From the Never Satisfied desk: There’s a guy who works at the local Taco Bell who is annoyingly professional. Yeah, I know… I complain about the unprofessional ones too. But this guy really gets under my skin.
I don’t go to Taco Bell very often, for a variety of reasons. But every once in a while it sounds kinda good, and I’ll “ring the bell,” as we used to say during the bar-hopping days. “Dude, we need to ring the bell!” For some reason, Taco Bell is best while drunk.
Anyway, there’s a guy who works there who reminds me of a gas station attendant in an old TV commercial. It looks like he must press his uniform every morning, before going to work. The thing is always crisp and absolutely perfect. And he practically snaps a salute at everyone who passes through the door.
He manages the ordering process with a military efficiency, and the tone of his voice says “authority figure.” Even though he’s a fast food cashier. He’s very polite and eager to please, and the whole thing creeps me out a little. I’m not accustomed to such things in a retail setting.
It’s like he’s not human, or something. I think he might be… a taco cyborg.
I worked last night, to pick up some additional dollars, and I’m walking crooked today. They were short-handed and I had to do the physical part of the job, for ten hours. Usually I just supervise, while eating Tootsie Rolls. I think the arches of my feet have fully and completely collapsed. And my calf muscles are howling in protest.
But I’m only working Sunday and Monday nights of my regular schedule this week. I’m taking Tuesday and Wednesday off, for my junk food-fueled final yurt sprint on the “book.” I’m excited. I think I can get it done during the coming week. I’m hoping to turn it in on Monday, 9/20. But we’ll see how it goes.
And that means this week will probably be a little weird with the updates here. I’ll definitely update on Monday and Tuesday, but after that, I don’t know. I’ll try to post a quickie somewhere along the line, with a decent Question for you guys to debate and discuss.
I’ll do what I can, but the site might be dormant for a couple of days here and there. Just a heads up, as they say.
A couple of days ago I was vacuuming the fambly room, because Andy is shedding and there’s black hair EVERYWHERE. What the hell, man? Why is he dumping fur at the end of summer? Is that normal?
In any case, I plugged in our newish vacuum cleaner, turned it on, and started the process. But it wasn’t picking up jack. I’d run the intake apparatus over a wad of hair, and nothing would happen.
“Toney, what’s the deal with this vacuum? It’s like I’m pushing a block of wood around the room…” I shouted up the stairs.
And Toney answered, “It always works for me.” Which means “There’s nothing wrong with the vacuum, there’s something wrong with you. You can’t properly negotiate simple household appliances.”
Grrr… Why must everything unpleasant turn into a fiasco? Why do the pleasant things go smoothly, and the unpleasant ones drag out like a sumbitch?
The on/off is a rocker switch. I don’t know if “rocker switch” is a real term, but that’s the best way I can describe it. You push one end down, and the other end comes up, like a seesaw. I turned the thing off and on again, trying to perform a reboot, but it wasn’t working.
And my right hand was whipping through my hair.
But I finally figured it out. There are two notches in the down position. Know what I mean? The first one turns on the vacuum, but nothing actually happens. WTF? Is that for people who enjoy the ambiance of a roaring vacuum cleaner, without all the hassle of actual suction? I don’t get it.
Toney later told me (while rolling her eyes, I think) that the first notch is used when attachments are hooked up to the thing. And I’m supposed to know this, by osmosis or some shit? How am I supposed to know such information? I’ve used that vacuum several times before, and never encountered The First Notch.
Man, I’m getting all worked-up just writing about it.
I need to go to work soon, so I’m stopping right here. For a Question, I’d like to know your favorite late-night foods and/or restaurants, after an evening drinking in a bar. I used to be partial to Taco Bell and Waffle House. And sometimes IHOP.
What about you? Use the comments section below, to tell us all about it.
And I’ll see you again tomorrow.
We used to hit Wendy’s after a night of drinking. There were two modes of service. Sometimes the usual zitsters would move slowly and screw up even the simplest of orders. Other times an really loud crabby supervisor would whip the rest of them into efficient shape. It was kind of a toss up on what was better, slow but quiet service or fast efficiency with continuous loud bitching in the background.
sloppy seconds!!!
Waffle House or Krystal. But not the one on Riverside. Too many fights outside after 2:00 am.
On the podium?
Back in the day, before the Scranton area was blessed with fast food places that stayed open past 10, we used to hit the 7/11’s and such for the microwaveable burritos. You eat those….you have to be drunk.
