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Exploring a Break Room Theory

September 9, 2008 By Jeff 141 Comments

Last night at work I was eavesdropping on a conversation between two women in the break room.  Both said they’d met their husbands at previous jobs, and believe most people meet their spouses that way.

I’m not sure if that’s statistically correct, but Toney and I also met at work, in Atlanta.

I’d moved to the city with a girlfriend, we’d maintained for a year or so, then everything went circling down the ol’ turd-catcher.  And suddenly I was lonely and afloat (if you’ll excuse the phrase, coming in such close proximity to “turd”) in a place with no drinking buddies. 

And mister, that’s not a good situation…

So, for the only time in my life, I started “dating.”  Previously I’d had very little experience with such things; I’d had two longish relationships, that took up the bulk of my adult life.  So dating, and “playing the field,” was almost completely foreign to me.

And it blew mule.  I started asking women out, on a semi-regular basis, and felt NOTHING for any of them.  I was probably still in some kind of mourning from the just-collapsed relationship, I’m not sure, but my heart just wasn’t in it.

I went out with a girl a couple of times, and she sent me a long letter – to my apartment – saying she was IN LOVE with me.  Love?!  You’ve got to be kidding!  And in a letter??  Man, that chick was even more messed-up than I was… 

Next!

A few clearly hated me, or whatever, and that’s perfectly understandable.  It wouldn’t be fair to criticize a person for such a reaction…  But in several instances it was nothing more than a lack of compatibility, as it pertains to humor.  If we can’t see eye to eye on what’s funny, and what isn’t, there’s no hope whatsoever.  I mean, seriously. 

I never actually did this, but a good test for a prospective girlfriend might be to sit with her on a bench inside a mall – and just see what happens.  If she starts critiquing shoes and handbags, you might have a problem.  But if she instinctively begins mocking the passersby, she’s very likely a keeper.  Especially if her observations are creative and biting.

Anyway, I was on one of those horrible dates, and a woman told me a story that still makes me laugh.  She said she was asleep one night, and was awakened by a loud groaning noise.  Confused, she sat straight up in bed – just as a water pipe exploded in the wall beside her, sending her flying ass-over-tits across the bedroom.

I mean, how could a person not laugh at such a thing?  That shit’s hilarious, right?  Well, this one was offended by my reaction, and once again: next!

Toney worked for the same Big Ass Record Company I did, and seemed interesting.  She hung around with the hipsters, but didn’t really participate in the high-obnoxiousness.  I did some light detective work, and it appeared she wasn’t dating anyone.  So I asked her out.

And it was a bumpy start, but not because of a humor-gap, or anything like that.  No, we made a great team, almost from the beginning.  It had more to do with my ex, her ex, and all that confusing crapola.

But the point is, we kinda confirm (anectdotally), last night’s break room theory.  So, I’m going to end this brief update with a request for further information:  where did you meet your significant others?  Is work where it usually happens?

Help me out, won’t you?  I need the date-data.

And I’ll see ya tomorrow.

Now playing in the bunker.

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Comments

  1. greg t says

    September 11, 2008 at 9:44 am

    My now wife worked with my first wife. That count?? The now wife had a car accident and needed a ride to work. My then wife volunteered me for the job. We hit it off great but were both married. 25 years later I met her again and we have been together ever since.

    Reply
  2. Father Bob says

    September 11, 2008 at 9:45 am

    I have had many wives. And yes I met them at work…

    Reply
  3. jeff_in_niagara says

    September 11, 2008 at 11:00 am

    clintcurtis….I think the Element is great, had mine for 5 years now. 2 negatives- road noise is high, and there’s only 4 seats. I turn the stereo up loud, and took out 2 seats ’cause I don’t need ’em, so now I’m driving a 2 seater with plenty of room for dogs, tools, bikes, whatever. Great visibility, lots of headroom, top speed’s not extreme, but I don’t care, it’ll go fast enough to get a ticket. The gas milage is pretty good, in the 4 cylinder 5 speed, FWD version that I drive, and I can chirp the tires through third gear.

    Shiny Rod… dorm on wheels? WTF?

    Whatever, the looks don’t have to appeal to everybody, I like it. And I like Neil Young still, too.

