Chinese Fun, Novelty Driving, and Crazy Pet Names

We went to a Chinese restaurant for lunch today, and the food was extra-good (#2: cashew chicken), but the overall experience was a bit strange.

A perma-smile woman seated us at a table in the middle of the floor, then walked over to a booth that looked to have been recently vacated.  The dishes had been taken away, but it was still a mess.  So she started tidying up, and eventually removed the tablecloth completely.

Then she took two steps back, twisted her torso ninety degrees, and gave the thing a big shake, like a person cleaning a rug or whatever.  This action sent crumbs and food particles flying through the air, and a good portion of it rained down on a party of four seated nearby.

One old guy, who resembled John Locke on LOST, looked down at his forearm, saw something there and calmly flicked it away.  But a woman seated to his left began frantically knocking stuff out of her hair, and another lady started brushing her lap with high urgency.

I couldn’t believe it.  And ol’ perma-smile never said a word to them, even though she clearly saw them slappin’ ‘n’ brushin’ with pronounced WTF? expressions plastered on their faces.

Yeah, that was a new one…

And there was also something radically wrong with their stereo system.  The whole time we were there the music kept switching back and forth between what sounded like the soundtrack to Halloween, and a pop song by a (presumably) Chinese singer.

Only about ten seconds of one would play, and it would go back to the other.  And the pop song always started at the beginning, it didn’t pick up where it had left-off last time (unfortunately).  There was some sort of keyboard or synthesizer riff at the start of it, and it just kept repeating every twenty seconds, or so.

After a half-hour of this I could feel myself starting to lose my tenuous grip on sanity.  In fact, I can still hear that cheesiness playing in my head, followed abruptly by the dink-dink-dink Halloween theme.

What the hell, man?  How is it even explainable??

Next week we’re going to my parents’ house in West Virginia, for a quickie guerilla visit before school starts up again.  I’m embarrassed to admit it, but we haven’t seen my Mom and Dad in over a year.  Last April, I think.  Disgraceful.

I get off work at 1:30 am on Wednesday (actually Thursday morning), and we’re thinking about leaving shortly after I get home.  At 2:30 or 3:00, I guess.  Should be interesting…  We’ve never attempted anything like that before.

The plan is for me to drive the first couple of hours, since I’m usually still wired from job aggravation, etc., and Toney will take over once my head starts going round and round on my shoulders.

Yeah, it sounds good on paper, but we’ll see how it goes in real life.  I’ll probably be completely sleepless and hallucinating by the time we get to my folks’ house.  I’ll probably have my shirt off and be screaming about the bugs (“so many bugs!”).

Have you ever engaged in any novelty driving?  You know, for way too many hours in a row, or leaving at midnight, or anything crazy like dat?  How’d it go for you?  Presuming you’re still alive to tell the tale, of course.  No ghosts in the comments section, please….

And I’m struggling like a mofo here, friends.  Not to whine like some Nostrildamus ball-baby bitch, but I worked more than twelve hours yesterday, and slept about five hours last night.  My brain just ain’t doing it for me today.

So, I’ll zero out the Moleskine early tomorrow…  Since I missed yesterday, and all.

Before we get to the Question of the Day, I’d like to remind you that I’m taking pre-orders for the RETRO old-school Smoking Fish shirts, right here.  If you want one, please order soon.  I’ll probably turn the T-Shirt Lady loose on them next week, so don’t miss out.

And now… I’d like to know the best pet names you’ve ever heard.

When I lived in Greensboro I knew a girl with a cat named Polyester.  I still don’t know if that’s an exceedingly cool name, or if my judgment was clouded by the cuteness of the cat’s owner.  Sometimes cuteness can change your perception of things…

And Mark & Linette, of Crimewave USA fame, used to have a cat named… Eartha Kitty.  Is that not excellent?  I submit that it is.

So, what creative pet names have you encountered over the years?  Tell us about it in the comments.

And I’ll see you guys tomorrow.

Now playing in the bunker.