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Do You Have A Problem Doing Things Alone? Like Eating In Restaurants Or Seeing Movies Or Even Vacationing?

July 10, 2019 By Jeff 28 Comments

I generally don’t. I’m introverted and thrive on alone time. In fact, I crave it. There’s a limit, though. I’ve lived alone a few times, usually after breakups, and didn’t enjoy it a whole lot. But if the rest o’ my life is kinda-sorta under control, and it’s just an afternoon or a day or two… I love it. It feels absolutely natural and good. Those long hauls, however? Not so much.

Have you ever watched a show called Alone? They drop ten people separately into some godforsaken place and each of them tries to remain the longest. When they first arrive they have to deal with wild animals, setting up a shelter of some sort, and finding a food source. But once all that’s handled, it’s the “alone” part that starts to get to them. There are no cameramen or anything of the sort. They film everything themselves. And a lot of the participants start to lose it in short order.

And almost everybody I talk with about the show says something along the lines of “Oh, that would be the easy part for me! I could go for a couple of years. I can’t stand people.” It’s nearly unanimous, that reaction. But I think they’re fooling themselves. That shit’ll get you. A lot of the contestants seem surprised and baffled by it. They prepared by learning how to build traps and construct a hut out of tree limbs and break down a fish, or whatever. But the alone part takes them out. Humans are social creatures. They probably should’ve considered that aspect of it. Hell, it’s the title of the show!

In any case, I’m not really talking about being alone in the goddamn arctic or whatever. I’m talking about just eating in a restaurant by yourself, and things like that. I know several people who say they’ve never done it, which blows my mind. I do it, if not daily, at least four or five times per week. Granted, most of those are in fast food restaurants, but I’ve also been a “party of one” at sit-down places. I just look at my phone, and it’s no big deal. That’s what everybody else is doing too, regardless of how many people are at their table.

What about you? What’s your stance on eating in restaurants by yourself? Any issue with it?

I don’t really remember going to a movie alone, but probably have. I’m not a big movie-going person, in general, but I wouldn’t mind going to one by myself. You’re not supposed to be talking in there, anyway. Right? I’ve gone to MANY rock shows by myself, and that’s not an issue either. These were at small venues, mostly in Atlanta. I don’t recall going to any large arena concerts alone. But I’d do it. There was some guy flying solo, roughly my age, beside us at the Tom Petty show a year or so ago. I didn’t think anything about it, and he seemed to be having a good time. A little too talkative for my tastes… but that’s a different discussion.

I’ll probably be attending a baseball game alone next week. Not a problem… I’ll just eat a batting helmet full of soft serve ice cream and three hot dogs, and all will be right with the world.

I don’t have much experience with traveling alone. I’m talking about vacation travel, not business stuff. I did go to Long Beach Island by myself a few years ago. To tell you truth, it felt weird. It was nice and pretty, and all that stuff. But I don’t know if I truly enjoyed it. I thought it would be spectacular, but it wasn’t. I like driving somewhere by myself, so I can control the radio and where I stop, etc. But being at the beach by myself was less enjoyable than anticipated. I’m not sure I’d do it again.

What do you have on this one? Do you have any problem doing things alone? Both times I lived by myself for extended periods were in cities I’d recently moved to, where I didn’t know many people. That’s part of the problem, I’m sure. Also, as I mentioned, both times it was post-breakup, which doesn’t help. So, I probably don’t have a clear experience in that area. If I’d been surrounded by family and friends and co-workers, it would’ve been a completely different situation. At this point though, I hope I don’t find out.

Anyway, please share your thoughts on living alone, eating alone, going to movies and shows alone, etc. Tell us all about it in the comments.

And I’ll see you guys again soon.

Have a great day!

Now playing in the bunker
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Comments

  1. cbrown says

    July 10, 2019 at 12:39 pm

    Pretty much in step with your thoughts on this, Jeff. Movie, concert, dining out. Never been on vacation by myself, though – may give it a go someday.

    And yes, people generally suck, but you need them around in case you find yourself in some quicksand.

    Reply
  2. surreal killer says

    July 10, 2019 at 2:28 pm

    Where does one even learn about new music like that from Amyl and The Sniffers? Is it a good idea to listen to them alone?

