Another thing that’s pissing me off lately: People starting every sentence with the word “so.” Have you noticed this, or am I, once again, many years behind the curve? It’s stuff like this:
Me: Do you know how I can automatically pull information from a spreadsheet on the Y: drive, into a new spreadsheet I just created?
Them: So, let me show you.
WTF? That’s nonsensical. And I’m noticing it more and more. It bothers me… It bothers me a great deal.
My ears are screwed up this morning, and they’re screwed up most mornings. Luckily, I haven’t had too many health problems during my life so far, but my ears and eyes have never functioned at an acceptable level.
Every morning I go through a period when both my ears are sealed off like a submarine. Sometimes they pop open within seconds of me going vertical, and other times it takes longer. Like today. I’ve been off the platform for a couple of hours already, and my left ear is still vapor-locked. It sucks.
My dad has bad ears, too. He goes through the same thing, so I guess I’m carrying on the family tradition. Both of us have seen doctors about it, and it has nothing to do with wax, or anything like that. That’s the first thing people say, when I complain about it: Have you had a doctor blast the earwax outta there? But that’s not the problem, it’s something to do with moisture not draining correctly, or somesuch.
When one or both my ears are stuffy and jacked-up, it throws everything off. I feel out of it, and almost drugged. But I have so many years of experience with it, I know I have to just ride it out. If I start playing around with my earholes, it’ll just prolong the problem.
And my eyes… They’re Grade C at best. I have to wear gas permeable contact lenses — nothing else will do the trick. Regular contacts are useless, and glasses don’t do much, either.
It’s not a huge issue, but I worry that since I started out with weak eyes, they’ll eventually give out on me. I’ve got less to work with… I’m concerned that in the future I might have to walk behind a freakishly-trained, vest-wearing dog. Ya know? And I’ll have to request a special menu at TGI Fridays, with 72 point fonts.
Oh well. It could be much, much worse. I know this, and I’m thankful that it’s been relatively smoove-sailing, so far. Pass the beer nuts.
We went to Moe’s a few days ago, for Nerf football-sized burritos, and they had a bunch of portraits on the walls, of people who supposedly look like rock stars. Apparently they had some kind of months-long contest, and these were the “winners.” Yeah, and I don’t want to be cynical… but most were sad facsimiles of the real thing.
“Jimi Hendrix,” for instance, was just some random black guy, who looked nothing like the real Jimi. Except he was black. Is that all it took? And this dude was fat, for godsake! What the hell, man?
“Buddy Holly” was equally lame. It looked like Pat Sajak in horn-rimmed glasses. It feels like they could’ve done better…
And that leads me to the Question of the Day. In the comments section, please tell us what famous person or persons you’ve been told you resemble. Anyone? We need to know.
I’ve been told by several people that I look like the bass player in U2, Adam Clayton. And I’ll concede a slight resemblance. A girl I used to know always told me I look like Lou Reed, but I think she was delusional or brain damaged, or something. For one thing, my neck isn’t wider than my head… And I’m not a badass motherfucker.
What about you? Has anyone said you look like someone famous? Tell us about it.
If you don’t have anything on that one, how about people you know who look like someone famous? There’s a guy at my job who looks EXACTLY like Jim Carrey. Seriously, it’s mind-blowing.
I’m gonna call it a day now, and get ready for work. And just so you know, my left ear popped-open right around the time I typed “Pat Sajak.” Maybe that’s the key??
I’ll see you guys again tomorrow.
Interesting Update for three reasons:
1. I’ve been told I look like Pat Sajak
2. I’ve got the Eustachian Tube Dysfunction thing
3. and today the ENT decides he’ll fix it all (but not the Sajak thing) with some nose surgery – popping ears and all
Happy Birthday Jeff!
I’ve also been told I look like Daniel Craig. I just hope they mean the handsome Daniel Craig and not the fat one on the beach in People magazine
He is hot ! Fat on the beach even works !!!
Happy birthday, Jeff!
Now you wanna explain why the Further Evidence link qualifies as such?
Each of those houses is made of empties t-storm has consumed, so there’s a propinquity angle.
By the way, which calaboose is our amigo occupying these days? Haven’t heard from him.
jtb
Maybe he’s on the run.
When I had a full beard, I got a lot of “You look like Robert Redford from when he played Jeremiah Johnson.” Now that I’ve shaved it down to just a goatee, not so much. Just a big guy in a Cabela’s hat and a carhartt jacket. If I’m in a crowd, I get accused of being an undercover cop or security sometimes. It’s worked out for me before, I just don’t say anything and nod at them and reap the benefits.
So, have you had a doctor blast the earwax outta there? Oh, sorry.
I’ve been told that I look like Christopher Reeve. But that was when I was young, and he was alive and playing Superman.
