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A few days ago I saw a clickbait article that promised to rank the best “cheap” beers. I can’t find the exact piece, which bugs me more than it should. But here are a bunch of similar ones:

This one
This one
This one
This one

I could keep going, but you get the idea. In the one I saw — possibly the first link above, but I don’t think so — they listed Coors Banquet beer as best overall. I thought that was interesting, because I generally dismiss all things Coors in a highly snooty fashion. Also, I didn’t think I’d had one in 25 years. Best overall? Huh. Maybe I should buy a 6-pack and see if I was being unfair?

At this point in my life I drink mostly fancy-ass craft beers, and Yuengling lager. And I don’t drink nearly as much as I used to do, ’cause the used to do was outrageous. But God knows I’m no stranger to a lot of the beers on the lists above. Not all of them, but most. My friend Tim once remarked, while some other friends and I were in the midst of a “session” a hundred years ago, “If I got lost in the Sahara desert with nothing to eat but saltine crackers, and was finally rescued, I couldn’t drink as much water as you guys drink beer every night.” Heh.

Oh yeah, we used to drink whatever was available too. A lot of Bud Light, Miller High Life, Busch, Stroh’s… whatever. Some defunct classics too, like Meister Brau and Goebel and Little Kings. Also Falls City, remember that?! All of it was pure swill, I’m sure. But we weren’t exactly connoisseurs. We just wanted to crank up the April Wine and start to guzzling. So… I have some insight, much of it many years old. But insight nonetheless.

And this would be my list of favorite “cheap” beers: Pabst Blue Ribbon, Miller High Life, and Rolling Rock. A couple of those are probably based in nostalgia, or some sense of ancient brand loyalty. But the Pabst choice is pure. I don’t remember drinking it as a youngling much. But at some point I realized it’s an honest-to-goodness solid choice.

My friend Steve and I attended a baseball game in Cleveland a few years ago, on one of the hottest days I’ve ever experienced. We walked out of that stadium totally depleted, like when Spongebob visited Sandy’s underwater dome. We headed straight for a bar, and Steve ordered something from an obscure brewery in Vermont or somesuch. Still struggling and teetering on the edge of a seizure, I asked the bartender if they had any Pabst tall boys. She said, “Now, that’s more like it!” and went to get our beers. Steve was surprised by my order. But when I started downing that thing it felt like a fire was being extinguished inside me. I’m surprised a puff of smoke didn’t come out. It’s just so drinkable and tasty too. I know it’s an ironic hipster beer, but I’m no longer concerned with such trifles. And, by the way, Steve switched to PBR for the second round. ‘Cause it was the only correct choice.

When it comes to the cheap beers, I’m only down with the ones that existed in 1980 and earlier. Some of the newer ones — like Keystone and shit like that — don’t interest me at all. But I’m thinking about reacquainting myself with some of the old “favorites.” In fact, I purchased a big honkin’ 30-pack of the Coors Banquet on Saturday. Last night I finally had a couple of them… and they were good. I mean, none of it’s great. But it was better than anticipated. And 30 cans cost me $20. Crazy. Maxes out my bunker fridge in a pleasing fashion too. I have to admit, I was being unfair to the Coors Banquet. I hope they’ll accept my apology.

What do you have on this subject? Anything? Please share it in the comments. In addition to your favorite cheap beers and the ones you drank as a youngster, please tell us the brand of your first beer, if you remember. Mine was Miller High Life, purchased underage (at 16!) from Wagner’s Market in Dunbar. I was with my friends Rocky and Mike. We drank them and went to a high school basketball game. And that’s how it started. It was the slipperiest of slippery slopes.

I’m calling it a day here, my friends. Just one more day o’ work, and finally some downtime. I’m burning out! But, at least I have a chilled box of swill in here waiting for me. Ha!

I’ll see you guys again soon.

Have a great day!

