A few days ago I passed through a mysterious hyperlink, and found myself inside Google+. It’s Google’s version of Facebook, and I’d been there before, of course. In fact, I signed up for an account during the early, hopeful days of the service. It had been a while though, and it was a little spooky.
It was like a giant, abandoned warehouse. I walked around, yelling, “Hello? Is anybody in here? …Hello??” And all I heard was my own voice bouncing around inside the massive expanse.
I felt exposed and vulnerable, but decided to go against my instincts and do a bit of exploring. Eventually I happened upon a middle-aged man in a cardigan, and he seemed happy to see me.
He excitedly told me his name, and shook my hand. I asked him what he was doing, and he said he runs an academy that teaches people how to make money online, and was there to promote it.
“But there’s nobody around,” I pointed out.
“Oh, that’s not true,” he said. “There are some tech geeks in here, and some photographers, too. There might not be a lot of them, but they’re all extremely influential.”
“How’s business?” I asked. And he just looked at his feet, and said nothing.
I wished him luck, and began to walk away. “Don’t go!” he shouted, in a panicked tone. “There’s going to be information about the new Samsung phone later, and some really high-res photos of Bonsai trees, too.”
“I wasn’t planning to stay,” I said, feeling a bit guilty for abandoning the man. He seemed friendly enough. But I was beginning to worry that the dank, musty smell might soak into my clothes and hair.
“We have Hangouts now!” my new friend shouted as I headed toward the exit. Before leaving for good I turned to wave to him, but he was already gone.
Yes, I’m writing social media fan fiction now. What of it? Actually, I can’t really explain this. It was supposed to be one of our silly “few quick things” updates, and now look what’s happened.
I’ll try it again tomorrow, my friends. I think I’m getting too much sleep.
Have a great day!
Now playing in the bunker
LIKE the Surf Report at Facebook
Joey Jo Jo says
How long before the Faceboook/Twitter slash fiction?
if I could have one birthday wish, ah heck Brynhildr would never go for that.
This sounds like a Stephen King draft.
Tell me more about the magical cardigan, Jeff.
I was in Google+ back when it was invite only. That’s right, I’m cool.
It sucked then too.
I want to hear your Myspace jam!
Wow, yesterday’s post must have ended up spinning WAY out of control……
I mean the original post.
What did I just read?
There’s an episode of the Chappelle Show where he walks around the internet (If the Internet Was a Real Place). Pretty funny.
Google+ is kinda like the current Windows phones. Pretty decent in their own right, but too late to the game to do much good. 🙂
Fan fiction? Just imagine the R34. *full body shudder*
I can’t be the only one who wants you to go back.
Phil Jett says
I enjoy a short and quick update. Almost like the brainstorming of an idea.
Never Mind the Bollocks says
Great writing Jeff. Reminded me of someone explaining a bad LSD trip. Sorta made the hair on my back stand up a little!
rachael smith says
Same here. Had to read it again just to make sure I wasn’t losing my settings.