On Saturday night I was getting ready to go to bed, around 12:30 am, and heard someone hollering outside like an escapee from the wacky shack.
“Where the hell have you been?! Get in this house!!” the person roared, at the top of his lungs and very near our back door. I walked into the family room and stood beside an open window, so I could eavesdrop while the tirade continued:
“I asked you where you’ve been!! …What do you mean up the hill? What are you even talking about, up the hill?! …Who were you with?! …Are they still there? I feel like cracking some heads!!”
What the hell, man? Cracking some heads?? Who is this nut?
Then I heard him say, “You’re fifteen years old, drunk off your ass, and trying to climb in a window in the middle of the night?! What’s wrong with you?? WHY ARE YOU THE WAY YOU ARE?!”
Yep, it was Poppa Half-Shirt again, completely losing his shit. The guy was screaming so loud and getting himself worked-up into such a frenzy, his voice was cutting in and out and going all reedy. He sounded like a complete maniac.
And Sunday morning we heard him yelling again, apparently a continuation of the previous night’s “conversation.” Among the pearls of fatherly wisdom imparted: “SOMETIMES I WISH YOU’D NEVER BEEN BORN!” And this was followed by a godawful crash that sounded like a china cabinet going over.
Yeah, they have a good time over there…
Can you hear your neighbors where you live? Have you ever overheard anything interesting? If so, we need to know about it. Tell us about it in the comments section below.
Also, were you ever the yellee in that situation? The fifteen year old drunken hooligan trying to sneak into your parents’ house late at night? Did you get away with it, or did someone go all Half-Shirt on ya?
And I’m going to try something new for a week: updating a couple of times per day. They’ll be shorter posts, but more focused. And if it doesn’t work, we’ll just go back to the old way.
See ya in a few hours…
Shorter posts? More focused? I can’t handle these changes!
BTW, Jeff, does this not scare the ever-living crap out of ya?!
http://www.cremationsolutions.com/Personal-Urns-c109.html
There’s going to be a lot of lurking today.
Holy shit Melissa that is so wrong!
As for hearing our neighbors…well, that’s tricky. We have a crazy woman directly to the south of us who has two ‘adopted’ daughters (who are both very nice) & she acts like if you do one act of kindness it is because you want to bang her. My dad once offered to mow her lawn while he was doing ours & she said she doesn’t need a white man trying to get in her pants. Lovely.
Neighbors to the north are what you call a ‘clown house’ situation. Property looks nice in the front, but the back is torn up. One owner makes sure house looks presentable to Code Enforcement but there are several renters (several as in like 20) who come and go and are all of the illegal kinds. They are dropped off by van in the middle of the night and the current renters hop in and go somewhere else. Newbies sleep on mattresses in the dining room (we can see in the windows from our house) & in the backyard there are 2 sheds from Home Depot (where many of the renters stand outside begging for work) that people live in. The pool is drained and use for a bathroom. Yes, they are lovely people. Worse yet is Code Enforcement tells us there is nothing they can do, call INS. INS tells us there is nothing they can do, call Code. Go figure.
Now Playing on iPhone: ‘Forever’ by Chris Brown a.k.a(Rihanna beater)
call the police sounds exactly like a “drop house”
Poppa HS is an asshole.
We have some folk like that in our neighborhood, and they’ve escalated drunken fighting to a whole new level. Think ‘public naked fighting’ and you’re almost all the way there.
I think if you asked our neighbors, they would say we are the loud ones!
Re Melissa’s link – I wonder if you can get just anyone’s head for your cremains. I might like a Billy Mays head, for example.
Firefighters, should I say anymore. The weekend beer bashes are over the top. Oh and top ten wow…
well, in my current apt in okc i’ve had the cops called on me twice. one was legit, the other was wtf?
Oh and my Oceanside condo neighbors, I will get you back for the constant banging on the bedroom wall but the, “Oh God, Oh God, don’t stop, don’t stop!” comments are really freaking me out. I just gonna have to find a better time to plan my getaways. Jeezum Crow…
When I was in 2nd grade, my family and I were living in shitty apartments on the south side of Austin, Texas.
I was playing on the landing that connected the second floor apartments. I was looking over the railing and saw the guy who lived in the first floor apartment yelling at a woman. I can’t remember what he said, but he was pissed with a touch of crazy thrown in.
