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Babies Named Cotton and Other Pressing Matters

November 11, 2008 By Jeff 97 Comments

Why are there no newborn babies named Cotton anymore? My mother had (has?) a friend with that name, but there can’t be too many of them left, can there?  I hear about people naming their daughters Emily, and Ashley, and Abigail, and that sort of thing.  But never Cotton.

What’s wrong with Cotton?!  I think we have an obligation to save that name, before it becomes completely extinct.  Every generation is presented with a challenge, and I believe this might be ours.  Together we can make it happen!!  So who’s with me?!!

…Hello?

Well.  What other “friends of our parents” names are rarely assigned to the freshly-minted nowadays?  How about Donna?  You don’t see too many babies in a crib named Donna…  Help me identify the at-risk names, so we can proceed with our important work.

And since we’re on this questionable subject, here are the most popular names of the 1960s (talking ’bout my generation).  How far down the list do you have to go, before you can’t think of a classmate who had one of the names?

On the boy side of things, I might have to drop all the way down to #43:  Jose.  There were no Joses in our class (I mean, seriously), but I think I can come up with someone for every name above it.

As far as girls go, however, I can’t remember a Patricia (#6).  Bill might be able to help with that one.  He remembers everything, despite drinking roughly the same amount of beer as I have.  It’s an amazing thing to behold, it really is.

And speaking of that…  On Saturday Toney and I went to Cooper’s in Scranton, to explore their sizable beer selection.  Here’s the list of drafts they gave us.  Check out the snarky disclaimer at the end.  Heh.

We only had two each, because it’s an eight-mile trek home (dammit).  Both of us opted for the Victory Harvest Ale (fan-freaking-tastic!), and Hoppin Frog IPA (also very good, but with an odd aftertaste that reminded me of a whisk broom).

I can’t believe we’ve lived in this town for more than eight years, and hadn’t previously taken advantage of such an excellent beer-lover’s paradise.  The bar itself is very pub-like, the staff seemed knowledgeable and friendly, and the lineup of beers was so interesting and good it almost made me cry.

Oh, we’ll be back.  Over and over again.  In fact, I want to go there every Saturday afternoon, for the rest of my life.  I haven’t yet spoken with Toney about this plan, but it’s the way I’m currently leaning.

Surf Reporter Hope sent along a new batch of Smoking Fish sightings — on foreign soil again.  Check ’em out.  Our logo, man, he gets around.

And Matt from Florence sent me a great little CARE package, pictured here.  It came in a vintage (and very cool) cigar box, with four real cigars (Saint Luis Rey Reserva Especial), a cigar cutter, several bubblegum and chocolate cigars, a DVD of the E documentary, and a collection of “hipster 2 hipster” music mp3s.

Thanks, man!  I appreciate it, sincerely.

And finally, I have something extra-exciting to show you folks today:  the kick-ass version 4.0 Surf Report shirts!  Right here.

The Evil Twin created the design, and I think it’s nothing short of incredible.  What do you say?  The shirts will be short-sleeve, military green, and available in the normal lineup of sizes.

This time we’ll be branching out to a two-color design.  Green is the color of the shirt itself, plus white and orange ink.  I think it looks amazing, and I’m not just blowing smoke here.

Please help me out by pre-ordering.  I’m not very good at guessing quantities and sizes, and your input will be mighty important.

And that, my friends, is that.  I need to go to work now, weep softly into my keyboard for ten hours, and return home.

I’ll see ya tomorrow.

Now playing in the bunker.

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Comments

  1. Dave in Seattle says

    November 11, 2008 at 7:57 pm

    D in Seattle –
    Jaks in Issaquah is the best steakhouse in the state, possibly the country. Filet mignon you can cut with a spoon. NEver been in the Rolling Log, i tend to go to the Gaslamp or Issaquah Brewhouse.