    Reply
    • johnthebasket says

      July 10, 2019 at 5:31 pm

      I think you mean Amahl and the Night Visitors, but I could be wrong. . . jtb

      Reply
      • chill says

        July 11, 2019 at 1:01 pm

        Perhaps it was Emil Nitrate?

        Reply
        • johnthebasket says

          July 11, 2019 at 1:40 pm

          Ah, the 1971 F1 racing champion. The son of a gun could pass two or three cars on a turn — he was capable of great bursts of speed. Damn, that was a good year.

          John

          Reply
          • johnthebasket says

            July 17, 2019 at 6:48 pm

            Hey, it sounds easy, but have you ever tried breaking one of those things while downshifting, negotiating a turn, avoiding collisions and upshifting for the coming straightaway? When they’d try to black flag him he’d just get on the radio and say, “It’s alright I’m a doctor.”

            jtb

            Reply
            • chill says

              July 17, 2019 at 10:49 pm

              I’ve tried braking, but not breaking. Brakes on the bus, brakes on the train. These are the brakes. This is the clutch.

              Reply
              • johnthebasket says

                July 18, 2019 at 12:33 am

                Yeah, the actual instructions for amyls say to “crush” the capsule, but back then we opened them like you’d crack an egg and hold both halves under the nose. We called it “breaking”, but I can see the problems associated with breaking while braking. And back then there were some vehicles that required double clutching to get into a low gear, so while you were clutching your head, you had to clutch the clutch (twice) . . . a little heel and toe work or, if you cracked up, a little tow and heal.

                John

                Reply
  3. Jerry in WV says

    July 10, 2019 at 3:27 pm

    No problems being alone for any period of time. I think I shared this before, after my active duty with the USAF was up, I worked for them as a civilian, in USAF Intel. I worked completely alone. Sometimes there were extended periods of time where I didn’t see a soul. Never bothered me a bit. Movies, restaurants, whatever, alone are no problem.

    Reply
    • johnthebasket says

      July 10, 2019 at 5:30 pm

      Thanks for your service and your secret service.

      John

      Reply
  4. Adam says

    July 10, 2019 at 4:41 pm

    I don’t go to movies or shows… but I do eat out by myself multiple times a week. No problem doing that. I’ve gone on vacations by myself… this year I went to Miami, Paris, and New York solo. It was a good long weekend. Last year I went to India by myself, but met up with a couple of friends in Mumbai for a night out on the town. Went to Windsor Castle solo on the layover back. I went to South Africa solo 2 years ago… which is also the same year that I went skiing with my brother in Colorado, but he had to leave early because of his anniversary or some such nonsense… either way I was skiing solo or with randoms that I met on the ski lifts for the last couple of days.

    I actually have gotten that complaint from the Significant Other… that I don’t seem to need anyone, but I thought that was the gist. You want your partner, not need them. Need would be depressingly codependent.

    Reply
  5. Peter Grebus says

    July 10, 2019 at 6:54 pm

    I travel weekly for business. Generally, I look forward to eating alone after a long day of playing extrovert. On the other hand, I also like to sit at bars and strike up random conversations.

    Reply
  6. Ryan Louthan says

    July 10, 2019 at 7:47 pm

    I’m a self-employed house painter and have no employees, so I spend quite a bit of time alone. I worked for a large company for 15 years before going it alone, and I miss the companionship of the guys blowing each other shit and stuff like that. But I worked with quite a few bona fide morons, and I most definitely don’t miss listening to some idiot ramble on about nothing. Never listening to classic rock or (the VERY worst) modern country is a massive plus. I had so many days of eight hours of terrible music blasting from the jobsite radio. Now I pick the podcast, audiobook or music all day.

    I very often eat out alone, either for lunch or after work on the way home for late lunch/early dinner. Whether it’s sushi, mexican, or fast food, it doesn’t bother me at all to eat alone. Like you said, you look at your phone like all the other people who are NOT alone.

    I’ve gone to one rock show alone and didn’t love it. I have a couple of buddies who like the same music I do, and I really missed the knowing looks of the band starting a kick ass song or a particularly cool solo or something else that was why I love live music. But if a band I really like comes through and I can’t find somebody to go with, I’d do it again.

    Good topic.

