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A White-Knuckle Ride Home, and a Few ‘Awful Super Groups’

February 22, 2011 By Jeff 101 Comments

When I arrived at work on Sunday the place was a-buzz with snow-talk.  I knew nothing of this, and Toney is usually all over such things.  Some of the more dramatic people were claiming that a foot of the stuff would be on the ground by morning.  But snow predictions are like politics, it’s best to ignore the crazies on both ends of the spectrum.

I checked it out on my phone, and it appeared that some snow was indeed on its way, but only about three inches.  The timing wasn’t good, though.  Accuweather said it would be coming down “heavily” after midnight, and that’s when I would be driving home.  But I could deal with three inches, I told myself.  Nothing to be concerned about…

However, as the evening progressed, the prediction of accumulation changed multiple times.  It went from three inches, to four-to-six, to six-to-eight, and finally… eight-to-ten.  What the hell, man??  And my gas light had come on in my car, as I was pulling into the parking lot earlier in the day.  It might be an interesting ride home.

And it was.  When I left work, there was already four or five inches of snow on the ground, and NONE of the roads had been touched by a plow.  It was just pure, undiluted snow for the entire ride.  And it was coming down like a freakin’ Christmas special out there.

I slipped and slided my way to an exit off I-81, where there was a Sheetz gas station.  The exit is a long swooping ordeal, and it appeared that not another vehicle had yet negotiated it.  There was a pronounced rectal-cinching.

But I kept my car on the road, and eventually came to a red light.  Funk dat.  I went straight through it, without even a hint of slow-down.  And when I arrived at the next red light, I did the same thing.  While driving in a snowstorm, it’s important to maintain a sensible and consistent speed.  And I was the only idiot out there, anyway.

Incredibly, there was a bunch of derelicts hanging out at Sheetz.  There’s a general seediness to that part of town, but during the storm of the century??  There was a questionable character by the front door with a long scar down his neck, and a green Army jacket.  He was smoking (needless to say), and just stared at me as I walked past.  Not a fan of the staring…

I gave the unfriendly shitsack cashier thirty bucks cash, and put a few gallons of gas into my tank.  As I was completing the task (it didn’t take long, at $3.25 per gallon), several hunk o’ junk vehicles arrived, carrying dodgy characters with poor grooming habits, and raspy-voiced women with high heels and a beer gut.

I made it out of there without being stabbed, and returned to Interstate 81.  And mister… it was not fun.  It was just totally snow-covered, and nothing had been done to the road, whatsoever.  It was still pouring, and cars and trucks were sliding all over the place.  I saw a few that were completely off the highway, and I watched a guy in a pick-up truck do a full 360-degree rooster-tailing circle — on 81!  Actually, it was more like a 390-degree circle, and he ended up near (or against) the guard rail.

Going across Montage Mountain sucked, and every muscle in my body was in a state of perma-flex.  I didn’t think I would crash, but I knew there was a very good chance of me getting stuck somewhere.  I’m not inexperienced when it comes to driving in snow, and was having trouble keeping it under control.

But I made it to my exit, and went sideways up the hill toward our house.  That was the most touch-and-go part of the whole journey.  I barely made it, but I finally landed in our driveway.  As I turned off the engine, I realized I was completely stressed.  It had taken more  than 90 minutes to travel 36 miles (with one gas station detour).

I went inside, grabbed a Yuengling, and let Andy (Black Lips Houlihan) frolic in the snow, and create a steaming brown spot in the white, etc.  There must have been near a foot of accumulation at that point.  It was insane.  And just two or three days earlier, it was 75 degrees out there.

Yeah, it was the worst or second-worst ride home from work so far.  But I made it, without needing fresh underwear and ointment, like Nostrils during a Southern rainstorm.  I want the record to reflect that, thank you very much.

And I’ll leave you now with some Twitter ridiculousness.  A couple of days ago someone started something called #awfulsupergroups, where you’re supposed to post absurd musician combos, like Boyz II Men at Work.  You know, that kind of thing.

My favorite?  Phish Styx.  Yeah, I wish I would’ve thought of that one…  That’s fantastic.

