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Babies Named Cotton and Other Pressing Matters

November 11, 2008 By Jeff 97 Comments

Why are there no newborn babies named Cotton anymore? My mother had (has?) a friend with that name, but there can’t be too many of them left, can there?  I hear about people naming their daughters Emily, and Ashley, and Abigail, and that sort of thing.  But never Cotton.

What’s wrong with Cotton?!  I think we have an obligation to save that name, before it becomes completely extinct.  Every generation is presented with a challenge, and I believe this might be ours.  Together we can make it happen!!  So who’s with me?!!

…Hello?

Well.  What other “friends of our parents” names are rarely assigned to the freshly-minted nowadays?  How about Donna?  You don’t see too many babies in a crib named Donna…  Help me identify the at-risk names, so we can proceed with our important work.

And since we’re on this questionable subject, here are the most popular names of the 1960s (talking ’bout my generation).  How far down the list do you have to go, before you can’t think of a classmate who had one of the names?

On the boy side of things, I might have to drop all the way down to #43:  Jose.  There were no Joses in our class (I mean, seriously), but I think I can come up with someone for every name above it.

As far as girls go, however, I can’t remember a Patricia (#6).  Bill might be able to help with that one.  He remembers everything, despite drinking roughly the same amount of beer as I have.  It’s an amazing thing to behold, it really is.

And speaking of that…  On Saturday Toney and I went to Cooper’s in Scranton, to explore their sizable beer selection.  Here’s the list of drafts they gave us.  Check out the snarky disclaimer at the end.  Heh.

We only had two each, because it’s an eight-mile trek home (dammit).  Both of us opted for the Victory Harvest Ale (fan-freaking-tastic!), and Hoppin Frog IPA (also very good, but with an odd aftertaste that reminded me of a whisk broom).

I can’t believe we’ve lived in this town for more than eight years, and hadn’t previously taken advantage of such an excellent beer-lover’s paradise.  The bar itself is very pub-like, the staff seemed knowledgeable and friendly, and the lineup of beers was so interesting and good it almost made me cry.

Oh, we’ll be back.  Over and over again.  In fact, I want to go there every Saturday afternoon, for the rest of my life.  I haven’t yet spoken with Toney about this plan, but it’s the way I’m currently leaning.

Surf Reporter Hope sent along a new batch of Smoking Fish sightings — on foreign soil again.  Check ’em out.  Our logo, man, he gets around.

And Matt from Florence sent me a great little CARE package, pictured here.  It came in a vintage (and very cool) cigar box, with four real cigars (Saint Luis Rey Reserva Especial), a cigar cutter, several bubblegum and chocolate cigars, a DVD of the E documentary, and a collection of “hipster 2 hipster” music mp3s.

Thanks, man!  I appreciate it, sincerely.

And finally, I have something extra-exciting to show you folks today:  the kick-ass version 4.0 Surf Report shirts!  Right here.

The Evil Twin created the design, and I think it’s nothing short of incredible.  What do you say?  The shirts will be short-sleeve, military green, and available in the normal lineup of sizes.

This time we’ll be branching out to a two-color design.  Green is the color of the shirt itself, plus white and orange ink.  I think it looks amazing, and I’m not just blowing smoke here.

Please help me out by pre-ordering.  I’m not very good at guessing quantities and sizes, and your input will be mighty important.

And that, my friends, is that.  I need to go to work now, weep softly into my keyboard for ten hours, and return home.

I’ll see ya tomorrow.

Now playing in the bunker.

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Filed Under: Daily

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. JCIII says

    November 11, 2008 at 2:50 pm

    Good Afternoon Surf Reporters!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11

    Reply
  2. Lew in Bama says

    November 11, 2008 at 2:53 pm

    First?

    Reply
  3. Vicki says

    November 11, 2008 at 2:53 pm

    Just one question about the beer list!!! WTF!!! Did they speak all exclamation pointy, too!!!!!

    Reply
  4. Lew in Bama says

    November 11, 2008 at 2:54 pm

    1st? 2nd?? 3rd???

    Reply
  5. JeffInDenver says

    November 11, 2008 at 3:01 pm

    I’m still waiting for a coffee mug with the old logo.

    Reply
  6. JCIII says

    November 11, 2008 at 3:03 pm

    Commenting on the old vs. new names, I had an Uncle Cotton and an Uncle Rufus, both of who I had never met before they died.
    Along with “Cotton” you don’t see many boys named “Rufus”.
    I did however have a German Shepherd named Rufus. I think that was my dad’s perverse way of paying tribute.
    On a similar side note, my one SIL named her daughters with old timey names
    Grace, Sophia. Isabella

    Reply
  7. Lew in Bama says

    November 11, 2008 at 3:08 pm

    Man, what a server hiccup….
    Ok names….mostly women with a few dudes in there
    Gertrude
    Polly
    Betsy
    Earline
    Maude
    Sally
    Judy
    Barbara
    Clyde
    Amos
    Ralph
    That’s all I got off the top of my head. I would hate to be named Earline now…or Gertrude…

    That snarky disclaimer on the beer list is for people like me who feel pressure from other people to at least TRY interesting beers, but end up wasting it because it doesn’t taste like the cheap American crap beer we grew up drinking. Change is hard.