When I started my present job, there were two guys who were dead ringers for celebrities: Patrick Stewart and Larry “Bud” Melman. Both have moved on since then.
.
Jeff…
Happy Birthday. And thanks for 10 years of fine writing on the Web. You have actually developed a meaningful community which, Lord knows, is a rare enough thing on the Web, and you have chosen to be a member of that community, rather than to be King, which is really rare.
I hope you and the family are able to celebrate the day and that, should you dine at one of the chains you like, nobody mistakes you for Gary Cooper, per today’s topic, because he’s dead.
All good wishes,
John
I definitely think there is a Lou Reed resemblance…nothing wrong with that!
I have been told I look like Leelee Sobieski…or a young…when I was younger…Helen Hunt.
Hey Jeff, where is the “Buy Jeff a beer” link? It’s your birthday and you look thirsty.
I’ve been told that I look like Emma Thompson, Laura Linney and…Meryl Streep.
I’ve heard the Meryl Streep comparison since I was around 12…
Truthfully, I only look like Streep if you take away the money, about 20 years, about 6-7″ in height…and any hope of success. Oh, and add some poundage. I’m a short, sturdy Irish-Miq’Maq girl.
In high school, I was frequently told I looked like Eddie VanHalen. Didn’t see it then, and still don’t when I see pix from back then.
Now, I get Wallace Shawn. That, I can see. Sad, but true.
lol, lol. I had a thing for Eddie, but also loved the Princess Bride, what a confusing life….
Happiest Birthday Jeff!!!!
I was told I looked like the chick from the movie “Stigmata” remember that?? I even had the same crooked teeth, blond stringy hair, crazy tendencies…etc etc. I could see it…a bit. So I went and got braces.
Patricia Arquette, I think?? Not the sex change one, the real girl one. (no offense transvestities, I just don’t know how to phrase it). My hubby is the graven image of his father, and since his Dad has been gone for 5 years now, it can still throw me. In comparison our son is the spit and image of him…and it goes on and on.
and I can’t spell either. sigh
The ETW and I are both Patricia Arquette “fans.” Skinny or fat, I’ve always thought she was one of the hottest women out there. In fact, I think that her craggy teeth/fangs are just about the hottest thing about her! And at the risk of sounding like a flaming fairydiddle (as my PawPaw, may he rest in peace, used to say), I think her brother Alexis Arquette makes for a fairly attractive woman. Did he go all the way with a sex change? A few years back ETW and I were watching the movie “Wigstock,” and I said “Man, who’s that chick? Shes’s prertty slinky!” – turns out it was Alexis. Coulda fooled me…
I like her too…now I’m going to have to (re-)watch True Romance this weekend.
As for the “So” thing… Robert A. Heinlein is by far my favorite author; I’ve read each of his dozens of books dozens of times. But his one writing style failure was that any character at any time could respond to dialogue using that word. Always to start a comment and always with a question mark. As in “So? I suppose you….” It always interrupts my “sucked into the story to where I forget I’m reading” mindset, which RAH could otherwisae do like no other writer.
Back in my 20’s, old guys (read: men who were in their 20’s in the 60’s) would often say that I looked like a B-movie actor named Andrew Stevens. And they were right, which pisses me off because of my rampant individualism. In my teens, I had the whole Karate Kid / Scott Baio thing going on, especially the hair, which is the only part of my body I’ve ever been the least bit vain about. Thankfully I’m over that nonsense now.
I’d like to know what glitch in nature allowed for Carson Palmer, Bengals beleaguered quarterback, and his younger brother, third string backup, to look like twins. It’s kind of….freaky.
I don’t know what Jordan’s middle name is, but I just did a “news” search on his big brother who, it turns out, if one can believe the headlines, actually has the full given name of Carson Beleaguered Palmer, so I guess you smacked it right on the haid.
jtb
Beleaguered, that’s putting it politely.
Carson’s real middle name is Hilton, yeah I know wotta douche! Jordan’s is William, much better, probably explains his fascination with bowhunting.
Everybody says I look familar or like somebody they know. So when that happens to you…that’s what I look like. I have fun with it. If a gril says that I’ll sometimes say, “I hope it’s someone you’re madly in love with.”
When I lived in Vegas I’d get I look like Eric Clapton a lot. I guess he dresses kinda like me and has a close crop beard like me. We both wear glasses and have similar hair. So…I guess in Vegas everybody is hoping to just happen to be sitting at the bar next to someone who is famous and just hanging out.
And the colored girls say
Doo, doo doo, doo doo, doo doo doo,
Doo-doo-doo, doo doo, doo doo doo
Doo, doo doo, doo doo, doo doo doo,
Doo-doo-doo, doo doo, doo doo doo
30-some years ago, I used to get compared to John Denver a LOT! Didn’t really see it then, but now that he’s been dead for like 10 years, and I’ve been battling pneumonia for the past week, I think that today he and I could pass as twins.