    Reply
    • johnthebasket says

      July 10, 2019 at 9:01 pm

      I have no idea what color I’d paint a house if I had to listen to 8 or 9 hours a day of “modern country” (which, of course, is neither modern nor country), but I suppose it would be something like the color of horseshit with a splash here and there of purple and gold sequins.

      Congrats on making it on your own.

      John

      Reply
  7. Mookie325 says

    July 10, 2019 at 10:20 pm

    I’ve eaten alone at fast food restaurants but never a real sit-down restaurant. Don’t think I ever will. I also lived alone for almost two years after a break-up and there were some times of loneliness, but only for short periods of time. I have a good base of friends and I was young at the time, so I usually had no problem finding company when I really wanted it. I actually prefer working alone, I seem to get much more done, with a higher degree of success, than the “teamwork” that all the flavor-of-the-month managers all try to push nowadays. Teams are OK to come up with ideas, but when it comes time to actually do the work, too many cooks rat-f**k the broth.

    Reply
  8. chill says

    July 11, 2019 at 1:29 pm

    If I’m eating out, I’d rather be with people I know. This is especially important since December, since I haven’t been working in an office and that’s pretty much the only time I see anyone.

    Reply
  9. AngryWhiteGuy says

    July 11, 2019 at 2:43 pm

    After a 4am to 3pm shift, I like to drink alone for a couple of hours, just to recuperate! Then, I meet up with my girlfriend and eat with her. Then we usually go somewhere crowded. Then if I don’t go to her place…..I just drink alone again for a couple hours, then sleep a few hours. Then….start the whole process again.

    Reply
  10. madz1962 says

    July 11, 2019 at 3:20 pm

    I’ve eaten alone but never went to a movie or show alone. I wouldn’t rule it out. Sometimes, Beloved and I can’t make it to our little Rhode Island place together so one of us goes and one stays. I can’t tell you how rejuvenating that is to be on my own. Beloved feels the same way. Recharging by collecting your own thoughts with no distractions is a lovely, lovely thing.

    Reply
  11. revashanes says

    July 12, 2019 at 6:47 am

    Mondays used to be my favorite day. Hubster went back on the road until Friday and the Goober went back to school. ahhhhh alone

    Reply
  12. Cindy says

    July 12, 2019 at 8:20 am

    I am a single mom so when my daughter is with her dad, I have learned if I want to do what I want to do then I should be prepared to go alone. Most of my friends do not like the same music I do so I have gone to shows alone. Mostly small ones. I have not done a big concert but I would if it came down to it. There have been times I wish I had in the 1st place because the person I came with wanted to come and leave when I didn’t. Or they were just a drain on my evening. I have gone to the movies, I have gone to restaurants and bars. And I have traveled alone. Sort of, anyway. I usually would go where I knew a friend lived but I didn’t spend my entire trip with them. I did sight seeing on my own and traveled to the location alone. I think there is a safety factor being a women that I have to be more careful then a guy would have to consider being. So that sucks. But I refuse to sit around staring at my walls because no one is available or wants to do what I want.

    Reply
  13. BeerRichards says

    July 15, 2019 at 5:30 am

    Welp we all have our struggles, but I’ve noticed being alone for you always involves a relationship with a lot of eating for you. If you want out of that relationship then cry out to Jesus, the God of Abraham, Isaac, David, & the Bible. Eat the Word. Love people. Serve the sick and hungry. Impossible to not feel better doing this.

    Reply
  14. Jason says

    July 15, 2019 at 3:39 pm

    Oooooh, Jeff, this one hits me in the sweet spot! I generally dislike people, but there does seem to be some sort of arbitrary line that’s not worth crossing. I have conducted many experiments going and doing the same thing alone and with other people and, to my surprise, I generally prefer company:

    -Lunch? Alone almost every time. However, it’s always ‘food court’, ‘street food’, or leftovers. Something about having a waiter hovering over your lonely table makes it somehow unbearable. I’ve often done solo business trips and those solitary dinners in nice restaurants (on the company’s bill) were always awkward, even with a book or phone.

    -Travel? Always better with someone. I took a multi-week backpacking trip down the East coast – partly to try to force my introverted ass to meet people – and it wasn’t good. I saw some amazing stuff and I don’t regret the trip, but it sucked to not have someone to share it with. I haven’t done a solo trip since. Even putting up with people’s random annoyances around the food they eat, how spontaneous they are or how much shopping they need to do are worth putting up with to be able to share the amazing stuff with someone in the moment.