    Reply
  8. reechard says

    November 11, 2008 at 3:16 pm

    Greeting from Toronto- just got back from a hockey tournament in Pittsburgh- first time there… Read about Yuengling numerous times here & decided to try some… Not bad beer, but man they keep the beer stores well hidden in this state!
    Never met anyone named Cotton, although have experienced cotton mouth a few times…

    Reply
  9. Gretchen says

    November 11, 2008 at 3:20 pm

    #51 Roger. We actually had a Jose in my 70s grade school, but no Rogers. Perhaps by that point the name had become to much of a sexual euphemism. As for female names, #49 Janet. And personally I think my own name is “at risk”. My German ex said the name was beyond old in the Fatherland.

    Speaking of Germans, Shiny Rod I lost the link to the Super Secret Update so any further elaboration of the whole peanut butter-George Washington Carver stuff would be appreciated. :o)

    Reply
  10. Masher says

    November 11, 2008 at 3:22 pm

    More names no one sees anymore:
    Mortimer
    Bertha
    Sylvia
    Abraham (strange religious cults not withstanding)
    Ina
    Amos
    Eugenia
    Woodrow
    Morton
    Thelma

    Reply
  11. sonny in NH says

    November 11, 2008 at 3:22 pm

    marking my spot in the top ten

    Reply
  12. Gretchen says

    November 11, 2008 at 3:25 pm

    Masher: My sister-in-law named her kid Sylvia as per my suggestion.

    Reply
  13. Suzette says

    November 11, 2008 at 3:27 pm

    Loved the shirt design Jeff?

    Reply
  14. Carla says

    November 11, 2008 at 3:28 pm

    The shirts are awesome!! I love the snarky disclaimer, freaking people shouldn’t bitch if what THEY order is what they get.

    I’m sorry, I don’t like this kid, beer, car, steak, life, can I trade it for another with no ramifications?

    Why Not??? What do you mean this isn’t Nebraska??

    No slams, but Karen, Carol, Connie, Teresa, Theodore, Ted, Dale, Walter, and Hubert, Delbert, Franklin, Lyle, Ronald, Ralph, Ethel, Margaret, Doreen, & Dorothy are all experiencing a wain in their popularity can’t seem to recall a single kid in the school I went to. My dads name was Carl, “Shocker” but he went by Topper. I think I should start calling my boys, Topper (straight hair) & Cotton (Afro curly hair).
    Its a thought.
    Thanks for the tip Jeff.

    Reply
  15. Suzette says

    November 11, 2008 at 3:29 pm

    Sorry that should have been ! not ?

    Reply
  16. Tyrosine says

    November 11, 2008 at 3:31 pm

    Names in decline (or gone): Omar, Vern, Ralph, Dorthy, Lucy, Blanch, Myrtle, Olive, Emma, Gertrude, Polly, Gene (both the male and female versions), Helen, Bev, Bruno, Montgomery, Janet, Lloyd, Clifford, Lionel, Bruce, Shelia,..

    While we are on the topic of names, what is with the trend of naming kids after 2nd rate U.S. geography? My son’s school is full of Montanas (both male and female) and Dakotas plus a Memphis, an Atlanta, and a Dayton. Seriously, Dayton. I’m not ragging on Dayton but if you want to hang a moniker on your child that says “greatness”, I wouldn’t pick Dayton.

    Reply
  17. Jason says

    November 11, 2008 at 3:38 pm

    “Flo” and “Ethel” seem to be going the way of the dodo bird. And I didn’t do my part to save them. I have two girls (Marion and Madelyn). I’ve always wondered why Mexicans are the only ones with big enough kiwis to name their boys “Jesus”. But if I have a boy I’m going to change all that – and we won’t pronounce is hey-suess either.

    Happy Veterans Day! We just got back from a parade, the longest parade I’ve ever witnessed. It was more than 2 hours long.

    Reply
  18. Tadpolegal says

    November 11, 2008 at 3:48 pm

    So… I’m guessing that a long sleeve shirt is out of the question then?

    Reply
  19. Poops Shathead says

    November 11, 2008 at 3:49 pm

    The shirts are AWESOME! Great job!

    I plan on getting 3 of those tough ass shirts.

