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An Update on the Arizona Tragicomedy

November 29, 2009 By Jeff 47 Comments

arizonaSunshine & Mumbles paid $1600 to have a blown head gasket repaired on their van, and checked out of the Wet Spot Motor Lodge on Tuesday afternoon.

Nancy sent them an additional $800, and so did Mumbles’ daughter, in Texas.  Our contribution?  Nothing.  We felt a twinge of guilt, but only a twinge.  If it had been responsible family members, or even friends, who found themselves in a rare fix, we wouldn’t have hesitated to help.  But S&M create their own problems, like a problem-making factory.

So, enough is enough.  We refuse to bankroll their irresponsibility.  It seems kind of harsh, if you isolate the incident, but the head gasket episode didn’t happen in a vacuum.  There’s lots and lots of history to go along with it.  Much history.

And yesterday Toney told me something that completely blew my head gasket.  We’ve got three hundred bucks invested in this fiasco.  But does anyone wanna guess how much Nancy & Nostrils have thrown into the black hole?  Almost three grand!  Three THOUSAND dollars!  That’s absolutely amazing, even considering the players involved.  There is no way, in this world or the next.

I guess Eninen contributed an amount to the original thousand that was supposed to fund the whole trip.  Then they sent an additional thousand, so S&M could have some spending money and be able to buy presents, and not feel humiliated on Christmas morning.  Plus this latest $800, and another amount somewhere along the line.  Ha!  And some of you called me a sucker.

But back to the Arizona adventure….  There’s more to report.

Sunshine & Mumbles paid the garage on Tuesday afternoon, checked out of their horrible hotel, and hit the road.  And within two hours they were stranded again.  Apparently this happened somewhere near Flagstaff, and has something to do with the carburetor.

Sunshine called Toney in a state of absolute meltdown — just crying and hollering and speaking in tongues.  Toney told her to go home and forget the whole thing.  It’s not going to happen, she said, and they just need to get back to their apartment.

And from there I’m unclear on it.  At one point Nancy was going to rent a van, and go pick them up.  “In Arizona?!” I hollered.  But for a few hours that was indeed the plan, if you can believe it.

However, that’s now out the window (I think).  Last I heard, and my information is now almost 24 hours old, Toney and Nancy’s brother was going to meet them in Las Vegas, and try to help S&M get their hunk of junk back home.

He’s supposedly handy with cars, but always drives shitty vehicles with one aquamarine door, or whatever.  So it’ll be touch-and-go on whether or not he’ll be able to make it to Vegas.  In a couple of days we might have another person stranded in the desert…

In exchange for this concession, Sunshine is now insisting that Nancy and her family drive to Nevada for Christmas.  That’s supposedly the only way she’d agree to abort the mission.  She also floated the idea of us flying out there, but Toney could barely contain her laughter, so it was never mentioned again.

And that’s where it stood, last I heard.  Nancy had agreed to Sunny’s conditions (another thousand dollars, at least, and lots of aggravation), and will all be spending the holidays in Nevada.  All seven were supposed to be staying here, but now it looks like we might be having Christmas alone.

Is this shit crazy, or what?  And it’s not over.  I have no doubt there will be plenty of further developments, and I’ll keep you updated.  Stay tuned.

I hope you guys had a great Thanksgiving. If you’re in the throes of a holiday shopping frenzy, like so many are, please don’t forget to enter the Amazon site through our links.  I’d be much obliged, and all that good stuff.

See you again tomorrow!

Now playing in the bunker

Treat yourself today at Amazon!
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Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. BDub says

    November 29, 2009 at 1:02 pm

    Ohh, a rare Sunday update. And First!

    Reply
  2. WVULauren says

    November 29, 2009 at 1:07 pm

    Jeff – I was a bit concerned that you guys were going to have to hear about your unwillingness to contribute during their entire stay at your home. I was pretty sure it would be worth every penny you sent them just so you didn’t catch the inevitable hell.

    But problem solved, right?

    Hopefully.

    Reply
  3. Shiny Rod says

    November 29, 2009 at 1:13 pm

    Wow number two and I’m all over this update like sthink on shit. Thanks Jeff!

    Reply
  4. SeanInSac says

    November 29, 2009 at 1:29 pm

    Woohoo 4! 1st time in top 5 ever!

    Reply
  5. Greg says

    November 29, 2009 at 1:37 pm

    We know it’s not over, and all of this will make Christmas so much more interesting. And just becuse they won’t all be at your house doesn’t mean they won’t be doing stupid stuff, and giving us comedy gold. They can do that anywhere! I can hardly wait!

    Reply
  6. Greg says

    November 29, 2009 at 1:38 pm

    And the head gasket repair ad is hilarious!