Support the Surf Report with a monthly $4 donation at Patreon, and get an extra podcast episode every week! We’re also at Venmo (@thewvsr) and PayPal ([email protected]). In Canada? Do your shopping at Amazon! Thank you, guys!

I absolutely hate to climb into an unmade bed. Hate it! So… I make ours every day. Toney was previously more agnostic on the subject, but she’s come around on it, too. Once in a great while I’m rushed and have to be somewhere earlier than normal, and it gets forgotten. And she doesn’t like to climb into that clammy mess either. But it’s my job to keep the shit maintained. Somehow.

I’ve gotten pretty good at it through the years. In fact, I know all the military tucks, and everything. I’m not saying I always do that, but it’s in my repertoire. The only thing that throws me off is the quilt we use as a comforter. An old lady who lived down the street from us when I was growing up made it for us as a wedding present (I think). It’s a handmade quilt, and very cool. She’s gone now, of course. She’d be roughly 120 years old if she were still around. Anyway, that thing is SLIGHTLY rectangular. You can’t really tell by looking, but if you put it on wrong you’ll notice it. So… I’d say four days out of seven I do it the wrong way, which triggers some bitchin’. “Why is this thing not square?!” I’ve shouted a million times.

But I do good work. I’m quite accomplished in the art of bed-making, thank you very much. I’m not sure I could change the oil in my car, but we all have our areas of expertise. What are you feelings on this subject. Is it simply mandatory that the bed be made daily? Please bring us up to date on this important subject.

I also have a few additional sleep-related questions. Don’t feel compelled to answer them all. Just pick and choose the ones that interest you. Here ya go:

• How many hours of sleep do you believe you require to function well, and how many do you usually get? I need 7 or 8, and get 5 or 6. And it’s mostly my own fault.
• What time do you generally hit the sack? It’s after 1 am for me. Sometimes as late as 2:30.
• Do you read in bed? I do, almost nightly. I’d say six nights per week, generally. I use a Kindle Paperwhite, one of the greatest inventions yet.
• What’s your standard sleep position? I start off on my side, but Toney says I eventually end up on my back. She has a big problem with this, and says it’s weird.
• What do you wear to bed? I know… completely nude. I’ve asked this question before, and everybody claims to sleep naked. Is this really true? I sleep in underwear and a t-shirt.
• Do you wear socks to bed? If so, why in God’s name?! I can’t even imagine such a thing.
• How often do you wash your sheets? We’re inconsistent with it, but nothing ridiculous. I knew people during the Greensboro and Atlanta years who claimed to have not washed their sheets in years. Years! That was back when I was in my 20s and associated with people in their 20s. Ridiculous.

And that’s all I can muster, my friends. Please share your thoughts on these sleep-related items.

I almost didn’t make this Friday update, but got it in with 54 minutes to spare! I hope all’s well in your corner o’ the world. I’ll see you guys again soon.

Have a great day!

Support the Surf Report with a monthly $4 donation at Patreon, and get an extra podcast episode every week! We’re also at Venmo (@thewvsr) and PayPal ([email protected]). In Canada? Do your shopping at Amazon! Thank you, guys!

I was told late in the day today that I’m needed at work early in the day tomorrow… so this one is going to be a quickie. I’d like to get your opinions on pizza. For instance, what are your favorite toppings? If you could choose three or fewer, which ones would you choose? Cheese is a given, but feel free to go with extra cheese. I like any combination of pepperoni, sausage, bacon, onion, and green peppers. Those are my favorites, and if I had to narrow it down to just three I’d probably go with pepperoni, green peppers and onions. Tomorrow it might be something slightly different. The pizza in the picture looks almost perfect… except for the fungus. What do you have on this? Please tell us about it in the comments.

I never really liked the deep dish, or even the locally renowned “Old Forge style.” It’s almost like a casserole. I just prefer the kind you can get at a regular pizzeria, or at a walk-up NYC-style by-the-slice kinda joint. In the latter case just pepperoni or cheese will do, thank you very much.