I got fully obsessed with it for several hours, and posted a bunch of stuff there. Here are my contributions, in case you care:

The Peter, Paul, and Mary Chain
REM Speedwagon
The Talking Lemonheads
Three Dog Night Ranger
Can Halen
My Chemical Hole
The Butthole Stripes
The Fall & Oates
Cannibal Corpse & Dawn
B.B. Top
A Flock of Cee-Lo
Men Without Dickies
Husker Who
Iggy & the Pips

And that’s gonna be your Question of the Day, folks.  Can you come up with additional “awful super groups?”  Please use the comments link below.

And I’ll see you again tomorrow.

Have yourselves a great day!

Now playing in the bunker
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Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Joel says

    February 22, 2011 at 5:08 pm

    Dead Can Dance Hall Crashers
    Big Black Sabbath
    Minutemen at Work
    Ugly Kid Joe Jackson
    Biz Markie Mark and the Funky Bunch
    The Bouncing Souls of Mischief
    Cheap Trick Daddy
    Superdrag the River
    Rare Earth Crisis
    Nitty Gritty Dirt Band of Horses
    Goodbye Harry Belafonte
    Rollins Band of Gypsys
    High on Firehouse
    Son House of Pain
    B.B. King Diamond
    Manfred Manowar
    Neil Young MC
    General Public Enemy
    Sonic Youth Brigade
    The Mr. Mister T Experience
    System of a Down By Law
    My Dying Trailer Bride
    Twisted Sister Sledge
    Great White Zombie
    2 Live Cutting Crew

    Reply
  2. zoe says

    February 22, 2011 at 5:41 pm

    Ratt Poison

    Reply
  3. Oral Roberts says

    February 22, 2011 at 5:46 pm

    Bad Finger Company
    The Greatful Dead Kennedys
    The Moody Blues Cure
    Velvet Guns N Roses
    Mother Love Bone Strokes
    Romantics Kiss
    Elvis Costley
    Styx and Stones
    Third Eye Blind Melon
    Cheap Trick No Doubt
    Jane’s Steely Dan Addiction

    Reply
  4. Tyrosine says

    February 22, 2011 at 7:56 pm

    Is is just me or has the Bunker Cam been awfully “penissy” lately?

    Reply
  5. t-storm says

    February 22, 2011 at 8:13 pm

    Two Cows Garage

    Herman…or AstroHerman?

    Charlies Aunt Tupelo

    Billy Bragg and the Beaters

    INXSphixiation

    Duran Durante

    Toaster Children

    The Flaming Pixies

    Guided by Kay’s Choices

    Confedrate Railroad @ Union Station

    Damn Yankees

    Reply
    • AngryWhiteGuy says

      February 23, 2011 at 7:29 am

      INXSphixiation!!!!! Brilliant, T-Storm!

      Reply
  6. dto says

    February 22, 2011 at 8:26 pm

    Mike and the Mechanics Tool

    Third Eye Blind Faith

    Counting Crows Little Feet

    Reply
  7. Trish says

    February 22, 2011 at 8:27 pm

    Doris Day & The Time
    Jimmie Hendrix’s Chicken Shack
    The Jackson 5 Finger Megadeath Punch (That’s a 3-fer!)
    Method Man of Mayhem
    A Perfect Circle Jerk
    Little Richard Cheese
    The Tom Tommy Lee Culture Club (another 3-fer)
    Meatloaf Beat Manifesto
    Amy April Winehouse
    The DefTony!Toni!Tone’s!

    Reply
  8. WVBumblebee says

    February 22, 2011 at 8:42 pm

    Sunday you say? Hmmm, I got sun burnt while watching the first of the Mardi Gras parades!!

    Reply
  9. Trish says

    February 22, 2011 at 9:27 pm

    The Black Eyed Peter, Paul & Mary
    Twisted Sister Souljah
    Frankie Goes to Alabama
    Pat Boone Thugs ‘N’ Harmony
    Ace of Count Basey
    Kiss the Beatles
    Blue Oyster Culture Club
    Emerson, Lake & Paula Abdul
    Criss Crossfade
    MC Hammers of Misfortune
    Billy Ray Cyprus Hill
    The Black Sheryl Crowes
    Loretta Lynyrd Skynyrd

    Reply
  10. WVKay says

    February 22, 2011 at 10:00 pm

    Damn, you people are good!

