Yesterday Toney was cleaning the living room, removed one of the cushions on the loveseat, and unearthed a surprise that almost caused her to vomit into a candy dish.
I wasn’t home at the time (unfortunately), so I didn’t witness all the retching and dry-heaving, but I guess it was quite a scene. She said the boys came running from the family room, with wide eyes of concern.
Apparently the younger Secret doesn’t like the taste of the vitamins Toney’s been giving him every morning, and has been stashing them under the cushion. She said there must’ve been thirty of the things, many were stuck together or mashed into the fabric, and the whole thing was putting off an impossible funk.
Vitamins don’t smell very good under normal circumstances, but I guess it gets much worse with time and compression? Heh.
When I got home from work last night, there was practically a POLICE LINE-DO NOT CROSS barrier around loveseat, and the thing has reportedly been doused in many chemicals, aired-out, then doused again. I’ll be afraid to sit there… it might eat away my ass casing.
Toney was pretty pissed about the whole thing, but I’m able to, you know, see the humor in it. Of course, I wasn’t the one who almost vomited halfway up the living room wall… I imagine that kind of thing might affect your perception a bit. Ya know?
While I was driving home from work last night (around 2 am) I started smelling smoke, strongly. For a split-second I wondered if my car was on fire, I didn’t realize it, and just continued to drive. But it smelled more like wood burning, so I almost instantly relaxed my hyper-cinched sphincter.
Then I went past Montage Mountain (a so-called ski resort) and noticed cars pulled alongside the road. Oh shit, I thought, there must be an accident. And isn’t that fantastic? Why can’t people have the decency to decapitate themselves, or become engulfed in a rolling ball of fire, when I don’t need to use the interstate?
But when I went around the big swooping corner, I saw something that blew my freakin’ mind. The whole mountain was on fire. At least that’s the way it looked, in the middle of the night. There were flames everywhere, across a huge area. I had trouble processing what I was seeing.
People were pulled over on I-81, out of their cars, and snapping photos. I almost hit one of the vehicles, because I was rubber-necking and muttering, “Holy shiiiit… Holy crap on the bottom rung of a goddamn ladder….”
I saw giant brush fires when we lived in California, and remember ashes raining down on our house like Christmas snow, but the one last night was somehow more dramatic. It was the surprise, I think, and the incredible vantage point from the highway, almost looking down on it.
Everybody’s home again today, because of “spring break,” and I’m having trouble maintaining. So, I’m going to stop right here, and ask the Question of the Day.
In the comments section, please tell us about the amazing things you’ve happened-upon while driving at night. Spectacular crashes? Elephants on the freeway? Awe-inspiring fires that make you mutter incomprehensible profanities? Let’s hear (read) it.
And I’ll see you guys again tomorrow.
Have a great day!
I once saw a dude cranking a chainsaw and walking around me neighborhood around 10 pm one night.
Top 10. This summer, as we rounded the Beltway around Baltimore on the 4th of July evening, we witnessed no less than 6 different fireworks displays. Which was spectacular on multiple levels…1st of all, fireworks! 2nd of all, now we know the secret to never having to battle the getting knocked in the shins by other peoples lawn chairs, hot, sticky, snot nosed kids cutting off our path, trek to the local park. Just drive and keep driving! Pop the 1812 Overture, or Jimi Hendrix in the ol’ CD player, and keep driving.
top ten – not too shabby.
Driving on a secondary road in BFE Texas back the early 90s, saw a lightning bolt hit a grass field not twenty feet from my car – it set the grass on fire. scared the shit outta me.
Speaking of fireworks, I flew on 4th of July once and saw umpteen displays from the air, from Boston to RDU. Probably more than 40 different towns between 9 and 10 pm had fireworks going off. Pretty spectacular.
Tempo Relentless says
How was Wilco?
Rat Bastard says
Top ten, or too late?
Weird stuff seen driving at night: Hundreds (no shit) of deer standing on the side of the highway between 3 and 4AM in Alabama, southbound to the Florida panhandle on a nonstop drive. I was afraid that one or more of the bastards would leap out at any minute, but this went on for miles and miles and all I kept seeing were pairs of eyes staring at my headlights. Unnerving.
I’ve done a lot of night driving, but never really saw anything weird. Plenty of freaky daylight stuff though.
The worst I’ve seen is a few people driving the wrong way on a highway.
i smoked so much pot once that I was driving and saw a roll of carpet along the road I would have sworn that it was a giant chicken. that was pretty amazing.
