Yeah, I fell down the basement steps this morning. It was a fantastic way to start the day…
When I got up Toney was in a frenzy, working hard at de-Christmasing the house. She usually rips everything down on the 26th, but we were like a zombies (or as one of my old co-workers called it, “zambies”) yesterday, due to the ridiculous sleep patterns of the past weekend.
And before I’d even had a sip of Eight O’clock bean coffee, she asked me to take the big Christmas tree box to the basement. I man-handled it to the top of the stairs, and asked the younger Secret to give me a hand from there. And something went askew.
I’m not sure how it happened, but I tumbled down the stairs with that giant box riding side-saddle for the short journey. I landed hard on the floor, and one of the branches (an orange tip) almost pierced my liver.
I groaned, and waited for the pain. You know how there’s a tiny delay, after you stub your toe or whatever, for the pain to actually register? Well, I instinctively braced for it, but nothing happened. I was perfectly fine, even though I was nearly impaled on an orange tip.
So, as tumbles down the cellar stairs go… this one was pretty good. My pelvis didn’t turn to dust, and my head wasn’t driven through the side wall of the fridge, or anything like that. I’d give it a solid A-minus, docked only slightly because there was no somersault. I feel like it could have been a bit more spectacular…
As mentioned, we were like the walking dead yesterday. Have you noticed that when you miss a significant amount of sleep, it’s usually the second day when you pay for it? The next day is no fun either, but the second one is generally the worst.
I worked last night until 1:30, and was so exhausted I felt almost sick. I came home, let Andy log-out on the front lawn, had a Jethro Bodine bowl of Corn Flakes, and went to bed. I didn’t even plug in my phone or iPod, which is unusual. I’m a creature of habit — big time — and always plug those things in, immediately.
But today I feel a million times better (OK, 900,000 — I don’t like to exaggerate). My brain is no longer expanding and contracting inside its housing, and I can form sentences again. That update I posted yesterday morning? I have no idea when I wrote that; I seriously can’t remember doing it.
I do remember, however, sending my boss an email last night, asking for Wednesday off. I’m sure it’s been approved, and I’ll only be working Monday and Tuesday this week. Therefore, today is my Friday. How cool is that? I’m a big fan of the two-day work week.
I drank a little more than usual over the three-day Christmas weekend. I’d only been having three beers per week for the past couple of months, and it’s working well. But I wanted to let my hair down (well, my hair doesn’t go down — it only goes up and sideways, but you get the idea) for the holiday.
And it’s weird… I didn’t really enjoy it. Oh, it was OK at first, but I didn’t feel my normal urge to keep on going, deep into the night. I almost had to force myself to have a third or fourth beer. Ha! Normally that’s just a scratch on the surface of the tip of the iceberg.
On Christmas Eve Toney and I went for our traditional martini. I don’t know how that got started — I don’t even like martinis — but we try to have one every Christmas Eve. We went to a bar near our house, but it was closed. I didn’t want to venture too far from home, so we ended up at Damon’s. Festive!
The place was overrun by drunken football fans, in Santa hats. They were all hollering and high-fiving and getting on my final nerve. But we sipped our Christmas martinis there, and toasted to a better 2012. This past year has been a tough one for us, but in a few days it’ll be over. And I refuse to allow the new year to have its way with me, like the last one did. 2011 was a prison shower of a year…
I’ve already got some crackpot things in the works, which I’ll eventually tell you about. It’s gonna be a much more productive year, though. I’m making an investment in it. Gulp.
I don’t really have a Question today, so you guys can just wing it. Maybe tell us about your New Years Eve plans, or what changes you’re going to make in 2012, or your stories about falling down the stairs. Or whatever else is on your minds. There are no rules here, this is the West Virginia Surf Report. Well… almost no rules.
See ya tomorrow.
Now playing in the bunker
Treat yourself at Amazon: US and Canada
Rule #1 – I Rule !