    Reply
  2. Scott says

    November 11, 2008 at 8:25 pm

    Another web site for seeing the popularity of names over the past 100 years:

    http://www.babynamewizard.com/voyager

    Reply
  3. slugmama says

    November 11, 2008 at 9:02 pm

    Most unusal names in my family was my maternal grandfather’s name, WIRT. I’m told it’s an old southern name.
    His brother had an even ‘better’ name….TUNK.
    Both were raging alcoholics. You’d drink too if your parents named you Wirt & Tunk, right?

    Reply
  4. Gretchen says

    November 11, 2008 at 9:16 pm

    My late grandmother (born c.1905) was named Mariah. She eventually had it legally changed to “Marie” due to relentless teasing. Apparently all the kids used to call her “The Black Mariah” (i.e., the paddywagon) which, in her Irish-heavy neighborhood, was primarily used for picking up drunks. As the only teatotaller in a family full of lushes, this was quite an unbearably ironic situation for her.

    Reply
  5. Eugene B. Sims says

    November 11, 2008 at 9:28 pm

    My middle name is Byrl (pronounced like “Burl”)… How about Millard? And Trudy for future ladies?

    And remember the secretary at Peaches #36? Eula?

    Lets try to bring back the name “Eula” and honor how Barry White’s voice affected that woman. I’ll never forget walking in on her when we were playing the LP ‘The Right Night & Barry White”… She was working herself into quite a state of mind during the song “Sho Ya Right” as I recall. I made sure to play that LP every morning when I opened up.

    Reply
  6. The Evil Twin says

    November 11, 2008 at 9:28 pm

    My cousin’s name is Clounie. Clounie Joe. Whenever I heard it as a kid, I always thought “Clowny” and wondered why the fuck my aunt & uncle would name him that! Turns out it was his grandfather’s name, who was pure Irish. I completely understand why he’s always gone by “CJ” and threatens violence to anyone who calls him otherwise. My uncle’s name (his dad) was Goff, which I always thought was “Golf,” which further mystified me as a kid. Turns out I was just ignorant about Irish naming conventions…

    Reply
  7. Debra says

    November 11, 2008 at 10:07 pm

    I have an English aunt named Beryl have you ever heard of that name? I was named Deborah nobody names their girls by that name anymore

    Reply
  8. chrispy says

    November 11, 2008 at 10:14 pm

    Damn it, Scott, I was going to post that link! Oh well.

    My parents (they say) deliberately gave us all “normal” names, so I’m grateful-ish for that. Their parents were Norbert and Betty, Jim and Lucy. I have (now-deceased) great-uncles named Booker and Roland. In the distant family past I have an Edmund.

    I generally don’t see to many hardcore old-testament names nowadays. I mean ones like Ezekiel, Nehemiah and Mordecai. That may be changing in these dark times, what with all the new Zacks and so forth. I have two friends named Frank, two or three Irenes, an Eletha and one Earl. None of them is elderly, and none of these names is very usual today. The two Evelyns I know or knew are one born at the nadir of the name’s popularity (1970s) and another at the peak (my great-aunt’s birthday was 10/10/10).

    Reply
  9. chrispy says

    November 11, 2008 at 10:27 pm

    Oh, and regarding the beer list – that’s pretty impressive. The snarky disclaimer is rather condescending, and ultimately troubling. Those of us who *do* know beer can tell if that Gueuze Lambic is bad (not that they actually have such a thing), and as a customer I’d reserve the right to return it if it’s gone off. If I “feel it did not ‘taste right'” then it’s a good bet there’s something wrong with it. But still… Hop Devil on the hand pump? I’m salivating… Jeff, you *must* have that at least once. You have two truly outstanding microbreweries close by: Victory and Weyerbacher. Anything from either of these is worth tasting at least once. Man, Hop Devil on the hand pump! I’ll shut up now and go back to my Weyerbacher Simcoe :^9

    Reply
  10. pagan says

    November 11, 2008 at 10:42 pm

    Coopers looks cool it’s my birthday do you think they could send my free meal via UPS? love the beer disclaimer!! Ergo don’t bitch about the taste of hopping frog! We never lied about what it tasted like! The new smoking fish emblem reminds me of the tattoo’s used in a Simpsons episode about Grampa & Burns in the war! It has totally lost the”Cool” of the current totally perfect version! It’s like “new coke” nothing really wrong with it IT JUST AINT RIGHT!!

