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Ask Your Doctor If It’s Right For You!

October 10, 2010 By Jeff 50 Comments

Though rare, side effects may include:

  • Complete loss of skin
  • Sudden change in sexual preference
  • Unpredictable onset of Bo Diddley heartbeat
  • Catastrophic skeletal collapse
  • Blooming moles
  • Emergence of additional, horizontal butt crack
  • Screaming vomit
  • Pancake syrup urine
  • Defecation of lung or lungs
  • Hallucinations featuring Willie Mays
  • Sudden urge to achieve sexual union with inanimate objects such as telephones or the dining room hutch
  • Inexplicable Hungarian accent
  • Boy in a plastic bubble-ism
  • Forearm lined with penises
  • Overwhelming desire to defend Jefferson Starship
  • Excruciating pain, followed by horrible death
  • Bagpipe voice
  • Tongue the size of a soda can
  • All food tastes like ketchup
  • Propensity to throw unprovoked haymakers
  • “Smiling like a retard” expression for the rest of your life
  • Spontaneous combustion
  • Elephantiasis
  • Full Clint Howard-ization of forehead
  • Bedwetting from the hall
  • Donkey kickin’
  • Sizzling scars
  • Hands like dinner rolls
  • Head permanently ratcheted hard to the left

Please use the comments form below to report additional side effects encountered, as required by the Food and Drug Administration, ‘n’ shit.

Now playing in the bunker
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Filed Under: Daily

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. NDfaninAZ says

    October 10, 2010 at 1:01 pm

    Inexplicable urge to respond “FIRST” to every post.

    Reply
    • emily says

      October 10, 2010 at 1:03 pm

      LOL!

      Reply
  2. dto says

    October 10, 2010 at 1:36 pm

    Constant urge to talk like Emo Philips

    Constantly smelling your arm pits

    Knees no longer bend

    Grow another belly button

    Hair keeps changing color like tube lighting

    You actually believe flatulence is an art form

    You develop a tourettes “FUCK YOU” but only at church.

    Reply
  3. required says

    October 10, 2010 at 2:03 pm

    Projectile spleen

    Ocular acne

    Lock Toe

    Spontaneous Cornrow Syndrome

    Prolapsed Nostrils

    Reply
  4. Nurse Ratched says

    October 10, 2010 at 2:04 pm

    Ron Jeremy-ism

    Reply
  5. Greg says

    October 10, 2010 at 2:06 pm

    Inordinate use of the Reply feature

    Reply
  6. Maki says

    October 10, 2010 at 2:22 pm

    May awaken you to life outside of the Matrix.

    Reply
    • Gretchen says

      October 10, 2010 at 2:33 pm

      LOL!

      Reply
  7. Knucklehead says

    October 10, 2010 at 2:31 pm

    Shotgun diarrhea

    Sudden pronunciation of “American” as “Merkin”

    David Lee Roth chest hair

    Reply
  8. Knucklehead says

    October 10, 2010 at 2:32 pm

    Oh, and yeah, I know it’s Sunday, but

    Top 10 for the first time since May!

    Reply
  9. Gretchen says

    October 10, 2010 at 2:36 pm

    Talk like Chewbacca.

    Brain matter may discharge from the nose.

    Uncontrollable punching of self.

    Primordial gills may reemerge.

    Walk like an Egyptian.

    Reply
  10. icecycle66 says

    October 10, 2010 at 2:36 pm

    backwards elbow
    club foot
    eternal life
    hairloss
    instant death
    Greg Gumble hair
    3 hour 59 minute erection
    webbed feet
    loss of penis
    breast invertion
    pregnancy
    mushmouth
    testicular torsion
    additional penis growth in taint zone
    rash

    Reply
  11. chill says

    October 10, 2010 at 3:00 pm

    Sudden dizziness, fainting, inability to clean cat box
    Begin interjecting “chainsaws and butter” into every conversation
    Recto-cranial inversion
    Gangrene

    Reminds me of a sign seen at a ski area boundary: “STOP – Going beyond this point may result in loss of skiing privileges and/or death”.

    And apropos of nothing, a memory from junior high school: “If you’re Lipshitz, does your ass talk?”
    .