I am but your servant
I am glad you are OK. I would like to say more but Ii want to be #3
New Year’s eve: I am taking the fambly down to Bryce Canyon NP for a couple of days. The weather looks pretty good down there for next weekend. I’m gonna take myself to Vegas for the long MLK weekend and go see the Pat Dinizio show (Confessions of a Rock Star) at the Riviera and visit with my old Fla pal who is playing bass guitar for Pat’s show.
NYE: The girl used her super sleuthing skills and found tickets to the Flaming Lips NYE Freakout. For the two of us for both nights it was going to be $300, but now it’s free.
Flaming Lips, Yoko Ono and the Plastic Ono Band.
I don’t really give a shit about Yoko Ono but do think it’d be cool to see her and Sean Lennon.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sIDp2t7m2y8
http://www.flaminglips.com/
“A small eternity with Yoko Ono”
Heh
Cool! The Flaming Lips are a “must play” on my radio show on Monday night!
Ugh…New Year’s Eve. No plans….yet. I would rather stay home but that ain’t gonna happen. I really would rather not go to a house party and I’m sure as hell not having one.
This guy came into the office right after NY’s. Had a nasty head wound. Evidently, he was at his friend’s house for a NYE party, got completely smashed. He slipped in his own urine and ended up going ass over tin cups down a set of outside cement cellar steps. Tried to sue his friend over it. Stupid fuck.
‘Ass over tin cups’? I thought the expression was ‘ass over tea kettle’. ha!
I think both are accepted by our judges.
Sounds like he stuck the landing, which the judges always like.
What the hell is an orange tip?
I think those artificial tree limbs are color-coded on the end along with the notches in the tree, so you don’t screw up and make your Christmas tree look like a funnel. When Jeff fell down the steps, I’m assuming one of those long bastards came either out or through the box and nearly impaled his ass.
Oh right!…. I remember now. Thanks.
The Annotated Jeff Kay!
Thanks for explaining that – I was a little puzzled myself.
The Scranton Talmud, as it were.
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Yes, I have the same color coded tree. That and letters. I was well on my way to finishing the tree this year and realized I’d missed the ‘J’s’. I wanted to scream. I had to shift all the branches. It took forever. Lesson learned – check all letters and colors FIRST.
Yes, Brittney! Christmas tree 101 for me has always been sorting the branches first. We have orange-tipped ones. Ouch.
Make sure if it broke through skin you are keeping the wound clean. Otherwise, it could still come back and bite you. BUT GLAD YOU ARE OKAY!
Jeff PLEASE tell me you saw the Neti-Pot story about the brain-eating bacteria !!
My husband used to work with the guy from Louisiana who died from that!
http://blogs.webmd.com/breaking-news/2011/12/brain-eating-amoeba-in-neti-pots.html
It came from his house’s tap water, NASTY!
I bought the last copy of Christmas Trees For Dummies at Books-A-Million.
Color coded tree limbs would have stopped a lot of arguments back in the day. Still remember Ma and Pa getting into it about which limbs went where, annual hilarity I tell ya!
No plans as of yet for New Years Eve. A friend of mine may be in town. If so, rip roaring party, if not, cuppa two tree at the old watering hole. Home before the street lights come on and the amateurs come out.
Only changes for 2012 is my pant size. The 38’s no longer fit very well, plan on ringing in 2013 in 36’s.
WB, maybe we can work out a trade. I wear 36’s but plan on 38’s this year. lol! Seriously, best of luck on losing the weight. I dropped 30 pounds by just walking more and also riding my bike.
I must be a ‘tweener or something. 36’s are a tad snug but 38’s make me look like an extra from Pearl Harbor.
Odd number sizes exist, but good luck finding any. I was a 35 for a while and it was tough to find pants that fit.
Sort of like nuts and bolts – at a previous job, I regularly needed to buy #3 machine screws. This IS a standard size, but definitely not a Home Depot item. Had to order them from McMaster-Carr; their catalog is the ultimate in bathroom reading.