    Reply
  11. Big Bear In OH says

    November 11, 2008 at 10:42 pm

    Jeff, The shirt is awesome, and you’ve got my preorder for one double xl! Good choice on the colors, and the logo looks amazing! keep up the good work, I look forward to more collaborations between you and The Evil Twin.

    Reply
  12. pagan says

    November 11, 2008 at 10:46 pm

    Debra: There used to be a character in English comics about an evil schoolgirl called Beryl the Peril! ask your Aunt maybe they based it on her!

    Reply
  13. plaz says

    November 11, 2008 at 10:51 pm

    In for a shirt. Nice job ET, great design. I know I will be asked when I wear it so…

    Is that a catfish? Is there a story behind it?

    Reply
  14. Boo Radley says

    November 11, 2008 at 10:58 pm

    I have an aunt named “Edna Earl.” That is her first and middle name. See if you can top that peeps. The shirt looks great.. but with a double x.. I’m afraid I will look like one of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

    Reply
  15. Evil Twin's Wife says

    November 11, 2008 at 11:36 pm

    Plaz, I can say that yes, it’s a catfish. You’ll have to get the rest from the true sources (although I know the answers).

    Reply
  16. Dave says

    November 11, 2008 at 11:39 pm

    Now that is a spiffy shirt design. I ordered one.

    And won’t I look mighty dapper for Christmas.

    Reply
  17. Juancho says

    November 12, 2008 at 12:06 am

    WTF? Did the fish quit smoking?

    Reply
  18. Jed says

    November 12, 2008 at 12:29 am

    I don’t mean to be the turd in the room, but I think shirt is ok, kinda Dr. Seussy. For what it’s worth, I think the design is trying too hard. Why not have a simple, crappy, one color, line-art version like the masthead logo? It just fits the DIY personality of the site.
    BTW, my apologies, I’ve been a ‘lurker’ on your blog for about a year without commenting. Yours is the only blog I check and always makes the end of my day a happy one, no matter what. Thanks.

    Reply
  19. AustinGuy says

    November 12, 2008 at 1:02 am

    My mom’s middle name was Gertrude, and she hated it. Got a whupping once for calling her ‘Gertie’.

    The topper in my family research seems to be a great-uncle on my Dad’s side, Theodore Frelinghuysen Brewer. He was the first minister of the Methodist church in Muskogee, Indian Territory (from 1878 to 1886).

    I’ve got a new grandson coming in the next week or so; the parents have imaginatively come up with the name ‘Austin’. Good thing they don’t live in Pflugerville anymore!

    Reply
  20. AustinGuy says

    November 12, 2008 at 1:09 am

    For Juancho. Look closely at the top of the “V” in WVSR. I think that’s a cigarette hanging out of the side of his mouth. The smoke kind of mixes in with the beer foam. (I hate when that happens).

    Reply
  21. Jason says

    November 12, 2008 at 1:16 am

    You almost never hear of girls named “Jezebel” or boys named “Beelzebub”. Those are both Bible names, you’d think they’d get more action.

    The shirts are shit your pants awesome. I’m going to pre order some as soon as I can figure out the paypal thing. I’ve been avoiding it for years.

    Reply
  22. Jason says

    November 12, 2008 at 1:17 am

    Oh, and Clarence. What’s wrong with that name?

    Reply
  23. tracy says

    November 12, 2008 at 7:33 am

    We named our now 5 month old son Wilbur. If he came out a girl we were going to name him Mabel. I love the old timey names.
    My kids go to school with alot of weird named kids but “hip” names apparently because there are at least 5 in each grade. Like Deyshauwn, Avondre, and some name that utilizes all of x,y, and v in it. I wouldn’t even know where to start with it.