    Reply
  7. Phillip says

    November 29, 2009 at 1:44 pm

    Jeff,

    Please email me so I can ask you a question about a custom shirt order. I lost your damn email addy!

    Phillip

    Reply
  8. Brynhildr says

    November 29, 2009 at 2:20 pm

    grifters

    Reply
  9. greg t says

    November 29, 2009 at 2:27 pm

    It would have been cheaper if S&M hired a limo to drive them out east. I am SURE it is not over. And Jeff be careful what you say. You still may see firey waterfalls and pyramids for Christmas

    Reply
  10. Sidney says

    November 29, 2009 at 2:40 pm

    Wow…just wow. It gets better every year. Sometimes though for our sake I wished they lived closer to you. Damn…I can be a selfish bastard!

    Reply
  11. JCIII says

    November 29, 2009 at 3:23 pm

    Good Afternoon Surf Reporters…..

    My premonition, my inclination came true. I had an underlying feeling that as soon as the hunk-o-junk van got running again, it was going to shit the bed on another part. So, there it is….

    In a way I’m a wee bit disappointed that the traveling circus of kookery isn’t going to convene on Jeff and Toney’s Bed & Breakfast Inn and Old Country Saloon. The weeks of building anticipation has now come to a crashing halt.

    But then again, with that gang, plans change at the drop of a hat, so who knows?

    Reply
  12. Ian the Errolite says

    November 29, 2009 at 4:25 pm

    Wow.
    I applaud your steadfastness Mr. Kay!
    That whole ‘Fuck Santa Claus, and fuck George Bailey too!’ attitude is something indeed to be admired.

    I just hope for your sake that Santa isn’t real.
    (Or George Bailey for that matter!)

    It’s ‘St Andrew’s Day’ here tomorrow, so happy holidays from me too!

    Reply
  13. Not Oprah says

    November 29, 2009 at 5:12 pm

    Hey Jeff, Good on you.

    Reply
  14. kristin says

    November 29, 2009 at 6:15 pm

    Toney and Nancy have a brother? He must be pretty normal, otherwise we would have heard about him be fore now…

    Reply
  15. paMike says

    November 29, 2009 at 6:55 pm

    on a side note i just saw this neat site called quantcast… not sure how it all works but it seems we’re an affluent bunch here at TheWVSR..hah

    http://www.quantcast.com/thewvsr.com#demographics

    Reply
  16. Matthew says

    November 29, 2009 at 7:00 pm

    Jeff,

    Congratulations on NOT sending money into the black hole. If they really wanted to see you, they’d come up with more reliable transportation.

    But still, Comedy Gold from them no matter what they attempt to do!

    Reply
  17. Dave says

    November 29, 2009 at 7:54 pm

    Seriously, am I the only one who thinks that MTV or Bravo or one of these cable channels full of reality shows wouldn’t just buy them a new car in return for traveling back from Flagstaff to wherever S&M end up with a camera rolling? Can’t you just imagine that guy who remodels houses getting all teary-eyed and buying Sunshine a trailer full of extra oxygen bottles? I mean, this is a no brainer.

    C’mon Jeff, you and Toney don’t need to put out any cash, but at least call your agent. Time is running out!

    Reply
  18. Juancho says

    November 29, 2009 at 8:19 pm

    christmas by yourselves? Sounds like a gift straight from baby jesus!

    Reply
  19. Carla says

    November 29, 2009 at 8:21 pm

    Hahahaahhaaa, sounds just like the man’s family. I better be quiet now.

    Reply
  20. Jorge says

    November 29, 2009 at 9:09 pm

    On one hand (the one with common sense), I applaud your decision to not throw any hard earned cash into that particular trash can.

    On the other I’m a little dissapointed that there won’t be any secret updates over the holiday season. Those things are always classics.

    So here’s what I propose. Why not let us, your loyal surf reporters, subsidize S&M’s trip east. If we each put say, $10 into your paypal account you could forward a check to them without any financial strain and for the price of a movie ticket each we would all get days of enjoyment (as long as we’re on the mailing list).

    I’m sure we can all pitch in to get your inlaws to the compound. If we don’t send enough to get them home again, well that’s just more comedy gold for us.

    Who’s with me?

    Reply
  21. Bomama says

    November 29, 2009 at 10:20 pm

    On my angel side….
    Wouldn’t Jeff and family love to have a holiday by themselves?

    On my devil side…..
    Who do I make the check out to?

    Reply
  22. Tyrosine says

    November 29, 2009 at 10:24 pm

    What’s the book value of an 82 Chevy van (in shit the bed condition)? $500 at most? I stand by my origional assessment: Don’t spend more to fix a vehicle than it’s worth.

