Last night at work we were each given an impossibly-large frozen turkey, and tonight they’re bringing in a catered meal for us. My employer does a lot of little extra things like that, it’s fairly continuous, and I appreciate it.
Just a couple of weeks ago, in fact, my boss handed me a $50 Olive Garden gift card, for no special reason. Just a thanks, he said.
Yeah, I realize it’s all part of some corporate strategy, to keep morale high, etc. But what’s the point of being a cynical pain in the ass complainer all the time? I just roll with it, and enjoy Root Beer and Pretzel Night, and the Hawaiian Luau, and everything else that comes along.
At tonight’s dinner they’ll undoubtedly give us some candy, and a stack of scratch-off lottery tickets. They hand out lottery tickets every year, and a woman won thirty grand with one a couple of years ago.
Anyway, while I was making the bed today, I started thinking about the Christmas Bonuses I Have Known. I feel like I’ve been pretty lucky with the corporate holiday gifts through the years, and also attended a few over-the-top entertainment industry Christmas parties.
So, I thought I’d do a quick recap, as an excuse for an update today, then turn it over to you folks. What do you say? Hello? Well, anyway…
During my Atlanta record weasel years, the company always gave us an extra two weeks’ pay as a holiday bonus. It usually appeared during the first week of December, and man, nobody was in a bad mood that day.
Two weeks’ pay is pretty generous, when you stop to think about it, and every employee received it.
They also threw a big party, and it usually devolved into drunken debauchery. I remember a very religious, straitlaced woman on the dance floor one year, drunk off her ass and repeatedly thrusting her midsection at a terrified man from accounting.
It was one of the most mind-blowing things I’ve ever seen.
After we moved to California they started handing out the bonuses in January, for some reason. It was the beginning of the end… Ten years later our division of the company didn’t even exist anymore, not really.
But they threw some great parties out there. One year they rented Six Flags Magic Mountain — the whole place. And another time they had a full-blown carnival on an old movie lot in Burbank. They even had elephants there, which the kids could ride.
The coolest part about the carnival was that it was held on the Warner Bros. ranch lot. Toney and I walked around exploring, with beers in hand, and found a “neighborhood” of familiar houses. Like the Bewitched house, and the Munster’s place. Here’s some information.
Man, what a surreal experience, happening upon all that stuff. I thought someone had spiked our drinks with LSD.
The CEO of our company also invited all home office employees to his Malibu mansion every December, for a spectacular throwdown.
Wow! You should’ve seen this place. It was on a hill overlooking the ocean, and was HUGE. They had valet parking, fortune tellers, wandering magicians, incredible food, and an open bar every few feet.
One of Toney’s good friends was stumbling around drunk one year (white russians), with an unlit cigarette dangling off her lips. She was going from patio table to patio table, asking people for a light.
When she approached a group of fiftysomething women, one said, “I’m sorry dear, there’s no smoking allowed.”
And Toney’s friend said, “Well, thanks for nothing, bitch!”
Not a wise move. She was talking to the CEO’s wife, it turned out, and didn’t work for the company much longer. She applied for a promotion a couple of months later, and was told to not even bother. Heh. She turned in her notice the next day.
Another year, when I wasn’t there, two guys were reportedly caught in one of the bedrooms engaging in some sort of gayness. I’m unclear on specifics, and would like to keep it that way.
After I moved to Scranton I received NOTHING from my employer. Well, I might’ve been copied on a company-wide email wishing us all a happy holiday. But there were no kick-ass parties, or bonus checks. NOTHING was the yearly haul, at that point.
However, I worked closely with one of our sister companies, and they gave me some cool stuff. Like an iPod during the early days of those things, and a portable DVD player, when they cost about $750.
And that pretty much covers it. I’m kinda rushed for time here (go figure), so I’ll turn it over to you folks now.
Use the comments link to tell us about Christmas Bonuses You Have Known, and holiday parties, as well. We want to hear it all.
I’ll see you guys tomorrow.
Have a great day!
no way
yeah – i have worked in PA all my life. and i have never had a christmas bonus of any sort. i think it is a statewide cheer-draining exercise to make us all feel a little more amish.
Holy Cow number 2!
Four of the top ten
I even read the damn thing and looked at the link for the WB lot. What the hell is wrong with you guys?
Anyway, I got $5,000 grand two years in a row. It wasn’t called a Christmas bonus but a performance bonus as they close the fiscal year out September and have the books all sorted out by the first of December. The bad part is looking at the net amount on the check after Uncle Sam gets his cut. Nonetheless it is still very cool.