Taco Bell, but if I had access to a Waffle House, that would’ve been perfect. I have a soft spot in my heart (and hard spots in my arteries) for Waffle House.
no waffle houses in staten island. there’s one ihop, but due to repeated robberies it closes early. that’s whatcha get for opening a resteraunt in a neighborhood with “harbor” or “bay” in the name….
i ususally just go to a diner. and get french onion soup or something. a grilled cheese usually soaks up the poison in my gut so i don’t wake up too trashed the next morning….
My favorite drunk food used to be Hardee’s. The hot ham and cheese was the best! This was before they had all the fancy $6 burgers, so just the regular burgers were great too.
We had an old L&K restaurant in the town I grew up in. We use to go there since they were open all night and during the night you could order anything off the menu, breakfast or dinner. They would put up with a table of 20 or so drunk, loud highschoolers. We would sometimes sneak in a couple cans of beer but the waitresses just ignored it. They quit being open all night after a woman got into a fight with a man and stabbed him in the forehead with a fork. I guess that thing was just sticking straight out of his head. The cops were constantly being called out there for fights breaking out since all the bars in town let out at the same time and that was the only place open. Amazingly we never got caught for curfew or underage drinking.
When I moved into the town I live at now we would either go to taco bell or hit up the gas station that was across the street from my apartment. They had a mini grocery store in there so you could pick up eggs and bread and make breakfast before you went to bed to pass out.
Was this in Oberlin or Lorain? I’d been to an L&K in both of those towns.
The diner – any diner – was always our #1 choice after a night of drinking. Coffee and eggs benedict or cheese fries and a Diet Coke were my go-to menu options. I was convinced they kept the spins away.
gravy fries + waffles = no hangover
When I was in college I dated a guy from New Jersey and became familiar with “gravy fries”. In PA, you don’t put anything on fries but ketchup or cheese. In WV, we dipped them in blue cheese (yum). In Jersey it was gravy or MAYONNAISE! Have you heard of this?? Sometimes it was gravy AND mayonnaise AND thousand island dressing. Sick.
mayo makes me shitpuke.
Waffle House. smothered and covered. I miss that. 🙁
Kebab with chili sauce from Nick The Greek.
Jack in the Box and Denny’s were our big places. I found a whole, science fair display quality, crane-fly in my eggs once at a Huddle House so I swore that place off forever.
Oddly enough, I have never lived in a town with a an IHOP. My sister gave me a $50 IHOP gift card a few Christmases back, maybe 2008, and it is still sitting in my glove box just in case I pass through a town with an IHOP in it.
I had a life altering experience at a Waffle House in Louisiana. It had to do with a night full of drinking free beer, hanging out with pot smoking strippers, getting chased out of hotels by sleepy Indian (dot not feather) men, and seeing a stripper get a face full of mace while chatting with some cops who were playing with Waffle House brand roaches.
I must have carried a bag of waffles and eggs around for hours watching that night unfold around me like I was in some sort of first person point-of-view movie.
That sounds like an awesome evening.
Taco Bell was always a good first choice in Huntington (college years). After college, either TB or the Southern Chicken (Kitchen) (sadly now closed).
Denny’s. Usually got their hash browns or their monster nachos. During one drunken escapade I slammed my face down on the table to, uh, I guess punctuate whatever story I was telling with a little bit of physical humor. Forgot there was one of those thick drink glass in the way and I knocked a good portion of my two front teeth clean off. Had to have quite a bit of bonding work for that. Recently I got the bonding work redone because it had reached its expiration date and my dentist asked how I manged such damage. I made up some long winded lie about tripping at the pool. Yep, good times.
one time i was super trashed at a diner and i offered to pour my friend some coffee. he was super trashed too. i go to pour him the coffee and notice it was super thick and the waitress and my freind were looking at me like i just wiped my nose on the pope’s robes.
it was syrup.
No waffle house in California. It saddens me.
Used to be Denny’s or Taco Bell typically, with Steak and Shake thrown in for good measure. Now, it’s typically raiding the fridge for leftovers or microwaving a piece of chicken. Damned healthy living.
Wendy’s or fried chicken from anywhere. I also like gas station cheeseburgers. The kind that they actually open a package of meat, form a patty, and slap it on a flat grill. They also brown the bun on the grill. Their vegetables are fresh also. Mmmmmmmmmmmmm……… I like Taco Bell too but their vegetables are frozen I think. I don’t know but I’ve gotten a hold of some really soggy tomatoes.
Sorry wasn’t done. Therefore i do not eat at Taco Bell very often. Have you guys tried their cornitas, probably about the closest thing to authentic Mexican food their will ever be at Taco Bell.
there, what a dumb fuck. lol
I’m not from there, I’m from here where a Doner Kebab is the only viable solution to late night scran needs.