Good Afternoon Surf Reporters……
It’s an everyday occurrence around these parts, but spectacular nonetheless. Driving into Pittsburgh at night. When you come through the Fort Pitt tunnel, the city skyline just explodes out at you as you exit.
I’ve seen it countless times and it still blows my mind… maaaan.
Haven’t seen anything too weird at night, but I was driving to my parents house a few months ago, and I saw a gigantic herd of wild horses about a quarter mile off the road. There were at least 75. There were 4 or 5 cars pulled off the side of the road to watch them & take pictures.
I’ve also seen more than one car engulfed in flames on the side of the highway. One was around dusk….does that count?
Evil Twin's Wife says
This didn’t happen to me (thank goodness), but someone I know ran over a (what he or she hoped to be an already) dead body on the interstate about 2 am. The police had to search the under carriage of the vehicle and there were assorted bits of body and flannel shirt stuck on there.
Beware of low lying bodies on the road, people!
Mrs. L. Bangs says
Driving home to Richmond on the NJ Turnpike. I was asleep in the back seat of the car when I heard Lester screaming. I opened my eyes as a huge wave of dirt and gravel flew across the entire windshield (think of the rooster tail of water on the sidewalk as you speed past a deep puddle). as Lester flipped on the wipers I saw headlight, taillight, headlight flash pass the side window. Apparently one car hit another and tossed it into the wall – SCARY as it has even been!
NYC Mom says
I remember being asleep in the car when I was a kid, and I woke up and was at such a weird angle, the reflections of the cars zooming by, I thought for a split second we were flying. Granted, as soon as I realized where we were, I knew it was reflections, but for that few seconds, I was tripping!! Love this site!!!
I was driving home from Alpine Valley Music Theater in Wisconsin, and somehow ended up in the bad part of Chicago. Thank God it was still light out, I assume crack heads usually come out at night, so I felt a little safer…a stress a little. Anyway, I was driving down a road, no bigger than a road in a suburb, lined with little buildings and boarded up shops, and suddenly I came upon a little car, upside-down, in the middle of the road. There was no one inside, no cops around, and nobody really seemed to care at all that it was there. For the life of me, I could not figure out how that could’ve happened. The road was very small…shortly afterwards, I came to a stop light and there was a mime juggling in front of my car for money. I know Chicago is scary…but the bad parts are much scarier. I mean like “The Cell” scary. Just weird things and drug induced people running ramped in the streets eating each other and pooping in broad daylight…it’s something else…I’m happy to say that I obviously got home safe, and my bad experiences there do not make up for all the awesome ones I’ve had!
Ian the Errolite says
Not so long ago I saw a flying object that I couldn’t identify….
I was approaching the off ramp from the main road to the village I live in, returning from the switching on of the Christmas lights in a nearby city (a semi big deal here, good fun for the kids etc). I had my son in my car and my wife had my daughter in her’s behind us, or so I thought.
Anyway, I saw what looked liked plane lights going really slowly above the bridge over the highway – about 500yds away. Initially I thought it was a Chinook, it was about the right length, but it was going way too slow.
I turned off onto the off ramp and the thing had gone.
A few minutes later I stopped at a level crossing to wait till a train passed and there was my wife two cars ahead of me. I got out of my car and went to see her.
‘Did you see that…?’ ‘Fucking UFO!’ she answered.
She had been on the flyover when I was looking at it.
She says it was a big triangle shape with lights at the corners. It was about 30ft above her and made no sound.
The strange thing is that neither of us mentioned it again until about three days later. When we got home it was like ‘put the kettle on’, ‘whats on TV’, ‘do you want a biscuit’ day to day type communication, not ‘ so, what do think about the big black silent triangle that was over your car tonight?’
It was wierd. I’m a rational kind of guy, but that event was pretty out there!
A buddy and I were driving back from a late night at Taco Bell one eveneing and saw some bizarre crap.
We, both of us, saw 5 people dressed in white. It looked like three adults and two children, but we didn’t get a good look, the brain plays games when given such retarded information to work with. They were all standing there in a line facing away from the road and holding hands. They were in the curve in the road, so it looked like you would hit them when driving up to them, but you would then follow the curve and miss them.
As soon as we passed them my friend hit the brakes and we both jumped out of his car and ran after the freaks in white. We could see them running off into the brush, but couldn’t catch them.
Strange shit man. Strange shit.