With the economy and discovering the WVSR I don’t see a performance bonus in the near future.
I think i got $100.00 once. Thats about the max I can think of
$250.00 the last 2 years. I bet we don’t get shit this year with occupancy down at both properties and blowing our snow removal budget out the ass last winter.
No holiday parties for me, but Wally’s are always entertaining. No open bar and we even get to pay for our own meal. Good times…
I worked for a company a lifetime ago that alway sent a ham form Kansas City – The one in Kansas. Then I went to work for U.ncle S.illy and the most you’d get for the holidays was off early on RamaChaunKwansaMas-eve. Of late The folks that run my second job have been very generous. A ham or turkey or some such thing and for a while a healty bonus. The last few years an upscale party instead of the bonus. But one time when they sold the company and started a new one they gave out $1000.00 bonus for every year you had worked for them. Not to shabby!!! ChaChing!!
TOP TEN………….WOO HOO!! YES TILLY THERE IS A SANTA CLAUS!!
My bonus–to date–has been the gift of being able to keep my job while others around me disappear from the office. I noticed one night during a stroll that we have more trash cans than employees. Not sure of the significance of that fact, but it’s stuck with me since I’ve discovered it.
I must be a real ass nugget…..I haven’t gotten jack shit in my 25 plus years of employment
I have always worked as a civil servant, a graduate assistant, or a post-doc, so no bonuses ever occurred in those settings. This year I started with a private firm that contracts for the Feds, and have so far received $200 in AmEx gift cards (apparently an atta-boy sort of thing), a $50 gift card for REI (along with a ‘Certificate of Appreciation’), and a $50 gift card for a local grocery store chain (Thanksgiving). This Friday is our company holiday party, and I will get my first bona fide bonus. I have no idea what the amount will be, but it’s based on how the company ledger is doing on any given year (akin to a profit-sharing arrangement). I doubt I’ll be buying a new car or anything.
Working for the USPS this can be a pretty bang-up time of year. Many of the mail routes I deliver consist of 500+ houses. Figure if only half of those families throw a ten spot in a Christmas card we’re still talking well over 2 grand. Nice.
At Bob Evans- many years ago- we got a box of sausage and a bag of biscuit mix each year and a crisp ten dollar bill for each year we had been there.
At a retirement home that I worked at, we got cash from the residents based on the number of hours we put in that year. I usually got between $1500 and 2000 each year I was there.
At the law office I worked in in NC, I got $5000 each year.
At the law office I worked in when I moved back to FL, I got $3000.
At the psychopath’s law office I last worked at, I got $300
Working for the State now, I got a fifty dollar Carrabba’s gift certificate last year. I refer to it as our gay Governor’s Christmas Boner.
On IPOD right now- “One”- Metallica
I get a quarterly bonus of $500 in cash and usually a pretty sweet xmas gift. That sure beats the yearly $200 I got when I worked as a reporter. Being a nanny is awesome, better hours, more fun and I pretty much get to do whatever I want. Don’t raise your kids let me do it for you!
I work for the government, so no Christmas bonuses here. However, I did get a $100 “appreciation award” a couple of weeks ago. The cash doesn’t excite me all that much. More important is that they think I’m doing a good job, so I won’t be the first to go if there are ever any firings.
Another gubberment worker here, so no bonuses whatsoever. As a matter of fact, it costs me money, as we have to pay for our own lunch at the Christmas luncheon (which was today, coincidentally), and also are guilted in to ponying up money for a charity drive. Considering my salary, I could be the charity drive.
No Christmas bonus ever. Best I ever did was have the opportunity to work more overtime to make extra money. You know you are not a mover/shaker when the only thing you can trade to your employer is time- your time.
No bonuses for me either. Where I am currently at I find I am in Brad’s position. Watching people drop like flies & me holding on for dear life.
And gay or straight, it’s always fun to catch those in “the act” at parties. Especially top of the line parties. I want details, Jeff! Gay doesn’t scare me off.
Now Playing on iPhone: Vera Speaks…For Real podcast (gay podcast!)
I’ve never worked anywhere that did that sort of stuff. Here, we have some lunch deal at work, with everyone bringing in food, and a pick a number and then pick a gift deal. The gifts are to cost to more than ten dollars.
We get bonuses twice a year: Christmas, which ranges between $500 and $2000, and year end (May/June) which is based on the company profits and how much of that profit came from your portfolio. Most of the managers also get various gifts throughout the year (gift cards etc.). I work for some decent people, so I have no complaints.