    Reply
  12. Poppajugs says

    October 10, 2010 at 3:11 pm

    Restless hair syndrome

    Reply
  13. Ed says

    October 10, 2010 at 3:11 pm

    Screaming like Bobcat Goldthait during intercourse.

    Giggling during defecation.

    Hair grows out in cornrows.

    Sexual organs become tough and leathery.

    Body odor like burnt microwave popcorn.

    Sandy stools.

    Reply
  14. lakrfool says

    October 10, 2010 at 3:35 pm

    >Inexplicable Hungarian accent<

    My hovercraft is full of eels.

    Reply
  15. Malcolm says

    October 10, 2010 at 3:48 pm

    desire to push Oreo cookies into every orifice

    pubic hair grows out in corn rows

    inexplicable attraction to mice

    uncontrollable writing of limericks

    mumbling “where are the horses?” to yourself in the aisles at Walmart

    Reply
    • Lori in Cbus says

      October 10, 2010 at 5:50 pm

      mmmm oreos..

      Reply
  16. dto says

    October 10, 2010 at 4:36 pm

    You can hear but your ears are numb

    Toes grow straight up

    Calf muscles develop udders

    Isle of langerhans becomes a continent

    Reply
  17. Taiwan On says

    October 10, 2010 at 5:21 pm

    mold, mildew
    falling without being able to get up
    herpes type 9

    Reply
  18. Jenny Piccalo says

    October 10, 2010 at 6:31 pm

    out of control Bieber fever

    Reply
  19. Ed says

    October 10, 2010 at 7:55 pm

    Sudden explosive lactation.

    Stool is identical to peanut brittle.

    Sight of Geico lizard causes instant powerful arousal.

    Reply
  20. Evil Twin's Wife says

    October 10, 2010 at 7:58 pm

    While I did not have actual urine of pancake syrup, I did have pee that SMELLED like it – and my underarms and any sweating that occurred smelled like pancakes. I was on Reglan to increase my milk supply while trying to pump breast milk for my preemie. Everything smelled like pancakes at our house! LOL.

    Reply
    • kenju says

      October 11, 2010 at 9:06 am

      It could have been much worse…..LOL

      Reply
      • tomincola says

        October 11, 2010 at 11:24 am

        poster child for IHOP

        Reply
  21. icecycle66 says

    October 10, 2010 at 8:47 pm

    fuzzy tongue

    bar stool

    pancake batter tits

    bitter urine

    Reply
  22. Al says

    October 10, 2010 at 8:49 pm

    Preocupation with spanking the monkey
    Uncontrollable urge to slap idiots
    Hemmorioids that you may trip over

    Reply
    • Uncle_Wedgie says

      October 11, 2010 at 1:48 pm

      I have two out of three and am not even taking it!

      Reply
  23. Misselle says

    October 10, 2010 at 9:01 pm

    Inexplicable urge to wear spandex

    developing basement doll hair

    Unstoppable urge to eat “Great Value” brand food

    (For men) lactation

    Development of a prehensile butt cheek

    Ability to interpret omens in feces

    Reply
  24. lakrfool says

    October 10, 2010 at 9:07 pm

    -in the presence of peanuts, penis picks them up like elephant

    Reply
  25. Jersey Scott says

    October 10, 2010 at 9:17 pm

    Simultaneous Deja vu and Amnesia

    Involuntary fake British accent

    Something that can best be described as “Reverse Sneezing”

    Reply
  26. lakrfool says

    October 10, 2010 at 9:20 pm

    seems like my posts are going into space…

    Reply
  27. zoe "Body-shaped tarp wrapped in twine" says

    October 10, 2010 at 10:24 pm

    Penile Whistle Syndrome

    Testicular Bell Disorder
    (whoever coined “jingleballs” the other day, that was damn funny.)

    Reply
  28. dto says

    October 10, 2010 at 11:38 pm

    You enjoy sex more but only while thinking about cheese.

    Reply
  29. Uncle Buzz in Wheeling says

    October 11, 2010 at 12:15 am

    You suddenly develop the steaming hots for…Betty White.

    You wonder if there is a female Gumby.

    You suddenly become overly interested in the laundry that is hanging on neighborhood clothes lines.

    You begin channel surfing late at night for episodes of “Maude” and “The Golden Girls”

    (Now I’m scarin’ myself.)