Have had ear problems for many years now. Went to the doctor once for earagation, but the problem came back a few days later. I blame it on my nasal spray addiction. Can’t sleep at night unless I use the fix.
Regarding that walk-in clinic doctor, who always seems to get me in the lineup. Same guy every time. Went for a physical and he had to handle my junk. So I understood that. Went for a rash down my sides, so he handled my junk. Said he needed to see if I had a rash down there too, so I sort of understood that. But the ear problems? “OK, drop your pants!” “But I have an ear problem” “Doesn’t matter, it’s all glandular. It’s related!” Maybe I should go to another walk-in clinic.
In college, the first time around, I walked to West Virginia State. Sometimes, people I know would pick me up and give me a ride. The guy Jeff was talking about the other day, Tim, the Three Stooges fan, apparently saw me one day, but drove on by. He told Rocky that I looked just like Bob Dylan and it scared him. Later in life, when I weighed 300 plus pounds, I looked like Ron Jaworski, in his bearded playing days. Now, I guess I just look like a bloated Tom Green. Yeah, I know, nonoe of those choices are anything to brag about.
By the way, R.I.P. Leslie Nielsen. Weird thing was I introduced my son to “The Naked Gun” the other day and Nielsen died just a few minutes after we concluded watching it. Somehow, I feel responsible.
Carry on.
Apperently I’m a clone of Burt Renyolds
I look like no one, and that is A-ok with me. But people often tell me I look like their cousin or somesuch.
Last month I was in line to vote and in front of me was an elderly woman with thinning short hair, a walker, and a mumu. Her husband mistook me for her. I almost killed myself right there in line.
Then I reminded myself that A. He himself was old and not looking too sharp, so he might even have thought my husband was his wife Betty, and B. That I am 40 years younger, 100 pounds thinner, and an infinitely better dresser than that woman. Conclusion = old man was senile. Thank God.
No one has ever told me this, but I’d like to think that I look a little bit like Petula Clark.
Sorry guys, but I don’t see an update happening today. I’ll do better tomorrow, I promise.
Maybe we could ask Adam Clayton to step in and do it.
Or Lou Reed.
I been told that I look like Martina McBride AND Jodie Foster. I don’t get it, I don’t. Martina McBride and Jodie Foster look nothing alike.
My old neighbor looked so much like Terry Bradshaw that he used to get asked for autographs. He used to tell people they were mistaken but decided one day to give it up and just start signing away. There’s no telling how many fake autographs he has out there…
No update yet huh? Oh well fuck it. I’ve had a lot of people tell me that I look like Jesus. I don’t see it. I do have the full beard, long hair and the eyebrows of what some people think that Jesus looked like. Some people even made it my unofficial nickname in high school. I didn’t really like it. I am not even close to being Jesus, although I wish I was.
I hear that a lot, too. At least I think that’s what people mean when they say, “Jesus Christ, Dude!”
Lol. Good one.
They switched my schedule a bit today and me and another guy was doing the 2 to 10. I always get in about ten ahead of start time so I”m hangin’ in the back when Travis comes and his two day cold has caught him for sure. A guy says, “You look like shit.” I said…” I always thought he looked like Morey Amsterdam.”
Man I hate it when there is no update.
Hey!
Somebody go fuck themselves!
I also have an itch in my ears that doesn’t go away too easy.
When I was a kid I was told that I looked like Brandon Cruz on “Portrait of Eddie’s Father”. Oddly enough, we both sought similar musical paths later in life..ie hardcore/punk. I am sure he has made a bit more money at it than I have though…His work in the band Dr. Know is pretty great.
I know what you mean about “So…” I didn’t really notice it until my 4-year-old starting doing it, then I realized that I do it. It’s kind of annoying, I totally know what you mean. Sometimes I try to stop myself from saying it, or to use it only under specific applications – but other times I’m just like – fuck it, this is what I’m saying to deal with it. ha!
And, you need to get the 3G Kindle so the things you subscribe to come in automatically (blogs, newspapers, magazines, etc). There’s something really special about sitting on the shitter and choosing any newspaper from around the world to download and read right now (and it’s not like you’re going to bring your computer into the shitter…well maybe, but this way you don’t have to). It’s moves forward the concept of information at our fingertips whenever we want it. If you can’t have this automatic subscription/download feature, than it’s simply something to read and order e-books on…which is cool, but not AS cool.
So, I get told (every time I walk into a room) that I look exactly like Sting. (www.johnclassick.com – you can check for yourself.)
Which is a drag, because I play Adam Clayton in a U2 Tribute Band.
So, people are always asking if Sting starting playing bass for U2. Ha. Ha.
We tell them no. He didn’t.
That’s Daniel Craig.