Good Afternoon Surf Reporters…..
In the early years after college(don’t they call those the “salad days”?), I got into sales. First real gig was advertising. The boss was gruff, but a cool gruff, never an asshole. Every year he’d take the sales reps out for a kick ass dinner. I’m talking over the top. Filet mignon, lobster, oysters, expensive French wines.
For a 20 something that had survived on Ramen noodles & Meister Brau, it was an orgiastic Roman feast. All that was missing was some hottie in a toga feeding me grapes. At the end of the meal, he’d hand everyone an envelope. Each bonus was based on your yearly performance / sales. It averaged between $500 – $1500 the 3 years I was there.
Then I made a regretful move to an upstart company. Big time fail, I didn’t last a year. So Christmas didn’t come that year.
Enter my illustrious career in the retail auto industry. 3 years in sales, 3 years in Finance & Insurance. The dealer principal was a real nice guy. Each end of the year bonus was $500, a box of chocolates and a pewter Christmas tree ornament.
Left there to go sell insurance with Allstate. Did that for 5 and a half years. Most miserable 5 years of my life. The agent/owner was a total cockgobbler(figuratively). He was just the biggest, most conceited, arrogant, ignorant dick head you have ever seen. God, I couldn’t wait to get out of there, but I had no where to really go and no potential prospects. His bonus to us was $100. Now that sounds ok on the surface, but keep in mind, as producers, we were doing all the work while he kicked back and made the residual commission. One year I sold almost $300,000 in renewable premiums… and I got $100 as thanks. Motherfucker. Oh, and for the holiday dinner, we pushed 2 desks together and ordered take out from a middle of the road restaurant, I shit you not.
Which brings me to where I am sitting right now, back in the auto business. Been here 4 years, every year the Big Boss gives us a ham and a turkey, we have a decent office party with a lot of booze, but no cash bonuses. Business has been that bad, especially in the last few years. I’m sure this dealership is just hemorrhaging money, but we’re still afloat. Dealerships in this area are closing down left & right.
Wow, this was a long post.
Trisha aka Mrs Wally,
Try moving to flat-rate yearly contracts for landscaping and snow removal. Sure you pay more in years when we have a soft winter, but you don’t get slaughtered during bad winters. I moved to flat rates at all properties this year and it’s one less thing that keeps me awake at night.
As for the vacancy rates, we switched all ads (except my senior’s homes) to Craigslist and Kijiji. They’re free, you can post photos, and with newspapers dying you get better response. A year ago I had a 11% vacancy rate at one building which was cured in under 3 months by dumping newspapers and going internet only. As a bonus the advertising line on your P&L will now sit at $0, and you’ll look like a hero.
Back when the Earth was still cooling and I was working as a bench-tech I got $250 one year. Pretty good for a 3-person shop. Next year it was a gift-box of Rossi Pasta worth about $14. The following year it was a watch that I later saw at Dollar General for $8. The year after that the business went under. No bonuses since then.
I work in the “Entertainment” industry. 2 years ago when times were good I got a $32,000 bonus. Very very cool. Except when last year, there was not an enterianment dollar spent. I got NOTHIN’!!!!
Try taking a $32,000 pay cut in one year (without actually losing your job)
I got a Turkey every year from a retail Sporting Goods place I worked at right out of High School.
A car dealer gave us all jackets, which I still have and wear every now and then.
There’s been some cash, a sweatshirt and stuff like that.
One company used to take us all to the owners wife clud, which was kind of a a very, very upscale Women-only country club for dinner. It was pretty cool.
When I wokred for a wireless company that has since merged they’d rent out a local bar/restuaurant and turn us loose. Those were fun times.
But for my favorite Christmas story check out my blog. I don’t usually pander like ths, but it’s too long a story (even for me) to post here. But it’s worth it, I promise. Our esteemed host even told me it was a “great story”.
Merry Chirstmas everybody.
I’ve worked in Social Service for the last 23 years. Needless to say there are no bonuses in the not-for-profit sector. For my 20th anniversary I got a recognition luncheon (along with all of the other people with milestone anniversaries) a key chain with the agency logo, a certificate, and the ability to choose a gift from a catalog. I got T-Fal (non-stick pans). The other choices were things like pup tents and a handy set of three Maglite Flashlights. Boy Howdy!
I used to think that I was getting screwed at my job with what we got at Christmas but after reading these posts, I’ll take my $50.00 grocery store gift card and be very happy.
