A few days ago I was collecting a couple more CD catalogs to load onto the Big iPod, and started thinking about something…
I was trying to locate all the Bruce Springsteen discs (through Tunnel of Love only), and realized Bruce was hugely popular, yet still OK for hipsters to like. There aren’t many who fall into that category… because obscurity is one of the main things hipsters crave.
Sell a few million albums, you see, and you’re no longer a best-kept secret, and not attractive to the cool people anymore. The actual quality of the music doesn’t even matter at that point; it’s all about being plugged-in, and having more sophisticated tastes than the average shitkicker.
How do I know this, you ask? Because I’ve been to the dark side.
When I was in my twenties, especially, I was highly skeptical of popular music, TV, movies, books, etc. If the masses liked it, it pretty much had to suck, I thought. And how snobby is that?
Indeed, I dated a woman for a while who was even worse than I was. And we mostly just walked around with our noses in the air, dismissing everything.
Oh, she wouldn’t be caught dead reading a mass-market paperback, like they sell at Target or Wal-Mart. No, it had to be a hardcover (preferably battered) or, at the very least, a trade paperback. And the author had to be someone nobody’s ever heard of, or one of the approved writers, like Bukowski or Vonnegut.
A similar situation with movies… We hung out in pretentious-ass art houses, watching baffling foreign films, and unfathomable American independents. During that period of my life I witnessed more utter bullshit, passing itself off as high-cinema, than you can shake a clove cigarette at.
I remember one in particular, which featured a fat woman dressed up like a baby, sitting in the top of a tree and dropping feathers on passersby. …For upwards of thirty minutes!
After if it was over, I said something along the lines of, “what in the finger-snappin’ hell?,” and learned it symbolized man’s eternal struggle with love, war, peace, and God.
Oh.
And we never ate at chain restaurants (good goddess, no!), it had to be some out of the way hole-in-the-wall with a romantic story attached to it. All the better if it was located in a damp cinderblock room in the middle of the warehouse district, or if customers were required to ride a rickety and terrifying cage-elevator to the top of an otherwise abandoned office building.
But, like I say, I was a willing participant; I can’t blame it on my ex. In fact, she was (and undoubtedly is) a nice person. We were just very young and very douchey.
I fully embraced that attitude for a year, maybe more, but eventually started missing the normal stuff. Like Stephen King, and Steely Dan, and movies with gunfire. And what the hell’s wrong with Applebee’s every couple months? Is that such an unforgivable crime?!
After a while I began mocking the movies openly (they were always the hardest part of it for me), and rebelling against the entire hipster code. I remember we got into an actual argument one night, because I came home with a Don Henley album under my arm. Heh.
But I just couldn’t do it anymore; we’d taken it too far. I felt like I was cut-off from the world, and wanted to go home.
At some point I just started liking what I like, without first running it through the prism of hipness. I became an unreliable rogue. And if someone had an issue with my non-ironic fondness for Beverly Hills 90210, or whatever, they could just go pound sand.
Sure, I’m still a bit of a music snob, but I genuinely enjoy seeking out new bands and underappreciated albums. I do it because it makes me happy, not for someone else’s benefit. And that’s the difference.
So, there you go. That’s what I was thinking about, while trying to find all the Springsteen discs. And, in case you were wondering, I located them all, except for Greetings From Asbury Park, NJ. I’m not even sure I own it on CD…
And how uncool is that?
Beyond Bruce, what else is/was hugely popular, but still hipster-approved? Let’s start a list.
Have you ever watched a large man eat roughly seven pounds of tightly-compacted spaghetti and meat sauce from a standard Cool Whip bowl? Since yesterday, I’m proud to announce, I have.
And last night I also discovered barbecued Fritos will completely dominate your burps and belches, for an impossibly extended period of time. I’m not sure I’ve ever encountered a “food” with such staying power. What do you think? Is there something that can beat it?
Yesterday I was cleaning out my gmail spam folder, and noticed a message with the following subject line: Britney tried to drain my scrotum. Just thought you should know.
