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Bad News, Book News, and Things We’ve Never Eaten

August 7, 2011 By Jeff 134 Comments

The Big Ass Television has stopped working, just like every other expensive thing we own.  It’s between four and five years old — purchased shortly before Warner Bros. shit me out like yesterday’s Salisbury steak.  And now it won’t turn on.  There’s just a flashing blue light on the front, and the JVC website tells me it could be me one of several things.

I don’t know… I’m to the point where it doesn’t even upset me much anymore.  We’re just going to have someone come look at it, and proceed from there.  What else can we do?  From what I’m reading in various forums, though, it doesn’t sound good.  I’m braced for bad news.

So, right now we only have one TV and the boys are acting like they’re incarcerated at Sing Sing prison.  Oh, the troubles they have known…

This summer has been ridiculous.  Toney doesn’t work in August, and last year we weren’t ready for it.  We’re in much better shape this time ’round, but we’re continuously required to fling handfuls of cash into an open sewer trench.  We prepared for August like semi-responsible adults, and the gods of cruel comedy are conspiring against us.

Oh well.  We’ll make it through.  Who gives a crap?  In six months I’ll barely remember any of this.  Screw it.

On Saturday I posted something new at CrossroadsRoad, and believe it’s not too bad.  You can read it here.

Also, I added a new page where you guys can post your favorite line or scene from the novel.  If one particular moment sticks out in your mind, please share it with the rest of us.  And if you haven’t read the book yet, what are you waiting for?  Good god.

A little reminder:  if you read something here, or at the other site, which you think is pretty good, I’d be most appreciative if you could tell others about it via Twitter or Facebook, or a post at your blog.  Thank you guys for your continued support!

Oh, and here’s a new local article about the book!  I nearly forgot.

Last night at work I listened to an episode of Mike and Tom Eat Snacks, a weekly podcast starring Michael Ian Black and Tom Cavanagh.  It’s a really funny show, and I usually end up embarrassing myself by walking around the workplace with a big ol’ ‘retard in a pie shop’ smile on my face, while listening to it.

Anyway, they were talking about Toblerone.  And I’ve never tasted it, and know next to nothing about it.  I’ve seen the triangular boxes in stores, but have never eaten it, or been in the presence of someone else who was eating it.  I don’t even know what the candy itself looks like.

Is that weird?  What are your thoughts on Toblerone?  Am I missing anything?  Should I seek it out?

Also, I’d like to know what common or semi-common foods you’ve never eaten.  I’m all the time encountering people who tell me they’ve never eaten a tomato, or something like that.  Do you have anything on this subject?  Please use the comments link below.

And for the record:  I’ve also never tasted Lucky Charms.  I’ve always been suspicious of those dusty little pencil erasers, and have steered clear all my life.

I’ll see you guys again tomorrow.

Have a great day!

Now playing in the bunker
Jeff’s first novel, Crossroads Road, is available now at Amazon, the Kindle Store, and NOOKBooks.

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Comments

  1. eric says

    August 7, 2011 at 1:59 pm

    The chocolate bar is very good

    Reply
  2. TR says

    August 7, 2011 at 2:28 pm

    omg lucky charms are awesome!!

    Reply
  3. Tammie says

    August 7, 2011 at 2:56 pm

    Lucky Charms are awesome, unless you live with several retards who pick all the marshmallows out. I’ve had a full blown fit on more than one occasion because the marshmallows are missing.

    I eat everything. Can’t say I’ve ever eaten a Toblerone bar though. Why is it shaped into a triangle? Is it actually shaped like a triangle or is it just the box that’s shaped like a triangle? Anyone have an angle on this?

    Reply
    • Limey says

      August 7, 2011 at 7:02 pm

      Nice word play. I have three angles…

      A Toblerone is Swiss (or Austrian maybe, I forget) and it’s triangular to mimic a mountain, something the Swiss (or Austrians, maybe) have a lot of.

      Okay, that’s one angle. So there’s an acute shortage of angles.

      Reply
      • Alex says

        August 8, 2011 at 5:34 pm

        It is basically a stack of triangles on a chocolate base.
        google images toblerone, the first image (as of this writing) shows a partially unwrapped one.

        Reply
  4. Malcolm says

    August 7, 2011 at 3:26 pm

    Toblerone is awesome – good chonklit with nuts & gooey stuff that sticks to your teefers for a few minutes after the chonklit is gone.

    Lucky Charms are okay – we buy “Magic Stars”, the local grocery chain’s knockoff. One third the price and our runts don’t know the difference, at least not yet.

    Still chuckling at “like a retard in a pie shop” – classic.

    Reply
    • Root 66 says

      August 8, 2011 at 9:16 am

      Yes, “retard in a pie shop” almost had coffee coming out the nose!

      Reply
  5. m says

    August 7, 2011 at 3:45 pm

    I’ve never eaten a fried egg or a poached egg. I’ve never had lobster. I’ve also never had chitlins or headcheese. Does that count as common?

    Reply
    • SaucyDeb says

      August 7, 2011 at 4:02 pm

      Never had a fried egg? Are you anti-egg in general?? Eggs are delicious!! You’d only have to smell chitlings cooking one time to determine that you’d probably not want to eat them.. And headcheese is an acquired taste..