    Reply
  23. Bumblebee100k@msn.com says

    November 29, 2009 at 11:23 pm

    OMG!! That is so funny, and people call us hillbillies? I’m not sure where Toney is from but from some of hte things you’ve said, it’s not West by God! I do believe we have found peple worse then us, LOL!!

    Reply
  24. aminnev says

    November 29, 2009 at 11:29 pm

    23 skidoo!

    You know I’ll be scanning the newspapers here and listening to the airwaves for any “Folks, you are not going to believe this,but . . .” stories around the holidays. Thank you Jeff for the early Christmas present.

    Reply
  25. Jen says

    November 30, 2009 at 12:01 am

    Jeff your S&M updates never seem let me down. They always make for some good reading. Now here’s the scary part, I’ve got relatives who have been known to do almost the same thing as S&M. Yes this kind of kookery isn’t limited to your family (unfortunately for me!).

    As for my homestead I’m happy to report, that we’ve gotten our “family” responsibility out of the way. 28 people & 1 infant all arrived on our doorstep for the Thanksgiving meal. The next time I’ll have to deal with everyone will be sometime next summer. Yes I am breathing a HUGE sigh of relief right now!

    So I’m lifting a glass to you, and hopefully your Christmas season will be calm, and without incident from the western relatives!

    Reply
  26. johnthebasket says

    November 30, 2009 at 5:46 am

    Ian: I became curious about Saint Andrew’s Day. I didn’t know what festivities awaited you. Upon consulting Wikipedia, I learn that it’s also celebrated in much of Eastern and Central Europe. To wit:

    “In some areas in Austria, young women would drink wine and then perform a spell, called Andreasgebet (Saint Andrew’s prayer) while nude and kicking a straw bed. This should magically attract the future husband.”

    Well I should hope so. It’s damn well gonna attract SOMEBODY for cripin’ out loud. I’d pay more than a farthing or a groat to see that show. If you know any women who are planning on this activity, Gretchen has a cousin-in-law who might join in, but, if so, I retract my monitary offer.

    In any case, Happy Saint Andrew’s Day, Ian. Don’t smoke around the straw.

    jtb

    Reply
  27. White Trash Barbie says

    November 30, 2009 at 8:01 am

    Jeff, a holiday without the in-laws is a gift. It’s almost like they planned it just for your birthday, oh, and happy birthday!

    Reply
  28. Tovah says

    November 30, 2009 at 8:12 am

    Hey, Jeff- I’m relatively new to this shindig. Is there a cast of characters or a family tree or something? I’m going crazy trying to figure out who’s who…

    Reply
  29. White Trash Barbie says

    November 30, 2009 at 8:33 am

    Tovah –

    Toney is Jeff’s wife
    The Secrets are Jeff and Toney’s kids
    Sunshine and Mumbles are Toney’s mother and stepfather
    Nancy and Nostrils are Toney’s sister and brother in law
    Nancy and Nostrils’ (Eninen) kids are the Translucents

    Didn’t someone recently post an old report that was about a family visit?

    -WTB

    Reply
  30. Ognir says

    November 30, 2009 at 8:54 am

    They are getting ripped off on the cost of repairs.

    Your post today made me think of It’s a Mad Mad Mad Mad World .

    Reply
  31. Jason says

    November 30, 2009 at 8:56 am

    HAPPY BIRTHDAY JEFF

    Reply
  32. Tammie says

    November 30, 2009 at 9:19 am

    Sounds like you both made an informed decision about the money deal…and yes, Sunshine’s unwillingness to be reasonable and practical about anything is a HUGE reason to say no.

    The head gasket just went in my beloved Gretel (my grocery getter) and I’m pretty torn up over it, but I know it’s NOT going to cost me $1600 bucks to fix it. I agree with Ognir…they got bent over and pounded on that deal…open up butt hole!…NOM NOM NOM….

    Hope you have a great birthday! I suppose the cancelled visit over Christmas is like a birthday present and an early Christmas gift rolled into one! I will have a couple of Yuenglings tonight and toast to you!

    Reply
  33. johnthebasket says

    November 30, 2009 at 9:20 am

    Santa Baranza, Jeff!!!!! It’s your birthday? Many warm regards. Since, as we know from Ian, it’s also Saint Andrew’s Day, I think, among other things, you should say the Saint Andrew’s Prayer, get naked, and kick the shit out of a straw bed.

    Since you already have a wonderful wife, perhaps some other magical thing will appear: a heretofore undiscovered Ramones session or a job at which you’re appreciated or a year’s supply of Burger King Whoppers followed by a shot at the undisputed Pennsylvania Sumo Wrestling championship. There is really no limit to the possibilities.

    At the minimum, have a joyous, kickass day and pump up the volume.

    all the best,
    jtb

    Reply
  34. Gretchen says

    November 30, 2009 at 10:09 am

    HAPPY BIRTHDAY, JEFF!

