That’s the thing. There are items on this list that I don’t like, but I know I don’t like them… because I’ve tried them a few times. I’ve met many people who say they don’t like a long, long list of things they’ve never tasted. That bugs me. Also, there’s no shortage (amazingly enough) of full-grown adults who eat like six year olds: hot dogs with ketchup, chicken strips, macaroni and cheese, burgers with next to no toppings, cheese pizza. And not much else. That also bugs me. And… I’ve met many adults who have a weird hang-up about their food “touching.” You know, the mashed potatoes can’t brush up against the corn or they’ll experience some kind of emotional collapse. Freaks.
Also, there are several items on this list I don’t like, but will eat in small amounts. Things like mayonnaise and garlic. The problem there? It’s very difficult for people to exercise restraint with either of those ingredients. Can you think of any others that are more routinely over-used than mayonnaise and garlic? I recall standing in a Subway in Atlanta years ago, apocalyptically hungover, and the woman in front of me kept asking for more and more and more mayonnaise. It was piled up high, jiggling and shiny. I’m not kidding, I nearly barfed. Blecch.
But, when I go to Wendy’s I always order my #1 with “no pickles.” I let the mayo ride. So… I don’t really like it, but I’m semi-reasonable on the subject. Pickles are far too dominating, and also loaded with garlic. Those things can go to hell. However… I do like sweet pickles. Especially with grilled cheese sandwiches, for some reason.
In any case, there are six items on the above list that I’d absolutely say no to, in every case: liver, tofu, asparagus, raw fish, olives, and snails. Liver is nasty. I’ve had tofu, and it’s off-putting. It seems to get bigger as you chew. Asparagus is one of the rare vegetables I don’t care for. Raw fish? What am I, a pelican? You hipsters can have my serving. I could choke down a few olives if I had to, but wouldn’t enjoy it. And snails? Maybe I’m a hypocrite, but I can’t recall ever eating them. And I’m cool with that.
There’s stuff on the list that are not my favorite, but they’re not on the NEVER list. Like zucchini. That’s a mushy bullshit vegetable. But it doesn’t turn my stomach.
How picky of an eater are you? Do you eat like you’re still in fourth grade? Can your food touch or does it trigger nervous exhaustion? How many items on the list above are in your NEVER category? Is my six low? High? Normal? I’m curious to find out. I feel like I’m far from picky, but I’m not going to be engaging in any extreme-eating, either. I’ve had stuff like alligator and snake, and attended a so-called Beast Feast years ago. I stopped at Burger King on my way home from that thing. The snapping turtle bisque just didn’t do it for me. And the coon cutlets were nicely prepared but unsatisfying. I tried it all, though.
Bring us up to date on this one, won’t you? Use the comments section to report your number from the above list, and share your thoughts on picky eaters.
Before I go, I want to alert you to something very cool. Producer Zipp (who does an expert job making my podcast sound semi-professional) and his comedy partner Bob have produced a radio drama called Beer Run. Zipp wrote the script, and the two of them perform all the characters. It’s hilarious, and highly recommended. Check it out here. It’s about fifteen minutes long, and is very creative and funny. Give it a listen!
And I’ll see you guys again soon.
Have a great day!