    Reply
  20. shinywilly says

    November 11, 2008 at 3:57 pm

    # 179 Oh! I mean on the names list. I knew aguy named Cotton and when he got drunk in the bar he would just piss on the floor from his bar stool.
    He also had a handshake grip like a vise.

    Reply
  21. jim britton says

    November 11, 2008 at 3:57 pm

    Happy Veteran’s Day!

    Reply
  22. shinywilly says

    November 11, 2008 at 3:59 pm

    How popular will the name Barack become ?

    Reply
  23. Doug says

    November 11, 2008 at 4:00 pm

    I once knew a woman named “Cricket”. I doubt we’ll ever see that name make a comeback.

    While I hate to see the old logo disappear from the shirt, the new design is just too cool. Could there not be the old smoking fish right below the back collar, maybe with the hyperlink underneath?

    Reply
  24. jim britton says

    November 11, 2008 at 4:01 pm

    Two WVSR shirts *pre-ordered*, thanks!

    Reply
  25. Funky says

    November 11, 2008 at 4:08 pm

    Awesome shirt design, pre-orders away!

    Reply
  26. Misselle says

    November 11, 2008 at 4:21 pm

    Sadly, I tend to name my kids those old-fashioned sorts of names (Laura, Leah, and incubating baby will be Anna or Timothy). I am just not one for the trends. I want them to have names that 1) people won’t be able to immediately guess how old they are and 2) people won’t immediately be able to guess their race or ethnicity is or what part of the country they are from.

    I have a lot of students with names that I consider odd, however. Lots of Garretts, Gavins, and the like. I thought it was just a Texas thing, but I guess I was wrong.

    Reply
  27. tyler says

    November 11, 2008 at 4:22 pm

    This is probably a stupid question, but regarding the shirts. Is the totaly kick ass picture part of the shirt or is it that plastic ironed on kind of material that tends to break off piece by piece in the wash.

    Reply
  28. ralph says

    November 11, 2008 at 4:24 pm

    strange names in my family
    generations back was an uncle iddo, and uncle hezakiah astorphis, he went by bud, aunt clella, aunt arizona blanch, always thought that sounded like hooker name
    grandmas were effie leota, and nettie minervia

    and of course i got ralph

    Reply
  29. strangeart1 says

    November 11, 2008 at 4:28 pm

    I had an Uncle Tasker, and an Aunt Beulah.
    Yes, they were from West Virginia. I am thinking those names should be added to the list.

    Reply
  30. L Willis says

    November 11, 2008 at 4:29 pm

    Donceia, Feenie, Gytina and Yvette don’t pop up too much anymore.

    Reply
  31. strangeart1 says

    November 11, 2008 at 4:37 pm

    By the way, I would like to “pre-order” 2, XL’s, thanks!

    Reply
  32. tony s says

    November 11, 2008 at 4:39 pm

    Dude,
    That beer list is pretty impressive. Are you a fan of the Belgians? IMHO Belgians make the best beer in the whole wide world. The Delerium line is legendary, Hoegarten is very tasty, and the Grand-daddy of course is the Chimay line. Also try one called Nostradamus (my personal fav). You used to be able to get those at Trader Joe’s for a reasonable price. I live in Cleveland on the weekends, and you better believe there is some beer drinkin’ goin on. This place is in my neighborhood, a mere cab ride away. http://buckeyebeerengine.com/ Check the CASK ALE selections.
    Cheers
    TS

    Reply
  33. Evil Twin's Wife says

    November 11, 2008 at 4:45 pm

    Doug – there is a little girl at my son’s school who goes by Cricket. It’s a nickname, but it’s the only name anyone knows her by.

    I must say that I’m VERY surprised to have not seen either of my children’s names come up on the endangered list. My daughter’s name hasn’t broken the top 1000 since the early 1900s.

    Reply
  34. Rhino says

    November 11, 2008 at 4:54 pm

    One of my best friends is named Edsel. His parents named him after the car! He has a brother named Myron and his dad’s name was Wilbur and his grandfather’s name was Augustus. I guess getting slapped with a shitty moniker is something of a tradition in their family.

    Reply
  35. Slave To A Troll says

    November 11, 2008 at 5:00 pm

    I used to have an aunt named Betty Gay, and an Uncle named Guy.
    You never see babies named Guy.

    I like the shirt…. I want long sleeves too. 🙁

    Reply
  36. Mrs. Wally says

    November 11, 2008 at 5:06 pm

    My grandma’s were/are Bettie and Bernice. Grandpa’s were Leo and Raymond. Don’t see alot of any of those anymore. My sister is Jenna and I am Trisha(not Patricia, dammit). My mom was trying to be creative in the 70’s. My husband is Wade, not a ton of them either. But his siblings are Kara and Jeffrey(both common).
    We don’t have any Secrets, but then nieces/nephews are Alexander, Christopher, Gabriel, Addison, and Audrey. Ranging in ages from 6 to 1.