    Reply
  30. JOHN SCOTT says

    October 11, 2010 at 12:55 am

    Sudden unexplained tail growth.

    Reply
  31. Al says

    October 11, 2010 at 2:46 am

    may cause irritable rectal vaccum syndrome

    Reply
  32. johnthebasket says

    October 11, 2010 at 3:31 am

    inexplicable desire to vote for witches

    sudden fusing of all vertebrae so you turn your body like Ed Sullivan

    magnetization of penile implants; use care around knives and keep in mind that an MRI will cause one final but spectacular boner

    sudden inability to remember which one, Hall or Oates, is the gay one

    sudden desire to celebrate Richard Nixon’s birthday by planting a listening device in, or near, your rectum

    jtb

    Reply
  33. hot fuzz says

    October 11, 2010 at 6:10 am

    lakrfool, I’ve always wanted a prehensile penis

    causes artificial insemination
    may become tri-polar
    secrete strong semen scent
    become both hot AND fuzzy
    ringing in ears replaced with sound like snap, crackle, pop
    develop uncontrollable urge to rip others bandaides off
    succeptible to strained Andromeda
    may begin to end every sentence with upward inflection
    develop Angelina Jolie lip, men only
    ejaculation may cause penis to make riccochet sound
    indistinguishable tastes foremerly “tastes lick chicken” replaced with “tastes like Robutussen”

    Reply
  34. bikerchick says

    October 11, 2010 at 8:41 am

    Your penis and/or nipples will suddenly blossom into a flower.

    Fingernails will turn into bamboo.

    Armpits will develop mellon sized tumors.

    You will have the urge to stop at green lights and go on red….wait…this is Pittsburgh…it’s already happening.

    Reply
  35. johnthebasket says

    October 11, 2010 at 9:18 am

    Jeff…

    This one is right in your wheelhouse. I know you are both pitcher and hitter in that metaphor, but at least there’s not a catcher. Some days a few reporters are funnier than you. Not today. You had the mojo in your hands when you were typing…

    jtb

    Reply
  36. Gretchen says

    October 11, 2010 at 9:39 am

    Glow in the dark nards.

    Reply
  37. T. Farty McAppleass says

    October 11, 2010 at 9:50 am

    -Dramatic increase in the chances that you’ll be struck in the head by lightning.

    -Irrational fear of musical instruments.

    -Might literally shit yourself inside-out.

    -Refusal to discuss anything except birdhouses and birdhouse construction.

    -Inappropriate laughter.

    -Being fixated on how Bruce Lee REALLY died.

    -Can only read, write and speak in Pig Latin.

    -May develop a hunch back.

    -May develop funnel pants.

    -exit points for feces and urine may switch suddenly.

    -Men may have strong urge to paint their nails.

    Reply
  38. David I. says

    October 11, 2010 at 9:53 am

    Fatal rash

    An actual side effect listed on a friend’s anti-depression medicine. Had to stop taking it because every time he had an itch he thought we was going to die. Great side effect for anti-depression don’t you think?

    Reply
  39. Carla says

    October 11, 2010 at 11:13 am

    May cause Inflammed carpet on teeth
    delayed response to porn

    Reply
  40. Root 66 says

    October 11, 2010 at 11:45 am

    -Urge to play-act Harry Potter (you MUST be Hermione!)

    -Stool that smells like an electrical fire and requires a spoon to get out.

    -You may break out in a rash that look like the virgin Mary.

    -Strong desire to steal men’s underthings.

    Reply
  41. hardoxdan says

    October 11, 2010 at 12:54 pm

    Urge to build life size Virgin Mary Statue out of Lego.

    Reply
  42. Laserboy says

    October 12, 2010 at 8:11 am

    Spock Ears
    Andy Rooney Eyebrows
    Don King Hair
    Talk like Mike Tyson
    Nose Hair long enough to braid
    Oprah-like Weight Gain

    Reply
  43. Ryan H. says

    October 12, 2010 at 1:33 pm

    For God’s sake, take the pill!!! (see webpage)

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1319594/Police-plea-human-guinea-pig-injected-malaria-You-need-immediate-medical-attention.html

    Reply
  44. t-storm says

    October 16, 2010 at 9:46 pm

    Magnets

    Reply

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