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NYE will be a continuation of the debauchery that started before Christ-mess. Hopefully no one falls down the steps because they slipped in a puddle of urine…
My cats like to flatten themselves and lay across random steps when we are coming down them. I didn’t see Andy one morning (little cat) and at the last second I tried to step over him and landed weird on the next one. I had no traction from my socks, and slid the rest of the way down on my ass. The other cat was waiting to greet me at the bottom as I tumbled into the kitchen, sniffed me, and then waited by his food bowl for me to feed him. Stupid cats.
My Christmas was good. One of the best in awhile! Our family finally set aside the drama for one year (I have one bad apple of an Aunt who likes to stir up a lot of shit and make everyone hate each other around this time) so luckily she decided to spend Xmas with her 21 year old boyfriend (even though she is 29), and leave us alone this year. So it was great. It was a jolly booze and food festivus.
Annnnndddd….I also got engaged! 😀 Whooooey!
New Years eve we are having a small party, but apparently everyone is spending the night in our little house. Our house is perfect for my fiance (feels weird to say still!), myself and my two furry children, but my living room is going to look like a homeless shelter. That’s ok though. If it potentially saves a friend’s life or prevents them from getting a DUI or hurting someone else being out on the road, then shelter it up.
Hope everyone else had a good holiday:)
Congratulations on the impending nuptials!
As for getting used to saying fiance, with a little practice you’ll be as good as this girl…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=04ueFND7JT4
Hahahaha!
Congratulations,Brittney! Nice to hear happy news!
Brittney…
I don’t know why WB would say your nuptials are impending. They look just fine to me on your facebook pic.
Hope you and Ben stay happy after the wedding and beyond. Best wishes.
jtb
Congrats, Brittney! I’m happy for ya!
Congrats, Brit! May it be the beginning of a long and happy.
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Ben is a lucky guy.
Congrats, Britney!
Britney: Here’s to a long, happy and healthy life together!!
WB: LOVE that scene!!
Congratulations, Brittney!!! I’m sure you two will have a wonderful life together!
Thanks everyone:)
Congrats Brittney. I took the plunge back in August. Twenty years between marriages, that’s how long it took me to work up the nerve to do it again. No regrets whatsoever!!
I have the entire week off from work… however, I spent four hours at work today, and I’ll probably go into work a full day on Thursday.
How am I spending the rest of my week off? Being really sick. I’ve had a nasty cold since Saturday. The worst was yesterday, when I flew back from Texas to Atlanta. I spent the entire day doped up on Dayquil and cough drops. At least I didn’t cough and snot all over the other passengers.
Presumably I’ll be healthy again by New Year’s Eve. I plan to walk over to the neighborhood bar for a dozen or so beers. I like the bar, since it’s typically pretty low-key… and since it’s walking distance from my apartment.
No specific plans yet for NYE. My general plan, as in any year, is “wherever I am when the sun goes down, that’s where I’m sleeping.” I believe that you don’t want to be traveling by car, foot or taxi – even if you’re not drunk, everyone else is.
Be safe, everyone.
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I think that even numbered years are considerable better for me. That’s not an idea that I encourage you to take as your own. It means that I’m pissed every other year. And maybe it’s a self fulfilling prophecy, but the odd numbered years are shit. I didn’t get ball cancer in 2011, that’s really the only upshot that I can come up with.
I dropped my straight razor this morning and it chipped a hunk out of the middle of the blade. Now I’m scared shitless to slide the thing across my face and neck. I bought a very expensive electric razor years ago and I had to finish up with it this morning. So my throat looked like raw ground beef and there were several patches that I missed. I looked like a chemo patient. I don’t how in the fuck anybody uses those things.