      Lobster is the most delicious thing ever and I highly suggest you save your pennies and get yourself to some immediately!!!! But don’t to Red Lobster. That’s no way to try lobster for the first time. Go to a real restaurant.

      Reply
      • TR says

        August 7, 2011 at 9:27 pm

        yeah i never ate any other kind of egg other than scrambled and hard boiled.

        Reply
      • m says

        August 8, 2011 at 9:24 am

        I’m pretty anti-egg. I do eat them hard scrambled and as omelets but that’s about it. Lobsters look like bugs. I’m absolutely anti-organs of any sort.

        Reply
    • Chuck in Belpre says

      August 8, 2011 at 9:48 am

      Scrambled eggs and a couple slices of crispy bacon wrapped in a warm tortilla. MMMMMMMMMMMM. And you can eat it while driving without making a mess. Good for mornings on the go.

      Reply
    • Root 66 says

      August 8, 2011 at 10:51 am

      OK…am I the only person who thinks that ‘headcheese’ should be called something else?!? I mean really, it sounds like some kind of ‘condition!’

      Reply
      • Jason says

        August 8, 2011 at 11:04 am

        My kids eat hard boiled eggs all the time, like it’s the most natural thing on Earth. It’s weird, right? I think it has something to do with my wife being German. I think they eat a fuckton of boiled eggs.

        Reply
      • madz1962 says

        August 8, 2011 at 4:16 pm

        Have you ever seen headcheese? It looks like bloody assholes and eyeballs enrobed in snot. Given a choice, I’d eat a cadaver over this.

        Reply
        • Alex says

          August 8, 2011 at 5:43 pm

          So you are saying it should be called Cadaver Cheese instead? (not that it wouldn’t be accurate) Lip’s ‘n assholes is probably a better description for headcheese than for hot dogs.

          Reply
  6. SaucyDeb says

    August 7, 2011 at 3:57 pm

    I LOVE Lucky Charms. I don’t get them very often anymore though. When the munchkins where younger, they loved them but they’ve moved onto non-marshmallowy cereals now so I’d buy Lucky Charms for the kiddos and I’d get to eat them. Now, if I buy them, they know I’m just getting them for me and I feel like douche. They crunchy little marshmallows are yummy!

    I’ve never had, or even been intrigued by, Toblerone. Perhaps they need to employ a better advertising team. God knows I’m forced to buy whatever I see on TV.

    Reply
  7. SaucyDeb says

    August 7, 2011 at 3:59 pm

    Holy crap, sorry about that gigantic run on sentence! Went back to edit and, apparently, didn’t finish before submitting. I apologize. Yikes.

    Reply
  8. Limey says

    August 7, 2011 at 4:04 pm

    Toblerone? One word – angular. If you’re chewing a lump in a fatfuck hurry it can mash up the inside of your mouth pretty good. I speak from experience.

    I think it’s mandatory to pick up a giant 5Kg Toblerone if you pass through a European airport around Christmastime. You need to cut those with a cook’s knife though 🙂

    Reply
    • madz1962 says

      August 8, 2011 at 9:58 am

      “…in a fatfuck hurry…” LMAO!

      Reply
    • bikerchick says

      August 8, 2011 at 11:04 am

      “…in a fatfuck hurry…” I’m adding that to my vocabulary immediately! LMFAO!!

      Reply
  9. Peyton Place says

    August 7, 2011 at 4:37 pm

    Are you still offering autographed copies of your book? If so, I’d like to buy one.

    Reply
    • Jeff says

      August 8, 2011 at 11:16 am

      I’ll add an order button to the next update. A few people have asked, so I’ll open it up for three or four days. Thanks!

      Reply
      • Becki says

        August 8, 2011 at 7:12 pm

        Please do!! I have been lookin for the easy way to buy a copy since I dont do ebooks . .

        Reply
  10. westersteve says

    August 7, 2011 at 5:03 pm

    I don’t like the “crunchy” marshmallows in Lucky Charms they are like eating sweet dense styrofoam.

    Reply
    • TR says

      August 7, 2011 at 9:25 pm

      thats what makes them great, i think u either love them or hate them.

      Reply
  11. Chuck in Belpre says

    August 7, 2011 at 7:45 pm

    I’ve never eaten beets or sauerkraut.

    Reply
    • Greg says

      August 7, 2011 at 8:38 pm

      My folks forced them on me. Based on where we are, I’m surprised you were not exposed to them.

      Reply
      • Chuck in Belpre says

        August 7, 2011 at 8:54 pm

        Oh, they tried. Neither of these smell or look like food. I won’t get close to them if I can avoid it.

        Reply
  12. WB in OH says

    August 7, 2011 at 7:46 pm

    I’ve never had unicorn tenderloin, I hear it’s pretty good.

    Reply
    • Root 66 says

      August 8, 2011 at 9:59 am

      It’s a little gamey unless you sprinkle some pixie dust on it!

      Reply
    • hot fuzz says

      August 9, 2011 at 12:17 pm

      They keep a Unicorn at the Toronto Zoo but it’s old and fat and lost all its hair….I think they call it a rhino or something like that

      Reply
      • doctorright says

        August 9, 2011 at 12:52 pm

        Damn. I think I might be a rhino.