All of the sudden, he grabbed her around the neck and started choking her. With his hands around her throat, he kicked open his front door and drug her inside.
I nearly shit a brick and ran downstairs to our apartment. My Mom was in the kitchen cooking. I told her what I saw and in old Southern fashion, she said it wasn’t none our business and let those people do what they gotta do.
A few weeks went by and the same lady came up to my friend and I and asked us to knock on the guy’s door and give him a note. We said okay and went and rang his bell. We said something like, “Some lady wanted you to have this.” He went running out of his apartment into the parking lot, I guess to see if he could find her car.
I wish I could remember what happened to that guy…
“Do You Have Noisy, Crazy Neighbors?”
Is this a trick question Jeff?
YES! YES! YES!
I’ve seen my neighbors burn rubber while throwing a head fit because someone else is parked in their parking spot…I’ve seen a grown man wearing a lacy black bra with tufts of hair coming out the top of it…I’ve heard my 300 pound neighbor in the throes of passion…the Jesus Police on my street watch me like a hawk, hoping for prayer requests….
YES! They are all crazy!
I’m the only normal person in my neighborhood.
My neighbour likes to rant and rave to her boyfriend, mother or whoever she’s on the phone to at the time! Once, she tried to sell her car at midnight! Three Eastern Europeans trying to look under the bonnet with a torch …
We play our music quite loud – as it should be! And we’re lucky not have had any complaints so far.
We had the police called a couple of times, once was the BF’s fault – taking a hammer to a car parked over our drive – and the other was when a cab driver caught up with a fare dodger and they started fighting over our driveway …
I live across the street from 3 homes that sold for 100, 000 plus last year. They are now full of college students. And I live in a building that is over 100 years old. Everything can be heard from all over the place. People screaming in the street in the middle of the night is pretty common here.
At the other end of the street, the houses are now full of street people.
So we have an interesting combination.
My neighbor recently caught some kids about to spray paint his truck in the middle of the night.
Good times. Not.
We moved from an apt complex full of dirty little dumplin’ children to a nice neighborhood of well-kept brick houses.
3/4 of the people on our street are retired, we don’t hear a damn thing. Sometimes I have to look out the window to make sure the world is still there.
I used to live in an apartment building that was umm shall we say diverse.. The family downstairs were middle eastern and it smelled like they were cooking goats all the time. The folks up stairs were a waitress and a bar tender. They would get home at 1 or 2 am and start “partying” The next morning there would be puke and assorted clothes out under our balconies. One evening that they must have been off duty. They had been drinking all day. They were fighting bad. I mean throwing each other over couches and stuff. She finally got him out in the hall and shut the (metal fire) door on him. He was screaming at the top of his drunken lungs and running into the steel door. Al I heard was thump thump thump BANG. He lowered his shoulder into the door while running full tilt. Shattered his collar bone. I had called the cops well before then but they must have stopped for donuts. Took em ages to get there. They came running in and found him on the floor bleeding and crying. She oppened the door bleeding with a black eye and hunks of hair missing. The cops arrested him and investigated the “goat” smell. Two days later he was back with her all lovey dovey. The landlord finally evicted them after that fun evening. Good times was had by all…
noisy neighbors? i live across the street from 2 live music venues….
and next door to hipster college dropouts and musicians….
yeah.
the best was my old tennant who’d call the cops on the coffee shop accross the street while on my roof in a bathrobe.
they have a licence to play music until midnight but… at 9pm… that’s too loud.
the police arrested her when she called 311 and threatened mayor bloomberg. they chased her onto the roof where she was trying to get away… it was high drama.
at one point she ripped out all the bugscreens in the windows so she could yell at the coffee shop.
she once attacked my sister because my sister’s… fat…
and had to be held back.. physically restrained due to her hatred of fat people..
I like my neighbors okay. I gave them all bright orange hats and vests to wear while they’re out and about. That way the men in the guard towers that surround my huge estate know that they’re friends and not foes. It took a while for them to get used to it. There was a lot of yelling at first. “You killed my daughter, you son of a bitch!” or “Your guards shot my husband’s brain out!” and so forth. But now everyone is with the program. If you don’t wear your orange hat and vest you’re gonna get your brain shot out. Sure, innocent people may die but all in all it’s a good program. And I can’t put myself at risk by scrapping my security program just because a couple of stupid kids forgot to wear their orange stuff and got themselves kilt.
