We were talking about names last night at work, and how it’s hard to imagine newborn babies with common names of the recent past. Like Kevin, or Larry. When I was in school, those were just regular boy names. But it’s weird to think of a baby, lying in a crib in 2010, named Larry. Or Roger.
Then I asked my fellow sad-ass break room white bread sandwich-eaters if they’re satisfied with the names they were given. And it was a mixed response.
Personally, I’m neutral on mine. I don’t hate it, or love it. It’s not a name I would’ve chosen, that’s for sure, but it’s not horrible. I guess.
The problem, I think, is that mine brings together two one-syllable names, and it seems kinda halting and choppy. Know what I mean? If a person’s last name is only one syllable, you’ve gotta bust-out a few extra syllables with the first name. Right? Add a little texture… That’s what we did with our kids.
Yeah, I know, I could go with Jeffrey. But nobody’s ever called me that, and it conjures certain negative images in my head. The name Jeffrey seems like some wormy little man who is in his 40s and still lives with his parents, and says things like “Maybe we should call mother?”
And my middle name isn’t an option, either. Scott is also one-syllable, so that doesn’t help me, whatsoever. Maybe I could’ve gone the Waltons route, and started going by the name Jeff-Scott? Yeah, maybe not…
Another small issue I have with Jeff, is that it’s completely unoriginal. If you pull up a list of the most popular boy names from the year I was born, you’ll find that my parents weren’t exactly into bucking trends. They chose current popular names for me, and my brother. And I would’ve appreciated something a little more creative, thank you very much.
Plus, “Jeff Kay” sounds like “JFK,” and that’s kind of weird. I’m sure it never occurred to my mom and dad, but people sometimes still look at me weird when I tell them my name, like I’m trying to be funny or something.
On the other hand… it’s not a terrible name, and I certainly don’t hate it. I mean, at this point I’m kinda used to it. And it doesn’t really matter, one way or the other; it’s not something I’m going to get all wound-up about, in either direction.
But are you happy with your name? What are your thoughts on it? If you could change your first name to something else, do you have one picked out? I don’t. It’s not something I’ve ever contemplated. And have you come across any names, during your travels, that you thought were extra-cool?
Also, are there any names that have been permanently ruined in your mind, because of some person you know, or used to know?
I don’t want to offend anyone named Dennis out there, but I don’t care for that name — because of a guy from Junior High School. His name was Dennis (of course), and he was a complete roughneck stoner who smoked and made out with trashy skanks behind Dunbar Printing.
He was so old, had failed so many times, he drove to school during Junior High, and parked his piece of shit car in the teachers’ parking lot. Heh. He was a menacing kick-your-ass type, and always had hickies all over his neck. He was both scary and disgusting.
One time I saw him in an alley near the school with some breathtakingly ugly girl, and she had her right hand down the front of his underwear (his pants were fully unzipped), just going to town like she was churnin’ butter. In broad daylight, beside a crate of rotting cabbage!
So, you see, the name Dennis is completely ruined for me. Always and forever. Do you have anything along those lines? Tell us about it, won’t you?
And I’ll be back tomorrow, right here.
See ya then.
Casey J says
My name isn’t bad. And it isn’t casey, so good luck figuring that one out. 🙂 I was supposed to be Ryan if I was a boy, and that would have been way cooler.
I dislike( and no offense to anyone)the names Frank, Roger, Larry, Rhonda, Renee, Carla etc etc. I don’t know why. OH…add Harvey to the list. My last name used to be Ilg, and try explaining a 3 letter last name to everyone. holy hell.
I worked with a guitar player named Renee. He was from Motnreal (figures) and they called him Renny so his name didn’t sound as gay as he look. Serious.
hot fuzz says
Reminds me of a German Dominatrix.. like in Euro Trip
I kinda like the name Gretchen.. it lends itself easily to a short form – Gretch that sound like a girl that would be lots of fun to be around…. or maybe that’s just you
Thanks Hot Fuzz. But I will cut you if you call me Gretch. 😉
hot fuzz says
Gut me and leave me by the side of the road for the scavengers to pick at my entrails?
OK, got it.
Casey J says
also dislike the names people give their kids, mainly Dustin and Austin. maybe it is the in. I don’t know. I am special.
Evil Twin's Wife says
I have an unusual name (not a made up one, but one you don’t hear very often), my husband has a name you don’t hear often and our 2 kids have unusual names. We didn’t want “Cody X” or “Madison X” in school. So far, they are the only ones with their names throughout their school careers.
I have an old Celtic name which is not too unusual where I was born, but gets the glazed eyed “your-name-is-what?!” blank look here in the US. When ordering pizza etc I’m “Bob”.