    -Movies/Concerts/Games? Also always better with someone. It’s weird that these nights are mostly non-verbal, but somehow listening to a band by yourself while most everyone else is dancing together or sharing in the experience in some way makes it way worse. And then there’s all the pre and post show talk that helps make the show enjoyable. I’ve watched a few bands that I really wanted to see by myself and they were always just ‘meh’ even though I loved the artist. It’s just not as much fun to be around a room full of people having fun when you’re just watching.

    -Alone the TV show? I am also a big fan and the psychological aspect was the biggest surprise for me. These folks will go WEEKS without eating anything except a few berries and they are able to struggle on, but others will have success catching fish and a snug shelter and will be blubbering lonely mess in days. Even thought I’m an introvert as well, I think the boredom and loneliness would get to me pretty quickly. I mean, the starvation and freezing would get to me first, but if you gave me a month of food and a shelter I would still check out after a week or two due to the boredom and loneliness. That’s a lot of hours to just gather wood and stare at the clouds.

    I guess my deal is that I don’t like to meet people out in public, so I never have a chat with a fellow fan or buy a drink for a fellow traveler and get to know them. Maybe if I did that, I’d find attending those sorts of things more fun. I need to have someone with me or it’s generally lame.

    Anyway, great topic!

    Reply
  15. suz says

    July 16, 2019 at 12:39 am

    I’ve watched Alone since it started. My favorite thing that has happened so far was where this guy was saying goodbye to his family and he told them if they see him wrestling a bear on TV to come and save the bear. He got dropped off on his parcel of beach and saw fresh bear poop and immediately tapped out.

    I wouldn’t have any trouble being alone unless there were wolves circling my shelter. I got my first full time job at 16 and I also got my own apartment then. I saw people at school and at work, so I wasn’t quite alone all the time, but I got snowed in one year for four days and didn’t freak out about it. Probably because I had a whole carton of cigarettes and some books. If I hadn’t had the cigarettes, I’d have been tunneling through town.

    I could go anywhere alone. I don’t like to eat and chat, or see a movie and talk through it. At concerts, I always go off on my own, anyway. On Alone, if you’re there, then you know there’s at least one other person somewhere out there with you.

    Reply
  16. Beer Richards says

    July 17, 2019 at 3:28 am

    Post a new post what the hell is taking so long fucker. That’s love yep.

    Reply
  17. johnthebasket says

    July 17, 2019 at 5:21 am

    On being alone in 1963 with help from Kyo Sakamoto:

    I look up when I walk
    So that the tears won’t fall
    Remembering those spring days
    But I am all alone tonight

    I look up when I walk
    Counting the stars with tearful eyes
    Remembering those summer days
    But I am all alone tonight

    Happiness lies beyond the clouds
    Happiness lies above the sky

    I look up when I walk
    So that the tears won’t fall
    Though the tears well up as I walk
    For tonight I am all alone

    Remembering those autumn days
    But I am all alone tonight

    Sadness lies in the shadow of the stars
    Sadness lurks in the shadow of the moon

    I look up as I walk
    So that the tears won’t fall
    Though the tears well up as I walk
    For tonight I am all alone

    John

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rbTsG9jrJsU

    Reply
    • Clueless says

      July 17, 2019 at 10:29 am

      Wow, I had no idea it translated to that. For me, alone in 1963 (or anytime) feels like Ian and Sylvia’s Four Strong Winds.

      Reply
      • johnthebasket says

        July 17, 2019 at 1:50 pm

        For me, Ian and Sylvia in the early to mid-1960s sounds like a song of longing for a cowboy, Someday Soon (written by Ian) . . .

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=37_3sASufZw

        . . . and Song For Canada, a sound of longing for a country, co-written by Ian . . .

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y95TnSLdFfU

        John

        Reply
  18. 6sigma says

    July 17, 2019 at 6:16 pm

    None whatsoever. I have spent the past 5 years traveling for work by myself, staying in hotels and eating solo. Zero complaints. My motto is I like individuals, but really can’t stand people.

    Reply

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