While driving home from work last night, on the Satanic Parkway (I-81), I encountered the following:
- Dozens and dozens of turd-dobbers driving at radically different speeds: people doing 90 weaving between others puttering along at 50, amongst a crowd of sensible folks doing 70. There is no flow of traffic on that endless ribbon of sadness. It’s like a real-life ‘80s video game. I lived in both Atlanta and Los Angeles, and rarely encountered such a level of ulcer-building aggravation. It’s incredible, it really is.
- A baseball-sized hunk of metal that went airborne, and nearly passed through the radiator of my car. WTF?? Why is there so much debris on that highway? I’ve already had to have the windshield replaced in my current car once, and the previous car twice (I think). There are heavy hunks of trash and auto parts sailing through the air up there. Thankfully it didn’t do any damage, that I can see, but it’s only a matter of time.
- Almost exactly where a car slammed into a deer last week and turned it into a mist of blood and fur, I passed through a fresh scene of vehicular slaughter. It was a circle of gore that nearly spanned both lanes, with large chunks of animal carcass scattered about. I came upon this atrocity without warning, and tried to navigate through the carnage. But I hit something that looked like a 17 lb Butterball turkey that had been dipped in a barrel of blood. The thing was so big it felt like my car tipped up on two wheels for a second, before finding its footing again.
Why is it so crazy?? Seriously. There are funky smells along that stretch, like rotting garbage. And goddamn houses going down the interstate (I’m not kidding, houses), along with giant pieces of military equipment that may or may not be nuclear-tipped rockets. Plus, many of the drivers need to be gathered up, like 1942 Japanese folks, and sent to re-education camps. I know you believe it’s where you live, but rest assured… the worst drivers in America live here.
And don’t even get me started on the CONSTANT “construction.” As far as I know, it’s mostly handled by the state, so there’s no incentive to speed things along. If private companies were used more, instead of state workers who are going to get paid the same no matter what, it would likely improve matters a bit. No? Get it done ahead of schedule and we’ll kick in a few thousand dollars more… This is a tried and true method, that might cause an atomic explosion of outrage up here. Hell, they get fired up when they build a new Kohl’s store in this place. Because all change is bad.
A few days ago Steve and I were talking, and he said, “Do you still like living here?” Without hesitation, I answered, “Not really.” I liked raising our kids here, because we live in a quiet and safe neighborhood with great schools. But, that could’ve been duplicated elsewhere.
I don’t really like all the negativity, cynicism, and small thinking. I’ve heard people say things like, “If it’s not in Luzerne County, then I don’t need it!” In a hero’s tone, of course. We’re less than two hours from New York City, and I’ve met lots of folks who’ve never been there. How? Why?! And everything’s a conspiracy. We’re all getting screwed, you see, at every turn. But these people can see right through it. Oh, you can’t get anything past ‘em. They’re way too smart for that.
And I HATE the commute. Did I mention that?
To be fair, I remember eventually disliking the hell out of both Atlanta and Los Angeles, too. For different reasons… but the feeling burned just as hot. The only places I lived that I didn’t learn to hate: Charleston, WV and Greensboro, NC. We often talk about moving back to NC, once the kids are on their feet. You know, unless I get decapitated first by a flying trunk lid.
Do you like where you live? Please share your thoughts in the comments. Also, do you have plans – vague or otherwise – to relocate someday? Tell us all about it.
And I have to go to work now. Wish me luck.
I’ll see you again on Monday.
Have a great day!
Support us by doing your shopping at Amazon! In Canada? Here’s your link. Thank you guys!
I do.
But – there are too many college kids and people in general here now. Morgantown was not built for so many people.
I started working in Morgantown in Jan. again. I’m usually, 90% of the time, a mellow person, but driving to and from M’town has put my teeth on edge. I don’t like feeling this way. Somebody on here mentioned a series of youtube videos of Ricky Gervais teaching English. I listened to them one particularly bad traffic day last week, and the laughing and snorting helped a lot.