    The Beach Boyz to Men
    Bob Segar and the Dylan Bullet Band
    Elvis Costello Presley
    Etta James Brown
    Morphine Blind Melon
    The Cars Clash
    Strawberry Alarm Clock Vanilla Ice
    Salt N Peppa Red Hot Chile Peppers

    Here in SW GA it has been warm. I woke up sweating this morning/afternoon. Snow just doesn’t compute for me anymore. I remember it, but I’ve been wearing shorts and flip flops.

    Reply
  11. Chuck in Belpre says

    February 22, 2011 at 10:45 pm

    These are all terrific.

    Reply
  12. MikeFromLI says

    February 23, 2011 at 1:03 am

    Flick Meatwood and Meatwood Flack

    Reply
  13. AngryWhiteGuy says

    February 23, 2011 at 7:22 am

    Flogging Molly Hatchet

    Reply
  14. madz1962 says

    February 23, 2011 at 8:48 am

    Jeff Kay C (throughs) and the Sunshine & Mumbles Band!

    Reply
  15. Max-Girth says

    February 23, 2011 at 10:18 am

    Check out the decent AWD sedans out there.
    Audi’s, BMW X-Drives, Subaru’s some of the VW’s, etc…
    Put decent winter tires, not all seasons! Then check out when your local Audi club is offering frozen lake driving clinic on a weekend.

    Never pucker for winter driving again, just weave your way through all the SUV’s on their roofs.

    Reply
    • chill says

      February 23, 2011 at 12:01 pm

      The other year I was shopping for a car; I wanted a four-door sedan with all wheel drive and a stick shift. There are damn few cars made that fit that description. Other than what Max mentioned, I think Volvo makes one. If you don’t mind driving an automatic, there are a few more choices.
      .

      Reply
      • Limey says

        February 24, 2011 at 1:49 pm

        My Subaru is a AWD stick shift, although technically it’s a five door. Tough, capable cars Subarus (this is my third). I have never got stuck in snow in mine. Sounds like you have similar vehicle requirements as me, I like AWD, don’t want an overweight monster, must be stick. Audis are too overpriced. Same for the Lexus IS AWD.

        Reply
        • chill says

          February 24, 2011 at 9:40 pm

          I ended up buying the Audi A4, whose price was surprisingly reasonable at $24k base. This was 11 years ago, so YMMV. Besides the extra traction on slippery surfaces, I found it handles far better than the FWD version of the same car (or VW Passat, same thing) even on dry roads. Of course you have no ground clearance so you’ll still get high-centered if you’re not careful, but then again you don’t have to put up with driving a truck for the other 360 days a year.
          .

          Reply
        • t-storm says

          February 24, 2011 at 9:56 pm

          I think them there Subarus are some smart looking cars.
          I currently have two toyota Echoes. One’s a stick, one’s not. I prefer the stick. During the recent white death in OKC I had no problem getting around while I watched all manner of rednecks in trucks and suv’s spin all over the place. OKC isn’t as hilly as PA or Cincy, but it has some hills.
          My next car (the two are a combined 20 yrs old with 400K miles) will be another Toyota or something like a subaru.
          I’d like a hybrid, but I don’t think I can justify the cost.
          And I like those Smart cars but I’d look way to faggy getting in and out of one. Nelson Muntz would laugh at me and I’d have to publicly kick his ass.

          Reply
    • Kevindust says

      February 23, 2011 at 1:07 pm

      There is no need for all wheel drive in a family sedan driven by a non car enthusiast. While it would have helped up the hill, it doesn’t help you stop or turn any better. (Hence the idiots in SUV’s on their roofs.) The 24/7/365 negatives (weight, cost and complexity) are not overcome by the 2 times a year that one needs the extra traction.