    Reply
  4. Jason says

    September 11, 2008 at 11:30 am

    Speaking of husbands and wives and whatnot, my wife went on a trip two days ago. I managed to lose my bank card so I can’t buy fast food and pizza. I found some hotdogs last night but there wasn’t any bread or buns. But I did have taco shells. Putting a couple of hotdogs in a taco shell sounds like a good idea when you’re starving. Yes, it was as terrible as it sounds.

    Right now I’m eating dry beans straight out of the bag. At least I have running water, so I shouldn’t have to resort to drinking my own urine.

    Reply
  5. jim britton says

    September 11, 2008 at 11:48 am

    I miss the eggplant!

    You know, the front page of old site had an eggplant plopped down in the left hand column.

    More eggplant, please!

    Reply
  6. jim britton says

    September 11, 2008 at 11:51 am

    By the way, in the view of TheWVSRcam ™,
    why is Captain Kirk wearing a ballerina outfit?

    Did I miss something?

    Reply
  7. JCIII says

    September 11, 2008 at 11:53 am

    Also missing, besides the eggplant, is Jeff’s Twitter link…………

    Reply
  8. Jason says

    September 11, 2008 at 11:53 am

    Jim,
    Why is Captain Kirk holding a ham or a monkey head or a misshapen coconut? That’s what makes it weird.

    Reply
  9. Jason says

    September 11, 2008 at 12:04 pm

    Twitter link is at the very bottom of the page, on the right.

    Reply
  10. JCIII says

    September 11, 2008 at 12:42 pm

    Hey!! There it is!! Thanky, Jason!!!

    Reply
  11. bluskink says

    September 11, 2008 at 12:57 pm

    It’s so interesting how people ALWAYS Love to talk about how they first met.. look at all your comments! I met my husband at a bar.. we were both totally drunk.. and we’ve been drunk and blissful ever since

    Reply
  12. melmar says

    September 11, 2008 at 1:02 pm

    I met my honey at Limey’s, our local watering hole, and we are now expecting our ‘Secret’ numero Uno from another night at Limey’s. I’m seeing a trend;)

    Reply
  13. Poo says

    September 11, 2008 at 1:04 pm

    I’m still single……all the girls think I’m a turd. 🙁

    Reply
  14. JCIII says

    September 11, 2008 at 1:26 pm

    Jason ~~~

    I was never a huge Star Trek fan, but I believe Capt. Kirk is holding a Tribble in his hand…..

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lZvmxmVVdk8

    Reply
  15. Shiny Rod says

    September 11, 2008 at 1:40 pm

    @JCIII and Jason – That’s not a Tribble, that’s a Klinglon’s balls, if you ever noticed, they vibrate and make a lot of noise whenever a Klingon is near.

    Reply
  16. Shiny Rod says

    September 11, 2008 at 1:52 pm

    @jeff_in_niagara – a friend of mine has one and he can haul just about anything or anyone in it. That things the swiss army knife of minivans. That thing has more seat configuration than Donald Trump’s boardroom.

    Reply
  17. Jason says

    September 11, 2008 at 1:59 pm

    I know I’m probably alone on this, but ever morning when I wake up I pray, “Dear Lord, please let this be the day that you destroy mankind. And if not, please let this be the day that Shatner dies. Your will be done. Amen.”

    Reply
  18. Oral Roberts says

    September 11, 2008 at 2:06 pm

    I pray for an update.
    And maybe one of those Klingon balls.

    Reply
  19. Son of Sam says

    September 11, 2008 at 2:34 pm

    Jeff..Jeff? you around here??

    Reply
  20. father Bob says

    September 11, 2008 at 2:58 pm

    Is it my imagination or is Captain Kirk sporting a little wood?? Oral you must have noticed??

    Reply
  21. Hector says

    September 11, 2008 at 3:53 pm

    Where the hell’s the secret email?

    Reply
  22. Cartoon says

    September 11, 2008 at 3:54 pm

    Where are the reporters who question J.K.’s health when he is MIA…I’ll pray for them.

    Reply
  23. JCIII says

    September 11, 2008 at 3:59 pm

    Now I’ve done it…… I’m Twittering

    Reply
  24. Jorge says

    September 11, 2008 at 4:21 pm

    My theory is that one of two things are happening at the compound.

    1- The new laptop is broken or the internet connection is once again a problem. If this is the case hopefully theCitizen X signal is lit and help is on the way.

    2- The surprise visitors who inspired the promised secret update have returned, again unexpectedly, and are barring access to the bunker with their presence.