I’ve been here almost 29 years. I don’t drive – but I know about the traffic.
We’ve lived in Raleigh for about 20 years and love it. The traffic can be stressful at times, but proximity to the beach more than makes up for it. And the craft beer scene here is exploding, kind of like that bloody chunk of meat you hit on the interstate.
I don’t particularly like where I live, but I don’t particularly dislike it either. I guess I’m ambivalent about it.
Mr. Q and I have been talking (a lot) lately about moving elsewhere – maybe to a foreign country – for a while, just to do it. I suggested Scotland; he said no way. Then I said Italy; he said no way. I said how about Canada; he said no way.
So… I guess it’s just me talking about, only I just now realized it! I crack myself up.
Roanoke, VA – best place we have ever lived.
Good luck, JK
I like where I live for the most part, but I don’t want to die here. I’ll eventually move on. For a retirement plan, I’d like to get some property in either Washington State (San Juan Islands perhaps), or somewhere in the middle Appalachians where WV, MD, and PA come together. I’ve lived all over the continental US, and those areas are calling me back, so to speak.
I loved where I live when we bought here 30 years ago. The Eastside of Seattle. So beautiful and weather way beyond the hellfire that is Atlanta. Growth, especially Microsoft, made it a life in gridlock. I just sold the house and am moving further out. Still in paradise though. Upside: the scrambling of buyers to buy in this area!
same here!! Was in Sammamish, just moved to Fall City. LOVE IT
Nope. I look forward to seeing the golden Capitol dome fading out of view in the rearview mirror.
Atlanta traffic may have been good when you lived here, but today it sucks here too. People aren’t exaggerating when they say that rush hours goes from 3:00pm to 7:00pm, or whatever times they say.
I have a 10-mile commute, all highway. Every evening, it takes me 30 minutes to get home. So yes, our drivers are consistent… they all do about 20mph on the highway.
And if you’re driving here during off-peak times, we also have jackass drivers. If I’m driving along at 70mph at 9:00pm, I’ll pass people doing 40 with their flashers on. Then a few seconds later I’ll get buzzed by somebody going 100.
I moved to Winston-Salem last year after 22 years in Lexington,KY. I love it here…no more never ending UK basketball coverage, no being treated like an alien in spite of living there over 20 years, and no more ” catfish IS seafood”. I grew up outside DC, but unless I won the lottery, I could ever afford that again.
I’ve lived many places and where I’ve been for the last 7 years would rank #2 or #3. Liberal college town, not too big, not too small, great bars and restaurants, little traffic congestion, seldom parking issues, outstanding schools, low crime, and most of what I need. I expect to be here for some time.
Ultimately I’d like to retire to Spain, or at least have a place in Spain, but I don’t think that would fly with the missus. I’d like to run down the clock eating, drinking, and napping like a Spaniard.
Funny you should say Spain. Some friends of mine just signed a contract for a condo in Barcelona. I hope they like it.
Barcelona’s too big. I’d like to be on the train line to Barcelona, for when I need big city things like international airports and concerts, but I’ve done my big city living, I need more quiet now. Also, who knows what will happen when the Catalans eventually leave Spain (and presumably the EU).
Northeastern Pennsylvania is great! (If you don’t mind being stuck in a perpetual twilight zone episode in 1958…)
I used to hate Waco when I was a Baylor student… then I realized how nice it was after graduating and getting a job. I make a ton of money doing something I think is fun in an office 3 minutes from my house which is 5 minutes from everything and still on a big-ass lot and remarkably affordable. I never deal with traffic unless I’m going to Dallas/Austin/Houston and then I just about loose my shit putting up with all the congestion… but Dallas and Austin are still just 90 minutes away. The airport takes all of 7 minutes to get to, and they only have one flight at a time on a regional jet so you know you only have 35 people going through security. Your TSA agent is the same lady every time and there’s no problem leaving your house 45 minutes before your flight. The only downside is it is a little small-townsy, but that can also be nice. I’ve been here since my freshman year in 1999 and could see myself sticking around until I retire and move to Belize or something.