        Just kidding.
        I’m not that old.

        Reply
  13. Stephanie says

    August 7, 2011 at 8:12 pm

    Lucky Charms are awesome! Those sweet colorful shapes are called “marbits” by the General Mills folks…yum! I have never eaten a fried egg, either. It doesn’t look “done”. All that yellow gooey yolk…just wrong.

    Reply
  14. Jason says

    August 7, 2011 at 9:58 pm

    Never had oysters. I don’t eat guts (liver, kidney, gizzards, etc) so I haven’t had any of that. I’ve never had a zero bar. I’ve had Oreos but I think the cookie part taste like shit. I prefer crab over lobster. Lobster has a sweetness that I find off-putting.

    Inside a Toblerone box you’ll find a triangular bar of chocalate, divided about every half inch so that you end up with triangles. It has honey and nuts in it and it isn’t bad. Much better than Oreos (spit).

    Reply
    • Chuck in Belpre says

      August 7, 2011 at 10:25 pm

      Try a Zero…pretty good really.

      Reply
    • m says

      August 8, 2011 at 9:26 am

      I’m not fond of Oreos either. Are they supposed to be chocolate, cause they sure don’t taste like chocolate.

      Reply
    • Phil Jett says

      August 8, 2011 at 10:40 am

      Love the Zero bar.

      Reply
      • Jason says

        August 8, 2011 at 12:45 pm

        Oreos taste like coffee grounds.

        Reply
  15. dto says

    August 7, 2011 at 10:24 pm

    I’ve never eaten anything bigger my head.
    …B. Kliban’s rule of proportions.

    Reply
  16. Knucklehead says

    August 8, 2011 at 1:17 am

    Dark Chocolate Toblerone are even better if you can find ’em.

    I’ve never eaten a pinecone – but I hear many parts are edible.

    Happy Monday, Surfers!

    Reply
    • Bill in WV says

      August 8, 2011 at 12:48 pm

      Jeff has sampled pinecone. I believe Nancy cooks up a mean “cone”.

      Reply
  17. johnthebasket says

    August 8, 2011 at 5:17 am

    I’ve at least tried most everything. Liver and Brussels sprouts and tofu are horrible, but I’ve tasted all three. Had I not, all that stuff would just be green eggs and ham, eh?

    I’ve not tried head cheese. I would need to receive a gift from John Beresford Tipton to be persuaded to do so.

    jtb

    Reply
  18. johnthebasket says

    August 8, 2011 at 5:24 am

    Jeff…

    I’ve lived with one TV for a long time. Most recently, it’s been a 40″ flat screen, but for years before it was a square Trinitron. If there’s a chance the boys might pick up a book or actually talk with you and Toney more without a second set, why not give it a try and save yourself 500 bucks in the bargain.

    Just a thought.

    jtb

    Reply
    • Limey says

      August 8, 2011 at 7:50 am

      $500 for a BAT? You know they make them in color these days, right? 🙂

      Reply
      • johnthebasket says

        August 8, 2011 at 9:37 pm

        Color? Cool. Now I can watch Bonanza in all its glory.

        jtb

        Reply
  19. johnthebasket says

    August 8, 2011 at 5:35 am

    Deb…

    Just curious. Are you saying that if Toblerone spent beaucoup bucks on an advertising campaign and you heard, saw or read a commercial that impressed you, you would consider the product to be of high enough quality for you to sample?

    I guess we’re all citizens or consumers, but you introduce a scary line of reasoning.

    I know your last line was sardonic, but the chain of thought that led there was one that I never would have thought of.

    jtb

    Reply
  20. mudpup says

    August 8, 2011 at 7:21 am

    Cant stand Lucky Cahrms, its the marshmallow things that squeak on you teef.

    Reply
  21. AngryWhiteGuy says

    August 8, 2011 at 7:34 am

    Have never eaten raisins, dates or anything else with that shape and texture, unless they are buried in chocolate. Have never eaten cranberries. Have never eaten anything that processes body functions like liver, etc. No snow peas, what the fuck is that ziploc bag around them made of? No brussel sprouts, no alfalfa sprouts. If they are both sprouts, why do they look so different? Eggs are awesome prepared any way, but only if they are chicken eggs. Tried duck and quail eggs and couldn’t get the duck and quali fetus pictures out of my brain.

    I’ve never had “sweet tea”.

    Have never bought a Toblerone, but have had pieces given to me by a woman at work. It’s OK, but it’s not a Chunky. Where did the Marathon bars go?

    Tried most all cereals. However, I have to eat about a half box before I am really satisfied and full. Target now has Quisp. Remember Quisp? It disappeared in the late 80s and resurfaced online in the late nineties for one to order. Now its in Target for a limited time. Bought three to send in the UPCs and get my Quisp bobblehead. Yeah, I know it’s a Cap’n Crunch knockoff shaped like flying saucers, but they planned it that way. Both made by Quaker. Remember Quisp’s rival, Quake? the country had to choose one and Quisp dominated.

    Reply
    • Root 66 says

      August 8, 2011 at 8:58 am

      Ahhh…Quisp! That was one of my favorites as an urchin. I’m off to Target right now!