And as I type this, Toney and the Secrets are within thirty miles of the Surf Report compound. Soon it will all be behind us, and the house will once again sound like a mental institution, in the late evening, during the patients’ “bad time.” And all will be right with the world again…
I’ll leave you now with a formal Question of the Day, in case that popular-but-hip thing doesn’t do it for ya. If you were on death row, for, say, killing a whore with a heart of gold, what would you request as your final meal?
I would probably go with a big honkin’ plate of spaghetti (not pressure-packed into a butter bowl), a tossed salad with thousand island and cheddar cheese, and several tumblers of sweet tea.
What about you? What would you choose as your final meal, before paying the ultimate penalty for your horrible crimes? We need to know.
And I probably won’t be able to update on Friday, but will try to write a short one over the weekend.
You guys have yourselves a wonderful day.
And I’ll see ya soon.
Finally!!!
You da man Qweezy!
I’m starting to believe that gloating about posting in the top ten used to be looked down upon by us elites, but now it’s the balls!
rounding third….
4th!
5th
I think Jeff just admitted to watching Beverly Hills 90210; wonder if he’s started requesting them from Netflix yet. He’s gonna be the only one watching the new version as no one can remember what network it’s on.
I would have a bbq chicken quesadilla from the local pub in my town called harlows.
I have the same answer for two of the questions for today – my local Chinese takeout makes (in my opinion) the best potstickers served with a little cup of that special dipping sauce. I would gladly eat a mountain of those prior to riding ole’ sparky if it ever comes down to that but in the meantime, every time I eat an order for lunch – they are still there the next morning, something akin to a Dickens ghost. Tasty!!!
Last meal? Lot’s bourbon, a tabouleh and hummus wrap, and a pack of smokes.
I’ll be a drunk stinky corpse for the coroner, oheysIwill.
Hugely popular but still acceptable to hipsters? First thing that came to mind was The Grateful Dead. Until Touch of Grey came out. Then the stadia were packed with teenaged girls who only knew that ONE song, and what were their parents THINKING, letting them come to a DEAD concert? Lots of those sweet lil’ thangs got their first contact highs at a Dead show, I’m sure.
Last Meal =
Lobster tail, fried oysters, Thrasher’s french fries, a slice of hot fresh baked bread with butter, iceburg wedge with extra chunky bleu cheese dressing and tomatoes, two bottles of Sam Adams Octoberfest, and peanut butter pie.
Oh, and a Bombay martini, extra dirty…up.
I would be stuffed to absolute misery, but who cares? I’m about to die, after all.
Well for what it’s worth….Bruce Springsteen was in Hershey at the Hershey Stadium on Tues the 19th. The stadium sold out very quickly and it was SRO in the back. Traffic was SCREWED up for miles, but Bruce put on one hell of a concert. He played until well after 11:30. No one came away disappointed. Even after all these years, that man can still rock the house.
By the way in case people don’t already know this…When you buy GENERAL ADMISSION seats for $50 or less to a HUGE concert – don’t expect to get a seat!!! I heard so much bitching from all sorts of people who were expecting an actual seat when the tix was listed as GENERAL ADMIN – SRO. People the SRO means Standing Room Only!!!!
I remember a few bands I was into in the 70’s I thought were pretty hip. Les Dudek, Sea Level, Little Feet, Robert Palmer (Looking for Clues), Robin Trower, Genesis (before …and then there was three), Yes (early 70’s not late). It all started to change for me with R.E.M., Cars, Talk Talk, INXS and a few other early 80’s bands. Mostly because at that time I started listening to WXRT in Chicago..
It must be a snack thing, Funions the chip type thingies that mock onion rings–Once had a bad turkey sandwich for lunch, Salmonella city baby! Tasted Funions for the next three days of heaving pleasure. Haven’t had a Funion since, lots of turkey sandwiches though, go figure.
i got that britney email yesterday too. ew.
i would want a big fat rare steak, a beam on the rocks, and a pint of ben and jerry’s new york super fudge chunk.
Miley Cyrus is an example of a pop star who is still hipster-approved. Her work is remarkable.
Elvis is still cool to hipsters and the GP alike.
Gasonline.
Accidently swallowed a mouthful while siphoning from a full tank. I tried to regurgitate it. Burned like hell. For three days after, every burp smelled and tasted like gasoline. I guess it’s a good think I don’t smoke.