We’re lucky to live in an area of the country where there are good-to-great pizza shops every couple of blocks. I’m not kidding, this area is lousy with kick-ass pizza. Sometimes I’m just blown away by how good it is. It feels like we’ve ordered from 25 different pizza joints at my job alone. There’s a place called Pizza Bella and another called Gerry’s that are just fantastic. There’s always good pizza available, wherever you are. But up here… it’s an abundance of riches. I wish I had some right now.

Needless to say, I’ve also enjoyed my share of chain takeout pizzerias. I sometimes opt for a large three-topping pie from Domino’s for lunch. You have to order it online and pick it up, but it’s only $7.98. And Domino’s is pretty damn good these days. They had a reputation for being terrible for many years, but they’ve improved. And it’s difficult to shake a negative opinion of a business. Can you think of any that you originally hated, then came around to liking? In any case, they’re good and not great. Perfect for a quick and cheap lunch. And there’s always half a pizza left over for after work! I haven’t had Pizza Hut in years, but don’t have a negative feeling about them, either. I remember being lukewarm on Papa John’s and Little Caesar’s. I’d take Domino’s over them, unless my memory is faulty. There’s a place called Hungry Howie’s in Myrtle Beach that I always thought was pretty damn good, too. They’re a chain, but I don’t know much else.

What do you have on this subject? Do you have pizza opinions? Please unburden yourself.

And I’ll see you guys again soon.

Have a great day!

Support the Surf Report with a monthly $4 donation at Patreon, and get an extra podcast episode every week! We’re also at Venmo (@thewvsr) and PayPal ([email protected]). In Canada? Do your shopping at Amazon! Thank you, guys!

There’s some kind of wicked stench in my car, and I can’t find the source of it. It smells like rotting flesh. I have a feeling there’s a gone-rogue chicken nugget wedged somewhere, and it’s slowly decomposing. Last night, as I was leaving work, I found myself stretched across my backseat, shining the flashlight on my phone underneath the seats and alongside the console. And I can’t locate the troublesome tender. I just had to move my car, so the older boy could get out, and the stink was still hale and hearty this morning. I guess it’ll eventually just disappear, right?

On a related note, I’m thinking about trading that car for something newer. I probably should wait a few weeks now. But I run up the miles on vehicles, on account of my long commute. Three or four years ago I attended a management training course (super-valuable experience for sure) with another guy at work. It was in Rhode Island, and we rented a Chevy Cruze to drive up there. We loved the car so much we each bought one when we returned. I’m not kidding. So, we purchased them at roughly the same time, and yesterday I asked him how many miles his has on it. He said about 44K. Mine? Pushing 100K.

So, I want to dump that thing. There’s nothing wrong with it, I just want to trade it before it has zero value. Plus… the new car fever launch sequence has now been activated, and it’s hard to pull out of one of those situations. Stay tuned. Maybe I’ll post one of those duck-face gang-signal photos of me standing beside it? …Yeah, probably not.

Speaking of that, what in the hell is this “fam” shit that people are suddenly inserting into their sentences? I used to think it meant family, or maybe good friends (like family). But now it just seems to be inserted randomly into conversation. And it’s sometimes used in place of “Oh, man!” or “Holy shit!” Somebody will say something outrageous, and another person will exclaim, “Fam!” What in the everlasting hell?? I walk through life confused a good percentage of the time.

The Cincinnati Reds announced they’re going to allow 30% capacity at their stadium this year, and hopefully increase that number as the season progresses. That’s good news. Last year they had those weird cardboard cutouts in the stands. So there might be a golden retriever sitting beside an operations manager from Dayton sitting beside Edgar Allen Poe, etc. Plus, they used fake piped-in crowd noises for the TV and radio broadcasts. Getting back to good old fashioned dipshit humans is great progress. I’m looking forward to baseball. Spring Training games start this weekend, and opening day is April 1. Bring it on!