      Reply
    • m says

      August 8, 2011 at 9:30 am

      OMG, you’ve never tried sweet tea? Nectar of the gods, I tell you, nectar of the gods. I get dirty looks around this house if there is not a pitcher in the fridge at all times.

      Reply
  22. Root 66 says

    August 8, 2011 at 9:13 am

    Toblerone’s are like heaven in your mouth! They are absolutely delicious. The first time I had one was in high school because we were selling them in French class. We thought they were wildly European (cut me some slack, I’m from Ohio for cryin’ out loud!)
    My kids still usually buy me one of the big bars for Christmas.

    Never had a lobster. Had shrimp ONE time and I wound up looking like the Michelin Man! I guess I’m allergic.
    I generally have an aversion to most seafood, though. I pretty much limit myself to batter-dipped and fried fish filets, which probably aren’t even fish at all!

    Reply
  23. Hal F. Wit says

    August 8, 2011 at 9:57 am

    I have never eaten Peanut Butter. I’m sure I would probably like it, but I don’t eat it simply to say that I’ve never eaten it.

    Reply
  24. madz1962 says

    August 8, 2011 at 10:20 am

    Never had deviled eggs. Asa kid, I was forced to eat an egg salad sandwich by a nun in grammar school. To this day, the thought of an egg and mayo mixture gets me wretching. And what’s with the paprika sprinkle? Is it to make them look pretty or does it lend a new flavor?

    Never had a S’Mores, either. Just never came up. That I need to try.

    Reply
    • Root 66 says

      August 8, 2011 at 10:37 am

      S’mores are da bomb–but only if the marshmallow is sufficiently burnt. Nuking the marshmallows in the microwave doesn’t count. That’s not a real s’more…they have to be made over an open fire to be truly enjoyed!

      Reply
      • madz1962 says

        August 8, 2011 at 10:41 am

        When I was a kid, I took a marhsmallow, jammed it on a fork and heated it on the gas flame of our stove. Ever put a fork tine in your mouth after it’s been held over an open flame? Holy fuckballs. I got lip, tongue and roof of the mouth scorched. (but the blackened marshmallow was well worth it!)

        Reply
        • bikerchick says

          August 8, 2011 at 11:11 am

          Christ!! Talk about giving yourself a “hair-lip”!!! LMAO!! (I’m crackin’ myself up over here)

          Reply
    • tracy in ohio says

      August 8, 2011 at 11:10 am

      Deviled eggs are awesome but egg salad makes me want to hurl.
      Paprika is for looks in my house. But I buy the stuff from the dollar store because it is the only time I use it.

      Reply
    • Root 66 says

      August 8, 2011 at 11:35 am

      I like deviled eggs, but only the ones that I make, because some folks put some mighty strange things in them (pickle juice, olives, onions–Yeccch!) Just give me some with Miracle Whip, mustard and paprika, thankyouverymuch!

      And yes, the paprika is pretty much a garnish because they look kinda anemic otherwise!

      Reply
      • Becki says

        August 8, 2011 at 7:14 pm

        MIRACLE WHIP??????????????? IN A DEVILLED EGG????????? WHERE WERE YOU BORN? LOL

        Mayo, mustard, vinegar and paprika.

        No Miracle Whip! Blasphemy!

        Reply
        • Chuck in Belpre says

          August 8, 2011 at 7:46 pm

          Vinegar? Where were YOU born? 🙂 What is it with people putting vinegar in everything? Bitter, cringe inducing juice! Bleeeech.

          Reply
        • Greg says

          August 8, 2011 at 8:01 pm

          If you check the ingredients of Miracle Whip, you’ll discover that it’s basically mayo with vinegar used as a flavoring. If I want to taste vinegar in anything, I’d rather be able to control it myself. Therefore, mayo is always the way to go. That way, you can control the vinegar.

          Reply
          • Greg says

            August 8, 2011 at 8:19 pm

            And the easiest recipe for deviled eggs is yolks and Marzetti Slaw Dressing. It seasons perfectly, and makes great deviled eggs. No work, whatsoever.

            Reply
            • WB in OH says

              August 8, 2011 at 11:45 pm

              Easiest recipe for deviled eggs …top hard boiled egg halves with heaping tablespoon of Miracle Whip, snorkel …repeat as needed. I was born ina hospital.

              Reply
            • chill says

              August 8, 2011 at 11:45 pm

              As opposed to easiest, here is the best recipe for deviled eggs. These are awesomely good. Makes a dozen egg halves.

              7 large eggs (cold)
              3/4 teaspoon grainy mustard
              3 tablespoons mayonnaise
              1 1/2 teaspoons cider vinegar (or vinegar of your choice)
              1/4 teaspoon Worcestershire sauce
              Table salt and ground black pepper

              1. Place eggs in medium saucepan, cover with 1 inch of water, and bring to
              boil over high heat. Remove pan from heat, cover, and let stand 10
              minutes. Meanwhile, fill medium bowl with 1 quart cold water and about 14
              ice cubes (one tray). Transfer eggs to ice water with slotted spoon; let
              sit 5 minutes.

