Hello Surf Reporters!
I need your help with something: a questionable new project I’m starting today. Or re-starting, to be more precise, since I made a stab at it once before and didn’t follow-through… Go figure.
Anyway, over the next couple of months, or so, I’d like for us to come up with names for a whole bunch o’ fictional blues singers, based on items and activities associated with each room of an average house.
For instance, the kitchen. That’s where we’ll start today. Then, at some random point in the future (possibly a day when I’m pressed for time – ahem) I’ll ask for another room. And eventually we’ll have a whole houseful of fake blues singers! Pretty cool, huh?
When we’re finished, I’d like to have a page showing the architectural plans for a house, with a link in each room leading to the corresponding list of Surf Reporter suggestions. See where I’m going with this? I think it could be great.
And when we’re done with blues singers, maybe we can do baseball players in the workplace, or something? But let’s not get ahead of ourselves… Today we’re dealing with blues singers in the kitchen. Just blues singers… and just the kitchen. OK?
I’ve listed a few of my own suggestions below, and you talented folks can take it from there.
- Walter “Salad Spinner” Jones
- John “Big Whisk” Anderson
- The Slotted Spoon
- James “Bisquik” Jefferson
- Little Bundt Pan Willie
- Larry “Egg Cups” Watson
- Easy Cheese McGee
- Hydrox Joe Hunter
- Lucille “Melon Balls” Wheatstraw
- Dishrag Sam
- Bastin’ Thomas
- Poultry Seasoning Taylor
- Al “Cutting Board” Perkins
- Wanda “Toaster Strudel” Musselwhite
Thanks, as always, for your participation and ridiculousness. I’ll be back tomorrow with a real update.
See ya then!
More singers: Blues Singers in the Garage!
Further Evidence is new home screen on my computer
Lorena “Slice and Dice” Bobbit.
In honor of one of the great ones we lost this year…
Teddy “Turkey Leg” Pendergrass
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rV9VuPkIIv4
RIP
Hey bikerchick,
You are right, it’s brilliant. Bowels of the Titanic had me in tears. I have the mind of a 5 year old and will not tire of this for at least 6 months,
Elron Cupboard
Sunny “Side Up” Jones
Oh I like this game!!!
Floyd “Baked Beans” Benson
Maurice “Dirty Dishes” Doushay
Flo “Spaghetti Fork” Fulton
Sam “Chopped Suey” Sawyer
Pappa “Jiffy Pop” Jackson
Lemon-Squeezer Perkins
Formica Top
Nat King Cole Slaw
Gus “Gravy Ladle” Greenbaum
“Hot Pad” Houlihan
James “The Fridge” Franko
Willie “Cutting Board” Milligan
Colin “Lasagna” Williams
Benjamin “Brandy Snifter” Love
Earl “Egg Sandwhich” McCoy
Gary “Busch Light” Randolf
Old Bay Ray
Etta “George” Foreman
Eddie “The Cupboard” Jenkins
“Old Bay Ray” is a good one.
And I’ve notice a large Jenkins contingent in this blues community.
Jimmy “Mayo” Nayse
Old Lazy Susan
Billy “Graham Cracker” Jones.
James “Broilin'” Buckwell
Red “57 Times” Heinz
Willie “Turkey Baster” Johnson
Charlie “Hot Plate” McLane
Mickey “Buttfucking” Mouse (helluva bass player)
Tommy “Two-Balls” Trumbone
Billy “The Cheese Maker” Washington
Tennessee “Farty” McAppleass (great harmonica man)
Toby “The clitlicker” Thomas (nobody better on trombone)
Rusty “The Fag” Roustabout (great backup man)
Larry “The Long Cock” Scaryman (not a black guy, he just does triangle and rubs the stick on that ribbed thing from time to time- his mother gave him his nickname).
Barry “Bigfoot” Gordon
Oh. It was post to be kitchen shit. Guess I missed that.
Ron “The Food Drier” Popiel
Jason…exactly what kind of fucking kitchen do you have?
Ok then…how about?…Delbert “Cheese Fucker” McClinton.
Blind Lemon Jell-o
T. Bird Pickens
Bones Malone (real-life musician, but a good name anyway)
“Junior” Mintz
“Cheese” Chambers
Off topic extra, Phil McCracken
All for now.
.
