Yeah, it’s a yurt. This thing, I mean. I’d never heard the word until I looked into renting one for a few days, and at first kept wanting to call it a “yurtle.” Yurt: one of those words that kinda bothers me, like underpants.
But I’m writing this “book,” you see, and it was starting to founder. I was devoting every Friday to it, and making very little progress. I’d go to the library, because working at home is difficult — with kids and a dog and telephones and TVs — and usually found it to be loud as hell too.
I used to get sssshhh’d all the time in libraries, but that apparently doesn’t happen anymore. It’s like a community center now, where people go to catch-up.
There’s an old man with a radically curved spine who hobbles in every afternoon, and talks to the employees about politics and the time his father took him to see a St. Louis Browns baseball game, or whatever.
And the moment the schools let out, the library fills with giggling, flirting almost-teens. They whisper louder than I talk, watch YouTube videos, punch each other in the arm, argue with their parents via electronic devices, etc.
It makes me crazy, and I spend more time watching all the grab-ass going on around me, than doing any actual writing.
Plus there’s the issue of the internet. They have wiffy at the library, and I can’t stay off of it. I think I have some kind of unhealthy addiction. I start by just checking my two gmail accounts, then get caught up in a circular time-eating vortex of mindless site-to-site bounceage.
The internet cuts both ways, man.
And since six months had passed with very little forward movement, I was starting to panic. I have an agreement with a literary agency, but how long will they keep me on the roster if I’m just hanging out in libraries, sneering at people? I started to become paranoid about being dropped.
My original agent liked to stay in contact, and would call me every couple weeks or so. He’d check on my progress, and give me pep talks, etc. But he left the company for greener pastures (unfortunately), and I was assigned to someone else. And the new agent has a completely different style. Just send me the book when it’s finished, she told me.
Which means I have no interaction with the agency, whatsoever. It was probably a shrewd move on her part, because I’m now filled with a compulsion to complete the project, and return to their back-burner, at least. Right now, I fear, I’m behind the stove.
I needed to take a few days and focus all my energies on the book. But where? No way it would work at home, and the library has proven to be less-than-ideal.
I considered going to my parents’ house, when they were still kickin’ it in Florida. They don’t have the internet, and it would be quiet there. But, they live more than 500 miles away… in Ass Cyst, West Virginia. I’d waste two full days driving, and that didn’t make any sense.
Maybe a cheap hotel room somewhere? All I’d need would be a bed, a table and chair, and electricity. But shit… even a cheap room would probably cost me eighty bucks per night. And that would add-up quickly.
I think Toney suggested a cabin at the state park, and we went to check them out. That’s when we first saw what we referred to as “huts.” They were weird-looking pods in the woods, and only cost $33 per day during the week.
Perfect! Plus, the park is close enough to our house that I wouldn’t even need to sleep out there, I could just write until dark and go home. So, I requested two days off from work, and reserved what the park referred to as a yurt for three nights.
And it couldn’t have been better. I spent upwards of twelve hours in that ridiculous thing every day, and made incredible progress. I mean, I was in a full-on groove.
The campground was almost empty, the weather was good (a little cool, but not a huge problem), and there’s no internet out there to tempt me. I left my cell phone in my car, and just wrote my ass down to a smoldering nub.
Here are some additional photos I snapped.
I was brewing Dunkin Donuts coffee in that hippie pod, had Little Debbies on-hand, and ate Subway every day for lunch. Whenever I started to get weary, I’d take a walk around the park and get my blood pumping again. It was a complete success, and the book is a whole lot closer to being finished than it was last week at this time.
Disclaimer: Between the two websites, and other crap I have going on, I probably write ten thousand words every week. But, for whatever reason, I need almost complete quiet to work on the book. I’m not being pretentious, and trying to act like Thoreau, or whatever. My internal wiring just requires a different set of circumstances when I’m working on that thing. I wish it weren’t so, but it is.
And just so you know, it’s a novel filled with characters some of you might recognize. Like, for instance, a woman I’m calling “Nancy,” and her ball-baby husband “Kevin.” Heh.