      You hit the nail on the head with decent winter tires though. I posted this the last time Jeff was shopping for tires but he went with all seasons (which are a compromise in all seasons and generally suck.) A fwd Camry with winter tires is better than an awd Subbie with all seasons. The proper tires can transform any car. I should know, I drive a 330hp rwd Mustang in Ottawa winters without issue.

      Reply
      • Limey says

        February 24, 2011 at 2:07 pm

        After once spending ~30 minutes fishtailing along I-5 in a Mustang in a monsoon, I now buy AWD for my main car. It’s not just for snow.

        Reply
  16. mike says

    February 23, 2011 at 10:38 am

    Zwan

    Reply
  17. Griff says

    February 23, 2011 at 11:32 am

    These are all a little rap centric, but…

    Vanilla Ice Cube
    Digital Velvet Underground
    Ben Folds Five for Fighting
    The Whodini
    B.B. Kings of Leon
    Johnny Cash Money Millionaires
    The Highwaymen Without Hats

    Reply
  18. chill says

    February 23, 2011 at 12:00 pm

    Radiohead East
    Son Seals and Crofts
    .

    Reply
  19. Kevindust says

    February 23, 2011 at 1:30 pm

    Sevendust Mary Three
    Slip (Knot Was)
    The Smash Mouth Pumpkins
    The Rolling Stones Sour
    The Pearl Jam
    Alice Cooper in Chains
    I Mother Earth, Wind and Arcade alexisonFirewind (that’s 5!)

    Reply
    • Kevindust says

      February 23, 2011 at 3:39 pm

      I Mother Earth, FireWind and Arcade alexisonFirehouse

      that’s 6

      Reply
  20. Scott says

    February 23, 2011 at 2:57 pm

    Kenny Maiden

    Reply
  21. rob says

    February 23, 2011 at 3:58 pm

    Three Dog Night Ranger?

    I’m really LOLing at some of these..

    Reply
  22. Dave's not here, man says

    February 23, 2011 at 9:56 pm

    Really loving these! Surf reporters, you did good!!!
    I can only think of a few…

    Edgar Winger
    Van Jovi
    Journey Buffett
    Steve Metallica Band
    Limp Queen

    Reply
  23. chill says

    February 23, 2011 at 10:07 pm

    Eddie and the Hot Rods Stewart
    Beastie Boyz II Men (just to round out the trilogy)
    Elton John Fahey
    Dollar Brand X
    Gang of Four Freshmen
    Hound Dog Taylor Swift
    They might Be Gentle Giants
    .

    Reply
  24. Dave's not here, man says

    February 23, 2011 at 10:18 pm

    Les Paul & Lita Ford
    Corinne Bailey Ray Cyrus
    Buckner & Jerry Garcia
    Grateful Dead Milkmen
    The 5th Dokken

    Reply
  25. Dave's not here, man says

    February 23, 2011 at 10:25 pm

    Jewel Hendrix
    Aero Lavigne
    Who (Not Was)
    The Zeppelin Carpenters

    Reply
  26. Rusty says

    February 24, 2011 at 12:00 am

    Alice in Nirvana
    Rolling Cars
    StingBeatle – Wham!
    Steppen Hole

    Reply
  27. dto says

    February 24, 2011 at 6:59 am

    Bread Styx

    Reply
  28. Lee Harvey Ramone says

    February 24, 2011 at 10:55 am

    Cake Hole

    Reply
  29. Lee Harvey Ramone says

    February 24, 2011 at 10:57 am

    Molly Halen
    They Might Be Skynard

    this is rather fun

    Reply
  30. t-storm says

    February 25, 2011 at 6:34 pm

    Hey grammar people I have a question.

    Is the comma necessary in the following sentence?

    During heavy maintenance check on the aircraft, it was noted that the number 2 engine thrust reverser was corroded.

    I’m thinking it’s not. It makes me feel like Stevie from Malcolm in the Middle is saying it.

    Any thoughts?

    Reply
  31. chill says

    February 25, 2011 at 8:23 pm

    I’m going to say it’s optional: you don’t need it, but it’s not incorrect to include it.
    .

    Reply
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