              2. Peel eggs and slice each in half lengthwise with paring knife. Remove
              yolks to small bowl. Arrange whites on serving platter, discarding two
              worst-looking halves. Mash yolks with fork until no large lumps remain.
              Add mustard, mayonnaise, vinegar, Worcestershire, and salt and pepper to
              taste; mix with rubber spatula, mashing mixture against side of bowl until
              smooth.

              3. Fit pastry bag with large open-star tip. Fill bag with yolk mixture,
              twisting top of pastry bag to help push mixture toward tip of bag. Pipe
              yolk mixture into egg white halves, mounding filling about 1/2 inch above
              flat surface of whites. Serve at room temperature.

              Reply
              • johnthebasket says

                August 9, 2011 at 5:45 am

                Chill…

                This seems like a fairly complex operation. Is it also effective in repairing TVs?

                jtb

                Reply
                • Becki says

                  August 9, 2011 at 9:00 am

                  LOL.

                  I think that was the MASTER CHEF recipe for devilled eggs ..

                  Miracle Whip is TOO SWEET.

                • chill says

                  August 9, 2011 at 6:23 pm

                  It actually makes your TV even more broken. But at least you end up with eggs to eat while you listen to the radio. The recipe is from Cooks Illustrated.
                  .

              • CADude says

                August 9, 2011 at 12:10 pm

                That’s the spot-on recipe, IMHO. TW also adds capers, which I can take or leave.

                Reply
  25. madz1962 says

    August 8, 2011 at 10:43 am

    Oh – I know there are a lot of “The Big Lebowski” fans on this site (including me) so it is with great pride that I tell you I am going to the Lebowski Fest in NYC next Tuesday ANDDDDDDDD the cast reunion! Jeff Bridges, John Goodman, Julianne Moore, Steve Buscemi and T Bone Burnett. Slap my ass and call me Maddy, I’m so excited!

    Reply
    • bikerchick says

      August 8, 2011 at 11:12 am

      Wow! Sounds like a BLAST!!

      mmmmmm…..Jeff Bridges……

      Reply
      • madz1962 says

        August 8, 2011 at 4:18 pm

        Oh yeah, baby! He keeps getting better and better looking.

        Reply
    • johnthebasket says

      August 8, 2011 at 11:13 am

      Very cool, Maddy. I’m a coast away from slapping your ass, but please give Jeff and John and Steve my love. Wonderful film.

      jtb

      Reply
  26. Phil Jett says

    August 8, 2011 at 10:46 am

    Never eaten a mushroom. Saw Clint Eastwood in “The Beguiled” as a kid and swore off mushrooms.

    I don’t eat moldy bread either so it kind of makes sense to me to stay away from all the fungus-spore foods.

    Reply
  27. T. Farty McAppleass says

    August 8, 2011 at 10:47 am

    I’m addicted to Ferrero Rocher candies. It’s all I think about. Where am I going to get my next Ferrero Rocher? I keep some hidden in my ass, just in case I get arrested. I don’t ever want to be without them.

    I got into an elevator at the courthouse this morning. Some little kid had pushed every single button on the elevator. He’s lucky I didn’t have a claw hammer. I would have put a hole in his tiny stupid little head.

    Reply
    • madz1962 says

      August 8, 2011 at 11:14 am

      Sounds like he was already an empty headed little prick.

      Reply
    • bikerchick says

      August 8, 2011 at 11:30 am

      You should have told the little fucker that as soon as the last button is pushed and they all light up, it deactivates the brakes. Hope you know when to jump.

      Reply
      • T. Farty McAppleass says

        August 8, 2011 at 12:30 pm

        I got my revenge. Filled the elevator with pepper spray before the doors shut when I left. Choke on it “Codi”! Choke on it!

        Reply
    • m says

      August 8, 2011 at 10:56 pm

      Our hospital gives Ferroro Rocher to new parents. I think I ate the whole box by myself (hey, I was the one that labored for 12 hours without an epidural and then had a c-section under general, he didn’t deserve any of them). They even tie them up with a pretty bow. I’m not sure they are worth labor, but they are pretty good.

      Reply
      • chill says

        August 8, 2011 at 11:41 pm

        General Anaesthetic… he’s a military hero of the nation. I like him, anyway.
        .

        Reply
        • johnthebasket says

          August 9, 2011 at 12:33 am

          And he outranks Private Room. Everybody talks about him, nobody sees him.

          jtb

          Reply
  28. Ognir says

    August 8, 2011 at 11:10 am

    I didn’t even know there was such a thing as T.V. repair anymore. I thought you just tossed it out, and bought a new one these days.

    Reply
    • Jeff says

      August 8, 2011 at 11:22 am

      The TV cost more than $2000 and isn’t very old. I need to know what’s going on with it, before I toss it to the curb. Somebody’s coming to look at it today. If it’s dead, it’s dead.

      Reply
      • bikerchick says

        August 8, 2011 at 11:26 am

        You know, Jeff, if your luck is anything like ours, you’ll toss the BAT to the curb for trash day. A dumpster diver will come along and take it, only to find out it was a fitty cent light bulb or knob or something equally ridiculous.

