There’s a huge bee hive in one of the bushes outside our house. Or, as I keep wanting to call it, a “bee nest.” I really need to get caught up on my sleep…
Anyway, this thing is roughly the size of a soccer ball, and bees are entering and exiting it, like the Death Star. And I don’t care for it, not one tiny bit.
I have a feeling it played a part in the vicious dive-bombing stinger-first back o’ the head attack I experienced a few days ago. Ya know? So, they can be aggressive little bastards, and there’s a big quivering sack of ’em right outside our front door. Simply excellent.
The youngest Secret said he was afraid to sleep in his room, on the night we discovered the “nest,” and Toney and I tried to reassure him. “What do you think they’re going to do,” I asked, “form a hand, like on cartoons, and open your window?”
Yeah, I said it as a joke, but the thought had already passed through my mind as well. I’ve seen bees form hands, many times, on Saturday mornings throughout my childhood. And I had visions of me waking up on Saturday morning like this.
So, I think we’re going to hire a Death Star removal service. No way in hell I’m screwing around with that thing… We’ll just let our pest-control buddy, “Alec Baldwin,” take care of it. And more power to him.
Speaking of the younger Secret, Toney and I tried our best to convince him to join the swim team his older brother belongs to, and he won’t budge.
He says he doesn’t want to do it, is adamant about it, but won’t tell us why. He’s a strong swimmer, but absolutely refuses to join the team.
“Do you think you’re not good enough?” I asked him.
“That’s part of it,” he said.
“Well, I feel that way every time I get out of bed.”
We finally dropped it. He’s got a strong opinion on the subject, and we don’t feel comfortable forcing him into it. So, that’s that; no swim team for him. Too bad, because it’s a great program, with many benefits.
If you’ve got younglings, have you ever insisted they participate in an activity they’d previously refused? How did it work out? Did they end up loving it, or were their worst fears realized? I have a feeling the Secret would like it, but that might just be hopeful estimating on my part. Do you have any experience with such a thing?
We were at Sam’s Club over the weekend, and they were giving out samples of Kraft macaroni ‘n’ cheese. What the? Is there anyone on the planet Earth, except maybe a handful of African tribesmen with bones through their noses, who is unfamiliar with this product? What’s next, toast? Iceberg lettuce? Table salt?
Needless to say, though, I knocked it back, like a shot of Jack Daniels. And it was very tasty, indeed.
While we were driving home from Sam’s the boys started bitching about the CD I’d brought along (one of Paul Weller’s more laid-back efforts), so I turned on the radio.
We like to play a game, with the classic rock station, called How Long Before Zeppelin? Each of us makes a guess how many songs will play before Led Zeppelin makes an appearance. Toney won on Saturday, with her guess of two. “Kashmir” propelled her to victory.
We’ve also played the game with Pink Floyd, but it works best with Zeppelin. Apparently Pink Floyd isn’t played as often as it seems; it’s just some kind of aural illusion, I think.
Man, being the program director at a classic rock radio station must be an almost completely stress-free job. “Yeah, just keep playing the same crap we’ve been playing since 1978… I’m going to lunch.”
Am I wrong? And what are some other stress-free gigs out there? Help me out, won’t you? I might be interested in pursuing a few of ’em.
And while we’re at it, let’s compile a list of rock radio cliches. I’ll get the ball rolling:
Twos for Tuesday
What are the rest? We need to capture ’em all.
And speaking of rock that is classic, Steve and I made a successful trek to Philadelphia last night, to see Paul Weller play a blistering (and very loud) show in a tiny, crumbling former vaudeville house.
I’ll get into the details soon, but it was a good time. With only one tiny complaint… Would it kill the man to throw in a few more songs by the Jam? I mean, seriously. Westerberg never stopped playing Replacements songs, and nobody’s ever accused him of being a nostalgia act.
Weller did “A Town Called Malice,” and an acoustic version of “Butterfly Collector,” and that’s it. But, he still rocked the joint, and had everyone jumping around like idiots, so I feel a little guilty bitching. “The Eton Rifles” woulda sounded mighty good, though, especially with all that Boddington’s jostling around in my belly.
I’ll tell you all about our boozy adventure, in the near future.
Have yourselves a fine, fine day, boys and girls.
Evil Twin's Wife says
We’ve let our oldest know that anything he’d like to participate in, he can and sometimes I’ll ask him, “Hey, would you like to take X?” He usually says no. He’s not athletic or particularly competitive. But, he’s a good kid and a good student, so I’ll take that. Our littlest one is only 2 – no telling what she’ll want to get into.
Love drug me kicking and screaming to Dunbar says
we have decided to let our youngins pick and choose thier extra cirricular activities…right now they are relitively young so they are each limited to 2…the rule is once tey start they have to finish out the season (unless we get “talked” to by the coach)…so far so good, no whining or complaining about practice etc/// (fingers tightly crossed!!)