Big bear in OH says
Saw a pair of deer going at it once driving home from a second shift job…they really didn’t seem to care that my truck was pointed towards them or that they were in the middle of the road. Also saw the aftermath of a semi loaded with paint tip over on the road. Strangest sight ever was watching the local air national guard practice paradropping humvees and pallets from c-130’s at night. Kind of odd to see hummers floating down from the heavens with beacons on top, but cool to see.
Lee Harvey Ramone says
I’ve never seen this while driving at night, but I I ever do, it’ll probably flip me out (maaan):
Bob Barker brandishing bacon by the barnload
Coming from St. Louis at night, I was I-70 West, out in the middle of the country, doing 70 or so. There was an adult deer, dead, and sprawled across the passing lane. I was passing a car at the time, and couldn’t swerve back into the right lane, so I had no choice but to drive over the damn thing! My new Cutlass sort of “took off”, and raised a few feet off the highway for a couple seconds. I looked at the guages, listened to the engine, and everything seemed OK, and I drove on home, but the Cutlass was never quite right after that. Deer are big!
Chuck in Belpre says
Driving on a mountain road in WV about 3 in the morning I came around a bend and there was a Camaro on its top with the wheels still spinning. I stopped on the other side of the road and when I got out I saw 4 guys come crawling out laughing, beer cans rolling out with them. Apparently they had lost it on the turn and run up on the bank and rolled it. Fortunately they were all drunk and no one was hurt that I could see. I hopped back in the car and got out of there…probably not a good idea to hang around 4 drunk ‘necks in the middle of nowhere.
I’ve seen things in the sky at night that I couldnt explain but I dont think I was abducted or anything. As far as I know. At this time.
I was driving on a country road looking for a house that was for sale outside of Pittsburgh…Washington County to be exact. Going around a bend I came to a screeching halt because of about 20+ turkey’s were standing in the middle of the road. They just stood there blinking, milling around in circles. The little fuckers wouldn’t move. We had to actually get out of the car to scare them off to the side of the road. After we were able to pass them, I look back and saw them all walking BACK
…..walking BACK to the middle of the road. I know someone had turkey for dinner that night.
Chuck in Belpre says
Oh and there is a product called Odor Xit that will kill any foul smell on almost any surface or fabric. Better than Febreze. Google it.
Driving up the West Side Highway, came to a dead stop right after the 125th street exit. A car had flipped from the northboud lane airborne into the southbound lane and landed on another car heading South. SO we waited and waited. Then, the helicopter showed up – I thought to Medivac some poor bastard but it was assisting the Coast Guard. Apparantly, as the car was airborne, some poor bastard went flying out and landed in the Hudson River. We had to BACK UP on the West Side Highway, take the 125th street exit, barrel through Harlem and pick up the West Side again. 2:30 AM. Fantastic.
Had to laugh —
Did anyone else notice this
“State police are asking drivers not to stop along Interstate 81 to look at the fire or take photos of it. [Even though we are reporting] It is clearly visible along the interstate and for miles throughout the Scranton area.”
Citizen X – I was going to point out the same thing! hahaha!
Ian the Errolite – Must’ve been a stealth bomber. Those things are spooky as hell. The first time I saw one I totally understood how people believed in UFOs.
zazu the pitts says
Wasn’t at night but I have it on good authority that you can sometimes spot zebras along side I-75 in Atlanta.
I live near three military bases, so we experience more than our share of military flyover maneuvers. That said, it’s still pretty freaky to step outside at night and see a military plane hovering OVER YOUR HOUSE while…doing whatever it is they do while hovering.
Traffic on I-40 East (leaving Raleigh, NC) came to a screaming halt a few weeks ago because five or six deer decided to stand in the middle of the highway (as a group) and stare into oncoming traffic. I didn’t get home until almost 7 pm that night.
I should probably move.
While driving at night on I-75 at 80MPH, a Tahoe with a blown out front left tire passed me. The sparks were amazing, and yet the truck kept on going.
Later that night we drove into quite the traffic jam. Once we got to the scene of all the action, we saw the Tahoe with its other 3 tires flat, the windows shot out, and a guy in cuffs bleeding on the ground next to the truck.
In retrospect, GM really dropped the ball on that one. It would have made for a great commercial!
2 experiences ,,,,
1) Was driving on a west TN country road about 10pm one Saturday night with my date and we came upon a KKK meeting … saw the guys in the white hoods next to a burning cross. Yeah it was just like you would imagine it to be.