I’ve only worked at one place that did the Christmas bonus thing. It was a gourmet grocery store, and every year we got a turkey, and a box of Godiva chocolate. If I remember correctly, they gave us a pound of chocolate for each year that we worked. I made it to the five pound box before leaving for my curent career. Now that I’m a teacher, all we get are gifts from the students. I now have more coffee mugs than I could ever use in three lifetimes.
What is this “bonus” of which you speak?
I haven’t had a bonus for years, but when I did, it was for being a manager for a tiny but very upscale gift shop. The pay was really low, but I would get 10 crisp $100 bills every Christmas Eve from the owner. She was the best boss I ever had, and I still miss her, even though I now make almost triple what I made there. I also do NOT complain about not getting bonuses nowadays, I feel very lucky to be allowed to be a fat secretary.
I used to work at a mobile home plant and every year they gave us a spiral cut ham from Honey Baked Ham Co. I didn’t think much of it until I bought one last Christmas. Seventy Five gotdamn dollars. Wow.
I’ve been in real estate for years and there’s not a bonus or anything like that because you pretty much work for yourself.
I started this new job where I work for a home builder on site. I sit in a model home all day. I got a Christmas bonus of sorts from my sales manager last night. She kissed me and grabbed my crotch in front of lots of onlookers. The room went silent and everyone stared at me with their mouths agape. Great.
She called walla go. Akward. She was sorta trying to apologize. I tried to lighten the mood by telling her that it was okay because she had soft lips that felt like Velveta. She sat there in silence for a second and I remembered that I haven’t let her in on that particular joke. Anyways, it’s all cool now.
My best bonus was $1000 less taxes. It was piddly this year, but I was happy to get it because I don’t think my husband is getting one at all. He works for an electricity power plant and there have been days when they have not been producing power. Their bonuses are based on overall productivity, so it doesn’t look good. We’re just DAMN HAPPY we both still have jobs.
A lady at this year’s party was telling another couple at our table about her Mardi Gras themed tree/room (she has five Christmas trees-oh my). I’m sure it is lovely.
She was going on and on and kinda talking over us – around us – like we weren’t there. waving her hands all about , almost in our faces. She was describing the masks, beads, feathers, etc., and Hubby whispered to me, “and there’s a tiny drunk passed out under the tree.”
I added, “and it smells of urine and vomit.” She heard us then. oops.
We were just having a little fun.
Jorge, it would be even cooler if he looked like the entertainer in your story. I believe there is website for that.
No christmas bonus in my public sector job. We do get to spend most of the afternoon hanging out at some local restauraunt for our christmas lunch (which we have to pay our own way) which will be this coming friday.
A long long time ago when I put time in at a non-government job we got a turkey each christmas, and had a pot luck lunch as well, which was nice to kick back and shoot the breeze. I think it lasted the afternoon. Good for the day shift, sucked for the evening shift guys (which I was for a year) since we still had to put in a full night–we did take it easy though, those day shift slackers needed something to do in the morning anyway…
When I was in the Airforce all us single aircrew would have Christmas leave dissallowed so the Married guys could be home with their famblies That was O.K. but beacause we were on: “stand by” for flight duties NO BOOZE!! 5 freaking years without a proper Christmas or New Year! Been making up for it ever since:)
Anyone notice how many government workers are on here wasting our hard earned taxpayer money?
Wait, hold on. Phone call.
Ok, so I just found out I’m being audited. I’ll shut up now.
Just kidding folks.
My one christmas party when I worked in Cahokia, IL we went to some fancy banquet hall where we had a nice dinner and 2 drink tickets each. I was stealing unused drink tickets from people who didn’t show, or just left them on their table and then I noticed that the raffle tix were the same style as the drink tix. Me, my girl at the time, and 2 or 3 work friends/spouses took advantage, until we got busted by the head bartender and had to make a very rapid exit.
We then went to Frederick’s Music Louinge and drank them dry.
Jorge- Great Story!
I’ve only received one xmas bonus — when I worked at the newspaper writing for the weekend entertainment supplement I received a $15 gift certificate for a grocery store that wasn’t even in my immediate area. Figures.
I’ve been to quite a few drunken work-related holiday parties but don’t have any good stories. Except for spilling a beer all over my anal retentive ex-boss’s hardwood floor one time. I was pretty sure his wife was going to shit a biscuit.
I’m with Chuck.. all PA jobs no bonus, no party, once a really crappy lunch in a conference room catered by the cafeteria.