So, there ya go. That’s where I’ve been for the past few days. I appreciate your patience, and all that crap. I’ll get back to the normal stuff tomorrow. The Big Notebook is starting to bulge a bit…
Last night I posted something new to Mockable, so please read it and laugh a stripe in your shorts. I’d be much obliged. And be EXTRA-SURE to check out tomorrow’s update, by Metten. It’s… remarkable. Yeah, that’s a perfect word for it: remarkable.
I’ll leave you now with a Question I think we’ve done once before, but believe is worth revisiting. Say this “book” of mine someday gets made into a movie… what actors and actresses do you think should play Nancy, Nostrils, Sunshine, Mumbles, and me (the beleaguered narrator)?
Use the comments link below.
And I’ll see you guys tomorrow.
Lew in Bama says
Good Afternoon Surf Reporters!!
Sorry, but I haven’t been first in a long time. Jeff, I can’t wait to read that book! Maybe Michael Jackson’s kids could play the translucents. If they’re unavailable, maybe there are some Culkins that could do it.
“That looks like somewhere N&N would vacation”. Ouch – that’s gotta yurt.
Aren’t yurts made of poop though?
Sunshine – Kathy Bates.
lucky numer seven!
While you were gone 75% of us learned a new word
I think it was genius because now you know where to go when you need to be productive. Just hope you do not get a complex over the fact it reveals your hippie side.
Happy Monday, Surfers!
Dudley Dawson (Booger) says
Susan Saranwrap to play Nancy??
I would suggest Kenneth Williams for Nostrils
but he’s not working much anymore on account of being dead.
Nancy: Anne Heche with CGI pit pelts – http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000162/
Nostrils: Adrien Brody – http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0004778/
Sunshine: Darlene Cates – http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0146055/
Mumbles: Tim Conway
Jeff: Jeff Garlin – http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0307531/
Nancy was by far the hardest person to settle on.
I find today’s Bunker Cam photo oddly disquieting…
Not bad for $33 bucks, I was worried you went all Whole foods on us.
Sunshine would have to be Roseann Barr. or that mady from the Goonies & throw Momma from the train.
Tom Greene could be Nostrils, hes annoying enough & Canadian.
Nancy would have to be Rosanna Arquette. She plays a good weirdo
Mumbles could be anyone, doesn’t take much to play disinterested. Might I suggest Burt Reynolds or Robert Duvall??
Narrator, Richard Dreyfuss?? I like his voice. It has nothing to do with looks. Steve Zahn would be funny.
Nostrils, steve carrel. He’s awkward and weird.
Nostrils – Richard Belzer
Oops, I meant Richard Libertini
Mister B says
I’m thinking Greg Grunberg to play Jeff in this horror/comedy. He’s the guy that plays Matt Parkman in Heroes, for those not in the know. I think he can really capture the WTFness of it all.
Evil Twin's Wife says
Sunshine would definitely be played by Shirley MacClaine. Mumbles… Wilford Brimley? Toni Collette for Nancy, because she’s so great at morphing into odd characters and maybe Jon Heder for Nostrils… Although, he might look too young to play the part.
Nancy: Julia Louis-Dreyfus
Nostrils: Ed Begley Jr.
Mumbles: Peter Boyle (slight problem in that he’s apparently dead)
Sunshine: Rosanne Barr
Well when it comes to casting, the only one I can really think of is Nancy.
If you’ve ever watched a British comedy called Absolutely Fabulous, there’s a character on there called Bubble. Bubble is played by the very talented Jane Horrocks.
Just watch any of the AbFab episodes that she’s in and you can’t help but to totally laugh at just how insane this character is. Just give her some sprouts and insane children and she would be a PERFECT Nancy.
I truly have no problems believing that she would do this character total justice!
Shiny Rod says
Top 20, yeah!!!
Oh, I’ve always wanted to stay in a yurt. Does that make me a dork or a hippie?
Since I am quite familiar with the “circular time-eating vortex of mindless site-to-site bounceage,” I recently downladed this program: http://macfreedom.com/
I haven’t been brave enough to install it yet, but if I had used it while working on my graduate degree, I probably could have finished in half the time.
