The gifts have been opened, the house is turned upside-down, the kids are getting cabin fever and calling each other hurtful names (“whistle dick,” “anus neck,” etc.), the dips and side dishes are way past played-out, and the dog ate a length of green ribbon that you’ll eventually have to pull out of his butthole — like a magician performing some sort of highly questionable “trick.”
And now it’s time to treat yourself. You’ve given and given, and dammit… now it’s your turn.
You could pamper yourself and buy a load of bath oils or shower gels or an apricot ass mask, or whatever. And that would be fine, but not very original. Or you could go the gadgetry route (a Kindle, an iPod), and that’s always a good choice — as long as you use the Surf Report Amazon links. But keep in mind… those credit card bills will start coming due in mid-January. And that’s where the fun ends.
So, what then? What could you buy yourself that’s unusual, and won’t break the bank? Well, I’ve got the perfect solution for ya. Why not go with a beautiful, high-quality t-shirt that promotes a semi-obscure website! How perfect is that, huh?
And to meet you halfway on the deal, I’ve temporarily dropped the price on the best-looking shirt we’ve ever offered (IMHO), to just twelve bucks each, shipping included. Twelve! But only until January 1. As soon as 2010 arrives, those babies are going back to sixteen dollars.
Surf Reporter Melissa is shown here modeling the world famous (I’ve mailed ’em to Australia, England, Canada, and France) Evil Twin blue & gray short sleeved masterpiece. And at just twelve measly dollars… man, what are you waiting for? I can’t guarantee you’ll look as cute as Melissa does while wearing it, but anything’s possible. Well, almost anything.
These are great shirts, in all seriousness. The material is thick, and will stand up to repeated washings. Unlike that Dave Matthews shirt you bought for forty bucks while you were drunk (or whatever). You know, the one that fell apart in the washer, because it was sewn together with hemp thread?
Not our shirts! These are made by the T-Shirt Lady, and she’s not a pothead. So, order away, while the price is so insanely low. And if you do it by Wednesday night, it’ll be in the mail to you on Thursday morning. That’s my next day off, and I plan to get some mailing done.
If you already have one of the shirts, why not help the folks who can’t decide, and tell them about the wonderful adventures you’ve had while wearing it? And if you can’t recall any remarkable adventures, just make something up. I don’t care.
Tell them, for instance, about the time traveling capabilities the shirt provides, and the day you saw a crippled child throw away his crutches, after slipping into the Evil Twin blue & gray. Three wolves, one moon has NOTHING on the leaping catfish.
Use the comments link to tell us your stories, and the PayPal link to place your orders.
And I’ll see you guys next time!
UPDATE: The sale has ended, but these beautiful shirts are still available at the regular price. Please order below. And thanks!
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Could it be?
Good Afternoon Surf Reporters….
I’m hoping everyone is having themselves a pleasant day. I, however, am chained to my desk at work dealing with the masses.
It’s full blown hysteria I tell ‘ya.
I can attest to both the quality and the fashion sense that you will absolutely exude while wearing one of these highest quality garments.
I have the old logo in grey, blue and maroon as well as the evil twin versions in green and booboo maroon. Each works well with the two WVSR smoking fish hats (one for dress and the other for work).
All of these items work equally well with or without pants.
Buy the damn things.
Playing on the 8 Track: Juice Newton’s Greatest hits
Tres Hombres!!!!!!
Alright!! Boxing da update and shameless self promotion all rolled into one. Sweet!!
I tell ya what, that Melissa is a great shirt model. Cute!
I had to stop wearing my green long sleeved fish shirt in public. Whenever I’d wear it out I’d notice that hot females would throw themselves out me. I quickly caught on and even wore a jacket over it to hide the logo. No dice. They still jumped at me like starved trollops. “Please sir, I won’t even take my clothes off, I just want to lick you. Please!” And I’d say, “NO! You mustn’t lick me. I’m a married man!” I even had to come up with a little rhyme to help them understand:
“Stop, don’t touch me there,
These are my no no squares!” (while drawing squares in the air over my crotch, ass, and teets).
Still, they wouldn’t relent. So I’m forced to keep it in the drawer until my wife goes out of town.
The short sleeved maroon one has the ability to heal the sick. I used to sneak it into the hospital and drape it over the lame and maimed but the doctors got pissed and now I’m barred from the hospital for life. “What if I need medical attention?” I asked them. “Use your fucking shirt, smartass. We’re sick of getting screwed out of work because of you. Stay away. We have facial recognition software. If you come in we’ll have you arrested. We’ll take your shirt away and saw you in half.”
So my shirts have been a mixed blessing.
My ball and chain got me an iPod touch for Christmas and I’m so happy I could puke.
I stuffed my fish shirt with a torso shaped pillow. We’ve become close. I talk to it. I make love to it. Some people say I’m like Tom Hanks in that one movie where he got stranded on an island and started talking to a soccar ball. I say fuck them. Do you see me with a long ZZ Top beard? I think not. Case closed.
I think they’re just jelous. Nothing can come between me and Trish, as I call her. We’re happy together. I want everyone to have what we have. For the love of God, buy a shirt. Buy a torso shaped pillow from Jeff’s Amazon link. And get ready for the most fantastic sex and companionship you’ve ever had.
Dance with me Trish, dance with me. I won’t even take my clothes off. I just want to lick you……….
Has Melissa ever interned for Dave Letterman?
or Worked with Steve Phillips?