        Reply
        • Jeff says

          August 8, 2011 at 11:37 am

          That’s what I worry about. I want somebody to diagnose the problem before we proceed.

          Reply
          • Root 66 says

            August 8, 2011 at 11:59 am

            …the bunker will be featured on the next episode of “American Pickers!”

            Reply
      • Ognir says

        August 8, 2011 at 11:39 am

        I don’t know much about video games, but would that have wore it out sooner?

        I hope you can fix it for not much.

        I have a Vizo I got at Wal-Mart a few years ago.

        Reply
  29. bikerchick says

    August 8, 2011 at 11:23 am

    I thought that Toblerone’s were that hard-ass “nougat” candy you only see in Italian food-specialty stores. I don’t remember what it’s called…. But that stuff will not only pull the fillings out of your teef, your forehead will cave in trying to chew the shit.

    I can only eat eggs when ordered at a restaurant. Otherwise, eggs over easy, dippy eggs, whatever you call them, make me gag. However, I do love egg salad with tons o’Miracle Whip and have a kick ass deviled egg recipe from my mom.

    I have never eaten innards. Like, turkey gizzards that come in a frozen turkey for “giblet gravey” for Thanksgiving. Blecch.

    I love seafood, NOT fish though, but have never had prawns. Are they considered seafood?

    Reply
    • Melissa says

      August 8, 2011 at 12:02 pm

      Prawns are basically large shrimp. They look, taste, swim like shrimp, but are much bigger. A lot of places who advertise “shrimp” as fried, scampied, baked, etc. often use prawns because they are larger & in some areas they are the same cost as regular, smaller shrimp.

      Reply
    • Knucklehead says

      August 8, 2011 at 12:07 pm

      Bikerchick, that nougat stuff is called torrone. I have to send it to my mother on a regular basis.

      I don’t get it, though.

      Reply
      • bikerchick says

        August 8, 2011 at 12:12 pm

        Knucklehead: That’s it!! Thank you. I would have been thinking about that all day!! Yeah..I don’t get it either.

        Reply
  30. tracy in ohio says

    August 8, 2011 at 11:24 am

    I’ve never had a Toblerone. I’ve only seen them once or twice but never interested me.
    I can’t think of any regular food I’ve never had. I’ll pretty much try any food once and see if I like it. I recently tried a Big Mac for the first time a month or so ago. It was ok but I’m not a fan of their hamburgers anyways.

    Reply
  31. Melissa says

    August 8, 2011 at 11:59 am

    This probably won’t help and it involves a lot of steps save for calling in Leprechaun Assistance, but my folks once had a BAT JVC that also mysteriously stopped working. I remembered doing a Google search & we had it fixed fairly quickly, on our own. I believe these were the steps. I don’t know if any of these are your models, though, but it may not hurt to try them anyhow, since they are all JVC products:

    For Models: LT-32E479, LT-32EM49, LT-32P679, LT-42X579, LT-42SL89, LT-42EM59, LT-42P789, LT-46SL89, LT-47X579, LT-47EM59, LT-47P789, LT-52X579, LT-52P789 After the TV is powered ON, no video appears and the power LED at the lower left of the TV begins flashing:
    Restore the TV’s normal function by changing the operating mode. Please follow the procedure below.

    PROCEDURE

    1. Unplug the TV or remove AC power from the TV
    2. Count to ten, then plug in the TV
    3. Locate the [Menu], [Vol-] and [Power] button on the TV’s side panel
    4. Using the buttons on the TV’s Side Panel, press and hold both the [Menu] and [Vol-] buttons.
    5. While holding those buttons, press and release the [Power] button one time and count to 3 before releasing the [Menu] and [Vol-] buttons.
    6. The TV’s lower left Blue Power LED will come ON.
    7. Wait 30 seconds. Confirm that the blue LED on the Lower Left of the TV (not the iPod dock for iPod models) has remained ON during this time.
    a. The TV may have turned ON. If so,continue at step 12 b. If the Blue LED on the TV’s Lower Left corner remained ON, continue to step 8.
    8. After confirming that the Blue LED is ON, unplug the TV or remove the AC power from the TV.
    a. If the Blue LED on the TV’s Lower Left corner is flashing, restart the procedure from step 3
    9. Count to 10, then plug in the TV
    10. The TV power should automatically come ON but no picture will appear. Only the blue power LED will be ON
    11. Wait 40 seconds and the TV picture should appear
    12. When the TV picture appears, you may begin normal use of the TV. (procedure is complete)

    Reply
    • CADude says

      August 8, 2011 at 6:59 pm

      I just carefully read those instructions, and an old JVC TV that I have in the garage came on, as did the VCR that used to be connected to it.

      Go figure.

      Reply
      • johnthebasket says

        August 8, 2011 at 9:40 pm

        I read the instructions and an old toaster in the basement sprang to life. Those are serious instructions.

        jtb

        Reply
        • Greg says

          August 8, 2011 at 9:49 pm

          A Wollensak 7 inch, reel to reel tape recorder began playing Johnny Mathis tapes in my basement!

          Reply
          • johnthebasket says

            August 8, 2011 at 10:10 pm

            The radio in my trashed ’61 Cadillac started playing. It was Rock-a-Day Johnny singing

            “Tell yer ma
            Tell yer pa
            Our love’s a’gonna grow
            Oo-wa oo-wa.”