My cousin and I were staying with my grandfather in a trailer house while his new house was being built. He took our keys away because he knew that we wanted to go up the road to the “dance hall” for $.50 beers. So we decided to drive the tractor up there after he went to bed.
We made it to the dance hall and got drunker than hell. My cousin drove us back home on the tractor. He drove it up to the trailer house and hopped off it. It was still in gear and it was still running. So it slowly chugged into the side of the trailer while I stood there and watched and laughed. It smashed the whole end of the trailer in, the end where my grandfather’s little bedroom was.
He came out and smacked Charlie (my cousin) to the ground and said, “Goddammit, you could have killed me!” And that was the end of it.
Sometimes my neighbors get mad at me for screaming at the top of my lungs at a fish taco that isn’t behaving the way I think it should. But they need discipline or else they’ll end up in prison when they get older.
Spare the rod and spoil the taco…
Once at my old apartment at 3am I heard a girl scream, “If you touch me, I’ll f***ing stab you!” Scared the crap out of me. I was about to call 911 thinking she was getting raped. Turned out she was just fighting with her boyfriend. I moved out of that apartment complex pretty quickly after that.
I try to keep my neighbors on their toes. Sometimes I’ll stand on the back deck and yell things like, “Stop jacking off so much, you’re ruining the grass!” or “You better not be out there fucking my cheese, boy!”
“Sometimes I wish you’d never been born.” LOL
“I fuck cheese” still the all time best comment
The place next door to my home is a 3 bedroom house, but I think at least 10 people are living there. They come and go at all hours of the night and I have seen no less than 6 different vehicles that they seem to own or at least use on a regular basis. Since they have a friggin fleet of cars and only a short driveway with a single car garage they think nothing of parking on our driveway in front of the garage door and blocking us in. They have also parked on the grass of our front yard.
In addition to their vehicular hijinks they also have like 6 dogs that they keep in their back yard. I’m sure you know where I’m going with this…..YEP….they bark all damn night. The neighbors also have that “clown house” thing going on to some extent….the small front yard and front of the house is presentable, but the back yard is an overgrown mess. To feed their animals they open up cans of dog food and just throw them out their back door into the yard for the dogs to eat out of, then the empty cans are just left out there.
We live outside of Charleston, WV in an unincorporated suburb so getting anything done legally is next to impossible.
We owned and lived in a duplex years ago. There was another duplex next to us, rented. A woman, I’d guess in her 40’s at the time, lived there with her mother. There was no divider between the driveways.
These people never cracked a curtain or window, EVER. And you’d rarely see the woman outside, only to hang laundry, or go to the store or work. And the mother was seen even less.
Then the brother moved in.
He was a drunk, a slob, and a jackass. He’d sit in his car, all hours of the day, running it while he drank. The car was a beater, so it wasn’t quiet.
My mom called the cops one time, but I don’t recall what happened. I do know they said even though he was parked and in his driveway he could be arrested for drunk driving because the keys were in the ignition and the car was running.
Turns out years later, the woman started working in my department. I just happened to be in the bathroom at the same time she was once. And she talked to herself the entire time she was in there.
These people reminded me of Psycho for some reason…
I think i am the bad neighbor actually. i got drunk last year and went across the street to rearrange my neighbors christmas lights becasue they were off center and i am WAY too OCD to tolerate that. i also had a teenager at home who would regularly follow me into the front yard screaming profanity at me, she moved out but that did not stop her from driving her car into the neighbors house…… yes actaully INTO THEIR LIVING ROOM!!! i am now looking at moving into the country i have learned i am not subdivision material.
When I first got married my wife and I moved into a yuppie gated apartment community. It was very nice. Brand new and built to keep noise down. My neighbor Steve upstairs was an accountant by day and pool hustler by night. He always hooked up with trashy bar chicks. One night at about 3 AM we awoke to the sound of a shrieking woman up there. Steve and I had become close enough I felt comfortable going up to investigate. When I knocked on the door a woman opened it and seemed fine. Confused I asked for Steve and she said he was in the bathroom. He called me in and I saw his foot was mashed in on the top. His hook up for the night had gotten mad lifted a HEAVY oak chair and hammered one of the legs into the top of Steve’s foot. It was his shriek we heard. I took him to the emergency room and the girl asked if she could just crash. I was surprised that he let her. He didn’t want her to get a DUI or kill anyone on the way home. They are now married!!!