Jake “Milk gone bad” Harlow
Bob “Moldy buns” Burnside
Venus “Fly Trap” Williams
Magda “Marinara Sauce” MCKellen
Peter “Parmisan” Parker
Roger “Reggiano” Romano
Lol…Farty…after reading your list then reading dto’s response, I literally laughed out loud. Thanks 😉
“Beater” Jones and the Frigidairs
By the way, the picture looks like something out of an Alvin Schwartz book…http://www.scribd.com/doc/3027880/Alvin-Schwartz-Scary-Stories-to-Tell-in-the-Dark
Aleck “Rice” Miller
Sonny “Chef Boy Ardee” Williamson
Same Guy!
“Big Sausage” Dixon
Fanny “flour bucket” Forker
Huddie “Hotcakes” Ledbetter
I was curious… 182 names so far.
Funniest line from comic Bill Burr on Letterman tonight:: his last line. “Havin’ a pitt bull is like havin’ a gun you can pet.” The guy was great.
Parkersburg Homecoming this wekend: Bor-ring. Don’t go there. Point is closed for remodelling. It will take two years. Go somewhere else. Don’t waste your time.
Billy’ The Blender’ Robertson
George ‘Big Grill’ Foreman
Betty ‘Corkscrew’ von Furstenberg
OK, I rustled up a few. Lots of music comin’ out da kitchen.
Zester Rosetta Tharp
Sneezy “Pepper Mill” Vinson
Joe “Jello” Morello
“Magic” Brownie McGhee
Gene “Chalupa” Krupa
Magic Slim Skimmer
Bessie “Nutcracker” Smith
Big Joe “Pancake” Turner
.
jtb
“Bacon Bits” Benny Barnes
“Garbage Can” Sam Bellamy
Ron “Ham Bone” McCallister
“Pie Pan” Sam Sloan
Stewie “Crock Pot” Rivers
Johnny “Green Giant” Jordan
Speedy “Jif” Jones
Boudreaux “Bacon Salt” McGhee
“Mrs. Butterworth” Baldwin
@greg
you mean you don’t like standing around in 90 degree heat watching fat hoopies eat pizza?
“Egg Crackin'” Jones
a few more…
Tony “Frosted Flakes” Foster
Tiny “Tang” Thompson
Jimmy “Meatloaf” Michaels
Sammy the “Spam” Man
I’m going to see Sir Paul McCartney open th new arena in Pitt. toinght. I’m excited never saw him before.
@chill – to go with Phil McKracken:
Holden Mahgroyn
OK, this is so yesterday and I try to be last week or better, but Betty/Veronica, did you claim yesterday that you could differentiate between the tastes of seminal fluid and spermatozoa? I believe you did.
Those are some champion taste buds. Were I several decades younger, I think this would call for a double-blind test to confirm the claim. Or at least some blindfolds and mayonaise.
I know I usually demonstrate better taste than this, but I was so astounded by this claim when I reread yesterday’s Physical Letters that I had to go blue.
yours true bluely,
jtb
OK…gotta stop because I’m having WAY too much fun with this:
“Martha White” Stewart
Leticia “Tater Mitts” Munroe
Bubba “Gravy Boat” Boggins
Muddy “Chunky Soup” Sanders
@Son of Sam – He puts on an awesome show. You will not be dissapointed.
Bart “teaspoon” Squarepants
Fats “junk drawer” Feldman
Bugsy “I can’t believe it’s not butter” Mansfield
@ Chuck: It’s those damned funnelcakes! You’re right. For some reason Homecoming brings ’em out of the woodwork. I don’t think anybody from Wood County actually attends, but you’ll find all of Wirt County there. I haven’t gone for years. Watching the highlights (??) on TV is as close I want to get. At least, it’s close to the jail.
SOS: I work just a few blocks away from the new arena. Dealt with the construction traffic since it started. Getting the hell outta Dodge before the crowds come rolling in! Have a great time!
Thanks bikerchick and Brittney.
I think the Souper Bowl Bar for a couple before the show is required.
I’m jealous! Have an awesome time! The moment he walked out on stage it occured to me that I was watching Paul McCartney, who was one of the Beatles, who I’d adored since I was a kid. I shed a tear that night.
By the way, if you’re a McCartney/Beatles fan…I’d highly suggest the Beatles Cirque Du Soleil, its on DVD, and it’s def. worth watching. I didn’t want it to end.