            Reply
            • Greg says

              August 8, 2011 at 10:17 pm

              You’re damned right, it did!

              Reply
      • Chuck in Belpre says

        August 8, 2011 at 11:05 pm

        I read those instructions and I am no longer blind in my right eye!!!

        Reply
        • Greg says

          August 8, 2011 at 11:22 pm

          I stopped calling the Cialis people.

          Reply
          • johnthebasket says

            August 9, 2011 at 12:28 am

            Could you get them back on the phone? It’s been about seven hours, and I didn’t take any pills. It’s those damn instructions.

            jtb

            Reply
            • johnthebasket says

              August 9, 2011 at 5:53 am

              Tonight I played a record from my Robert Johnson collection, and all the scratches and snaps were gone — just a couple small pops on Terraplane Blues.

              And I no longer have a burning sensation when I urinate.

              jtb

              Reply
  32. --Steve says

    August 8, 2011 at 12:06 pm

    Lucky Charms without the cereal! http://www.cerealmarshmallows.com/

    Reply
    • Becki says

      August 8, 2011 at 7:16 pm

      You just justified your existence. LOL

      GET ME AN ORDER FORM!!!

      Reply
  33. Tipsey McChugney says

    August 8, 2011 at 12:06 pm

    I’ve never had loofah. I was in a Chinese restaurant in NYC on Friday night, and they had about a dozen or so preparations that included loofah. I didn’t pull the trigger on that one. I was afraid that I really might not like loofah very much.

    Reply
  34. Tipsey McChugney says

    August 8, 2011 at 12:10 pm

    JK – You gotta make sure the TV technician checks to see if the heterocyclic declination needs adjusting on that BAT of yours. Could be out of whack. Just trying to be helpful here. Because I’m a helper. That’s just the kind of guy I am.

    Reply
    • Phil Jett says

      August 8, 2011 at 2:05 pm

      Don’t forget if you adjust the heterocyclic declination, the spincter rod will need to be reset before powering the BAT back up.

      Reply
  35. Phantom Railfan says

    August 8, 2011 at 1:04 pm

    I don’t drink coffee, which is odd, because as I child I used to love a coffee-flavored ice cream they served at Baskin-Robbins. Not sure what happened to my taste buds in the interveneing years, but even the smell of coffee just about turns my stomach.

    Reply
    • madz1962 says

      August 8, 2011 at 1:10 pm

      That’s like Chinese food – LOVE it when it first comes through the door but if I can smell it like 2 hours later or – even worse – the next day, I’m apt to start spewing egg fu yong across the table.

      Reply
  36. Some Guy on the Innernets says

    August 8, 2011 at 2:30 pm

    Tobler makes several different heavenly candy bars. My favorite is called Amanda, and it’s just milk chocolate with almonds in it. Or at least I think so, since it’s been many years since I had one. Not the easiest thing to find in these parts. European milk chocolate is smooth and luscious compared to the American kind. It will spoil you. Hershey bars (of which I ate a ton or so when I was a kid) no longer taste right to me. Ritter makes a very nice milk chocolate bar with hazelnuts in it. Mmmmmmmmm…. dangerous.

    Never have been able to try a peanut butter and banana sandwich. Love peanut butter, love bananas, but the combination just never appealed to me. That’s odd, really, because in the brief intervals between Hershey bars in my younger days, my sister and I tried just about every combination of foodstuffs we could put together in the kitchen when Mom was out of the house. There were usually some hot dog buns left over, so we made some truly awful sandwiches.

    Reply
    • Ed says

      August 8, 2011 at 5:48 pm

      I kept hearing about Elvis eating PB & banana sandwiches, and thought it sounded so stupid that I decided to try one. They’re really good! Especially on toasted bread.

      One of these days I’ll have to make one the real Elvis way: fried in a stick’s worth of butter, then sprinkled with powdered sugar, if I remember right.

      Reply
  37. icecycle66 says

    August 8, 2011 at 3:30 pm

    Is it plugged in?

    You know sometimes they’re not plugged in all the way.
    You gotta make sure all the prongs are in all the holes.

    Check to make sure it’s plugged in.
    There should me some hole in the wall near your set. Make the the wire from your set is in those holes.

    Reply
  38. Henderson says

    August 8, 2011 at 4:00 pm

    No matter what is wrong with the BAT, go and get a power conditioner. They will run you $100 to $600, but well worth the money. I have a 6 yr old 62″ Mitsu DLP and a 3 yr old 73″ Mitsu DLP, both on power conditioners, both on the original bulbs. My buddy a couple of doors down got the 73″ the same time I did and he’s on his 4th bulb.

    I never tasted Tasty Wheats, but then again, neither did you.

    Reply
    • fryguy says

      August 9, 2011 at 10:06 am

      power conditioners are good for your electronics. I sell them with every job. The power coming into your house can be “dirty” and also be affected by appliances in the house.

      Reply
  39. CADude says

    August 8, 2011 at 7:06 pm

    I’m pretty sure the power here in So Calif is already conditioned.

    The air, however, is not. Ergo, the electricity-sucking unit outside the house.