    Personally I hope it’s the second one.

    Reply
  25. Oral Roberts says

    September 11, 2008 at 4:22 pm

    Speaking of Twittering, what lies on the bottom of the ocean and twitches?

    A nervous wreck!

    Reply
  26. Oral Roberts says

    September 11, 2008 at 4:26 pm

    A horse walks into a bar.
    Bartender: Why the long face?
    Horse: Bone cancer.

    Reply
  27. Oral Roberts says

    September 11, 2008 at 4:31 pm

    Speaking of horses, what does a gay horse eat?

    Heyyyyyyyyy.

    Reply
  28. Oral Roberts says

    September 11, 2008 at 4:32 pm

    What goes clop, clop, clop, bang, clop clop.

    An Amish drive by.

    Reply
  29. JCIII says

    September 11, 2008 at 4:47 pm

    Q: How do you catch a unique rabbit?
    A: Unique up on it.

    Q: How do you catch a tame rabbit?
    A: Tame way, unique up on it.

    Reply
  30. lakrfool says

    September 11, 2008 at 5:38 pm

    -I went to a wedding for a sattelite dish and a TV antenna. The ceremony was boring, but the reception was great.

    -Two peanuts were walking down a dark alley & one of them was assaulted.

    -Two neutrons walk into a bar & ask how much the drinks cost. The bartender said there would be no charge for either of them.

    Reply
  31. Shiny Rod says

    September 11, 2008 at 5:40 pm

    Jeff, POLEEZ treat us with an update so we don’t have to endure any more bad jokes.

    Reply
  32. lakrfool says

    September 11, 2008 at 5:44 pm

    Especially for Dr. Jeff Kay:


    The Clash: how it all began
    In the first of two extracts from an explosive new book, the original rebel rockers tell the story of their beginnings in their own words

    Reply
  33. lakrfool says

    September 11, 2008 at 5:59 pm

    Everyone in Texas is in fear of the wrath of Ike like their name was Teena.

    Reply
  34. Jason says

    September 11, 2008 at 6:08 pm

    A guy walks into his house with a duck under his arm. Seeing his wife on the couch he says, “This is the pig I’ve been having sex with.” She says, “That’s not a pig, it’s a duck.” He says, “I wasn’t talking to you.”
    ~~~~~~~~
    Here’s the worst joke ever told:

    Knock Knock
    Who’s There?
    September 11th.
    September 11th who?
    You said you’d never forget.
    ~~~~~~~~~~~
    What’s blonde then brunette, blonde then brunette, blonde then brunette……?
    A blonde doing cartwheels.
    ~~~~~~~~~~
    What does an old woman have between her breasts that a young woman doesn’t?
    A navel.
    ~~~~~~~~~~~
    What do you call a guy who never farts in public?
    A private tutor.

    Reply
  35. lakrfool says

    September 11, 2008 at 6:20 pm

    For your enjoyment:

    Hurra Torpedo

    Reply
  36. Jason says

    September 12, 2008 at 12:51 am

    Lark-fool,
    That was the shit. Playing on appliances? Those boys are good. Thank you.
    Jason

    Reply
  37. Sponge says

    September 12, 2008 at 7:51 pm

    We met at school, first day of class.

    Reply
  38. Jason says

    September 12, 2008 at 8:32 pm

    Laker-fool,
    Where you at? You hire a Mexican girl to clip your toenails? I hope not. You’re close enough to the border. It’s only $4 US for a group of them down there. The last one I got had blonde hair and blue eyes. Wait. I get mixed up. Whatever.

    Reply
  39. Debra says

    September 12, 2008 at 8:41 pm

    loved that hurra torpedo clip! Thanks!

    Reply
  40. Tim says

    September 13, 2008 at 9:48 am

    I would not want to go back and revisit my childhood years, because they pretty much ate it from the ass in. I don’t think I would want to go back to my hometime either, I might find out things about my relatives that I would rather not know. Sometimes I think it would be cool to have a drink with my grandfather in a pool hall. But he would probably get drunk and beat my ass. I guess time travel is something that I will have to pass on.

    Reply
  41. Beechbaby says

    September 15, 2008 at 6:43 pm

    Met my husband on the net as well. We’ve been together for over 9 years now.
    PS-Love the website. Found you through StumbleUpon!

    Reply
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