2) Several of my friends left school early one day. As we were out riding around out in the country we decided to drive further out and climb the fire tower. As we got near the fire tower we noticed a small plane taking off and landing every few minutes… being curious teenagers we had to see what the hell was going on ,,,, and as we drew nearer, the pilot in the plane noticed us approaching and tried to scare us by dipping the aircraft down toward our car. He probably did this 2-3 times. As we got closer we noticed several men on the ground that started getting all excited like they were trying to hide something. At that point we reached a consensus that we had seen enough and turned the Ford 180 degrees and left the scene.
Fast forward a few months later … on one evening I experienced car trouble and had to stop and ask to borrow a phone to call for help. This was in the era of no cell phones. As I rung the door bell, one of the guys that I had seen on the ground with the airplane flying over suddenly came out from the side of the house with a shotgun and as I looked at him he loaded a slug in the barrel. All I remember is running away ….
Ages ago I was moving from NY to DC, driving a rented truck down the Jersey Turnpike in the middle of the night. Saw a car on fire in the median and, smart fella that I am, stopped and took a picture. After I’d gotten the film developed I looked at the photo and saw that there was a guy standing there watching the car burn. Kinda creepy.
Another time I was passed on the curvy part of I-66 in Arlington by a minivan with a mattress on the roof. It was sporting the timeless classic accompaniment, the hand out the window holding the mattress down. I came around a bend to find the minivan pulled over, the mattress in the middle of the road, and two geniuses running out into traffic to try and retrieve it. At least it was daytime.
When I was driving once I saw this painted on a bridge: “I don’t want the world, I just want your half”
Come run jump skip-along-sam
a very happy man I am
to know you’re well and you’re doing fine
kind-of puts at rest my mind (1)
(1) cf. Leitch, Donovan
Good Morning Surf Reporters…
There was the time when i was 5 or 6 years old driving with Grandma & Grandpa up route 51. Dead German Shepard in the center of the road.
Thanks WVSR for evoking all those suppressed memories…
Not Oprah says
@jtb – Kugluktuk? where did that come from? I lived there for about 6 months. Not really any roads there, so no stories.
and yes, I was driving at 6 years old. Most everyone called me a prodigy… or a freakish hellion.
I’m better now. That was years ago.
I was just expressing felicity at your return to commenting, and, perhaps, your return from Nunavut, either real or virtual. I kind of made a guess about your being well and doing fine; just sort of inferred that from your comments.
As to Kugluktuk, I was the drunken American who lived on the edge of town, swearing I wouldn’t return to the States until Dick Cheney was out of Washington.
He’s gone so I’m back.
I don’t need roads to tell stories.
First nightshift as a fireman, we had to clean up a guy who commited suicide by lying on the railway. He wrote a note and left his glasses folded up bext to him and got smeared down the track.
Driving home from work another time, a seagull managed to shit on my arm as I was doing 60mph down the highway. Pretty impressive, I though.
Rat Bastard says
Evil Twin’s Wife, I’ll go you one better: A friend of mine (now deceased thanks to a barfight gone very wrong) ran over a *live* person who had passed out in the middle of an unlit state highway a short distance from the bar he stumbled out of. My friend did some time over that one because he didn’t immediately stop and call the police. The next day when he heard about the body being found he called the police and turned himself in; he thought he had run over a trash bag — the guy laying in the road was dressed in all black.
Rat Bastard: That didn’t happen in Coraopolis by any chance, did it??
A few strange things I’ve seen in Atlanta (all during the day though):
Back when Beanie Baby hysteria was big, McDonalds offered Beanie Babies with their Happy Meals. One day a box of Beanie Babies fell off the truck on I-285 and I swear people were coming to a stop in the middle of the interstate, getting out of their vehicles and grabbing them. I thought for sure I was going to see someone get run over. ( They were too quick though, so I wasn’t able to hit ’em! )
I was driving through downtown Atlanta and witnessed a guy try to cross the street through (moving) traffic by running DOWN the street and weaving through traffic as though he was a car. After a lane or so, common sense got the better of him and he returned to the sidewalk.
Finally, I was driving home from work one day in midtown Atlanta and got stuck behind a bunch of cars stopped for seemingly no reason. Turns out there was a mother duck and her babies crossing the street. I have no idea where they came from or were headed to, but that’s the only time I’ve ever seen ducks running rampant in downtown Atlanta.
Rat Bastard says
bikerchick — no, not Coraopolis…it was in Fayette-nam