    Reply
    • fryguy says

      August 9, 2011 at 10:08 am

      the power company does not “condition” your power. you would be amazed at the voltage spikes, brownouts and other issues that come down the power lines.

      Reply
  40. chill says

    August 8, 2011 at 7:32 pm

    Two foods I’ve been afraid to try: sea urchin sushi (uni) and durian. In both cases their reputation precedes them. But they’re not exactly ordinary, either. Usually I’ll try new foods, and run the risk of not liking it. Never much cared for either lobster or crab; too little flavor and too much work, plus expensive.

    Good luck with the BATV, Jeff. It sucks when expensive things break. Yes, you’re doing the right thing.
    .

    Reply
  41. doctorright says

    August 8, 2011 at 7:34 pm

    I’ve never had a crumpet. But that’s not a common food, right?
    Just tonight I had a torte. Or some torte. I torted.
    Never had a plantain, either. Or collard greens.
    Do any of these count?
    Has anyone here had collard greens? What the hell are they, anyway?
    Oh, the questions…

    Reply
    • Melissa says

      August 8, 2011 at 9:52 pm

      I grow collard greens in my garden every year. They’re awesome. Not for everyone though, as some people think they are extremely bitter. If you cook them right (usually with a hamhock, chicken broth & lots of lemon) they can come out pretty darn tasty.

      Reply
      • Greg says

        August 8, 2011 at 10:01 pm

        Melissa, that sounds delicious!

        Reply
      • bikerchick says

        August 9, 2011 at 8:40 am

        Melissa: I see collard greens in the produce section all the time. Never tried them. I try to use fresh veggies whenever I can. Is there a “season” for them? And do you fry them up,say, with garlic and oil, or do you just thrown them into the soup mixture raw?

        Reply
        • Melissa says

          August 9, 2011 at 11:13 am

          They grow best for us (in So. Cal) October-January. I have several different recipes. I sometimes fry them up with onions, garlic & then put just enough heavy cream in to coat the leaves (I do this after boiling the leaves separately then draining them). I add diced tomatoes to the mix & top it with parmesan cheese.
          Eating them raw isn’t so great as they are rubbery & bitter. Always boil them (not too long, taste when they turn dark green in water & test to see if they are soft enough for your liking). But if you’re making them with the hamhock & chicken broth you add them chopped raw, and let them boil in the mixture. Then strain them out & serve with lemon juice spritzed over the greens. Yummy!

          Reply
    • m says

      August 8, 2011 at 11:00 pm

      I love collard greens. I cook them all the time. Add some cornbread, and it’s an amazing meal.

      Reply
      • chill says

        August 8, 2011 at 11:32 pm

        Right, I never thought of that! Being a Damn Yankee, the phrase “collard greens” never entered my mind – let alone in conjunction with “normal food”. I must try this. If there’s a ham hock involved, how bad can it be?
        .

        Reply
        • doctorright says

          August 9, 2011 at 12:48 am

          Thanks for all the idears, guys.
          Whaddaya got for kale? My brother loves it. And he’s not even a rabbit.

          Alright- never had Spam either.
          Anything?

          Reply
  42. Greg says

    August 8, 2011 at 7:54 pm

    Collard greens are huge, green leaves. Find them in the produce section. Put them in a 4 quart pot with a little water, heat them up, an they’ll cook down to practically nothing. Delicious! If you don’t want to cook them, buy a can of “Glory” brand southern style collard grens and heat them up. You’ll get the idea.

    Reply
    • doctorright says

      August 8, 2011 at 8:03 pm

      Okay. Cool.
      Thanks!
      I will try them. I am not afraid.

      Reply
      • CitizenX says

        August 9, 2011 at 8:47 am

        2nd-ing the Glory Greens.

        Reply
  43. doctorright says

    August 8, 2011 at 8:06 pm

    Okay. Cool.
    Thanks Greg!
    I’ll try them. I am not afraid.

    Reply
    • doctorright says

      August 8, 2011 at 8:09 pm

      I typed this, backed out, it vanished, so I typed it again. Personalized it a little the second time… heh…
      I’m hanging in that pie shop…

      Reply
      • Greg says

        August 8, 2011 at 8:24 pm

        No problem! You’re cool! Grens was supposed to be greens.

        Reply
        • doctorright says

          August 8, 2011 at 8:32 pm

          =P
          I’m a wee bit slow Monday through Friday.
          And also on the weekends.

          Reply
  44. Gretchen says

    August 9, 2011 at 9:46 am

    Speaking of cooking, this robot making cookies cracked me up far more than it should have.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=duXFIKswTOM&feature=player_embedded

    I was all set to welcome our robot overlords, but I don’t think that will be necessary now….unless they intend to take over the world with the power of salmonella.

    Reply
  45. ashton says

    August 9, 2011 at 1:10 pm

    I’m amazed at the things y’all haven’t eaten. I’ve pretty much eaten everything mentioned in this thread except durian and (go figure) Toblerone. Y’all need to get to eatin’.

    And, Jeff, I picked up the book again the other day, and ended up not stopping until I got to the end. I laughed just as much the second time through.

    boogity, boogity, boogity!!!!!

    Reply

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