    Reply
  35. WB in OH says

    November 30, 2009 at 10:26 am

    Happy Birfday Jeff!

    That old fuck bucket must have some serious sentimental value to dump $1,600 bucks in it only to have carburetor trouble another 100-miles or so later. I’m guessing the original grand for the tune up consisted of checking the oil, water and tire pressure and pocketing the entire grand. Oh well you can pick yer friends…

    Reply
  36. Maddog says

    November 30, 2009 at 11:41 am

    I don’t know exactly when I started following WVSR, was sometime in 2002, and everytime S&M is mentioned, I get really excited. Your next book project could should be all about them. Damn they make for good comedy!

    Reply
  37. Alice in WV says

    November 30, 2009 at 11:46 am

    Happy Birthday, Jeff!
    great update. My jaw dropped reading part of it.

    Chickenfoot is on my Christmas shopping list for me and a couple of others. I heard Michael Anthony on Adam Carolla podcast and then listened to samplings. sounds good.

    Reply
  38. bikerchick says

    November 30, 2009 at 11:47 am

    This is sounding more like a National Lampoon movie at every update! All they need now is dead Aunt Edna strapped to the roof of the shaggin’ wagon and an empty dog collar chained to the rear bumper. I’m calling Chevy Chase.

    Have a great B-day, Jeff. Bottom’s up!

    Reply
  39. Malcolm says

    November 30, 2009 at 12:07 pm

    Happy Birthday Jeff!

    Sounds like you need a few hours at the pretentious yuppie watering hole.

    Yes, indeed, this is worthy of a movie script, or at least 15 minutes on Dysfunctional Family Feud…

    Reply
  40. essvee says

    November 30, 2009 at 12:11 pm

    Jeff, I came in late to the whole S/M/N/N saga, and I really really need to start at the beginning. Any chance you could create their own page, all the WVSR posts about them, so I and others can know all there is to know about these strangely repellent but wonderful people? Especially the N/N clan, there are a lot of references to previous bizarre behavior that I don’t know about. And I must know. Please?

    Yr fan essvee

    Reply
  41. Rat Bastard says

    November 30, 2009 at 12:31 pm

    Happy belated b-day, Jeff. Enjoy the holidays without inlaws!

    Nothing to report from the burgh, except hangovers.

    Reply
  42. Mlberry says

    November 30, 2009 at 12:31 pm

    essvee — If you want to start the saga from nearly the very beginning, check out http://thewvsr.com/nnn02.htm

    From there, you can change the URL to … /nnn04.htm and …/nnn06.htm for other giant Eninen updates.

    Reply
  43. AngryWhiteGuy says

    November 30, 2009 at 12:49 pm

    Similar situation- Real Mom and Fake Dad want to come down for Christmas, but want to hire someone to watch sister’s (The McCarthy Twins- her size, not the kids) three kids—at their house for a week. Sister and husband (Larry Bird) work and do not have time to raise the offspring. Real mom called and asked if we could contribute. “No fucking way, Mom!” I replied. “We can’t put you up here, since there is no room and we certainly cannot just give you money we do not have.”

    Fake Dad tried to call and use the guilt card, to no avail, and they will not be coming here for Christmas. My kids have not seen their grandparents in five years, due to The McCarthy twins (my sister)’s selfishness and non-guilt in dumping off her little monkeys at my Mom’s house. They are basically held hostage to a babysitting situation. No fuckin’ way I am helping out.

    Happy B-Day Jeff!

    On IPOD right now- “Lay Down Sally”- Clapton

    Reply
  44. WB in OH says

    November 30, 2009 at 12:54 pm

    Mlberry, you effing genius! Never again will I be dissapointed by no update, I’ll just scan the Nancy papers! Of course that depends upon Jeff finishing the book before I finish the Nancy Papers.

    Reply
  45. 30 miles south says

    November 30, 2009 at 3:09 pm

    Jeff – Vegas isn’t so bad! Please consider joining up with the relatives…forour sake!
    I would love to hear the conversations between them two, during all this craziness! I wonder if they’ve been arguing amongst themselves or do they know each other so well that they simply tolerate things? Even people that dysfunctional would be yelling at each other by now, I would think.

    Reply
  46. essvee says

    November 30, 2009 at 6:18 pm

    Thanks, Mlberry, for the awesome link. I read it all.

    But that isn’t all of it, not even close. Lots o’ references in there to stuff that isn’t included, like Nostril’s shitting his pants. And almost no Sunshine and Mumbles content.

    I am greedy. I want it all. Every little bit. Help me, Jeff, and I’ll buy every damn WVSR tchotchke you can dream up.

    Reply
  47. CitizenX says

    November 30, 2009 at 7:57 pm

    HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!

    Reply

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