A while back I finally realized it was a commute, not a contest. I also realized that I didn’t give a fuck anymore if I am late. I just expect everyone on the road around me to do the stupidest thing they could, and be pleasantly treated if they don’t. I don’t get mad anymore when drivers do something stupid, because sometimes that stupid driver is me.
I grew up near the midstate, and I love the rural terrain and the proximity to many major cities, airports, and waterways. Only the people suck. After living for brief periods in Irvine, CA; Winchester, VA; Murfreesboro, TN; and Hoboken, NJ; I can’t say that I wish I stilled lived in any of those places. All of them were great for a while until burnout set in. Now I live somewhat south of where I grew up and commute on the I-81 deathtrap like you, Jeff. Driving around northern NJ was a piece of cake compared to PA, where it’s “me first” and anything goes on the highway. Don’t even get me started on the rude behavior in grocery stores (or any store, really), where people drive their carts the same way they drive their cars on the interstate. I keep odd hours to cut back on human contact so I can continue to enjoy living here!
Great update! It had me laughing unashamedly. I think you should check out Greenville, SC. I’ve lived here quite a while now and I still like it. It keeps improving in various ways. It’s not too dumb and not too fancy.
GSP is one of my favorite places and I would have never though it until I started having business there. Main Street is awesome and it’s just large enough to offer everything you want and small enough to not make you homicidal.
I live at the Jersey shore (no, nothing like the sad, pathetic TV show) and this time of year (summer) it’s the best place on earth. Cool nights, hot days, beach, nothing to not like. But…..after Christmas, the winter sucks cannonballs, and doesn’t get much better til ’bout May or so. Ideally, when I retire, we’d buy a second home in the Myrtle Beach area (we so love that area) but the powers that influence my life do not seem obliged to cooperate with that plan, so we may just relocate full time – yeah, I hate winter just that much.
I like where I live, but I don’t love it. Fairfax County, Virginia.
Pro: Lots of great restaurants and bars, good live music often enough. Mild winters, usually. It’s politically middle-of-the-road, which pains me to even have to say, but there is no Bathroom Bill, nor are there laws regulating the size of a Big Gulp. There seem to be more bars than churches in my town, which is a plus.
Con: The summers here are hot as balls, and wretchedly humid. Virginia’s wacky-ass liquor laws. The car tax. And of course, the traffic. I live 14.7 miles from work, and it routinely takes an hour or more to get home if I leave at the wrong time of day. If I have to go into DC, I try to get there no later than 7:30am, so as to beat the traffic and find non-full parking garages.
If I could retire somewhere, with money no object, I’m not sure where that would be. Someplace with interesting entertainment and food. Someplace with actual seasons but not-too-extreme weather. Someplace where I could live without a car. I like driving and I like having a car, but I’d also like to still be able to have a life when the day comes that I can’t drive anymore.
I understand that Virginia is for lovers.
jtb
I live in a suburb of Charlotte NC, just over the SC state line. I get the close proximity of the city but the much cheaper cost of living (no NC tax rates) being on the other side of the border. I lived most of my life in Mass, then NC. I love it here in SC, don’t see myself living any where else.
Yeah I’m doing commute into NYC everyday. 2.5 hours each way. Total 5 hours. Fun.
Hey did you read Disrupted (Tom Lyons)? It’s about a dude our age who joins a high tech startup with people half his age. And it was like w cult. Good shit.
Went from Toledo area to Columbus for schools and had a great time but age and weather drove us to central Florida. No regrets for any of the moves miss some of the small things (Stanley’s meats, Ballreichs potato chips). Our tastes change over time and what we find great changes.