My friend Steve gave me a bootleg DVD of the Beatles “Let It Be” documentary. That thing has been out of print since, what, the 1980s? Something like that? It was never released on DVD, and was only on VHS briefly. I think Paul McCartney hates it, because it makes him look like a tyrant and an asshole. Whenever somebody posts it on YouTube it’s immediately removed. Somebody doesn’t want us to see it. Also… Peter Jackson was commissioned to make an alternative movie using the same raw footage. That will be called “Get Back,” and comes out this summer. I’ll wager that Paul comes across in a more positive light in that film. Just a hunch.

Somebody at work was telling me how “great” Smashburger is. I’ve never been to one, ’cause there are none around here. However… I’m going to be Smashburger-adjacent on Saturday. Any good? Or am I receiving faulty intel? What do you know about this important situation? How should I proceed?

And finally, I’m going to follow up on something I was talking about in a recent podcast episode. I was down here in the bunker, around midnight or so, and needed some food. I’d had a few craft beers that evening, and a hunger was taking hold. Then I remembered: there’s Chinese leftovers in the fridge! I think I literally squealed with excitement. For a question I’d like to know your favorite “midnight snack.” It could be leftovers, or any other thing. What do you go for, during a late night hunger attack? I also like a big bowl of cornflakes with bananas. That always hits the spot. But… Chinese leftovers might be at the very top of the pyramid. What do you have on this? Please share in the comments.

And I’m calling it a day, my friends. I’m going to launch the Friday email momentarily, then head off to work.

Have yourselves a great, great weekend!

I’ll be back soon.

Support the Surf Report with a monthly $4 donation at Patreon, and get an extra podcast episode every week! We’re also at Venmo (@thewvsr) and PayPal ([email protected]). In Canada? Do your shopping at Amazon! Thank you, guys!

This morning, before I even had my first cup of coffee, I was outside shoveling and cleaning off cars again. And, once again, I left work early last night on account o’ the bullshit. It snows almost daily, and I am well and completely sick of it. That pic is the street in front of our house. It’s looked like that, more or less, for a month or more. It’s maddening.

It’s also very cold. The current temperature is 28 here, which is better than it has been. When I leave work most nights my car tells me it’s 8 or 14, and I have to YANK on my door to break the ice seal and get inside. I’m probably going to need Tommy John surgery before spring, because of all the amplified door yanking.

Winter before last I drove home in a hell storm and got trapped on Interstate 81 for a long time. It was excruciating. And the younger boy and I drove back from Philadelphia that same winter, after seeing a show, through one of the most nerve-racking, scary-ass snowstorms of them all. And I’ve driven through many of them. But no more. I decided, after those two events, that I’m not doing it anymore. I’m not risking it. I used to risk it, and felt an obligation to do so. But I reached a point where I said, “Nope, I’ve done my time. I did my three hundred sphincter-clinchers, and now it’s somebody else’s turn.” So, I stay home or leave early. Like I did last night. I feel like my obligation was met long ago.

I know there’s bad weather all over the place this winter. Please bring us up to date on your situation, wherever you happen to be. Use the comments section. And I hope you’re safe, and have electricity and water, etc.

The good news: Spring Training is underway. That’s a sure sign that warmer weather is on the way. Just think: in just a few short months I’ll be on here bitching about the heat and humidity! Ahhh, the cycle of life.

Sorry this one is so abbreviated. I feel comfortable blaming it on the relentless snow.

Tell us about your current weather, and location. And please consider subscribing to the mailing list if you haven’t. Right here. I’m sending out a recap email every Friday. I think it’s pretty good. Check it out, if you’re so inclined.

And I’ll see you guys again soon.

Have a great weekend!

Support the Surf Report with a monthly $4 donation at Patreon, and get an extra podcast episode every week! We’re also at Venmo (@thewvsr) and PayPal ([email protected]). In Canada? Do your holiday shopping at Amazon! Thank you, guys!