Seven pounds of tightly-compacted buffalo wings and homemade blue cheese in a standard Cool Whip bowl.
I’m thinking about murdering a whore right now so I can have this glorious meal.
Theres something about chicken fingers from the local bar, they taste pretty good at first…but afterwards, from the tasty belches to the weird slick film on the roof of your mouth, lunch turns into a 3 day experience.
I’m not musically hip at all…so I am unable to contribute to that conversation. And it really doesn’t bother me at all.
Final meal: chips and guacamole, king crab legs, shrimp, filet mignon, french fries, Corona, and yellow cake with chocolate icing.
Good Afternoon Surf Reporters……….
trying again for the third time……
OK, better…..
there is a website called Dead Man Eating, which chronicles condemned(sp?) inmates last meal requests.
Some of the mass amounts of chow some of these prisoners put away is astronomical……
http://www.deadmaneating.com
I think the name of the movie with the fat girl in the tree was Pink Flamingos.
When I was about 20 or 21 I was deathly afraid my real hip friends would find out I liked Grand Funk Railroad and Alice Cooper.
Oh forgot. Last meal? A whole jar of Miracle Whip Light and nothing else.
The whore’s golden heart of course with a nice bottle of Chianti… ffff fffff fffff
I would eat an amazing amount of food for my last meal. No counting fat grams or calories…and no vegetables. I’m thinking hot wings, or a monster cheeseburger, followed by at least one pint of premium ice cream, plus a regular coke.
Entire beef tenderloin Med-Rare with some manner of old vine Zinfandel and a 1.5L of Jack Daniels
There’s “Poofter-Hip” (PH), and “I’m just so Fucking cool-hip” (IJSFCH).
My son is a IJSFC hipster (25yrs old) and he does the “retro” thing. He was actually listening to a Skynard CD when he came to visit yesterday…go figure.
I don’t know about the Poofter-hipsters and frankly, I don’t want to. They scare me.
Tiff – they call them sleep-overs, “Mom, Dad, I’m going over to Jenny’s for a sleep-over/pajama party. Jenny’s mom is ogoing to be there and all my friends will be there too!”, “Oh and can I borrow $20 for icecream if they decide to go to Dairy Queen? Please!!!”
The biggest steak they cook at Ruth’s Chris with all the trimmings and a slice of cheese cake from Stockbridges in Conneticut. Then to wash it all down a smoked sausage and a 1/2 gallon of Papaya juice from the Original Papaya King.
Marinated mushrooms, chips and guacamole, beer, grandmas homemade noodles (assuming that can be done), mom’s buttery taters, lasagna, oatmeal butterscotch cookies… for a start. They all have a place in my heart from family occasions.
BTW- Jeff, YOU did visit a Papaya King whilest you were in NYC, did you? If not, your gonna have to go back and do it all over again because you didn’t get a little piece of heaven and we ain’t havin any of that. You can get chinese anywhere but a Papaya King, well buddy you don’t know what your missing.
Rusty, Pink Flamigos came to mind when I read that, too – but I think the dog shit eating scene was more memorable.
Last meal:
Prosciutto and melon, pulled pork from Jack’s in Nashville, roasted asparagus, french bread and a gigantic creme brulee.
Happy Thursday, Surfers!
Green peppers have more staying power – ick. And they give me heartburn.
My last meal would be a dim sum sampler platter from a decent Chinese restaurant. And that is for me – not to be hip, because I do al sorts of un-hip stuff, like shopping at (gasp!) Wal-Mart and eating at Outback.
I also am not hip in my musical tastes, and unable to offer anything to the conversation.
As for a last meal it is a toss up between a mid rare burger with melted blue cheese crumbles, sauteed mushrooms, and spicy mustard; or a midrare filet and crab legs. Either option would have to be accompanied with a wedge drowned in blue cheese, a loaded baked potato, ice cream cake from Cold Stone, and several bottles of a medium bodied red wine.
Have a great weekend ya’ll!
Last meal would come from Fairmont’s own The Aquarium: their roasted red pepper soup, the spinach salad with real bacon, fresh mozerella, and tangy tomato dressing, a perfectly juicy filet. I would probably force down a slice of peanut butter pie for dessert, topped with chunky monkey ice cream. sweet tea with my meal and a big ol’ glass of cold milk with dessert.
good gawd, now I’m salivating like a mad woman.
guess i need to go whump up some victals – hamburger helper, anyone?