Now we live in the country and have acreage. We don’t hear squat!
The apartment complex where I live now is actually pretty quiet. Once in a while, the old guy upstairs sounds like he’s moving large pieces of furniture around, but that’s about it.
When I lived back in Indiana, there was a guy that lived upstairs from me that brought different girls home all the time. So I frequently heard sex noises.
Our neighbor across the street is no less than 98 ears old. He stalks moles in his yard by standing very still and then shooting into the ground with a shotgun. He also still drives and our street sign is all crooked from him running into to it one occassion. He knows who my husband is but I have a feeling he forgets who I am and that I live here too. He once told my husband that he’s “seen those girls sitting in their car watching him”. ???. This to a chubby man who is hiding his bald spot by shaving his head. Needless to say the “girls” are non-existant. He also still likes to mow his grass himself on his riding lawnmower. Sometimes the blade is on and he’s mowing and sometimes he forgets to turn the blade on and he’s just riding.
Our neighbor across the street is no less than 98 ears old. He stalks moles in his yard by standing very still and then shooting into the ground with a shotgun. He also still drives and our street sign is all crooked from him running into to it one occassion. He knows who my husband is but I have a feeling he forgets who I am and that I live here too. He once told my husband that he’s “seen those girls sitting in their car watching him” (watching my husband). ???. This to my husband who is a chubby man, hiding his bald spot by shaving his head. Needless to say the “girls” are non-existant. He also still likes to mow his grass himself on his riding lawnmower. Sometimes the blade is on and he’s mowing and sometimes he forgets to turn the blade on and he’s just riding.
I lived next door to a white trash family that had a normal voice level of screaming. The mom was a real bitch. I finally had to grab the 11 yr old son by the neck of his shirt and tell him if I heard him yelling the f word at my kids again I was going to beat his ass myself. His mom came out and told me she was going to call the cops. I told her to go ahead and she grabbed the kid and went in the house where she proceeded to beat the crap out of him. When they moved out I was SO happy until the next white trash family moved in. They had a POS car with no muffler that the man started up at 4am every morning outside our bedroom window and let warm up for 1/2 hour before he went to work. Asked nicely if he wouldn’t do that then called the cops when it didn’t stop. Cops were helpful as always and said they couldn’t do anything. Went out one morning @ 2am and shot 1/2 can of expanding insulation foam into his gas filler neck. About 3 days later they were out there with a flashlight and a wire hanger trying to figure out why gas wouldn’t go in the tank. Never had a problem after that for some reason…….
For the longest time we were the bad neighbors, 19 & 20, owned our house in a trailer court – so we couldn’t be kicked out, and since we look very middle class and have real jobs, I’m not sure our neighbors really thought all the noise was us … But now we are out of our league, I can’t compete with the 15-20 immigrants in a single wide 3 bedroom trailer, nor the drunk lady down the street who lets her kids, ranging in age from 3 to 19, run the streets with no clothes on. Thurs. night I could hear one of the neighbor’s yell/plead/threaten/scream and eventually slap her 6 yr old daughter for not pulling her loose front tooth out. Turns out that a loose tooth is “like so gross and pissing me off” further I overheard that “we arnt goin to the fair till ya pull that g-damn tooth out”. Nice huh? And they are some of the better people on our street! I told my Hubby when he got home and he accused me of making it up, if only…
My first apartment and the wacko next door neighbor had a shrine to Peter Noone from herman’s hermits. it was in her front window all lit up with little twinkle lights and she would change the theme around for the appropriate seasons. At night she would play the sound track from “The Sound of Music” really really loud and sing along even louder. Then, as if Rogers and Hammerstein cranked up on the old magnavox wasn’t bad enough, she would dance. At least I think she was dancing, all I could here was the thumping and crashing like she was doind some kind of whirling dervish thing over there. I swear to God it’s true, and if I were Peter Noone, I would watch my back.
In the summer the crickets in my neighborhood make noise during the evening. And the cops refuse to do anything about it. Friggin’ crickets.