And Marcella’s on the Short North…
Hey Jeff – those workers aren’t state employees. PennDOT has 22 separate projects slated for I-81 alone in 2016, coming in at around $266 million. As of 5/31/2016, PennDOT has already let almost $1.1 billion in bids to contractors. I can’t say I’ve read these specific contract requirements, but I’ve seen plenty like them in my day and they all have performance requirements that call for liquidated damages for every day that the contractor runs late. Let me know if you want more.
Also, as long as you can live with the climate, Des Moines is a pretty cool place to live.
Started out in Nashville in the early ’80’s and loved it!!
Greensboro NC in the mid 80’s was awful. Blue laws? WTF
DC was a blast in early 90’s. Bought a house on the Virginia side, wonder what it worth today?
Southern Jersey. Beautiful country side but the people were rotten to the core.
Northwest Arkansas. You had to be going there to get there. Always felt safe.
Retirement plans got moved up by a few years, although the hubster is still working, and we are in the Myrtle Beach area. My kid loves the school, had my boy Wilber shipped from Arkansas and I’m happy as hell. Except for popcorn ceilings, I fucking hate popcorn ceilings.
My husband and I live and work in the burbs Fort Worth, TX. All of our roads are built by private companies and are being turned into toll roads. Pisses me off to have to pay to drive on my own roads. We own 110 acres anout an hour and a half south of here and plan to sell everything amd build our dream house down there the minute our kids graduate from school.
Texas has one of the lowest gas tax rates in the country, a little over half of what we pay in my state (no toll roads, well-maintained highways). Sometimes you gets what you pays for.
jtb
Southeast part of the Cleveland area. I like our little plot of land but the town is backward racist do nothings.
Hometown is like that too southeast ohio.
I liked st. Louis.
I like this part of the country so will probably stay. Maybe move closer to the lake.
Can’t wait to permanently move to Rhode island. Quiet, peaceful and the beach is 5 minutes away. I like where I am now about an hour north of midtown Manhattan. But the city is becoming less and less of a draw. Everything is too expensive and overly foo foo. The city of the 70s and80s is long gone. And I miss that mix. The suburbs have become ridiculous. Too many assailed with too many outlets a dish opinions raising the next bunch of pussified kids.
Should be too many assholes. Stoopy tablet.
The goddamn sentence should have said too many assholes with too many outlandish opinions.
I don’t know, madz, “Too many assailed with too many outlets a dish opinions . . .” has a little more of an Allen Ginsburg flavor to it. Kinda makes me want to dig out my bongos.
jtb
Xxx jtb. You as always make me laugh!
Lakewood, Ohio is a great place to live. The schools are great. It is a relatively safe place (it is a suburb of cleveland). Great opportunities for arts, food, music, festivals, outdoor activity (on the lake), super bike friendly, and connected to the Cleveland transit system. I do like where I live.
Eastern Connecticut. Not urban or suburban…sort of country-ish but it’s nice here. People-wise, we live among the Boston/Manhattan weekenders with the “screw you, I got mine” smiles and the Planet of the Apes types who can’t count to ten on their fingers. I’ve been here for over 40 years, retired and don’t plan to relocate. The state is a political and economic mess but we call it home.
I used to love my little city – right outside of St. Louis, but on the Illinois side, which is better IMO for many reasons. But then I did I a little traveling along the east coast, and suddenly everything in my little city seemed dirty and ho-hum. So maybe Massachusetts, maybe Vermont. My husband would have the car readied by nightfall if I said, “Let’s go.” I still have dreams of leaving, but for reasons of family I stay for now.
I’d love to live in New Orleans, or Savannah. Right now I’d be happy enough living in a newer house next to a bike trail.
Hey Jeff, you ever think about moving to the Lehigh Valley?
I have a strong dislike for my current place. It’s a desert and the people have a small-town mentality in a big-ish sized city. They really need to grow up like their city has.
The best place we lived was in Central Texas, halfway between Waco and Austin.