OH! I just finished Stephen King’s Duma Key. man, what a read! I know he’s popular and whatnot, but the guy is an artist!
Skully – and he was probably listening to Freebird.
I think for my last meal on death row I’d say, “Gimme a bowl of corn, motherfuckers.” Not really. I’d probably request a lobster, a whole ripe tomato, a package of cream cheese, and a handfull of uncooked green beans because I could use those items to make a MacGyveresque escape device.
Was the Dave Matthews Band ever really popular and is it considered hip?
Who uses a heart of gold? I use my bare hands.
Seriously though, I would probably ask for oysters on the half shell, vodka, a lemon, cocktail sauce, and a shot glass.
It tastes delicious, and create a projective vomit I would use as a weapon to escape my captors.
I think you and your ex-girlfriend are time travelers, because you just described my neighbors.
Oh onto your question: 12-pack of Milwaukee’s Best Light.
Oh, sorry, you asked about final meal, not Friday’s meal. 18-pack of Milwaukee’s Best Light.
Rest assured, if being a whore murderer is not enough to prove I am not too hip for my own good, what I drink will surely make the point.
Hip or not, Bruce Springsteen sucks.
Final meal? A giant pile of boiled crawfish and enough beer to properly marinate me.
The movie with the fat baby-woman was most definitely NOT Pink Flamingos. It was some foreign crapola, with subtitles. Possibly German, I can’t remember.
Pink Flamingos has been on my watch-once-per-year list, for a couple of decades. “Somebody mailed you a turd, Mama!” Good stuff.
Toney and the Secrets are home, and we went to the Olive Barrel for dinner. Or was it Cracker Garden? In any case, it’s time to get into the Fuller’s.
Food that keeps coming back up with the tastiest burps: kielbassa (a Pierogi Belt favorite)
Last Meal: (whore had it coming) Pork Chops a la Milanese at Cortese in Binghamton, NY
Lobster, shrimp, scallops, cat fish, mashed potatoes with garlic and more butter than you could ever imagine, and hush puppies (freshly made). Top it off with key lime pie or pecan pie and wash it all down with frozen margaritas and bloody Mary’s – or maybe just good beer, ice cold!
That would create a lot of long lasting burps (and the other things), but it wouldn’t matter if it was my last meal, would it?
Last meal? That’s easy, Bacon wrapped fucking bacon with bacon bit sprinkles. Then I would have a nice big bowl of garlic butter to dip the whole thing in. With any luck I wouldn’t even make it to the killin’ chamber
last meal? exlax. and whatever other instant diarreah foods i could think of. ..
hipster-approved goodness? i’d say microbrews. and humas. and coffee shops. and the big one: APPLE COMPUTERS.
Last meal –
Thank god i’m immense, as here it goes:
three Coleman’s fish sammiches
three orders hush puppies from Chesapeake Bay Seafood House
an entire Tenderloin – med rare, with Hollandaise and Asparagus
Lobster – with butter
Catfish, scallops, and shrimps, all deep fried
Two bottles Deschutes Brewery’s Abyss
Two pints Ben and Jerry’s one Oatmeal Cookie, one fudge Brownie
That oughta kill me, or make a mess when i fry
Add Willie Nelson to the hip n’ popular list.
Does Toney read this? If she does, you are in big trouble. You wrote about the Ex while your wife was out of town. Nice knowin ya.
My last meal would be loads of sushi, lobster tail with butter, Alaskian snow crabs, king crabs, (with butter) and I would wash it all down with Dogfish head ale followed by Dove brownie affair ice cream.
Tom Waits.
Blueberry pancakes with lots of butter (real butter damnit) & blueberry syrup and don’t scrimp on the bb’s or I’ll …oh wait, I’ve already done that. Double decker kick your ass Ruben sandwich. Onion rings! Crispy, hot and well…to die for. Pork green chile burrito (extra green chile sauce) and two or three hand dipped chile rellenos. My favorite ‘jug’ wine. A couple of Snickers ice cream bars.
Getting ready to have a grilled cheese and soup. I kid you not. Yum.