I got an iPad for Christmas. I was using it my bed earlier and I told her I wished it had a fold down keyboard to make typing easier. She said, “Oh, you mean like a laptop? They have those ya know, laptops. Basically an iPad with fold down keyboard attached!” Yeah smartass, I know.
I fell asleep while wearing an undershirt last night. I woke up at about three this morning unable to breathe. The shirt had twisted to the point that the collar was tightly wrapped around my neck. That’s another case for my instance on sleeping in just underwear, if anything at all. My wife wears full blown pajamas and socks to bed. I don’t know how the hell she does it.
This concludes my disjointed, irrational, and meaningless rant. Thank you.
Fucking typos!
In college I lived in a house without central heat, and the only heat I had in my room came from a space heater. I was too chicken to run it at night, so every night I slept in longjohn bottoms, a turtleneck, a long flannel nightgown, and knee socks in a bed made up with flannel sheets, 5 quilts, and a comforter. I was so immobilized at night I’m surprised I didn’t get bedsores.
@Jason: This. Is exactly why I sleep in the nude.
i must be sitting outside of the wrong stephanie’s window.
Unless you are a hovercraft (or, on a ladder)…ya’ can’t see in my window!
I am a hovercraft. Eddie Vedder’s wife named her band after me.
My t-storm is full of eels.
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Drop your panties, Sir William; I cannot wait until lunchtime!
Heyyy…is that you out there, then?
prolly not tonight. I’m fending off rape-squirrels.
What the…?
I just bought Crossroads Road on pb. Thanks for all the laughs
“Now is the accepted time to make your regular, annual, good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual.” —Mark Twain
Jeff, you’re writing is spot on even when on auto-pilot. Yesterday’s line about wandering from window to window, and shoving oatmeal cookies in your mouth with the heel of your hand was a thing of beauty. 2012 will be great and I’m looking forward to all of your future updates.
You ass over tin cups adventure is baby jesus’ way of saying you took the christmas decorations down two weeks too soon.
I once fell down a flight of stairs on the way outside to feed a stray cat. (No, not Brian Setzer). Anyway, I broke my tailbone. Do you have any idea how much THAT hurt? You can’t “set” a broken tailbone. You can’t sit, with a broken tailbone, either…
In other news…New Year’s Eve is the big cooking and cleaning time for the Annual New Year’s Day Open House Potluck! I do lots of cooking, but this way, those whiners that are “allergic” to _____ can eat their own stuff and not play 20 questions with what I have prepared. Who the hell is allergic to PUFF PASTRY? And, Pumpkin Pie Spice??? Just say you “don’t care for that” rather than lie. Makes me want to hide the pie spice in some other dish just to see if they’ll break out in hives.
Happy New Year, everyone!
Seriously. There are a few things I don’t care for, but I -NEVER- claim to be allergic to them and never understood those who do.
And just for the record, puff pastry is one of the most awesome things ever invented.
Since the cold weather is upon us, I need to make chili soon. And cassoulet. And a rib roast. Maybe a Shepherd’s Pie. (Not all at once.) God, I love winter food.
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Puff pastry is God’s way of telling us he loves us.
And, thank you for not claiming to be allergic to things you are not. I had someone once tell me they were allergic to RAISINS. What in the name of Gurf Morlix??? Say you hate them. Say they feel like you are chewing on squishy, wrinkly bugs. Say they give you the runs. But, allergic? Really???
I wish I could say I was allergic to mayonaise just so I could justify making sure it wasn’t on or in anything I eat. Bluuuuuurgh.
Instead I just hate it and have to verify with every burger joint on the planet.
Mayonnaise is the devil’s condiment.
Truer words were never spoken.
Mayonnaise is most excellent for dunking fries. But it has to be real, and good: Hellman’s, not Kraft or (heaven forfend) that Miracle Whip garbage.