Well this is timely. Just this morning the cops and an ambulance were across the street at my neighbor’s house (the very ones that threw dead Bambi out with the trash and were nonplussed when the garbage men refused to pick it up). Apparently the male half was having some sort of episode. He’s been looking ill for awhile now, so I can’t say I’m surprised. The other half of his family live next door to him. Neither party has spoken to the other for ten years. I’m sorry, I find that infinitely weird. I mean, that’s why I live 300 miles from my family. Dude, just move.
Anyway, his estranged elderly mother was the one who called 911, but she wasn’t allowed over to check on him. Eventually the wife showed up, rushed into the house, then stormed back out and left in a huff. WTF? That’s a whole plate of fucked up right there. I’m trying to stay out of it, but sometimes it’s better than TV.
We have got CRAZY neighbors.
#1. When we saw them moving in we just ‘ugh’d’. They look related honestly, and we had to give them the nicknames of Mr. and Mrs. Hogg. At first we thought it was them and their 2 children. Then we realized that the guy paying the bills was the kids dad, and he just worked so much that he was gone all the time. Then apparently Dad started banging Mrs. Hoggs sister and got her pregnant, so they got married. The 2 kids are all the time telling my step-daughters that they wish their step-mom was like me. Now the ‘family’ makes the 2 older kids watch their 2 half brothers (2 and 1) outside in the heat all day. The 2 kids hang the laundry too. Ms. and Mrs. Hogg pretty much just scream. Alllll the time.
One time I was doing laundry (our laundry room is in our garage) and I heard Dad and Ms. Hogg having a screaming fight about how she ‘put all all the fucking time (and imagine this with extreme southern accents) and now she wouldn’t spread her legs for shit. And if that’s the way it was gunna be, he was packing his shit up and taking his dick and stickin it some wheres else’ Meanwhile, he’s throwing handfuls of his clothes on hangers in his truck.
Every day it’s some new screaming fit over there. Plus they have their trashcan next to my yard and their trash is over in my yard constantly. But it’s the poor kids taking the trash out too (and the kid that does it, is shorter than the trash can)
Out of all the people living in our 300 house development, we have THE worst living directly across the street from us. The state police informed me that they are drug dealers. They come home from the bars around 2am on the weekends and then stand in the driveway and talk at normal daytime conversational levels. A few weeks ago, one of them came home drunk, pass out in the yard and then rolled down a small hill and ended up sleeping in the ditch the remainder of the night. I call the cops on them every chance I get.
Oh, and I have one neighbor who insists on mowing his lawn at 8AM on Saturdays.
Years ago we lived next to Mr. and Mrs. Whitetrash. In fact he had a tatto of W.H.I.T.E down the back of one arm and P.R.I.D.E. down the other. and a Tatto of a bird shitting out of a nest down his left arm. Apparently prison Tattoos from a 5 year stint in Folsom. One night he is yelling and screaming in the street. My wife sends me out to make sure his small children are not being hit. I get out their and he takes off in his car. The police show up and take the report and then A$$hat shows up and it takes 3 cops to cuff him. Of course no charges are pressed and he is out in a few days.
The punch line of course is that a few days after the incident I ask him why he was hitting on the wife. He says “I was not hitting her I was hitting her Mother for drinking all my beer”. That of course explained it all. The mother-in-law had it coming.
Neighbors…..My daughter and I were comming home one evening a couple of weeks ago, when we noticed a truck stopped 100 yards or so infront of us and the driver got out and was chasing a little puppy home. I knew the dog and knew it lived a few houses back down the street. My daughter looked out her window and saw a man about 55, 250 lbs in his “tidy whiteys” comming to get the dog. To make it worse….comming home last night daughter glanced in the same houses window as we were driving by….same man buck naked with his back to the window!! Sad part I know he has 2 little boys about 12-14, that’s how i know the puppy!!
100 million years ago when Wally and I first moved in together we had a 1 bedroom apartment right off of downtown. We loved that place, it was an old converted Victorian with the original tile… But it sat right next to a business with efficiencies above that was right across a very narrow alley. We had no A/C so we always had the windows open. We woke up one night to some dude pissing off the motel style balcony almost into our bedroom window and onto our sleeping heads. We (mostly me) flipped the hell out and started screaming at them. They started throwing rocks at the windows and threatening to kick my ass. We moved out soon after… Wonder why?