DH and I have a radio game we play, simple yet fun, name the song title and artist (correctly) first…try it with AM 70″s rock (ala Midnight at the Oasis…makes your head explode!)
Jeff & friends
If you get a chance to check out Phil & Brent in the morning on 97.5 KMOD you should. They do some really awesome bits like Roy D(amn) Mercer, Dick Lexia, Stump the zoo & etc. Its all available as a podcast I will admit some of thier shit is odd but its usually pretty funny. They also do big ass sports every mornin.
Do not ever force a kid to do something they don’t wanna do, they’ll take it out on you when you get elderly.
Blake, Weather Man in Alaska is a pretty good gig also.
my parents never made me take any sports. i’m pushing 30 and work weighing trucks and i live above their store…
Bill in PA says
Classic rock. meh.
Those songs were great the first 5,000 times I heard ’em.
Not so much anymore.
Now, I’m going to throw up my “Electric Lunch”.
Jeff, I bet what you have there are yellow jackets. They are agressive and they can sting more than once without losing their stingers. You are right to call a specialist, otherwise you could end up swollen to hell and back, with a lot of pain.
If they are honeybees (which I doubt), don’t kill them; call a bee remover person. I have experience with both this year, and they are not to be fooled around with.
Willie Williams says
Many places I’ve lived had Breakfast with the Beatles, usually on a Sunday.
Not big on forcing the kid to do something he doesn’t want to but will make him stick with what he does choose.
My advice to you is to kill whatever they are. Kill it brother, kill it. If you can’t do it yourself then I’d advise you to tell whoever is in charge to, “kill baby kill”. You’ve heard that before. No? “Kill baby kill.” I think that might have been the chant during the foxy VPs announcement. Nevertheless, kill it.
Get Buck over there to deal with those dam secrets… (ahem) I mean bees. Damnit man, grow a sack!
A couple weeks ago I won the season 1 dvd set of “Evening Shade” by guessing the “Magical Mystery Tune.” (It was Back on the Chain Gang by the Pretenders.)
I don’t think you have to worry about yellow jackets. They tend to nest in or near the ground. Look it up. Your best bet is the exterminator. And don’t worry about your son. He’ll be fine. My ex coached my 3 sons in baseball, basketball, and football all the way through high school. I’m pretty sure they love me more.
My wife and decided that both of our children have to participate in something. We looked back at our childhood and realized that while not everybody we went to school turned out great a higher percentage of the ones who did participated in some sort of organized extracurricular activites. My son didn’t want to play football this year either, but two weeks into the season he was totally in love with it again. If you know in your heart he would enjoy it then sign him up, the worst that can happen is that he has a terrible season and you don’t sign up next year. A lot of why mine didn’t want to play was that he was afraid he wouldn’t be good enough, but it turns out he is doing fine. Everybody is afraid to fail, but as a parent its our job to encourage them to test themselves. He may be great, but he may be terrible, either way he needs to learn to deal with either situation and better to learn it while he’s got you and Toney to help him.
Thank you for the information. Anyone ever listen to the shows at this site – it use to be free, but now, you have to pay:
The Drive at Five
The 5’Oclock Attitude Adjustment
Breakfast with the Beatles
My parents never made me do any sports and I lettered in everything in high school, football, wrestling and track. I was, however, always a bit hurt that they never went to any of my games.
I was about 50 years old before my mother matter of factly mentioned how they went to all my games. Talk about lack of family communication.
Hump Day – wednesday and no repeat work days they don’t repeat the same songs in between 9-5 but everyday its the same ole crap
My dad forced me to do soccer – hated it. He also tried to force me into track my freshman year but I told him there was no way. I mean I seriously doubt I have ever ran or sprinted in my entire life. And I have no desire to. I was in band from 5th grade on. I’m still pissed they made me play flute instead of clarinet.
Marlee ~ says
How about OOOOOOO ‘Shocktober’
I still can’t figure out why being the first couple of replies are so important …..Maybe childhood haunts …
Pass the ‘Guiness’….
My eldest wants to join every team and club they offer, but then she is only in second grade. That will pass once she realizes that she inherited my two left feet. We do make her get some exercise every day, and usually the little weirdo chooses to walk on the treadmill. Whatever.
I don’t think I would make her do anything unless it had a direct benefit to her future in some way.
Shiny Rod says
Tell em sports or play tuba. That usually get sthem encouraged. Nobody wants to be the kid lugging around a bis ass tuba.
My kids are too little to be forced into sports. But I am forcing my 2 year old into using the potty. Hasn’t been easy. We have the pee thing down. I bought her some panties with princesses on them and told her not to piss on the princess. Seems to have worked. But the poop thing is a different story. She likes to go in her diaper and THEN empty it into the toilet. Then she flushes it and says, “Bye Bye”.
I wanna see if this works.
Marlee ~ says
Hey Kathleen ~
I am too from Michigan ………..89x at noon ‘rocks’ with all the old punk and yesteryear bands !