LOL @ scran. I’m not from your here, I’m from the civilized bit. Donor (sic) Kebabs, the perfect staggering home food.
Spot on!!!
You must ask for lots of chilli sauce though or the whole thing is ruined.
Either Jack in the Box or White Castle was the place to go to stuff one’s face after a night of drinking.
For some reason, everyone at Jack in the Crack was usually very drunk. The place just seemed to scream “give me your drunk, give me your toasted…”
White Castle usually resulted in a HazMat bowel movement the following morning. The back seat of the car crammed with paper and cardboard looked like a recycling center had exploded.
LOL!!!! I was about to correct icycle66 for his erroneous name for the restaurant. It was alway’s “Jack in the Crack” since I can remember back in the 1970s. Best enjoyed drunk, but even sober they are pretty darn good!
Pizza…any kind…any restaurant. When I was a youngen, and on the occasional bender, nothing tasted better than pizza on a digestive system numbed by booze. It was like sex, if when it was bad it was still good. giggedy giggedy goo
Morning after food was diner food…who am I kidding?…afternoon after was diner food.. It was either eggs, sausage, bacon, toast and home fries or direct to the dinner menu with a slab of some animal meat or breast of fowl.
The folks that are a little pretentious through the drive through with fake formality really ride my bowels hard. It’s always fun to be the drunk in the car that yells out – I WANT A MCFISH AND DON’T MCFUCK IT UP!!! or I WANT A BIGMAC BUT NO MCSPECIAL SAUCE. Or sing their jingle… or the competitor’s “HOLD THE PICKLE HOLD THE LETTUCE…” while someone else is trying to order.. If I don’t hear a giggle on the other end then it feels like a fail…so sad… If no giggle, then it seems to always be someone who’s uniform is NOT a golf shirt.
et tu hot fuzz? exactly, fuck the formalities.
I don’t care for hookers that act too professional. I like em kinda dirty or somthin’.
Eating after an evining of several libations is a risky thing for me. I only like to see what I eat once.
Lauren got it right: any diner. Denny’s or IHOP in a pinch.
And yes, “rocker switch” is exactly the correct term.
.
Mighty Taco, like taco bell, only damn good.
If your in Rochester, Nick Tahou’s. I never actually liked it, but it was the “drunk tradition” with the nasty food, the excon/biker service and the out-of-this-world nasty bathrooms. I don’t get it….
When I was in highschool we would always take drunk trips to Dennys for the ‘Moons over my hammy’ sandwhich and raspberry iced teas. Nothing is better then a 3 inch stack of eggs, ham, 2 peices of cheese and a heaping pile of hash browns at 1 am after a night of drinking. Thanks to me being a dumb ass and rolling a red light one night, I learned a valuable lesson that night about why you shouldn’t drive to Denny’s drunk…there’s a pretty good chance that a cop will be nearby to witness it.
Otherwise, Ben and I used to be regulars at a German restaurant in town called ‘The Bier Stube’. They have very good food, good beer, and every weekend they have Peter the Bavarian Mountain Climber there playing his cow bells and accordion. It was our home away from home for awhile but then we moved out of mommy and daddy’s houses and couldn’t afford the pricey tabs every weekend. I miss it sometimes. Can’t say I miss the owner who is a fat asshole, but I do miss the food.
George Webb- In Wisconsin that is the only place to go for drunk food! If you can’t make it there, Velveeta and shells (preferably with hot dogs cut up in it) will do.
If you’re in Parkersburg, you drink at the Hill House, then you eat at the Hill House. A bar with a kitchen. ClintCurtis knows this. Nuff said.
Not saying that something on the up and up was going on at the Hill House…but when I first went there in the early 1980s, the parking lot was FILLED with cars, yet there were only perhaps 10 people sitting at the bar upstairs. I asked my friend about this, and he merely commented, “Well, some of the people drove their car here tonight, and some of them drove MORE than one car.”
He was also the one who clued me in on West Virginia politics when he told me, “In most states, the politicians steal 99% of the money from the people. In West Virginia, the politicians are different. Here, they steal ALL the money!”
Greg…did you ever venture north up Rt. 2 and go to the Silver Spur? Man, that was a great place…never a dull moment! Closest place to “Bob’s Country Bunker” from the Blue’s Brothers that I have ever seen.
Yea, there was a brief period of time I went to the Silver Spur. Most of the time, it was a little too crazy for me. You’re right: you never knew what would happen there! Since I live on 36th St, The Hill was about as far away from home as I dared to venture, and make it home unencumbered. I didn’t trust myself or the cops!