I don’t have noisy neighbors, Jeff, I AM the noisy neighbor…
LOL
You can map your noisy neighbors here for all the world to see.
http://noisyneighborhoods.blogspot.com/2009/07/noisy-neighborhood-atlas.html
I don’t have so much lunatic screaming neighbors as I do those who blast their thundering bass throughout the neighbor all day and night, barking dogs in front, back and to the left and right of me, and a group of neighbors who communicate back and forth with each other with their car horns.
This morning I heard my neighbor threatening to beat his wife. He said, “i’m going to pull your shirt over your head and punch you in the face!”
….i love living in a condo…. Especially since the neighbor on the other side of me does the same things to his kids!
We moved into an apartment underneath of this huge body builder type who was only like 5’5″. Few days after we move in, he comes downstairs to introduce himself and mentions that he likes to run on a treadmill, that he tries to do it in the afternoon because he knows it is loud, and that if there is ever a problem just to let him know and he will stop doing it. Turns out, yeah, he is really loud on a treadmill (as most 5’5″ muscleheads are). Of course, he is nice to only do it mid-afternoon when it doesn’t bother us.
The punchline? He got this fat girlfriend that was taller than him and much wider, who he would loudly fuck in the middle of the night, causing her to make sounds like a dying donkey at 3am. One night they were going at it and we heard a loud crash- we knew they had finally broke his bed. thirty seconds later they started up again, probably on another bed or the couch. So the woman makes me go up there, and I ring his doorbell, and he comes to the door butt naked with a huge woody and a baseball bat, obviously drunk. I ask him to give it a rest or at least keep it quiet enough that we can go to sleep. We never heard him again.
I am moving this week because of noisy, nasty neighbors. I have only lived in this building a year and the tenants in front are great, but I had the bad luck of moving in the middle of people that had just moved in or moved in right after me. None of them have done apartment living before.
Neighbor 1 Overheard – Boyfriend and Girlfriend that fight, she leaves, he brings other girls into the apartment and sounds like he is trying to put the bed through my ceiling at 2AM having sex. After I finally had enough when they did not quiet down and complained to the manager, the girlfriend claims he is only there 2 nights a week. He NEVER leaves! He’s a drug dealer. He was not even supposed to be in the building because he had been taken out by police right before I moved in for domestic violence.
Plus, he cooks at 2, 3 AM and uses the stove vent which is messed up and vents straight into my apartment.
Neighbor 2 Below – Plays bass surround sound all the time while stoned out from the drugs bought from Neighbor 1. Vibrates my livingroom floor and you can’t hear my TV.
Neighbor 2 Next Door – Girlfriend loves to scream during sex, scream during arguments… Example – “You are just sick! SICK! What are you thinking?! That’s just fucking sick!” Then a bit later, she is moaning around like a stabbed moose and yelping. It gets old. Fight, screw, fight, screw. All the while yelling.
Added bonus – Weirdo that steals laundry supplies from neighbors. She lurks down the halls and jumps if you speak to her. I saw her getting into my washer down in our basement one night using my Downy. After that, I noticed she was making a circle of it and using everyone’s stuff.
I am moving to a townhouse!
Obnoxious neighbors seem to be pretty standard in apartment complexes. When the guy over 100 yards away (in a totally physically separate building in the same complex) who has his bass thumping so hard stuff on my end tables is vibrating seems like a comparatively OK neighbor, that’s pretty bad.
There was the guy above me (wannabe gangsta) who thought shuffling his furniture above our bedroom at 3am and responded to polite requests to cool it at that hour with profanity-filled flatout lies and attempted intimidation (which really didn’t work. DH didn’t even realize he was supposed to be intimidated by this guy). I *think* that was the same one that had the door broken in by police (building manager at the time was a friend of mine and she said she was pretty sure it had to do with drug charges), but that particular apartment had a succession of noisy, obnoxious, inconsiderate jerks, so it’s hard to say.
Currently, the building I’m actually in is OK, but the next building over (and they’re pretty close) has loud music, the psych case who has screaming cursing crying flipouts at high volume on a regular basis (including at her mother, who lives with her and apparently has Alzheimers), and the loud puker. I’m serious about that last. Some guy over there will *come outside* and noisily barf.
“… at 3am WAS A PERFECTLY REASONABLE HABIT TO HAVE” (sigh) Must proof-read better before I post.