My daughter has a cool old Celtic name too. Well, we think it’s cool, I guess we’ll find out for sure when she’s old enough to express an opinion on it 🙂
No problems with my name (Eric). My Mother was going to name me Douglas (Doug) since my older Brothers were Dennis and David. My Dad overruled; so I was named Eric.
Note: My older brothers (Dave-Dick and Den-Dick) called me ‘Air-Dick’ for years. We were (and still are) so juvenile.
Forgot. My wifes name is Darlene and she is the 5th of 5 girls whose names all start with D (Diane, Debbie, Denise, Donna). But she goes by DeeDee.
Thus the online name = Airandee
I used to hate my name when I was a kid, but I’ve grown fond of it over the years. (Carrie). I was born in 76, same year as the horror movie of the same name. To this day I haven’t watched it.
I guess my husband and I are traditionalists. We like the normal names that your teachers won’t butcher during roll-call and you don’t have to say “just call me …..” for the rest of your life.
We’re Mark, Carrie, Katie, and Kyle.
Short and sweet.
Wow. Jeffrey Scott Kay………… kinda sounds like the dude who wrote the national anthem and whatnot.
Despite my handle here, I’m a Jim. Meh, not an exciting name, but not terrible. I’m named after my favorite uncle, so I guess it’s cool. My ex-wife gave her son (not mine, but I wish he was) my first name as a middle name.
Dennis…yeah, not a good one for me either. I have a cousin named dennis who basically looks like Herman Munster with red hair, and is about as smart. He once was pulled over for speeding with another of our cousins in his corvette. Dennis jumperd out of the car, jumped over the barb wire fence on the side of the freeway, and ran off to short lived “freedom.” Meanwhile, the cops had his car, and our other cousin was still sitting in the passenger seat.
The only other Dennis I know is a friend from childhood. Really nice guy, but totally goofy. He once lit a match and held it to the opening of a 5 gallon plastic gasoline can to see if there was any gas in it. Yeah, I still have a scar over my eye where a shard of plastic hit me…and I was standing 20 feet away!
Three different spellings/ variations of douch today. Doucheness as in douch-ness, and then I see douchiness, and there’s douchyness also. I offer up douchenicity…ya know…for ‘uniqueness’.
Further Evidence is a link to a treasure box of some funny, funny stuff. Check it out. Thanks Jeff. I’m dying over here. There’s some John Williams and some Miles stuff (and more) that are friggin’ gut busters. Thanks!!
I like my name just fine. But I once knew a Fleeta and a Burl. Burl had his name changed to Larry after his parents died.
My wife used to deliver packages to Burl Ives on her FedEx route. She had a friend who filled in for her on occasion, who, when delivering, asked Burl Ives to autograph a cassette tape case of one of Burll’s recordings. He refused to do it because it was a counterfeit tape, which he received no royalties. He was totally cool about it, and the woman understood.
The only thing “I” don’t understand is how there is some substantial underground market out there where producing counterfeit Burl Ives recordings is somehow a profitable enterprise!
Yeah, I’m cool with Buck….and if you don’t like it—I’ll gladly whip your ass and you can then go fuck yourself.
Seriously, good to hear from you again, Buck! Been too long since you’ve given us an update from the holler’!
Son of Sam says
I’m Samuel Mark I have been known as Mark all my life. My father was Samuel Wellington thank God I didn’t get that handle. Could you imagine Wellington for fucks sake?
Son of Sam says
My Grandma was Wilomena my Grandpap called her “Bill” I always thought that was cool
My mother claims there weren’t many Jason’s when I was born. Turns out it was the second most popular boy name in 1975. Jason is my middle name. My first name shall always remain secret and will never be muttered by the lips of man.
If I could change my name to anything I think it would be Tennessee Farty McAppleass.
I’ve not met many people named Scott or Roy that were worth a shit.
On a side note, I went to Waffle House last night for biscuts and gravy and huge amounts of bacon and sausage.
There wasn’t another Monica at my elementary school until I was in 5th grade, and she never caught up with me again. At one time I thought “Ashley” would be a good name to have, not so much now.
Monica is awesome, except for the nicknames, here’s a slew of the ones I have endured:
Moni (family only please)
Mon and Mon-mon (even coworkers!)
I even had one person come up with Mojo, wtf?!
I have to spell my last name on the phone all the time, it’s not even that difficult! But I could never give it up…almost all the females on my Dad’s side have kept it too, so at least there’s a precedent!
Bank of America ATM says
I would rename my son if I could. The name Ethan suddenly exploded in popularity the year after he was born, and now I feel like a trend-follower.
Oh well, he likes it.
Bank of America ATM says
Oh, and someone I know had a little boy last year, and they named him Richard Hunter! He goes by Hunter, but come on!