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No new year eve plans again…i hope to hell i meet a nice guy in 2012..would be a nice change of pace..guess that means i will have to actually leave the apartment every once in awhile… heh congratulations Brittney !
glad you are ok jeff…
Nice guys finish last, just pick an event and wait till the last guy crosses the line…presto! Nice guy…
http://www.ohiorunner.com/
Seriously though good luck sorting through us dogs trying to find a good one…
Just RE-reading the update – since there isn’t a new one – not that I’m bitching, no sirree bob.
I saw “My brother bought [a VCR] when he graduated from high school, and I think you had to run a water line to it.” Reminded me of the years I spent working at a TV station in the 1980s. We had five RCA quad machines, ranging from old (TR-70C) to ancient (TR-3). They didn’t require a water line, but they did require compressed air. They were about 6 feet wide and 6 feet tall and required a trained technician (me) to set them up for playback. I shudder to think what they weighed, or cost. On the other hand, these things made the best picture you’ve EVER seen from analog videotape.
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Chill, I worked with something similar around 1970. It was an RCA, also, about the size you described. I don’t remember the model number. It used 2 inch tape. It had its own built-in air compressor, used to lift the reels off the deck, and eliminate friction. At least, I think that’s what the air was for. They had to run frictionless to maintain a constant speed, or the picture would break up. Right: great picure, and a really fun toy.
Greg, the compressed air was primarily for the air bearing for the video headwheel: four playback/record heads (hence the name “quad”) on a wheel spinning at 14400rpm, which is why my left ear is deaf at that frequency. There was a rotary transformer to get signal between the rotating and stationary parts. Also in the head assembly was a preamp that used Nuvistor tubes – this was a metal-can vacuum tube about the size of a horse pill, and even in the 1980s they were getting hard to find.
These kids today won’t know about transverse scan videotape. Hell, they won’t know about videotape at all.
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We bought ours used, from the NBC studios in New York, and it was $250K!
$250k! Holy crap! But your machine sounds like a TR-4.
I worked at WNYT (WAST at first) in Albany from 1980 to 1987, and we were an NBC affiliate for most of that time. Our quad machines were there when I arrived, so I don’t know where they came from. We had two TR-3s, one TR-60 and two TR-70Cs. Later, a couple of Ampex VPR-1 and a VPR-80 1-inch machine. Not quad, so they don’t count.
Towards the end of my time there, we got an Ampex ACR-1 – what an amazing machine! A mechanical marvel! It was an automated commercial player that used 2-inch quad in these weird little tape cassette thingys. It could play 10-second spots, each in its own cassette, back-to-back all day long.
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I still have an old 2 inch reel, in the box, which was thrown away because it was bent, and encumbered tape flow, making it useless. I had to thread loose tape and que it up every time we used it. I drooled over that Ampex, cause it could run my network break spots while I just sat there. They never got it on my watch.
I remember the spinning head. It was like 2 inches in diameter. It required constant cleaning with . . . I forget. Something that evaporated immediately as you applied it to the head.
Sorry, I had a brain fart. It was an ACR-25B. One time it broke over the weekend, and my co-worker fixed it with a guitar string.
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That’s hilarious! Those big decks were so picky. Ours was in it’s own air-conditioned room, with its own air conditioning system, seperate from the rest of the control room. The engineers were the only ones authorized to touch the thermostat.
I think it was liquid freon. A guitar string! Wow! Cool!
Freon, yes. Clean all the metal parts that the tape touches, but not the rubber pinch roller.
Our tape room was actually pretty filthy, what with cigarettes and all. Across from the row of quad machines was a row of racks of electronics for the various Grass Valley switchers and for the Norelco PC-70 studio cameras. Those cameras really were garbage, or maybe just ancient and poorly maintained. Anyway, I was happy when they were replaced by shiny Ikegamis that actually looked good.
We also had two RCA film chains that could handle both 35mm slides and 16mm motion picture film! Woohoo! At least once I picked movie film up off the floor when the film broke downstream of the gate. It went on the air fine, but went spewing all over the floor because the take-up reel wasn’t happening.
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