    Reply
  37. other kristin says

    November 11, 2008 at 5:13 pm

    Wow. That’s one angry looking fish!

    Cool design

    Reply
  38. other kristin says

    November 11, 2008 at 5:15 pm

    Emma is waaay popular, now, Tyrosine.

    Mabel, however, I’d have to say is pretty rare.

    Reply
  39. Jerry in WV says

    November 11, 2008 at 5:21 pm

    OK…………. I know I will be opening myself up for some good zingers here, but odd names run in my family. I am the same age as Jeff and Bill and I had an Uncle named Ulysses (sp)!!!!! One named Garnett and a cousin named Elwood. My grandmother on Mom’s side of the family was Clea Oma and on Dad’s side……Mamie Ufa. From what I understand, Mamie is coming back. No too sure about Ufa. Oh yeah, I graduated with 4 or 5 Patricia’s.

    Reply
  40. Dave in Seattle says

    November 11, 2008 at 5:27 pm

    Had an aunt Ethel, and grandma was Gladys, and she went by Gladm which was always a mystery to me in the early 70’s as that woman never smiled once.

    Jeff – i live 5 miles from a Rogue BrewPub. A little patch of heaven in Issaquah WA. I’m misting up thinking of going there for lunch. The Double Dead guy is great, as are the Chocolate Stout, the Shakespeare Stout, and the Chipotle Ale. But they are all good. When my Brother in law visits from Ohio, we go in and have the waitress start us at one end of the taps and we work our way to the other. ……… i’ll be back….

    Reply
  41. 2Tall says

    November 11, 2008 at 5:35 pm

    Grammies were Edna and Eleanor, my wife had a Mildred but my Mom takes the cake…Luida Mae

    Reply
  42. Door Quad says

    November 11, 2008 at 5:41 pm

    Put me down for two XL of the super badass shirts!

    My grand-floks had names you just don’t hear any more – Mabel and Burl. Their siblings were Effie, Erie, and Wilbur.

    Tell me THOSE aren’t some Appalachian gold-names!

    Reply
  43. D in Seattle says

    November 11, 2008 at 5:48 pm

    I haven’t seen any Earl or Ruth’s lately.

    The smoking fish shirt is badass. Money’s short right now, but damn I want one… Maybe I’ll throw back a few pints and order one then when it seems like a sound financial decision.

    Dave, in Issaquah, the Rolling Log is more my sort of place. Not because of high quality beer, or high quality anything else, just because it’s dingy and you can get cheap beer. Also try the Chophouse Dip at Jak’s some time. It’s excellent.

    Reply
  44. The Evil Twin says

    November 11, 2008 at 6:14 pm

    Remember, in John Waters’ classic movie “Pink Flamingos,” the daughter of the main character, Babs Johnson (Divine), was named Cotton (portrayed by Mary Vivian Pearce). Even better was her son’s name – Crackers.

    Reply
  45. ET says

    November 11, 2008 at 6:42 pm

    The first and middle names of my two granfathers: Morris Lafayette and Young Wiley.

    Reply
  46. Carla says

    November 11, 2008 at 6:59 pm

    My grandmas were Lily Margaret and Pearl Ann, They both went by their middle names cause they thought their first names were too frivilous!! WTH, Don’t call me Lily, call me Margaret? No really Ann suits me better than Pearl. Grandpa is Jesse James and Hubert Lenzy, Guess which one was the scrapper?

    Reply
  47. hungover near nay aug says

    November 11, 2008 at 7:01 pm

    Just ordered a shit! Love the colors and the graphics. Might long sleeve be an option if enough of us ask? hint hint…

    Reply
  48. hungover near nay aug says

    November 11, 2008 at 7:01 pm

    doh! shirt , shirt , SHIRT

    Reply
  49. akgrrl2001 says

    November 11, 2008 at 7:24 pm

    #428?!

    sheesh…well i was …this close… to being a “jennifer”…thank god i wasn’t, in my classes all the “jennifer’s” had to be numbered, “jennifer #4 where’s your homework?” …not alot of “Erika”s in my classes.

    nowadays…no baby barbaras…no baby susans, no baby leonards or baby howards…

    JEFF KAY? is the design on the front or back of the shirt?

    Reply
  50. knucklehead says

    November 11, 2008 at 7:39 pm

    SEE JEFF! I’ve been asking for long sleeves for the last two shipments (I’m stamping my foot now)

    PLEEESSSSSEEEE?

    I’ll take a small.

    Lovin’ the logo, though ET

    happy Tuesday, Surfers!

    Reply
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