigans. I don’t think they’re taught the correct ways of doing things. Or they’re taught the wrong ways by belligerent blowhard dads who don’t know any better. Perhaps they’re all just preoccupied with planning their next warehouse fire? I don’t know. But is Massachusetts really the worst? What do you know about this?
Maine is the dumbest state in the union? I’ve never set foot in the place. What’s going on up there? I don’t think I’ve ever been to a place I felt was any dumber than anywhere else. Ya know? It feels like dumb is pretty well evenly-distributed throughout the land. Am I wrong?
I need to go now, but I’m hoping you guys will take it from here. Let’s dissect this thing, and get to the bottom of it. What are your thoughts? Does any of it surprise you, or piss you off? Please tell us about it in the comments.
And I’ll see you guys again tomorrow.
Have a great day!
Now playing in the bunker
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The Ohio Nerdiest stat is based on library visits, which is skewed by the homeless meth users using the book house as their bathroom/internet access/sleeping quarters.
I’m from PA and NY. I agree with NY being the worst commute. The arson thing I guess could be true but I don’t know.
Tornadoes in Minnesota? Dubya Tee Eff man? That one blows me away; pun fully intended.
I can vouch for the teacher salaries here in North (or is it South?) Carolina; or rather at least the incessant bitching about it on the news every week…
It would be just like us Mainers to keep the SAT scores low to hide how smaht we really are from the rest of you…but stats don’t lie, do they?
WB in OH says
Stats can mean anything anyone wants them to. Sure Maine had the lowest score but they also had the highest participation %. Hey, why am I defending Maine, I’m late for the library.
All 11th graders in Maine are required to take the SAT. This is to keep the average scores low. However we are tops in consumption of coffee brandy!
WB in OH says
How’s the meth up there? Do your libraries have clean restrooms?
they lock the restrooms at my library. It feels weird to have to be buzzed in to take a shit while reading my pet goat.
I should move back to Virginia because I don’t even own a motorcycle. I’d live forever. As it is, it seems like I’m doing my best to satisfy WV’s cardiac prophesy.
Massachusetts has the worst drivers because Boston. The birthplace of no-fault insurance. Ever driven there? They don’t even have street signs.
You’re entering Louisiana, the Gonorrhea State. Bet that looks good at the Interstate Welcome Center.
MiniPeds in NOLA says
Massachusetts drivers are locally known as Massholes. It’s like the autobahn on narrow, poorly planned streets where lanes disappear without signage.
Louisiana with the gonorrhea? That’s alarming. I’d have thought we would have taken the murder cap title.
Indiana the “Least Green” state? Not sure, considering the number of green Notre Dame shirts I see being worn by people who did not graduate from, attend or live near the university, or even name the city it’s in. But that probably goes for ND fans nationwide.
I would have guessed we’d get honors for teen pregnancy or something like that.
Yeah. Ask a Cowboy fan for the Dallas area code next time you see one.
Washington – the Besitality State…interesting
WB in OH says
That was my second choice.
You fuck ONE horse and you are labelled for life…
Coke kingpin Douglas Spink busted for running bestiality farm in Washington state
Read more: http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/coke-kingpin-douglas-spink-busted-running-bestiality-farm-washington-state-article-1.165236#ixzz2fvlwxQTw
WTF? Mice with their tails cut off covered in vaseline and strings tied around them?? Dafuq was going on in that place?!
Well richard gere was in an officer and a gentleman which was set in washington.
WB in OH says
Never mind how dubious the report may be, I’ve decided to move to the Four Corners monument and take advantage of all four states offerings.
Bunch of native Americans there selling homemade ‘Indian’ jewelry that was actually made in China. Sad.
Billy Joel says
Alaska is one of the most beautiful places in the world to kill yourself.
Bill in WV says
How can Georgia be “sickliest” and Kansas be “poorest Health”?
Bill in WV says
Washington and South Dakota should merge into one state.
Worst commute? That’s the best they could come up with for New York? What pussy wrote that article? What about “Most aggressive drivers”.
However, I will agree with Massachusetts having the worst drivers. And those are the ones NOT texting.
Colorado – living up to that Rocky Mountain High.
Funny how I want to retire to Rhode Island.. most illicit drug use.
Texas is self explanatory. Lucky for me they won’t understand a five syllable word.
There is a good reason for the label on Texas, but I dare not say it.
