Though rare, side effects may include:
- Complete loss of skin
- Sudden change in sexual preference
- Unpredictable onset of Bo Diddley heartbeat
- Catastrophic skeletal collapse
- Blooming moles
- Emergence of additional, horizontal butt crack
- Screaming vomit
- Pancake syrup urine
- Defecation of lung or lungs
- Hallucinations featuring Willie Mays
- Sudden urge to achieve sexual union with inanimate objects such as telephones or the dining room hutch
- Inexplicable Hungarian accent
- Boy in a plastic bubble-ism
- Forearm lined with penises
- Overwhelming desire to defend Jefferson Starship
- Excruciating pain, followed by horrible death
- Bagpipe voice
- Tongue the size of a soda can
- All food tastes like ketchup
- Propensity to throw unprovoked haymakers
- “Smiling like a retard” expression for the rest of your life
- Spontaneous combustion
- Full Clint Howard-ization of forehead
- Bedwetting from the hall
- Donkey kickin’
- Sizzling scars
- Hands like dinner rolls
- Head permanently ratcheted hard to the left
Please use the comments form below to report additional side effects encountered, as required by the Food and Drug Administration, ‘n’ shit.
Now playing in the bunker
Evil Twin t-shirts now only $13!
Inexplicable urge to respond “FIRST” to every post.
Constant urge to talk like Emo Philips
Constantly smelling your arm pits
Knees no longer bend
Grow another belly button
Hair keeps changing color like tube lighting
You actually believe flatulence is an art form
You develop a tourettes “FUCK YOU” but only at church.
Spontaneous Cornrow Syndrome
Nurse Ratched says
Inordinate use of the Reply feature
May awaken you to life outside of the Matrix.
Sudden pronunciation of “American” as “Merkin”
David Lee Roth chest hair
Oh, and yeah, I know it’s Sunday, but
Top 10 for the first time since May!
Talk like Chewbacca.
Brain matter may discharge from the nose.
Uncontrollable punching of self.
Primordial gills may reemerge.
Walk like an Egyptian.
Greg Gumble hair
3 hour 59 minute erection
loss of penis
additional penis growth in taint zone
Sudden dizziness, fainting, inability to clean cat box
Begin interjecting “chainsaws and butter” into every conversation
Reminds me of a sign seen at a ski area boundary: “STOP – Going beyond this point may result in loss of skiing privileges and/or death”.
And apropos of nothing, a memory from junior high school: “If you’re Lipshitz, does your ass talk?”
Restless hair syndrome
Screaming like Bobcat Goldthait during intercourse.
Giggling during defecation.
Hair grows out in cornrows.
Sexual organs become tough and leathery.
Body odor like burnt microwave popcorn.
>Inexplicable Hungarian accent<
My hovercraft is full of eels.
desire to push Oreo cookies into every orifice
pubic hair grows out in corn rows
inexplicable attraction to mice
uncontrollable writing of limericks
mumbling “where are the horses?” to yourself in the aisles at Walmart
Lori in Cbus says
You can hear but your ears are numb
Toes grow straight up
Calf muscles develop udders
Isle of langerhans becomes a continent
Taiwan On says
falling without being able to get up
herpes type 9
Jenny Piccalo says
out of control Bieber fever
Sudden explosive lactation.
Stool is identical to peanut brittle.
Sight of Geico lizard causes instant powerful arousal.
Evil Twin's Wife says
While I did not have actual urine of pancake syrup, I did have pee that SMELLED like it – and my underarms and any sweating that occurred smelled like pancakes. I was on Reglan to increase my milk supply while trying to pump breast milk for my preemie. Everything smelled like pancakes at our house! LOL.
It could have been much worse…..LOL
poster child for IHOP
pancake batter tits
Preocupation with spanking the monkey
Uncontrollable urge to slap idiots
Hemmorioids that you may trip over
I have two out of three and am not even taking it!
Inexplicable urge to wear spandex
developing basement doll hair
Unstoppable urge to eat “Great Value” brand food
(For men) lactation
Development of a prehensile butt cheek
Ability to interpret omens in feces
-in the presence of peanuts, penis picks them up like elephant
Jersey Scott says
Simultaneous Deja vu and Amnesia
Involuntary fake British accent
Something that can best be described as “Reverse Sneezing”
seems like my posts are going into space…
zoe "Body-shaped tarp wrapped in twine" says
Penile Whistle Syndrome
Testicular Bell Disorder
(whoever coined “jingleballs” the other day, that was damn funny.)
You enjoy sex more but only while thinking about cheese.
Uncle Buzz in Wheeling says
You suddenly develop the steaming hots for…Betty White.
You wonder if there is a female Gumby.
You suddenly become overly interested in the laundry that is hanging on neighborhood clothes lines.
You begin channel surfing late at night for episodes of “Maude” and “The Golden Girls”
(Now I’m scarin’ myself.)
JOHN SCOTT says
Sudden unexplained tail growth.
may cause irritable rectal vaccum syndrome
inexplicable desire to vote for witches
sudden fusing of all vertebrae so you turn your body like Ed Sullivan
magnetization of penile implants; use care around knives and keep in mind that an MRI will cause one final but spectacular boner
sudden inability to remember which one, Hall or Oates, is the gay one
sudden desire to celebrate Richard Nixon’s birthday by planting a listening device in, or near, your rectum
hot fuzz says
lakrfool, I’ve always wanted a prehensile penis
causes artificial insemination
may become tri-polar
secrete strong semen scent
become both hot AND fuzzy
ringing in ears replaced with sound like snap, crackle, pop
develop uncontrollable urge to rip others bandaides off
succeptible to strained Andromeda
may begin to end every sentence with upward inflection
develop Angelina Jolie lip, men only
ejaculation may cause penis to make riccochet sound
indistinguishable tastes foremerly “tastes lick chicken” replaced with “tastes like Robutussen”
Your penis and/or nipples will suddenly blossom into a flower.
Fingernails will turn into bamboo.
Armpits will develop mellon sized tumors.
You will have the urge to stop at green lights and go on red….wait…this is Pittsburgh…it’s already happening.
This one is right in your wheelhouse. I know you are both pitcher and hitter in that metaphor, but at least there’s not a catcher. Some days a few reporters are funnier than you. Not today. You had the mojo in your hands when you were typing…
Glow in the dark nards.
T. Farty McAppleass says
-Dramatic increase in the chances that you’ll be struck in the head by lightning.
-Irrational fear of musical instruments.
-Might literally shit yourself inside-out.
-Refusal to discuss anything except birdhouses and birdhouse construction.
-Being fixated on how Bruce Lee REALLY died.
-Can only read, write and speak in Pig Latin.
-May develop a hunch back.
-May develop funnel pants.
-exit points for feces and urine may switch suddenly.
-Men may have strong urge to paint their nails.
David I. says
An actual side effect listed on a friend’s anti-depression medicine. Had to stop taking it because every time he had an itch he thought we was going to die. Great side effect for anti-depression don’t you think?
May cause Inflammed carpet on teeth
delayed response to porn
Root 66 says
-Urge to play-act Harry Potter (you MUST be Hermione!)
-Stool that smells like an electrical fire and requires a spoon to get out.
-You may break out in a rash that look like the virgin Mary.
-Strong desire to steal men’s underthings.
Urge to build life size Virgin Mary Statue out of Lego.
Andy Rooney Eyebrows
Don King Hair
Talk like Mike Tyson
Nose Hair long enough to braid
Oprah-like Weight Gain
Ryan H. says
For God’s sake, take the pill!!! (see webpage)