    Reply
  24. bennigan's nazi says

    November 12, 2008 at 8:43 am

    Pre-order completed.

    There is a lawyer in Charleston named “Edgar Allen Poe, III”

    Edgar probably belongs on the endangered species list.

    Reply
  25. Son of Sam says

    November 12, 2008 at 9:07 am

    My Dad’s middle name was Welington. My Grama’s name was Wilomena Mae. My Grandpap called her Bill.

    Reply
  26. Dave says

    November 12, 2008 at 9:39 am

    Required reading for students of baby names…this is both hilarious and also sad:

    http://www.notwithoutmyhandbag.com/babynames/index.html

    Reply
  27. jim britton says

    November 12, 2008 at 9:46 am

    Not common names?
    Mom’s mom was named Winifred.
    Dad’s mom was named Anna Mae.
    I was told at various times in my youth that my middle name was going to be Elmer or Aloysius, but I suspect that my dad was only joking.

    Reply
  28. Sonny in NH says

    November 12, 2008 at 10:02 am

    well here goes……my given name is Arthur Witham and had a grandmother who was a Blanche Delphia. now you know why i go by Sonny……not too sure where the nickname came from…..also have have the suffix III after my name…..sounds kind of regal….NOT

    Reply
  29. Kathleen says

    November 12, 2008 at 10:22 am

    We have some names in my family that should die a thousand deaths:

    Claude Felix (great grandfather)
    Casper Rudolph (paternal grandfather)
    Herbert (maternal grandfather’s middle name)
    Ruth (paternal grandmother)

    I got as far as #5 Patricia on that list. I don’t remember a Pat or Patricia in my grade school, although there was one in my sister’s grade when we got to high school.

    Weird that Kathleen was #33 when we had a number of Kathys in my grade, not that I ever went by Kathy, but teachers like to shorten names even when the student doesn’t it shortened.

    I’m with Knucklehead on the long sleeves. I have enough regular old guy-cut short-sleeved t-shirts to choke a whale.

    Reply
  30. Shiny Rod says

    November 12, 2008 at 10:25 am

    I don’t believe any one caught this one yet.

    Beulah

    Reply
  31. Kathleen says

    November 12, 2008 at 10:41 am

    Dave – Dammit, I just spent 20 mintues reading that website and laughing out loud at work. I love snarky, smartasses.

    Reply
  32. Kelly says

    November 12, 2008 at 10:42 am

    I, like Jed, think the new design is a little Dr. Seussy,
    but I will wear it. I ordered already and was wondering
    if I could change my 2 XXL’s into 1 XXL and 1 XL. I’m
    right in between and i want to make sure I have one to fit.

    My moms name is Loretta Dale, kinda weird.
    My grandma on my dads side was Billi and she her
    a twin named Bobbi.

    Reply
  33. Lew in Bama says

    November 12, 2008 at 11:04 am

    My grandfather was Amiel, his twin Amos. Not common names by any stretch. They called them Amos and Andy. My father is Amiel as well, we call him Andy too.
    My grandmother had an unfortunate name, Hessie Vermiel…how do you even come up with that? I believe her sisters were maude and earline.
    My aunts father in law was unnamed for a period of time, then allowed to name himself. He chose Pink, and it stuck.

    Reply
  34. Lew in Bama says

    November 12, 2008 at 11:07 am

    My grandfather was Amiel, his twin Amos. Not common names by any stretch. They called them Amos and Andy. My father is Amiel as well, we call him Andy too.
    My grandmother had an unfortunate name, Hessie Vermiel…how do you even come up with that? I believe her sisters were maude and earline.
    My aunts father in law was unnamed for a period of time, then allowed to name himself. He chose Pink, and it stuck.

    Reply
  35. Dionne says

    November 12, 2008 at 11:10 am

    Some years ago, a friend worked in a doctor’s clinic where there were 3 daughters on the books named Cotton, Paisley and Denim!