The only surprising thing to me is Maine being the dumbest. They’re the furthest from California, and that’s pretty smart.
Jeff, here’s your dessert for next summer:
I’m a non-recycling, bankrupt, cancer having, criminal (possibly female), sickly, alcoholic nerd who’ll will die in a motorcycle accident.
Are the ugly north dakotans raping the south dakotans?
The N.Daker’s ugliness is a defense mechanism to repel the roving gangs of marauding rapers from the south.
Nature is funny sometimes
it’s rare here in kneevaduh to meet anyone with a over room temperature IQ.
it must be the heat baking the brain cells.
rachael smith says
Hey, I’m from Vegas and “a over” doesn’t make us look much brighter! Lol!
Taiwan On says
I think that the Massachusetts thing was just poorly worded. Massachusetts has the rudest drivers, which is the worst if you are not from Massachusetts. There is a word for it – Massholes.
The Mole says
Ohio also has the most talk show guests who aren’t the celebrity kind of guest. Nerdiest? Lice-iest maybe. It’s sad that I know this first hand.
Damn Indians and Mexicans making Arizona known for being alcoholics, rather than the racisim we’re so proud of.
rachael smith says
Pennsylvania = taxes, road construction and more taxes.
Huh. I’ve lived in Virginia for 25 years now, but all my motorcycle accidents were in NY. Where the commute to work was easy-breezy, while it’s usually hellacious here.
And it’s true that Boston drivers are both insane and incompetent. I’d much rather drive in Manhattan than Boston. At least the NYC nutcases know what they’re doing (mostly).
Lucie In Tampa says
Born in Bankruptcy, grew up in the Nerdiest & reside in Identity Theft.
Brad Attitude says
Coming from a washashore Masshole, they got it right!!!
I’ve always found this statistic to correlate perfectly with “redneck factor”
HA! Bankruptcy? Is that all Missouri can claim? I would think that we’d be at least in the running for strokiest, heart attackiness, or smoker’s lungiest…I swear, 20 years later, I think even MORE of my classmates smoke, and they smoked a hell of a lot then!
As for driving, I think that MO drivers are bad, but they’re predictably bad. You know that someone’s going to roll through a stop (if they stop at all), cross a double line to make a turn (instead of finding a turn lane), stop in the street to talk to neighbors, AND ride your ass, go around, give you the finger, etc., just to get to the stop light. This happened not 2 hours ago about 3 miles from home. You get used to crazy drivers…
Cindy from Oregon says
If Oregon is indeed the state with the largest homeless population, they are a bunch of stupid masochists who enjoy being cold and wet 9 months of the year. Probably they die off, hopefully before they breed.
Oregon is a liberal state (well, the populated west side anyway, the east side is pretty red) and they tolerate the quirks and lifestyle choices of their brothers to the point of enabling. Me, I’d like to shoot panhandlers with paintballs but apparently that’s frowned upon.
Having obtained my license and driven in the state of Massachusetts thereafter, my opinion is that Mass drivers are very aggressive. Outsiders would probably view this as bad driving, but when it’s all you’ve done it’s just another day on the road.
Having lived in the Carolinas for the past twelve years I really miss the aggressive driving, people down here make me crazy with their lack of urgency. But it’s not Florida bad.
And I can’t argue with SC being the king of mobile homes, however I’m guessing pretty much any southeastern state could make the same claim.
Rat Bastard says
Agree on the PA/Arson thing. In the little town where I grew up, a bunch of volunteer firefighters went to jail for insurance fraud. They had burned down their own fire hall — twice (the second fire was because it wasn’t totally destroyed by the first fire that they set.)
I saw that episode of King of the Hill.
rachael smith says
I lived in Mississippi for a few years when I was a Navy brat. Coming from Vegas it felt like we were in a 3rd world country.
Most Corrupt!!! Also recent reports show the most violent!!!
This sure is a nice website. Sure would be a shame if something were to happen to it…
I don’t see how Maine is the dumbest state. Some kids just do not test well, but they may do great in regular classes. I remember in 7th grade, the work was too easy, but I couldn’t be put into Gift and Talented. My NWEA and NECAP test scores in those subjects because 1) We didn’t study for them, because the teachers never knew what to have us study. 2) We only take those test in 2 subjects. Some kids are stressed about tests such as the SAT, but that doesn’t mean they are dumb.