As for the N&N casting:
Jeff / the Narrator: Seth Rogen
Nancy: Amy Adams
Nostrils: the guy who plays “Toby” on “The Office”
Sunshine: Meryl Streep
Mumbles: Alan Alda
The Translucents: Rod and Todd Flanders
Shiny Rod says
Nancy – Jane Fonda
Nostrils – Robert Joy (Dammit he’s a Canadian)
Sunshine – Phyllis Diller
Mumbles – Robert Wagner
Jeff – Will Ferrell
and that’s my picks for sure…
Nancy – Amy Madigan
Nostrils – Jeff Goldblum
Sunshine – Blythe Danner
Mumbles – Elliot Gould
Jeff – Jeff Kay (sort of like Jean Shephard in ‘A Christmas Story’)
Also, I know it has been mentioned before, but is there any way you could make a special Eninen archive, at least for us VIP’s?
dr buford says
of course, we’ll have to bring jean shepherd or darrin mcgavin back from the dead to play jeff kay…
'Livie Walton says
John Boy, are you hidin’ somethin’ in that bed?
Swami Bologna says
I used to be annoyed when Jeff would take time off from The WVSR to partake in his “extracurricular activities.” But now that I hear those activities are a FREAKIN’ NOVEL ABOUT ENINEN!!!!! Whooo-Fuckin-Hooo!!!! — take all the time off, Jeff ol’ boy, ’cause I can’t wait to get my booger-hooks on that book.!!!!!!
Narrator – Ron Howard
Alice in WV says
Those chairs looked waaay too uncomfortable. How did you sit there for any amount of time?? Glad you did. CanNOT wait to read your book, Jeff Kay! and we all want to be invited to red carpet opening night of the movie!
Nancy and Nostrils? In book form? FUCK YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Willie Williams says
I hear the narrator Jeff being played by Chris Elliott.
-- Steve says
Nancy/Nostrils: Kristin Wiig, Dane Cook, Sunshine/Mumbles: Angelica Houston & Jack Nicholson or Tracey Ullman & Tracy Ullman Narrated by: Sean Penn (UK version by Mil Millington)
Can’t wait for the book OR the movie!
-- Steve says
Huston. Angelica Huston
Bill in PA says
my brain hurts
For some reason, I keep picturing Lindsay Lohan playing Nancy, and I can’t quite bite back the hysterical laughter. Is that not an entertaining picture to anyone else? I know, I know, it would never work . . . but it would be wicked fun to see her try.
Rich K. says
Jeff I’m pretty sure I’ve never stopped and commented here before despite following you for a few years now. I have to tell you that I get more laughs from WVSR than anything else going. Rest assured I’ll be picking up a copy or two when it hits the shelves.
I’m gonna go with Vincent D’Onofrio to play JK
Bonnie Hunt for Toney
Lisa Kudrow = Nancy
And Tony Shaloub or Bryan Cranston for Nostrils
I demand that
Robert Downey Jr narrate
Since he can duplicate with flair
Jeff’s dead-pan voice
(You all missed Jeff’s radio spots, didntja?)
Trust the true-blues. It reads better.
He has Kiss Kiss Bang Bang experience
of narration under his belt
and it is by this piece that I submit
.. there is no other
Congrats on all the progress with the book. Everybody who writes has different requirements when it comes to environment. Keep on doing what works for you.
Can’t wait to read it… and see the movie.
Ian The Errolite says
Amanda Plummer- Nancy (4 star wackyness)
Jeff Goldblum- Nostrils
George Clooney- Jeff Kay (though R Downey JR comes a close second.)
Meryl Streep – Sunshine (good call Retrollama)
Mumbles- Clint Eastwood ( I know Gran Torino was his last acting role, but this part would surely tempt him out of retirement!)
The translucents could be done with CGI (like Golem!).
Swami Bologna says
CitizenX: Robert Downey Jr. would have to wear a fat suit and some de-handsomizing facial prosthetics.
(Just kiddin’, Jeff !)
Jeff Kay-Daniel Baldwin
Bonus Pick-Toney-Megan Fox
I’m gonna go with Susan Sarandon and Tom Robbins as N & N, Paul Giamatti as JK, Helen Hunt as Toney, and how about Cher and Elton John as Sunshine and Mumbles?