    I had 3 Tracey’s in my class at secondary school. I’ve only met two other Dionne’s in the last 40 years. My parents were/are Raymond & Valerie.

    Old fashions names are getting popular in the UK like Stanley and Charlie and Emily and Jessica.

    The best (or could be the worst?) name I ever heard was “Tarquin” being shouted out by his mother in a supermarket one day …

    Reply
  36. Gretchen says

    November 12, 2008 at 11:25 am

    The female half of our new neighbors is named Matilda. The first Matilda I ever met.

    Reply
  37. Oral Roberts says

    November 12, 2008 at 11:36 am

    Oral?

    Reply
  38. caveman says

    November 12, 2008 at 12:00 pm

    ukeil and vera knotts the neighbors circa 1970

    Reply
  39. Juancho says

    November 12, 2008 at 12:11 pm

    ‘preciate the clarification. I’m goin’ to the eyeball doctor today.

    Reply
  40. pagan says

    November 12, 2008 at 12:20 pm

    O.K. Guys Simpsons episode 22 season 7 “The curse of the flying Hellfish” Check out the hellfish logo a good balance between the old and the new!

    Reply
  41. mudpup says

    November 12, 2008 at 12:40 pm

    My moms middle name was Agnes, not so common anymore.

    Pre-order complete. Nice design ETW!

    Reply
  42. harumpa says

    November 12, 2008 at 2:02 pm

    Crap! I’m a day behind again– I don’t know how that happens. But, I did get some work done yesterday– so maybe that’s it.

    Pre-ordered 2 shirts. Jason, how can anyone survive w/o Paypal?

    Ok. Names: two generations ago my DH’s family Minnie, short for Minerva. Married to Harry. Gave birth to Harry (whose SIL was Winnie)–Hubby’s generation was Jeffrey, Jonathan, James and we gave birth to Harry.
    My family: Estelle married Fred. My other granpa was Fred also– not the same one 🙂
    Now my sisters have been up to some nonsense: Elais, Kasper (VERY white skinned, almost translucent, dare I say), Maeve, Quinn and Cora. We also have an Olivia, Catelyn, Ben, Shriya and Milan.
    My son is the only Harry in the High school and all the kids know who he is. I don’t know if that is good or bad… (no secrets here)

    Reply
  43. currage says

    November 12, 2008 at 2:12 pm

    My g-ma’s were Winnie and Glenis. I had an aunt with a strange name, but can’t remember it off the top of my head…

    Reply
  44. Jason says

    November 12, 2008 at 2:42 pm

    harumpa, I used to be a card carrying member of paypal – literally. My wife signed me up and I got a paypal debit card. But I lost the card, of course, and I don’t know what my login name and password is. I don’t keep up with things. I don’t carry a wallet. I like to wad all of my cash into tiny little balls and jamb them in my front pockets. My drivers license stays in the glove box of my car. I have no idea where my social security card is. Oh – my passport is at the bottom of my underwear drawer (I spotted it the other day because our dryer shit the bed and I got to the bottom of the pile).

    I’d like to be more organized, but it takes too long. My desk is a mess. What more can I say?

    Reply
  45. Vicki says

    November 12, 2008 at 2:59 pm

    The smoke looks like a pin joint to me. A really skinny ass one.

    Reply
  46. Jason says

    November 12, 2008 at 3:31 pm

    To me the whole world either looks like a pin joint or a tootsie roll, sometimes both.

    Reply
  47. Stuart says

    November 13, 2008 at 5:20 am

    Just look at the names in my family

    Grand parents and great aunts:

    Gertrude
    Irene
    Clare Rae (this is the south)
    Carole Sue “
    Matilda
    Barbara

    Aunts and mother:

    Evelyn
    Shirley
    Phyllis

    The men’s names are all normal however.

    My wife has a fat Chinese friend from Singapore named Phyllis. Most Asians (living in Asia not born in the US) choose their own Western names as soon as they are old enough to so themselves. I told my wife to tell this girl to change her name as there has not been a Phyllis who was born later than 1946.

    Reply
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