Just Kidding – she looks very nice in that shirt.
Odd, but I took comfort after reading that the T Shirt lady isn’t a pothead.
Melissa obviously has a gun behind her back and looks like she means business. Is that a Russian hum box in the window? I like intimidating subliminal advertising.
My fish hat is a babe magnet and on three different occasion, guys took me for metro and I said, “No…I live in the country”.
Once, wearing my old logo shirt, a very pretty girl started to flirt and said she’d inch up her skirt to show me her birthmark of the same design and then she bought me a glass of wine. I said, “I don’t think I can do this”, and she said, “Do it for the fish”! So soon after that I was shirtless and she was skirtless and we both had a very fine time.
Someone who would know told me that when I take off my shirt I look like a Shar Pei…so I need one of these shirts. Does it come in size Extra Plentiful? Bet it looks sweet with a blue blazer.
I still like the “retro” shirts the best.
Guess I’ll have to order a shirt at some point. I didn’t even know thare was a hat. Was that a limited edition or are there more to come? God I must have a 100 tee shirts and lord knows how many hats. Can’t or at least haven’t tried to wear more than one at a time.
Favorite shirt? Sock Monkey playing guitar or Guitarded shirt. Favorite Hat? Genuine Greek Fisherman’s hat or Genuine French Beret.
Do any of you reporters have a favorite hat or shirt? Why?
On the iPod right now— Jackass Flats. Smoking Bluegrass!
T. Bag my Applesauce, I think it was a volley ball not a soccer ball. But I could be wrong, I’ve been drinking cough syrup since last thursday.
Holy crap in a bundt pan; I’m a model?! Now that’s a scary thought! Please ignore my shit-eating “I’m-hungover-but-want-to-show-off-my-new-bad-ass-smoking-fish-tee” grin. Best gift I’ve gotten all year & well worth the money.
(Do models get discounts, Jeff?)
And interned for Letterman? Not yet. Still wishing I had been on the Tiger train. Now there’s some cash!
I sport the new version olive-green long-sleever, as well as the lovely old version. The long-sleever turns me into Gretzky, while the original turns me into Basil McRae. I’m not sure why…
I own the retro short-sleeve and the army green new wave version (as well as almost too-small but who cares hat!), and thought they were enough.
But for only 12 bucks, it appears that I was wrong.
Melissa – you must be a tiny thang. That logo doesn’t cover near as much territory when I wear my shirts…
I wore my green/orange shirt on the first and last day of nursing school and graduated with a 3.78.
Then I wore it to my first job interview. I’m now on the short list to become the next CEO of General Motors. But don’t tell anyone I told you.
Cool, John B:
You think Jeff does drug testing on his vendors? Every T shirt lady I know burns up weed like a Mexican brush fire. I take some comfort in not knowing whether she does for sure, but I seem to recall she fucked up a giant order earlier this year. I think she was THC intoxicated at the time, but that would just be a guess.
jtb
I heard she was seen skipping through a Scranton strip mall (not to be redundant) singing”
“The flowers that bloom in the spring.
Tra la la la la,
Tra la la la la”
…so either she’s hammered or is a HUGE Gilbert & Sullivan fan.
jtb
Just ordered one, Jeff…will proudly advertise for you here in beautiful South Mississippi & Alabama. 🙂
Good Morning Surf Reporters……
Day becomes late, then night becomes light…
with each waking moment we get another chance…
One part of me wants to wax philosophical
Another wants to brew coffee, make toast & fry up eggs with Christmas ham, washed down with ice cold milk. If I had orange juice, that ‘d be part of the equation too.
Further Evidence the End is Near????
> http://www.grammarphobia.com/blog/2007/01/lets-wax-philosophical.html
I linked then instantly regretted it. It’s not relevant. It’s not funny. I’m sorry
Whistle dick is a hurtful name? Sounds like the best bar trick ever.
If you lay on your penis until it’s numb and then masturbate it feels like you’re beating off someone else. Or so I’ve heard.
If you lay on your wife until she’s numb it feels like you’re fucking another woman.
JCIII, I never wax philisophical. I’m so frickin’ rich that I hire Nitzche to lay down a coat, and buff the floors in my house! 😉
Hey!… How did the Bunker Cam know what I got for Christmas???
I wore my Evil Twin blue and gray while making deviled eggs for my family Christmas gathering and let me tell you they were the best deviled eggs I’ve ever made. Coincidence I think not. So buy a damn shirt already and you to will be able to master the deviled egg!
Sigh…..I come here for a daily dose of mind numbing comedy and what do I get? A fucking on-line infomercial…and yes, in hopes it would get better I read the whole damn thing. WOTTA RIPOFF…it started off well enough, Melissa IS a cutie, but it was downhill from there.
Next thing you know, Jeff will be writing some fucked up obsecure music anthology blog on here or sharing his thoughts of mystrious beer with strange foreign labels. It will be anarchy.
I come here to read about the antics of drunken people with half a shirt, old ladies with portable oxygen nursing “the medicine”, decaying hippies who can never get their lives in order, translucent children with the social skills of a block of Velveeta cheese, and a man who’s biggest decisions in life are whether he should risk a club sandwich from Subway embedded with dingleberries and running a streak of more than 40-years of never shitting on a foreign toilet.
So–if it will help, here’s my $12. Now get your ass back to doing what you’re PAID to do before I drop my WVSR Subscription. Ahem.
Buck Out