And yea, I remember seeing the full parking lot and no one inside. In fact, Jack Roush owned it at the time and that was one of his favorite lines: “Everyone drove two cars.”
Mmmmm
Doener Kebabs (only the German variety will do)
It depends on our mood… if we just want to get home, we’ll usually whip up some eggs & toast. That’ll prevent a hangover from six or less beers. Combined with a Gatorade, you’re good up to 8 or 9 beers.
If I don’t have eggs and bread, the McDonald’s drive-thru works. Three or four of us will pick up 10 McDoubles, and we’ll just pound those down. Unbelievably awesome.
If there’s no rush and we want to reminisce about what had just transpired that night, Waffle House. Either the All-Star Special or the MVP is where it’s at. Waffle House is also perfect if you want to do some people-watching.
Love the 2 for $.99 fake tacos from Jack in the Box to soak up the late night booze.
Back in my Columbus days, If I was drinking on campus we always paid a visit to Fat Jimmy’s chicken. Oh the grease and thick breading did the trick.
A George Foreman can produce 24 grilled-cheese sandwiches for less than 7 dollars here. Oh to be a poor college student.
When I was a youngen’ White Castle was the place to go… or any Diner…
Definitely Waffle House. Come to think of it, I’m not sure I’ve ever been to a Waffle House while sober. What a strange experience that must be!
Or Denny’s. It seems that wherever there are no Waffle Houses there are Denny’s. Hmm, pretty deep for a Monday morning. I think I’ll make that my facebook status update.
Hot dogs at 2:30 Am at the 7-11 in Parkersburg were always a favorite. We didn’t have a Taco Bell back there in the mid ’80s, so it was usually 7-11 for dogs, or Hardees. Fortunately, on weekends the Bob Evans over in Marietta stayed open all night.
The diner. Big old plate of some kind of omelet, hashbrowns and rye toast. Iced tea to wash it all down.
In New York, the bars stay open untl 4:00 AM so the diner was the ONLY place to go. We met some really cool waitresses over the years.
It just occured to me – I haven’t been in a bar in about 5 years.
When I lived in Louisiana about 10 years ago the bars were open until 6:00 am. Most places were open for breakfast then, but it made for a looooong nite of drinking!
6:00 AM? When did they start up again? 8:00 AM? Awesome. I’d have to have a muffaletta after a night of binging.
Well, there were a lot of drunk girls at 6:00 am, so I’m sure you could have all the muffaletta you wanted! badda-bing!
I think most places didn’t start serving again until noon – not too sure, I was never up before noon anyway.
I concur on the Doner Kebab debate. They have all the necessary parts, meat, bread, spice, veggie, cheese. A trip to Germany is worth it for a night drinking and eating Doner Kebab.
Drunk breakfast is always the best! I preferred Denny’s but once I fried two pounds of bacon with my shirt off to win a $200.00 bet after a night of heavy consumption. I’ve grown up since then but still miss drunk breakfast.
Good Morning Surf Reporters…..
In the Western PA area the Eat n Park is the preferred spot for a late night drunken munchies fest.
If you are in the city (PGH), Ritter’s Diner is the king of all-night diner drunk food. Last time I was there, a friend that was with us passed out in his food, then woke up and puked in his water glass and any empty plate we could throw in front of him. We got outta there pretty fast, and left a big tip.
Carla… you’re gonna think there’s something wrong with me… after your story all I could think about was “mmmm 2lbs of bacon”
Back in college in Knoxville, Taco Bell was next door to the Last Lap, so it was a convenient after hours snack and Waffle House (Pecan Waffle and scattered, smothered, covered, chunked, diced, & peppered) or Krystal were always an option, but the number one choice was always a steamed sandwich (or steak in a sack), fries, and fried mushrooms from Gus’ Goodtimes Deli. Best feature, they delivered until an unbelievably late hour, so you could roll home after last call, call in an order and wait for Creepy Charlie to skulk into your house and deliver your snack, a huge fistful of napkins, and a weed related quote to brighten your day. Man, I miss Gus’.
Not a drinker, so can’t answer that question. 🙂
About the shedding pet, my cat is doing a major shed lately too, and I agree it doesn’t make sense for him to be doing that with fall and winter on the way.
DEEP FRIED CHEESE!!! well actually deep fried anything. back in university i skyrocketed to 230lbs through the consumption of a 2lb bag of cheese sticks every other week. (not in one sitting mind you) but when the most physical thing i was doing was biking to the grocery store to buy more breaded frozen cheesy goodness…
deep fried ravioli are money too. mushroom caps, jalapeno poppers, pickles…oh my god, breaded fried pickles…i don’t know who thought that one up but holy crap it’s a taste sensation.