One year when I worked retail the owner gave me $5.00 (this was late 80’s). Aside from that I’ve been lucky we are paid for the day off.
One year my hubby got a spiral ham and he used to get tips from his customers.
Too many years working for non-profit healthcare. This year I did “win” a $25 gift card at the Christmas lunch catered by the hospital, I use the word “catered” loosely. But I am like a lot of others here – I got a a job so I am happy.
Six pack of Old Style tall boys, that’s really what I get every year and they are always appreciated.
Since I am among the unemployed this year, no bonus for me. But my husband just called me to let me know he got HIS bonus: a $30 WalMart card. Keep in mind we live in San Francisco and the nearest WalMart is across the Bay Bridge in a not-so-nice area. Fuck them.
Not my Christmas party, but my friend works for Wolfgang’s Vault and I got to be her “date” last year. Wolfgang’s Vault is the people who bought all of Bill Graham’s old stuff (posters, photos, really rare, cool vintage rock memorabilia) and they had their Christmas party in the Old Mint. Very cool venue. Open bar and they turned some of the old vaults into video rooms. The room I sat in most of the night was the one where they showed old films of the “Day on the Greens” from the 70s. For those not familiar, Day on the Greens were huge concert held at the Oakland Coliseum in the 70s. Gawd, we had some awful taste in clothes back then, but the music fucking ROCKED.
(Coincidentally, the WalMart is very near the Oakland Coliseum)
Happy Wednesday, Surfers!
Knucklehead.
Not to suport walmart but you can probably use the card online and get some cheap chinese crap shipped to you.
It’s funny we’re all talking about what parties our works have. At my work (yes, government), I am the ‘event coordinator’ for the floor. That is not my official title. But because I stupidly (read: STUPIDLY) volunteered to be on the “Christmas Commitee” the first year I worked here & did such a fan-friggin’-tastic job, I have not been thrust into it each year.
This year we have no money (hence the massive layoffs), but the director of our department still wants at least a luncheon. That is tomorrow.
So, for that past month I have been knee deep in tree ornaments, garland, ribbon, lights & wrapping paper, all in my area, all to be used for tomorrow’s luncheon. In fact, as I read this lovely website (on gov’t time that is), I am stringing ribbon to 100 ornaments to hang from the ceiling & tying ribbon to 100 candy canes.
And my house? As bare as can be. You’d never know a holiday was coming because I don’t give two droplets.
Pass the beer nuts.
not=now
(as in NOW been thrust into it)…..thrust…heh
I am in charge of my hubbys company party, again. Since we are hurtin for money, the weather sucks, everybody has little kids, and i do not feel like workin to damn hard, all the boys and thier wives/grilfriends are getting Kronskies (a smoked sausage that you can boil in beer to great effect) a mix and match case of beer (to boil or drink), and a set of basic spices from Penzeys spices. With a bow on top. Then they can drink/eat/piss&moan/hump dance anyone at any time of their choosing. And I don’t have to see or clean up after it.
Then they can drink/eat/piss&moan/hump dance anyone at any time of their choosing.
I’m doing all of that right now, with a beer-boiled sausage up my ass.
Yet another guv’mint employee here. I work for a non-descript office out in the middle of nowhere, and have received $200 in bonus money in the 15 years I have worked here. Nothing for Christmas, of course…except a couple hours off early the day before Christmas…”if” I was scheduled to work that day. Being a shift worker, we pretty much always get screwed.
Well – I have you all beat as far as over-the-top-Bonuses go.
Just last week I (along with about 1000 of my closest peers) got a Certificate of Appreciation. it came via eMail – with an attached pdf file that, when opened, included a section right in the middle that said: “Insert Your Name Here”.
Best Christmas office blowout ever was seeing my manager pass out drunk while dancing on a table. She was back at work just 3 months later after spending time at a company-paid rehabilitation center.
It’s almost Christmas. I’m with Melissa (figuratively) about not giving two droplets.
Tyrosine- I have been trying to get my psycho hose beast boss to dump the paper. Expensive and useless! We do the onlines like ren.com, forrent.com, etc. I have been working on a Craiglist add for both properties. I got the idea from our dirty, slimy snow guy, who also owns some rental property.
There is no tree or any decorations of any sort in our apartment. I have a cat that likes to knock over the tree, we are never here for the holidays (headed to Texas Tues), and I don’t fucking care! Bah Humbug.
I work for the electric company 24 yrs no bonus no party no nothing